long distance support???

[linda sister]

. My sister, 63, lives in appalling conditions due to hoarding and other rituals preventing her from throwing rubbish out. This time last year she set fire to herself accidentally, due to all the rubbish surrounding the gas cooker, and was severely burnt. She allowed me into her flat for the first time in 30 years, as she couldn't manage anything. I live in Italy, she is in south London, so all very difficult. I cleared a lot, and arranged for a deep clean, and a cleaner, but it all returns to how it was. This week, she set fire to her flat, as she cannot throw cigarette butts out, and put a smoldering cigarette into the bin liner full of butts, then went to sleep. Luckily, she woke up and called the fire brigade before the flat (and those below) caught fire properly. She is still smoking, lighting up when I talk to her, won't throw butts out etc. 

She had an assessment, but has been told there is a 50 week waiting list. She seems very unwilling to engage with change, will not use the self help books I have sent, refuses to go out for a walk (unless to buy fags or beer). She has no friends, refuses to see my adult children, who would try to help. I am very worried about her, but also very angry with her, and cannot stop thinking about the families in the flats below her. I called a 24 hour helpline and explained my concerns, but they just advised her to teke the drug she is already (sometimes) taking.

 

I have no idea how to support her, apart from offering to replace the burnt carpet! But is there even any point in that?

[howard]

I think as much as you'd like to help your sister, if she refuses help or to change then you have to respect her decisions.

It does sound like you've been doing everything that you'd expect her to do; from arranging a cleaner....to calling the 24 hour helpline. Social services might help.

But really it's up to her, maybe she feels happy living the way she does. 

All you can do is accept that and accept that despite the dangers to her and the families below, ultimately it's her life and her decisions.

[Angst]

Is your sister in contact with the local mental health services? You say that she is on medication and had an assessment. In England it is the Community Mental Health Team that deal with people who live in their own homes. Another question, is your sister in social housing run by a housing association or council or an owner occupier or renter? And a final question, have the social services been involved? Each answer to each question indicates different approaches to the problem. The problem is exacerbated by your sister being a smoker. If a person is perceived as a fire risk under certain types of tenure then there is a risk to remaining in the property.

Hoarding UK has information on hoarding. I would use this as a source to discover the options available. In the past all hoarding came under OCD. Now only certain types do. Hoarding and checking OCD can go together - an unwillingness to check things before disposal because of the perceived hassle means that things pile up.

A good book on this is ‘Buried in Treasure’.

 

[linda sister]

She has had an assessment, and they have told her she is too unstable for CBT. Instead, they are offering psychological assessment and medication review. Luckily (or not?) she is an owner- occupier...

Thanks for the book suggestion.

 

[Handy]

You could buy her some extinguishers. Think of some way to do something about the butts, a bucket of sand or water.

[ocdjonesy]

Many fire services in the UK can be contacted for advice on hoarding.  Here is the link to the london fire service hoarding page .  At this point you should be looking at harm reduction and it is in the interest of fire services to facilitate that.  As you are probably now aware hoarding poses serious risks to health and safety especially in terms fire risk.  It is extremely important that the fire service knows about your sister in advance as the high fire load a hoard possesses can put the lives of any first responder in grave danger.  Getting in touch with them will hopefully help you and them to avoid the worst case scenario.  They seem to offer a practical approach to an otherwise complicated problem that is worth trying if it makes the situation just that bit safer for everyone.

Outside of that hoarding can be incredibly difficult to deal with and I would advise you to look at any resources available to the family/carers of hoarders.  There are several groups who go by the name 'Children of Hoarders' who can be found just by googling that term.  While this is a sister you're dealing with not a parent getting in touch with other relations of hoarders is something I would recommend.  There are a lot of people in those communities with a similar experience to yours who can hopefully point you in the right direction.

Personally I think I would try to go the getting social services involved route.  It sounds like your sister is very visibly disordered and not coping and getting social services to actually go out and witness this in person may motivate them to try to help.  I would stress the danger she poses to herself and others (two fires is a huge problem) and the impairment of her day to day function and how concerned you are for her safety.  

I'm sorry you're dealing with this situation.  My mother hoards so I understand some of the problems you're facing right now.  It is just the worst.

Edited Thursday at 22:34 by ocdjonesy