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  1. Today
  2. dksea
    Ok a few things to unpack. First, different people respond on different posts, "this forum" is not a singular entity that responds to everyone using the same mind, but many many individuals, few if any who are trained mental health professionals, just trying to help, we are not going to be perfect, we are not always going to agree on how best to respond to each person, and the right way to respond to each person can vary for a number of reasons. Second, setting aside the above, and that reassurance is generally not the best approach anyway, there is a significant difference between being gay and being a pedophile. One is ok, the other is not. Whether or not you are gay doesn't really change anything, you aren't a danger if you are gay. Treating these two situations as if they are somehow related is part of your problem. Third, you come here demanding that we tell you whether or not you are gay or whether or not you have OCD. As PB has said, many of us have told you multiple times that we believe your problem is OCD. We have explained WHY we believe its OCD. We can't guarantee it 100% because A) we are not qualified to make official medical diagnosis in general and B) we are not meeting with you in a setting to even make a formal diagnosis if we were certified to do so, and C) because there is not 100% guaranteed test for OCD. No matter what we tell you, whether we say you are gay (which people have on other forums) or its OCD (which many of us have told you here) you still feel doubt (which is consistent with OCD). IF you have OCD us telling you isn't going to solve your problem. You likely need professional help, but at the very least you need to understand and accept that you feeling doubt IS the problem in the first place. You are trying to solve the problem by ignoring the problem, by demanding people give you a clear answer. We could tell you the same thing every day for 100 years and it wouldn't change things because YOU need to change things if you want to recover from this. Fourth, why are different people giving you different answers? Well among other reasons, because its unlikely many of the people on a gay support forum have experience dealing with OCD. Also, because people have different levels of knowledge and understanding. The reason there are ??? isn't because one or the other of your fears is true, its because people just don't know and are making their best guess. Even IF there was one and only one possible answer to your problem, there is absolutely no guarantee that you'd get the same response from every person. Hell, we still have a sizable number of people who think the earth is flat! You really think the solution to your problem is to wait til every single person on earth tells you the exact same thing? Does that sound reasonable to you? If you want to get over this you need to admit that what you have been doing isn't working and that you need to change your approach. If you are going to seek out our advice you have to be willing to take it and try INSPITE of the doubt you feel. Otherwise why bother even coming here? If you are going to ignore what we say, then what good is being served?
  3. dksea
    If it were easy none of us would be here, this forum wouldn't exist, we wouldn't need medication or therapy or other professional help. Recovery is hard work, and its normal that you struggle, we all do. Its easy to say the right thing to do, its hard to be in the middle of it and to do it. Do your best, thats all anyone can do.
  4. dksea
    Engaging in compulsions is keeping you in this cycle. The advice is the same for this worry as it has been for all the previous ones. Reduce/eliminate compulsions. (such as posting in detail each and every thing you worry about) Do CBT. Work with a qualified mental health professional if possible. Do ERP.
  5. dksea
    Its ok to see a doctor if you are feeling unwell, you don't have to avoid it completely. The idea is to avoid constantly seeing the doctor for each little thing if it can be explained under reasonable circumstances as not a big deal. But you can still get sick/have problems that a doctor can help with. It can be difficult to strike the right balance, true, but if you are having trouble deciding try asking a trusted loved one/partner/friend (not all the time, that is a compulsion too). Another option might be to call, explain your concern and see what they recommend.
  6. dksea
    First, those people are judgmental jerks. Ignore them. They are almost as bad as OCD at demanding absolute perfection and purity to be considered good enough. Second, going on the forum to tell your story was a compulsion, and I think you know that. One of the ways OCD causes us pain is by demanding absolutes; unreasonable, possibly unachievable, absolutes. The world is not divided into people who have upheld their moral and ethical values with absolute perfection and those who have completely thrown them away. Its not that black and white. Context matters, degree matters. Punching someone in the arm enough to cause them some pain is a bad thing to do. Slaughtering hundreds of people because you don't like something about them (religion, gender, ethnicity, etc.) is a bad thing to do. These things are not remotely the same. A person who does the first is not bad in the same way a person who does the second is, its not even close. Right now you are feeling an extreme reaction because of OCD, but that reaction is vastly disproportionate to the event that actually happened. At worst you made a very very very very very minor transgression against a set of rules that you have chosen to live by. Guess what? You can still live by those rules. You can still do your best to live a vegan lifestyle. Its not an all or nothing sort of thing, where either you adhere to it 100% always for all eternity, no exceptions ever. If that were the case its likely there would be no one who meets the criteria. And holding yourself to those insanely strict standards doesn't do you or anyone else any good. The only thing served by that is your OCD, and you don't want to serve OCD.
  7. dksea
    The way you describe it it definitely sounds compulsive. Most likely its not one or the other but both factors contribute to it. Seldom are our problems in life completely isolated from each other, it all connects, sometimes in small ways, sometimes in larger ones.
  8. BelAnna
    Me too! I wasn't at first- I just felt sad for her but I had some intrusive thoughts about suicide after a really bad day (and I have never felt truly suicidal I've only had OCD about suicide) and now it's playing into some of my other OCD! Hope you're okay! Remember this is an OCD fear and it doesn't mean anything.
  9. PolarBear
    Stay away from Google, the news and social media. If you are constantly reading about this story, it is a compulsion and it is making your situation worse.
  10. PolarBear
    First, the other people posting on this thread are relatively new and don't have a six year track record with you. They don't have the background knowledge about you. Second, what would you have us do? I, and others, have CONSISTENTLY told you, for at least six years, that your problem is OCD and not being gay. We have bern absolutely consistent with that message. But you won't listen! We told you repeatedly to stop going to emptyclosets or whatever, because it was a compulsion, but you kept going. We told you that you need professional help but you dismiss this because you tried it once. We have told you this gay finger ratio is bull!!! but you constantly bring it up. We gave tried and tried and tried to help you but you won't listen. So what would you have us do? Quite a few people here will not talk to you because it is pointless. We don't know what else we can do. You come here with the same old story, you ignore our advice and try your best to convince us you are gay. So what do you want us to do?
  11. VNDO
    Thank you so much for the support. It's nice to know, even though I've never met neither of you, that I'm not alone. My OCD is mostly about checking things: if the doors are locked, if the oven is off, if nothing is plugged in, etc... with that it comes the worrying and the stress. I've checked everything, but then I'm in bed and I start to worry if I'm mistaken and must check everything again. When I leave the house I have to photograph everything so I have proof that everything is as it's supposed to... I need to touch things until they feel right, whatever that is. It is a struggle... I feel tired and I know that's my brain playing games with me, but I just can't fight back. As I've said in some other threads, besides my sister who's a nurse and understands this, I think my mother just believes it's some sort of quirkiness and that I do it because I want to. She doesn't understand how stressed and almost breathless I feel when I don't 'obey' to my rituals. I've always been this way, but I think my parents' divorce somehow acted as a trigger and it got much worse. Thank you for the books recommendations, I will take a look at the video 😊
  12. Yesterday
  13. CAH_05
    Hi everyone, although I have been doing slightly better the last month or 2 I am still not we’re I want to be. hearing the news of Caroline Flack over the weekend made me incredibly sad. It’s truely an awful thing that has happened to this poor woman over the past few months and my heart breaks for her and her family. i knew my ocd would be triggered as soon as I heard it as suicide is my theme. I have tried to not engage but today I feel myself slipping. I keep looking for differences and similarities between myself and her. I can’t stop thinking about her and it’s just everywhere at the minute, the news, social media, tv, people talking about it. So I have tried to treat it as an exposure but I am starting to struggle. any advise on what to do at this moment? I feel really down and anxious
  14. Phil19
    I am still suffering anxiety about the social media side of things. One days I decide I will post about my partners birthday and other days I decide it’s best not to? What do I do? The last time I did this I had a worry about putting I was in Amsterdam on Facebook in the end I did post but this event isn’t until June so the anxiety kicks in? Also I added a few work colleagues in my new shop a few months back but none accepted so I cancelled should I try adding other ones now or leave it? My ocd makes me worry I spoke to them before and it’s tainted. I worry I have spoke to one of the performers at my partners birthday too when I was single as she is on a dating site. How can I get over this social media anxiety? My worry is if I don’t post the anxiety wins? I worry it’s the ocd keeping me in this cycle?
  15. Dave321
    I am not a sane person!!! Do people really think I know whats going on with myself? I haven't a clue. My head is spinning. I have people like BM telling me I am gay and then you say its ocd and others saying you need to go figure it out. Why are people messing with my head?? If its so obvious why isn;t everybody saying its ocd?? There must be serious question marks. There is such double standards on here, I post what once every 2 or 3 months and people post pocd worries every day yet they constantly get reassured they are not paedos and there is infinite patience and sympathy for them. I get told I am gay or told to stop posting the same stuff and am vilified as this useless person who wont help himself. I am broke and unemployed. No money. Lives at home. Afraid of my own body. I feel like my body no longer belongs to me and belongs to a gay man but my mind is still the old straight me. I am terrified when my groin so much as tingles the slightest amount.
  16. PolarBear
    Isn't it interesting, Dave, that you've spent six years trying to convince us you are gay, yet the moment someone suggests maybe you are, you get upset. Food for thought.
  17. Dave321
    Yes you did. You said it on this and the other forum if that was you which I reckon it was. You have followed me around on this and other forums saying I am gay and that's just the way it is for me.
  18. Dave321
    But the voice in my head says I am closed minded and just wont accept myself and would enjoy it and if I allowed myself to have sex with men then all this torment would be over. But my whole will and soul doesn't want to ever do that and is absolutely terrified of it. It's like I am living in a nightmare. A bit like in Back to the Future 2 when Marty goes back to an alternate 1985 where things just feel weird and wrong.
  19. BM94
    Sorry you feel that way Dave321 but I dont know you and not for a second did I say you were gay, I'm going off what you said in your posts. As a gay person myself, I feel that it is unfair for people to say they are ashamed and embarrassed by thinking they are. Doesn't make me feel particularly good about myself does it? Thank you for filling us in @PolarBear
  20. BigDave
    So basically, you're saying that you don't want to go on dates with men but you're asking us if you think you're gay? Just think about what you're saying? I'm not going to respond further - you're asking for reassurance.
  21. Dave321
    I dont want to go on dates with men! Do people not get this is EXACTLY what I am ******* terrified of!!!! Why dont you tell the pocd people on here to go and fiddle with kids to see if they like it FFS. The posts on here will drive me to suicide.
  22. Dave321
    This guy BM thinks I'm gay. Either he is right or deliberately winding me up and spiking me on purpose on this and other forums. Why is that tolerated? If he told someone they were a paedophile on here there would be uproar.
  23. BigDave
    Dave, as someone who seeks reassurance more often than I should, I need you to understand that by asking us to give you an answer, you're doing yourself no favours. You are constantly racking your brain about this and going over and over at it in your mind. You've said yourself that your family would support you no matter what. The Philip Schofield thing should also prove to you that we are in a world where it is ok to love whoever you want to. Groinal responses don't mean everything but whatever the circumstances, it doesn't matter. Usually when people are unsure if they are gay or not, they will go on dates with men who are like-minded and see if there is any attraction. Going on dates with women too may open your mind. The more you focus on what your groin is doing, the more likely it is you are going to notice the slightest change in your groin in terms of responses. For example, I think things touch my lap all the time because I feel the slightest movement. That doesn't actually mean something has touched my lap. Anyway, no one here is going to be able to tell you if you're gay or not. This is something that you have to find out yourself but ruminating on the problem isn't going to help matters.
  24. PolarBear
    Dave, I have known you, through your posts, for the six years I have been on this forum. Your problem was OCD six years ago and it is OCD today. Nothing has changed. None of your thousands of words wtitten in that time have changed my mind even a bit.
  25. Dave321
    Do people agree with this? I am gay? This guy has been following me on other forums saying this to me all the time.
  26. PolarBear
    Just an FYI for everyone... Dave is a long time poster though under different screen names. For at least six years, he has been coming here regularly, seeking reassurance. He has OCD but refuses to listen to us or do anything about it. He comes here and posts the same things, over and over, about how he must be gay, how he has this stupid gay finger ratio (which doesn't exist), etc, etc. He won't seek professional help because years ago he went for it and it did no good. Dave is incredibly stuck. For the longest time, he was on here telling us he didn't have OCD, while regularly visiting a coming out forum. It was a terrible compulsion that really messed things up. Telling him gay is okay won't work because he has OCD with sexual orientation obsessions. They keep coming back no matter what anyone says. Dave needs to want to change, to break the long term cycle he is stuck in. Many of us have tried to encourage that to no avail.
  27. BM94
    So again, why would you feel shame and embarrassment? Look, if you're attracted to dudes then that's the way it is. It is OCD to overthink your 'groinal responses', but to feel attracted to a guy is just the way it is for you.
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