Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  

Recommended Posts

Well after a calm 24 hours I’ve just been majorly triggered by the self directed cbt work I’m doing and it’s sent me into a tailspin of anxiety. Read the lines that it’s only suitable if you have been diagnosed with ocd and that a health professional needs to check that there is nothing else going on before starting such a programme (the ocd workbook). Well I immediately started to feel anxiety rising in my stomach at the thought that I don’t really have ocd and I’m just using this as an excuse to deny who and what I really am. It’s got me straight back to doubting. I’ve pushed ahead and got to the part where I’ve written out all of my obsessions, compulsions and avoidance triggers and it’s really spiked me that maybe all of this is true. I know I’m looking for reassurance here but I’ve been feeling more sure it’s ocd these past 2 days and that I can tackle it again, but now the anxiety is making me doubt, and had got me fearing that I’m not going to cope ot be able to look after my little girl because I’m going to be in such a state. Any advice for getting out of this tail spin?

Share this post


Link to post

Well I’ve managed to sit with the anxiety until it’s subsided a bit but now I don’t know whether to continue with the cbt workbook this evening or call it a night and try and refocus on another activity. 

Share this post


Link to post

Say boo to the OCD goose. 

OCD isn't an entity inside, us, it's a mental disorder. But when we up our game and prepare to challenge it, it seems to up its game and produce more suggestions that "it's not OCD it could be true" - the classic OCD doubt card, the demand for certainty. 

We can't have certainty, and OCD says if there's a 0.001 % chance it could be true not OCD, that's a big risk. 

How ridiculous. 

For me, an old hand, whenever I see a poster, on an OCD forum, worried with doubt it might be true, and not OCD, that in itself is conclusive proof for me that it is OCD. 

For the less initiated than me, we need to take a "leap of faith" - and listen to we here, and NOT the OCD. 

St Augustine, asked for proof that the Christian faith was true, said "only believe; then you will find the proof that you seek!" 

Share this post


Link to post
3 minutes ago, Black said:

Well I’ve managed to sit with the anxiety until it’s subsided a bit but now I don’t know whether to continue with the cbt workbook this evening or call it a night and try and refocus on another activity. 

Take a break. 

Well done, you faced up to the intrusion, saw it off. That's really good. 

Recovery is a marathon not a sprint. 

Share this post


Link to post
13 minutes ago, taurean said:

Say boo to the OCD goose. 

OCD isn't an entity inside, us, it's a mental disorder. But when we up our game and prepare to challenge it, it seems to up its game and produce more suggestions that "it's not OCD it could be true" - the classic OCD doubt card, the demand for certainty. 

We can't have certainty, and OCD says if there's a 0.001 % chance it could be true not OCD, that's a big risk. 

How ridiculous. 

For me, an old hand, whenever I see a poster, on an OCD forum, worried with doubt it might be true, and not OCD, that in itself is conclusive proof for me that it is OCD. 

For the less initiated than me, we need to take a "leap of faith" - and listen to we here, and NOT the OCD. 

St Augustine, asked for proof that the Christian faith was true, said "only believe; then you will find the proof that you seek!" 

It’s so hard to take that leap of faith when stuck in a loop, I scared I’m going to have horrible anxiety all night and all weekend as a result of this. I have to be around people tomorrow and I’m scared I’m going to be anxious and have a panic attack. I just fee like isolating myself but I know that only gives more power to the ocd and anxiety

Share this post


Link to post
14 minutes ago, taurean said:

Take a break. 

Well done, you faced up to the intrusion, saw it off. That's really good. 

Recovery is a marathon not a sprint. 

Is it normal for anxiety to be triggered like this when starting to tackle it head on? I guess you already answered that above. I mean it’s come down a little but it’s still there. I feel so guilty, I wanted my husband to have a nice night and weekend after the week we had last week, but now he has this to deal with. He deserves so much more as does my daughter.

Share this post


Link to post

Been there done that got all the T shirts. 

But we have to believe what learned others tell us. That's both powerful and comforting. 

Wish I had had this support when I felt so alone and lacked conviction. 

Share this post


Link to post
Just now, Black said:

Is it normal for anxiety to be triggered like this when starting to tackle it head on? I guess you already answered that above. I mean it’s come down a little but it’s still there. I feel so guilty, I wanted my husband to have a nice night and weekend after the week we had last week, but now he has this to deal with. He deserves so much more as does my daughter.

We must not allow OCD to play that guilt card. 

We aren't responsible for having OCD. We just need to accept that it will cause disruption whilst we go calmly about tackling it. 

Share this post


Link to post

I’m really not sure what to base my hierarchy of exposures on at this stage, the obsession themes or the general anxiety I’m feeling at the moment about even being around people, being social, carrying out my duties like nursery drop off, nursery meeting, going in to work. 

I guess I should start with the easiest ie putting myself in the places that I need to be in to function / do what I normally do? Then to exposures on the themes as the functioning things begin to normalise?

Share this post


Link to post
3 minutes ago, taurean said:

We must not allow OCD to play that guilt card. 

We aren't responsible for having OCD. We just need to accept that it will cause disruption whilst we go calmly about tackling it. 

You sound like my husband. But of course ocd doesn’t let me believe it,  makes it about my issues and my fault 

Share this post


Link to post

I think also just seeing all of my obsessions and fears written out was really confronting and made me think this isn’t Ocd this is real! I even thought how evil of me to embroil my husband into this ocd facade. I don’t know if you can relate

Share this post


Link to post

I just feel so light headed now from anxiety, I don’t think I can focus on anything else tonight, I will go for a walk, have the dinner we planned and refocus on something else for tonight. Wish me luck. I hope I can sleep tonight.

Share this post


Link to post

Good luck for tonight lovely. 

No more exposure today. Try just staying in the now and worry about everything else later x x

Share this post


Link to post
59 minutes ago, Deb79 said:

Good luck for tonight lovely. 

No more exposure today. Try just staying in the now and worry about everything else later x x

Thankyou, you too

Share this post


Link to post
3 hours ago, Black said:

You sound like my husband. But of course ocd doesn’t let me believe it,  makes it about my issues and my fault 

No it doesn't want to let you. But it lies. And we aren't responsible guilty or bad. 

Hope you have a good night. It's not actually raining here for first time this week I think 🤔 

Share this post


Link to post
3 hours ago, Black said:

I’m really not sure what to base my hierarchy of exposures on at this stage, the obsession themes or the general anxiety I’m feeling at the moment about even being around people, being social, carrying out my duties like nursery drop off, nursery meeting, going in to work. 

I guess I should start with the easiest ie putting myself in the places that I need to be in to function / do what I normally do? Then to exposures on the themes as the functioning things begin to normalise?

Hey Black, I’ve found that “functioning” is what has always helped me the most. When you start avoiding things in your life, the day to day stuff, that the world really starts to feel smaller. So just going into work, doing all of my daily activities has always helped me stay afloat. And just take care of yourself, make sure you’re eating well and so on. Take a break when you need to, but don’t let it become a habit. I think you just need to take it easy a bit, it’s understandable that you want to get better as soon as possible but you shouldn’t pressure yourself. It’ll take some time, there will be ups and downs and you have to accept that. Do as much as you can but be gentle with yourself when don’t always succeed. Best of luck xx

Share this post


Link to post

Great advice Malina. 

I went into my last CBT and said to her my goal was to pull out of my relapse within 6 weeks. 

She said it's not helpful to try and set time goals as "recovery will take as long as it takes". 😉 I think that was good advice and immediately took pressure off our work together. 

 

Share this post


Link to post
23 minutes ago, taurean said:

Great advice Malina. 

I went into my last CBT and said to her my goal was to pull out of my relapse within 6 weeks. 

She said it's not helpful to try and set time goals as "recovery will take as long as it takes". 😉 I think that was good advice and immediately took pressure off our work together. 

 

Thanks Roy, you’ve been telling me this for months and you are very right 😊. Recovery isn’t something that we can put a deadline on. 

Share this post


Link to post
8 hours ago, malina said:

Hey Black, I’ve found that “functioning” is what has always helped me the most. When you start avoiding things in your life, the day to day stuff, that the world really starts to feel smaller. So just going into work, doing all of my daily activities has always helped me stay afloat. And just take care of yourself, make sure you’re eating well and so on. Take a break when you need to, but don’t let it become a habit. I think you just need to take it easy a bit, it’s understandable that you want to get better as soon as possible but you shouldn’t pressure yourself. It’ll take some time, there will be ups and downs and you have to accept that. Do as much as you can but be gentle with yourself when don’t always succeed. Best of luck xx

Yes I heart you, i put pressure on myself to recover quickly as I just can’t stand this or the obsessive thoughts and anxiety. But I know I need to be telling myself I can tolerate them in fact bring it on, do your worst, but it’s hard. Just half a nights sleep last night 

Share this post


Link to post

Morning Black, 

Sorry you had a crappy sleep last night. Everything always seems worse when you don't sleep well. 

I woke feeling anxious this AM, my hubby is going out for the morning and I'm playing soccer mum. 

Could happily stay in bed until he gets home, but hey ho, needs must. 

Hope your anxiety is improving today?

Share this post


Link to post

Yes it is thanks, despite some anxiety this morning due to a new thought that maybe I don’t love my daughter and don’t even like the sound of her voice (nothing could be further from the truth and this caused crippling anxiety), we got up and went to the event we had arranged to go to anyway which my daughter enjoyed. It was good for me to stay with the anxiety and let it reduce naturally by the time we left. Funny the thought or any of the others haven’t intruded since this morning because i’ve kept busy I guess, and when I have actively sought them out I’ve thought and truely believed how ridiculous. But as we know these things can change hour to hour. 

 

About to do do some of my workbook so likely to be triggering.

Hope your anxiety is settling as the day goes on. Good for you getting up and carrying on. Hope it’s a good day x

Share this post


Link to post

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...