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Becks

Not sure what I want from this...

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I’m new to this forum, but am looking for people that Understand my stresses. I’ve had OCD since I was about 10, I’m now almost 29. It started with an ecoli poster on a toilet door at school and said to wash your hands or you will get it. Anyway, that’s irrelevant, Coronavirus is stressing me out. I feel like I have to be stressed about it because if I relax or I’m happy then i will get it. I’m washing my hands a million times a day. Crying a lot.  Snapping at everyone and getting them to wash their hands too. I just feel like I’m not coping right now and I can’t be nice to myself Cos if I am I deserve to get it or something. My heads a bit of a shed to say the least lol. I don’t really know what I want from this post... maybe just someone that gets it. Everyone else is getting annoyed with me. 

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Hello Becks

I'm the same age as you and it's been a long haul for me too - switch-checking/hand-washing/compulsive praying at 10, all the way up to a jolly religious crisis at nearly 30. Oh, deep joy! :D

I understand your need to be worried as a form of control. Bring confident feels like being cocky because I think we all expect another worry to come along in moments of peace, such are our compulsive methods of thinking! So worrying keeps us one step of the game, at least that's what it feels like! Don't blame yourself for that. These are trying times for everyone; I thought I was going to have a massive anxiety attack watching Boris Johnson on telly on Monday. 

And hey, we are being told by everybody to wash their hands. Idris Elba told us to wash our hands from his own self-isolation and tell me, could we really say no to Idris Elba? :D It's okay to be upset; maybe reach out to your loved ones and share your OCD struggles. And of course here, too, you'll find support and love from people who know what you're going through. 

My key point now is - be nice to yourself. With religious OCD we talk about taking leaps of faith; take a leap of faith in being good to yourself. I've been resisting being good to myself for a while but I'm realising now it's a key thing to help. It seems like a massive gulf to cross but you jump and you land and you look back and you think 'Wow? Really? That was it?' 

We'll all be here for you through this. We all have our issues and crosses to bear. But the key thing is, you will be okay. Reach out, self-care and basic hygiene. That will get us through. ❤️

Keep posting! We all want to hear how you're getting on. 

C :hug:

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21 minutes ago, Becks said:

but am looking for people that Understand my stresses

You've come to the right place then :D

 

21 minutes ago, Becks said:

I feel like I have to be stressed about it because if I relax or I’m happy then i will get it.

I think a lot of us will understand that, and I guess this is what OCD does, it makes us convinced we have to take responsibility far greater than we actually need to, hence the... 

 

22 minutes ago, Becks said:

I’m washing my hands a million times a day.

I know this will feel hard, but it's important we try and get the balance right, which is we only need to wash our hands the appropriate amount of times and then only for around 20 seconds, anything beyond that is actually mainly redundant and starts to cause us more harm (mentally) than good.  Equally, we only really need to wash our hands after being out and about and perhaps if coming into contact with something from outside within the last few hours, but even that is still not certainly necessary.  So if you're self isolating at home as per recommendations, other than nipping to the loo, we might only need to wash our hands half a dozen times a day, not even that if not going out. 

 

26 minutes ago, Becks said:

I don’t really know what I want from this post... maybe just someone that gets it.

Sometimes that;s a comfort in itself, whilst I don't know if any of us will have the answers for you, I can assure you, we do all understand :)

 

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Thanks guys, it really helps to speak to people who get it. It’s so disheartening as I really managed to combat it in the last year or so, and now it’s like I’ve massively relapsed. Contamination stresses me out. I know that self love and self care are the way forward but right now I darent get comfortable or happy or relaxed Cos of what’s going on. I literally can’t focus on anything else, it’s like being in this OCD bubble is what makes me cope. Even though I’m not 🤔 lol. I will keep posting though and hope you will too. Be nice if we could try get through this hell together. 

thank you Ashley and cub! You know just what to say! 

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On 27/03/2020 at 16:35, Becks said:

I darent get comfortable or happy or relaxed Cos of what’s going on. I literally can’t focus on anything else, it’s like being in this OCD bubble is what makes me cope.

Hi Becks, 

Very understandable to feel that OCD is somehow keeping you safer or helping you cope, but it's just an illusion.  Focusing on something else is exactly what you need to do just now.  Perhaps try some relaxation exercises and maybe get absorbed in a hobby to keep your mind occupied with another topic. :) 

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Thanks for the advice snowbear! I’ll give it a go, I’ve been trying to do some meditation on headspace and that seems to be helping a little. 

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