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Ironborn

Contagious OCD

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Does anyone recognize the following?

As of today, I am terrified that I may have corona. However, I notice very little of that really being the case, I had to sneeze today once and a few times a small cough, but nothing structural or something I have no sore throat, no fever nothing you normally would have when feeling sick. If there wasn't a Corona virus pandemic at this point, I probably wouldn't think I might be sick. My fear now is that in spite of possible mild symptoms, I still infect others (my wife) and (my son) and that they possibly infect elderly and weaker people and that these people then die and I'm the one that caused it by infecting my wife and child first or someone at the grocery store.

Right now I have this feeling that if I do not isolate myself completely (including from my wife and son) then that does mean i kill people with willingly knowing I 'might' be contagious.

My wife is constantly telling me I'm not sick, and it's just my ocd. But how can I be sure?
They don't do testing here unless you have very serious symptoms. 

Is there anyone here who can relate with this? And how do you cope?

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So you think you might be spreading the coronavirus. And you're blaming yourself. But why aren't you blaming the schmuck who spread it to you?

Typical OCD. Only you are responsible. Everyone else gets a pass. 

Edited by PolarBear

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51 minutes ago, PolarBear said:

So you think you might be spreading the coronavirus. And you're blaming yourself. But why aren't you blaming the schmuck who spread it to you?

Typical OCD. Only you are responsible. Everyone else gets a pass. 

I understand what you mean, but in my mind this is what is going on;

When you are aware of the fact that when you go out while you are (possibly) infected and thus indirectly can be the cause of death of other people, and you then still choose to go outside, then you are actually consciously killing ...?

So to me it feels like;  people who dont kow, cant kill on purpose, people who do know and still take the risk (even if its just 0,1%) you still take the risk of possibly being the cause of someones death right? how is that acceptable? How can i live with the idea that im actually on purpose bringing other people in danger?

Edited by Ironborn

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So let's take a look at what you just wrote. You basically said you would give a pass to those who don't know they are infected. So... do you know for a fact you are infected? No! Therefore, you should give yourself a pass.

But you won't, because you have OCD.

Edited by PolarBear

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16 hours ago, PolarBear said:

So let's take a look at what you just wrote. You basically said you would give a pass to those who don't know they are infected. So... do you know for a fact you are infected? No! Therefore, you should give yourself a pass.

But you won't, because you have OCD.

Yesterday I went out the house. At my wife's request I went to the hardware store to get some potting soil, so that we can finish some things in the garden. Meanwhile i was thinking that it would be nice to get some seeds from the garden store and plant them, this is so we can kill some time in the near future due to corona. I also got latex gloves from 2 hardware stores because of contamination.

So I went to 3 stores in total yesterday and where possible I paid as much attention as possible to the appropriate distance with other people, which I almost succeeded in (sometimes i crossed people within 6 feet radius. However, now I am on Facebook today and I see all these posts where people say that they think it is bizarre that everyone in our country has been to beaches, hardware stores and nature locations this weekend. there were even queues at some hardware shops (not the ones went to btw). Now I actually do not come out of the house these times, and try to limit myself as much as possible to go out, but the posts and reactions of people on facebook in general make me feel extreme guilty, and makes me feel like a criminal . I am now in constant panic and fear and I feel incredibly guilty. In our country no lockdown has been announced yet so some stores etc are still open to the public, and altough i rarely go out the house these days, somehow i figured i could go this once to get the soil, seeds and latex gloves. i feel so selfish for this, and im constantly feeling as if im a monster and a criminal for doing this, and maybe im carrying the cirus without showing symptoms and i now have infected other people which may die or infect people who are weaker and die because of that. Please ebar with me on this one, i now ive domne something bad, and im dedicated staying at home right now, i packed food from the stores last week so i dont have to go out as much.

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I am overanalyzing everything I have done too.My husband said it's my OCDmaking me think this way. Tell yourself it's OCD  and u can beat it. We are not thinking about others in this way.

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We aren't thinking what the others could have done, just what we could have done.ocd makes me think like this all the time. It's hard but you can beat it.

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Im just still so scared right now, i feel so guilty.. how can i overcome this?

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Im constantly anxious. Our goverment just had a press conference where they were semi-mad at all those people that went to busy places, beaches, standing in rows before hardware stores, parks etc etc.

And ive also gone to 2 hardware stores and one gardening store last saturday, and i feel like such a criminal... i kept the advices distance of 6 foot as much as i could, and i did not wander for to long. What if i infected someone? and that person is about to die? or he infects someone else and that person dies?

I feel like i want to make things better but i cant! im going crazy in here.. and i cannot even go outside to clear my head.

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The fact that im getting no reactions makes me feel like i indeed am such a terrible person.

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Well, I guess we should shame the billions of people who went to a store in the past few weeks. What would work, iron, public shaming, flogging in the town square, jail, cut their hands off?

You decide. You're in great company. 

Edited by PolarBear

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17 hours ago, PolarBear said:

Well, I guess we should shame the billions of people who went to a store in the past few weeks. What would work, iron, public shaming, flogging in the town square, jail, cut their hands off?

You decide. You're in great company. 

But alot of them had to go to get food and stuff. i went for something not important; potting soil, seeds and some latex gloves. 

Ive tried reaching my psychologist and we can have a call this friday, but i really dont know hot to cope until then. 

At this moment i constantly get the thought; Is does not matter what you will try to make this go away, fact is that you compromised other peoples lives by being selfish for stupid potting soil, seeds and latex gloves while visiting 3 different shops in a row for those products.

I want to know how i can live with having taking such a risk and possibly infecting someone at one of those stores.

I have not set a foot outside since then except entering my back garden which by now i also dont feel safe anymore, afraid that this virus i might go airborne from me into another persons house and get them sick.

Also i still don't have any symptoms myself of having Corona, so that means its impossible to have infected anybody last saturday right? wel no. ive read online that about 20% of the people will show no symptoms but could possible still be infecting others.

Edited by Ironborn

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You're just setting this up so no matter what, you're a murderer. Sigh.

I'll just say, this is all OCD. You spend every waking moment ruminating about this, to no end. It will go on for a long time, unless you put your foot down.

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17 hours ago, PolarBear said:

You're just setting this up so no matter what, you're a murderer. Sigh.

I'll just say, this is all OCD. You spend every waking moment ruminating about this, to no end. It will go on for a long time, unless you put your foot down.

So how do i stop this then? how do i accept the fact i might have caused harm or maybe even death without knowing for sure?

Do i just ignore the thoughts as usual with OCD? it feels so wrong to do so... but on the other hand what can i do even more?

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You treat this like any other form of OCD. You ignore the thoughts. You dismiss them as irrelevant. You refuse to sit there and ruminate over it.

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