Obsessing about a real life event

[john1978]

Hi guys .

This incident happened 2 years ago at a friends wedding. I went onto a relationship forum at the time and they said I was making a mountain out of a molehill. Anyways I attended one of my best friends wedding with my wife she left early in the night as she was pregnant at the time with our third Ruairi. Hindsight I wish I left too At the end of the night I ended up in the residents bar and there was a group of us friends chatting and drinking I ended up talking to two girls that would be friends with the bride and I know also  I tried calling a taxi but couldn’t get one so my friend Colm said I could stay with him and he’d drop me home the following day . The residents bar closed and one of the group said could we get some drinks for the room I asked the bar man and we got some drinks anyways there was 7 of us back in the room my sister was there too and she knows these two girls and all I wanted to do was fall asleep so at some stage I must have passed out I woke up and the room was dark and there was only me and the two girls they were still awake talking one at the top of the bed and one at the bottom everyone was all fully clothed and my friend Colm must have been in the bathroom one of the girls must have heard me wake and said why didn’t I lie on the bed my back was killing me and I just wanted to sleep I laid on the bed and turned over still in my full suit and ended up spooning the other girl all for about 30 seconds and not sure what I was thinking anyways my friend Colm came out of the bathroom and said ye can have the bed if ye want don’t mind me at that I said no no I thought of my wife my kids I said I no I  just want to sleep so got out of the bed and went back to the chair they must have left shortly after coz I woke again in the early hours and only Colm was there so I laid back on the bed . When I got home the following day I told my wife that i ended up in the residents bar and Colm offered that I could stay in his room and that there was a group of us got some drinks and went back to the room I didn’t tell her about the spooning recently the girls face came up on add friends on Facebook and I was awash with guilt but I was able to move on I’ve had a few big spikes of OCD recently and now I spend most of my day obsessing over this action and wondering if there was more too it and feeling guilt and shame and wanting to confess . She only lost her Dad in February this year suddenly and unexpectedly I love her and my three kids if I tell her this she will leave me and I will lose my kids she told me if I ever cheated on her that would be it . I just can’t stop going over and over it in my head and it is really depressing me 

[john1978]

I say spooning but I turned over in the bed and was right behind her i don’t know what I was thinking when my buddy came out my wife and kids immediately came to my mind and I jumped up and went back to the seat I am constantly analysing everything that happened wondering what I was thinking was there more to it . I don’t fancy either of the girls I’m ashamed of myself and I just have a constant urge to confess I rationalised it at the time and largely forgot about it it came into my minds eye now and then but was quickly forgotten and daily life took over it’s just recently my anxiety has been so high and I’ve have had a lot of ocd it’s constantly going through my brain 

[Binxy]

Obsession: Worrying that you have been unfaithful in some way- this causes significant anxiety.   

Compulsion: Repetitive actions to try and relieve anxiety: posting on relationship forums, posting on here to see if anyone thinks you've done wrong (reassurance), urge to tell your wife, no doubt looking on the internet for reassurance.

Sounds like OCD making mountains out of molehills to me too. Let it go dude.

[PolarBear]

This rates a 0 on the 1 to 10 scale of stupid things people have done while drunk. The reason this feels so bad is because you won't let it go, not because you did something bad.

Let it go.