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Afraid of hocd being just denial because of my family


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Hello, I have been having OCD with many themes such as harm, magical thinking, contamination, relationship and many more since I was 10 and hocd on and off since I was 16. But when it comes back it’s really bad with depression and mental pain because of all the Groinal response including unwanted climax, which really gave a hardest time in my life, now I keep checking what if someone in my family is gay. I’m afraid that if someone from my family with same genes is gay it means I’m as well and all this hocd thing is just a denial. I know my cousin or two may be gay and this scared the **** out of me.
 

Can anyone help ? 

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Nothing new here- wondering if, thinking, trying to reason, ruminating.... all compulsions. Your key to freedom from this is to stop engaging with and carrying out those compulsions. You will remain stuck unless you do this. Get comfortable with feeling a bit rubbish for a while whilst you cut these out, but this is the only route to freeing yourself of this.

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Like always: Stop applying black and white thinking here. Sexuality is not strictly to put in categories, even though humans invented categories like “homosexual”, “heterosexual” or “bisexual”. There isn't even much difference between homosexuals and heterosexual in form of their DNA. It has way more to do with our socialization since our earliest upbringing. There is no “gay”, “homosexual” or “bisexual” gen or DNA. There is simply nothing. It's highly determined by your personal preferences. I think you fear the very idea of being gay, haha, not really the consequences from being gay, like the Coming-Out, discrimination or anything. This is like 99.99% a sign that it's a very obscure fear and not really sexual preference. There are also plenty of logical explanations for unwanted arousal and so on. But this isn't going to help you, as I learned from being part of this forum. So, let's not go this way

Let's say your fear is true. You're really gay. You are maybe even the gayest of all gay men on earth. There is no one, who is more gay like you. But what's the big problem with being gay? Really, let's say you're homosexual, but still want to date women: Who is going to stop you from that? Like, imagine you are at some later point in life and just continued to date women, even though you were always gay. Then seeing you in the future, as a married man to a beautiful wife, with several kids and grandkids. What would that change for you, even though you were gay? What does that change?

Your fear of being really gay, doesn't force you to live life like a gay man. No. Nobody would know it, nor see it. So what's the big problem really with that? Okay, you may find men also super attractive, but you still can find women attractive. Just because you find something to be attractive, it doesn't mean you are going to be forced to have a sexual relationship with it. No. In fact, it's completely irrelevant. Who cares if you're categorized as the king of all homosexuals, even though you live your life like you WANT to, by simply exclusively dating women? Who is going to stop you from living like a heterosexual man? The gay police? The straight police? Never heard of them.

Your fear may be true, but it's not like it's going to define who you are and what you want. It's not defining anything. It's just a categorization. Nothing else and nothing more. Give it a try to see it from that way.

EDIT: I don't want to offend any homosexual here. In fact, I would have absolutely zero problems with being gay myself. It's just this irrational fear of not being biological speaking straight, I wanted to question with this post.

Edited by discuccsant
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