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muddledmother

First post in a while.

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Hiya, I haven't been on in such a long time. I'd been trying to avoid being on here to stop me constantly reassurance seeking, I also had a tech break. 

I just wanted to ask some advice really, if it is okay?

I'm a single parent to my little one who is two, I split from her dad a long while ago now. I'd eventually love to settle down again, but I have one thing that is really playing on my mind. Every time I think I should go back on the dating scene (god I hate that expression) my mind likes to put the fear that what if that person is a paedophile and will abuse my daughter. My main worry to that is I can't really go on gut instinct of how someone is as my OCD likes to say that everyone is out to hurt my little girl, even me, my family and her own dad! I constantly panic about those even though I know I am being silly. So the thought if getting with someone and risking my daughters life isn't worth it, but then I am thinking is that the OCD making me panic or should I be this worried. Like even trying to rationalize with myself and think well I wouldn't ever introduce them for at least a year if not more, but then thats when the OCD likes to kick in and make me think well, what if after that year the person was just pretending to be nice and would then go on to hurt her. My brain is like a constant battle, it drives me mad! Do you think maybe I should just wait until she is older or if not how do I go about knowing what is my OCD and what is my gut feeling? 

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This is 100% OCD. You can't have a gut feeling about someone you've never met.

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Hi MM, welcome back, though sorry its because you are having a rough time.

I wholeheartedly agree with what PolarBear says, its OCD.

Normal behavior:  Having some concern/worry about how dating might impact the life of a loved one, particularly a your children.
OCD behavior:  Jumping to the worst case scenario!  Ignoring all the steps in between!

You COULD date someone who is a terrible person.  But you could ALSO date someone who is wonderful, who brings joy and love to both you AND your daughter.

Whether or not you should date now (or ever) is a personal decision you will have to make, and yes it makes perfect sense to include your daughters well being in that decision.  But you shouldn't base that decision on the worst possible outcomes, if you do that you'll never be able to do anything, because risk is always going to be there in the world in everything we do.  Risk and uncertainty are just a part of life.  OCD tries to get us to let that control our lives, but in doing so we stop living our lives and we lose out on all the wonderful moments there are.  Do your best to push back against OCD and the doubt it tries to sew!  

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