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I’m upset


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I emailed my therapist they are an OCD therapist btw for context as to if my thoughts of questioning “what if I’m trans gender.” Were legitimate questions of my identity, and he said that exploring identity is strongest at your age I’m 18 and that it’s normal. I think I’m actually done..I don’t want them to be true. I’m in despair right now...

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I’ve had hocd for 3 years now the trans theme has been about a year.. these thoughts literally go nowhere except to me considering suicide is a way out. I’ve had other forms of OCD as well in the past. I was a big Religious ocd sufferer

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This had to be some sort o misunderstanding Hopefully maybe the way I worded stuff in the email? I hope because if it isn’t I don’t think I’ll try for another therapist it’s just not worth being hurt.

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Whilst it may be normal for someone at your age to explore/wonder about sexual identity it isn't normally excessive or to the point where it causes extreme distress and anxiety.  Perhaps it is the way you worded your e-mail but if your therapist has experience in treating OCD it should have flagged up that your worries are obsessive and your enquiry was one of seeking reassurance and certainty (a compulsion)  As such, I'm not sure their response was the most appropriate one.

Is this a therapist via the NHS or a therapist you've sourced privately?

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Even if it is normal at my age, my checking and worrying is not as bad before I got a therapist I was checking almost 7 hours a day sometimes even night  looking through everything related to the obsession. It was extremely debilitating  reason I went to therapy in the first place was that on some level I knew this wasn’t normal behavior. But even though I feel that it isn’t normal wanted thoughts I can’t stop worrying about that “what if”. So when an OCD therapist said that I absolutely freaked out. I’m still on some level deeply worried. I think my next session I will ask him about what he means by that or if he understood what I was asking in my email..

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I can't tell you if anything is real or not because I am not you. I'm not in your head.

I can tell you that the number of people I've met online who had sexual orientation/gender identity obsessions is at least over a hundred. The number of people I've met who really were what they feated and were in denial is exactly zero.

 

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Well, you may not have asked the right question. Your therapist is right that it is perfectly normal for teenagers to go through a period of questioning their sexual identity.

What you probably really wanted to ask is, am I really trans?

Now any OCD therapist worth two cents wouldn't directly answer that question. It would be reassurance and that is helping you to do a compulsion.

 

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“Yes I think so, but at the moment it seems your brain is trying to convince you that you must figure out your identity. It would be ok to ponder one’s identity, but it should be more a matter of choice, a voluntary activity. Instead it seems your brain is trying to force you to figure it out. Ask yourself if you could be comfortable contemplating who you are and not having an answer anytime soon. Does that feel comfortable or distressing? If it feels distressing, it is probably more related to your OCD.” I don’t think I can read objectively at the moment what does this mean? Am I genuinely going through and identity crisis?

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One last thing is there any hope i can recover from this and look back on it and laugh at it? I’ve dealt with this 8 years untreated and I have this “hopelessness”feeling if you understand what I mean

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