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I don't know much about this, but at certain times in our lives we question different parts of our identity. It happens for many people in their twenties when they are trying to decide who they are, and through that questioning they come to some sort of establishing of their identity that makes them feel more comfortable with themselves and who they are and want to be. I say it happens in our twenties because often then we are freed from conforming to family or peer expectations and we can decide who we are. It may also happen at different points in our lives when some event makes us question who we are and what we are doing. So I think it's a natural process that we all participate in, but if you throw ocd anxiety and doubts into the mix it can all seem a bit confusing and daunting.

I really need help handling this in my mind and not focusing there absolutely gonna do to me what the other friend did and that the similarities and connections are there to all I said they said and did after the plans were cancelled to that they’ll do exactly what the other friend did. Please help!! @snowbear @PolarBear

Well I had plans with someone I talk to but haven’t seen In a couple years, we planned on a restaurant hangout Saturday and they called me like 3 hours before and they sounded very upset and said the friend that was supposed to drive them was coughing and sneezing and didn’t tell them Right away bc they kept a commitment, and the friend who called me said they yelled at them and they kept apologizing, and they said they’ll look to reschedule maybe like May 12. And I asked if I could call them the next day around 11 am for them to say hey to my family member that was gonna go with me. I tried calling and they didn’t answer me at the time but texted me later that there sorry they didn’t respond. But they called me the next day to talk and mention about the replanned day and to chat, and we’ve spoken a little the last couple days. Now I’m focusing that they didn’t want to go and made up the story that the friend was sick and that they made up the conversation and maybe they also didn’t want my family member to go, and that they are only talking to me nicely sometimes and keeping in touch and mentioning another replanning day because they didn’t want to tell me they didn’t want to do anything with me and they were afraid to tell me, so they just acted as if they want to see me and do things with me and talk nice to me, and continue to just last minute cancel on me with excuses each time. the reason I’m saying that is because I’ve had a couple people affect me, and one in particular who I’ve mentioned here before, who after the first few months I was friendly with them. Constantly telling me they wanted to do things, letting me uptalk the planned events and then suddenly constantly either cancelling on me last minute with excuses, or showing up 3-5 hours late or not showing up at all. Then after me and my family used to reach out to him, he’ll eventually answer and seem interested in doing things again and then talk to me about other things and then when the time came cancel with excuses or Come 3-5 hours late or not show up at all and repeat repeat again and again. i also think that on top of thinking the friend now cancelled last minute and made up the story and that it’s true bc they avoided calling me when they said they would the next day to talk to the family member and Just answered me later and said they overslept and that they called me the next day to talk about other things too and answer me about other things too, but don’t want to see me at all and don’t want to tell me bc there afraid to tell me. Now I think on top of that they won’t reschedule a day despite saying they’ll look to take off the day and that they may say they have to do it later in the month and that they won’t want to do it at all, or maybe even that they’ll reschedule and talk about the fun of the day and let me talk about it, just in order to not tell me they don’t want to go bc there afraid and they’ll discuss other things then cancel with excuses each time and repeat the cycle like that old friend did dozens of times

Chocolate

Hi Chris I have exactly the same as what you describe.. it's hard Misophonia + Misokinesia Only my relatives would trigger me to react (parents, partner, sadly children), strangers dont bother me I am trying some CBT, but worried it won't fix me and won't give me enough relief. Not sure what's in store next, sadly it doesn't seem to go away and if anything gets worse. Sorry, not meant to bring all this pessimism.. happy to chat more, it might help us

Thank you angels. I went out for dinner with friends and my friends said something that triggers my ocd (no fault of theirs) and I am worried my brain has accepted thougths as good which they are not. I can't sleep and feel like I want to call the police.

Brownie

I see. I'm sorry. Of course it's hard like that! There are some websites, podcasts and profiles on Instagram that also offer free stuff but, well, I don't know... to me it's always a risk to use the tools without anyone telling you how to use them. Maybe it would help if you just read their posts, their experiences, or consult those websites. Sometimes there are free webinars given by psychotherapists. They all specialise in treating OCD. Maybe you already know them. If I'm not mistaken, there are a few users here who have managed and manage OCD on their own, I can't remember who... knowing that might help you, and maybe you would feel less lost and more understood if you were 'accompanied' by someone who did it themselves. Maybe their words would carry more weight for you than what someone in therapy can tell you, even if we say the same things. Gosh, it's really hard...

Hi Maggers I go onto you tube and type in meditation for ocd and pick one i find them really good for relaxation and trying to keep well. If there is a day my ocd is really strong or iam over stimulated and i cant listen to someone talking me through a meditation ill listen to just sounds instead eg rain etc

Ocd related Perfectionism to me is a way of making sure we do something perfect so theres no risk of getting it wrong like a safety behaviour. For me it can be doubting i am doing the right tecnique, the right response to ocd etc and it only serves to keep the ocd going. I then get the fear of i cant move past this i dont have the perfect answer etc the only way i can move past it is by accepting i have ocd and its tricking me into thinking theres no way round it. I then put the responsibility onto ocd and do my best try my hardest to pull my power back by saying this is my ocd and then refocus until the importance of it lifts and i feel half normal again. Is ocd trying to make you doubt you choose recovery or is making you fear not being able to do a compulsion. It sounds like ocd is up to its old tricks. I hope this helps

@Giusss Yes, I have gone to a couple of therapists over the years, but not for a long time. Got the diagnosis, but back then they weren’t as knowledgeable as I think a lot of them are now. I have been reluctant to go and spend the money on therapy. I am trying to help myself, but that doesn’t always work. It’s tough.

Hi Ocd is an anxiety disorder that makes us overanalyse,disect and doubt everything including who we are as people and what we value most, your way of being, thinking and acting ,it sows seeds of doubt and goes in on what we value the most. Try to separate your intrusive thoughts from who you are as a person. Thoughts are not facts i hope this helps a little and refocus.

A few things I've been thinking about (and as always just my opinion, open to debate). I think some people build ocd up into something bigger than it is, as RC writes, 'they see it as an enemy to be fought'. They seem to exaggerate it's power and almost disassociate it from themselves which in many ways empowers it. I now and in line with Rose Cartwright's personal journey to healthy living see it as a 'matrix condition' or as she puts it a 'biopsychosocial model'. So, (and we've talked about this), we have to see it in it's full context; genetic predisposition, family history, personal history and our exposure to environmental/social/political factors that impact on our lives. In effect that our mind is shaped by and reactive to our environment throughout our lives. I also wonder if ocd becomes just another obsession itself. As RC says she co-opted the language of medical professionals and came to define herself through those terms. So after therapy it's important to break free of all that and start living. (actually I've always felt like I was living in some sort of survival mode which goes back to childhood).

I looked into Stomp a bit more. I hadn't realised what a phenomenal success it had become in America. It made about $100M from ticket sales which is wild to me as I remember a few guys just busking and banging out rhythms outside a pub. A few of the students at uni had various health conditions which they explored in their art and it always added a sense of poignancy and power to their work. There's a cabin down in Dungeness which I've visited a few times(I lived nearby). It was Derek Jarman's Prospect cottage with a garden and I would consider it an artwork in it's own right. I got to see some of the interior art for the first time yesterday(in online newspaper). Here is one he made about the AIDs virus. All the medication he had to take each day. Also a painting of him by Maggi Hambling.

Pot

Plant

After months and months waiting My partner was recently let down by the NHS therapist he was dealing with. Little to no progress was being made and eventually the therapist ended the sessions before the full course was completed. My partner has now contacted a private therapist who has advised him he has severe OCD and will likely need an intensive therapy course at our home over a period of weeks. Has anyone had any success or stories regarding conducting intensive OCD therapy at home? Additionally, Is there any support available for helping to finance private OCD therapy?

Tomato

May I ask you if you are struggling alone or if you are helped by a psychotherapist specialised in OCD? Do you take medication? I think it's extremely difficult, and even rare, to cope with it on your own. There are techniques that help. I'm seeing a psychotherapist and taking medication. I've been suffering from OCD for 30 years. As soon as it occured, I went to several psychiatrists and psychologists to confirm the diagnosis (as you can imagine, I feared I was a dangerous monster for myself and others, a monster to be interned). They all diagnosed me with OCD. The diagnosis was correct but, sadly, the method to 'treat' it was wrong. I was badly advised. Now that I have had a bad relapse, I have relied on a psychotherapist with cognitive-behavioural training and a psychiatrist for medication (in my case, medications help, I mean, I have to take them). Are you 'alone' in this nightmare? There is this forum, but is it enough for you?

I keep acting out of character eg posting and not protecting myself. I really don't feel like myself and am honestly scared. I have OCD but I am worried I am my intrusive thoughts which I am not this thinking pattern is not natural and I keep giving them power by feeling like a republican politician rather than a liberal bisexual women identifying artist.

I believe OCPD is about perfection in cleaning. It's also about perfection in organizing.

Sauce

I feel like I suck at this. I know OCD’s games, but it still manages to get me almost every time. Which then makes me feel like it’s real.

Pasta

I know Emmalou, your right.. it is scary, and anyone with any experience of this, and also some degree of compassion, would fully understand your feelings, I know I do, and I do empathise with you, i really do. At the end of the day, you must do what's right for you..what you feel comfortable with at this moment, if right now your not comfortable in attempting the accepting uncertainty type thing, that's absolutely fine... you can carry on with your marvellous efforts in not engaging with the thoughts etc that you mentioned at the beginning of your thread, which seem to have proven effective, but at the moment your having a bit of a 'blip' which happens to all of us so no shame in that at all.