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Atlantis

Bulletin Board User
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Everything posted by Atlantis

  1. I know it's difficult when you have an obsession / enotional attachment with certain people that causes you to want to be in constant contact with them, which is driven I think for me by a need for reassurance - I've done this with about 8 girl mates and ALL friendships are now over. I'm currently fighting this with another girl mate however this time I am winning, it's a good job she doesn't answer me half the time anyway otherwise texting her would be a problem. I think it's a form of compulsion to text
  2. I think it's because you think about that thought so much you de-sensitize yourself from it so your mind instinctively isn't so repulsed anymore, of course then your OCD will interpret that as "you were fantasizing" - which is nonsense.
  3. I have this Bruce, for example I've pretty much fallen for my 22 year old neighbor, couldn't help it at all.. I'm too old for her / she's too young but it doesn't stop the acidic realization that age is playing a major part in how she perceives me. I hate growing old, I hate how fast the time goes and OCD magnifies it completely.
  4. Hey, they're compulsions which are part of the illness. So it's not sick, it's a symptom. Anyway your inbox is full again.. !
  5. Totally relate, I have literally just had a POCD spike 5 minutes ago so now I am on here looking through my former posts to draw a similarity with previous spikes - which I shouldn't do, but then I'm going to pigeonhole it as OCD and then hopefully move on.
  6. empty your inbox mate

  7. I have a very addictive personality but they are awesome for these sudden panic attacks, hence the reason I think I'm just gonna try and come off all of it and ride the storm.
  8. well i think to be honest all of them, benzo's lncluded are going in the bin first thing. I'm not being some chemically imbalanced puppet whilst waiting on a cousellor for 9 months, screw it.
  9. a paedo wouldn't feel the need to post on a forum for sufferers of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, they'd be out looking for the next victim or downloading sick images..
  10. The problem is I was on 20mg of prozac for one week rising to 40mg the next, this was ok for a few weeks but then the intrusive obsession over a crush became far too much to cope with, so he said to come off prozac and then try sertraline 50mg, which as of yesterday was put to 100mg plus the tavor for when things get shaky as they do.. I do not want to take the tavor or lozeapram (spelling) but it is very good at only 1mg to chill out the morning flutters. I just felt much better not on anything, but this was before it all kicked off with my Nan.. so perhaps this is for dealing with the stress and OCD aftermath.
  11. I've had a few experiences with different drugs over the years I've had OCD. Firstly citalopram which didn't do much, then prozac - which again wasn't that great.. finally I've been given 100mg of Sertraline along with 1mg Lorazepam but only 20 pills to calm me down in super tense moments, i.e. ones where I felt I've had acid butterflies in the chest full on panic mode. I just took a Lorazepam just now because I didn't want to get anxious again over an ongoing situation, but I got thinking - I've not been this bad in years, and it's all because I went on prozac after I lost my Nan in March, downhill from there really.. I spoke to my German doctor and told him that maybe I should stay off all medicines and see how I get on but he refused, upping the dose of Sertraline to 100mg instead of 50. However, I'm just tempted to stop it all. I don't want my mind any more messed up than it is now, besides there's a 9 month waiting list for a therapist here so meds on their own are pointless.. just wondered if anyone else had just refused meds after a while and got back to an improved state? thanks.
  12. Hi, just to echo everyone else - sounds like OCD to me, I'd bet my mortgage on it. You're lucky that you found out now, 5 years in. I didn't find out what I had until I was 27 and had been suffering since I was old enough to think. I would speak to a professional and get whatever help you can, but also know that you're not alone or going cray cray. It's just a chemical imbalance.
  13. It's easy for me to say this but I know how hard it is to apply it, the thinking is OCD - so perhaps just pigeonhole it and concentrate on something else positive. Easier said than done I know..
  14. I'm also struggling after an argument with my neighbour, she's totally right to be angry with me because I acted like a controlling idiot to satisfy my own selfish needs. I can't stop torturing myself even though she said it's just an argument. But now my head is making up stories and scenarios about her going on dates to spite me, which will hurt because I do like her . It is bizarre though because I know in my heart its just not possible to have a relationship with her so why let jealousy take over, is it powered by OCD, because I cannot dump it from my mind. I feel we are programmed to have this nonsense going around in our heads, meaningless nonsense that holds us hostage for hours, weeks months and years and exhausts us. OCD has ruined every relationship I've had and is ruining this one, I'm going to see a counselor on Monday to address the low self esteem issues, I am losing weight and I've given up smoking all with this girls influence, I'm using the obsessive need for her approval to my advantage, but really I shouldn't need influence from others I should have the willpower myself. Sorry for waffling but just to let you know you're not alone with this rubbish..
  15. Thanks, I did exactly that and she's still very angry - moreover because I'm still talking about it, she said it's just an argument and that we can maybe still be friends if I stop mentioning it and do more with my time instead of sitting around waiting for her.. I do really like her but I accept that nothing will ever happen and unfortunately my OCD head won't let it drop (the fact I upset her) so I'm being tortured by it internally.
  16. Recently I developed a bit of a crush on my neighbour, although it took some time to accept that it was a crush despite me wishing it was OCD. It's not the kind of crush whereby I expected any relationship to come from, because she's too young, I'm not her type and it would never work with my OCD anyway - I wouldn't want to put her through it even if she did like me. I resisted the urge to confess about the OCD stuff, because I did not want to lose her friendship. I have always stood by the fact that I would be a much better friend than a boyfriend. However, it became a habit of mine to ask her if she was going on any dates, like I really felt I needed to know she wasn't. Obviously I would be seething with jealousy, and I think that this is more to do with the fact that our bond got closer and I loved being with her and wrongly, I became far too dependant on seeing her. She has got very angry with me because of my questions, she feels like I'm trying to control her - which to be honest, at first I denied but thinking back I guess I have, cos I didn't want to lose her to someone else, I even get jealous when she's with her girlfriends - and I recognise now that this is bad of me. I saw her notice a guy who I know and she instantly began asking about him. I basically tried to put her off him by bad mouthing him and exagerrated things that I didn't like about him - again because of my jealousy and fear of losing the bond we have. I do not want to stand in the way of her finding someone, I do not want to deny her happiness just because of my own low self esteem and neediness, I feel awful for what I've done and I want to tell her what I've done and why. I do feel that my obsessive side has driven me to ask these questions on a 'need to know to feel safe' type of basis. I feel so low about this and whilst I feel the need to address this terrible mindset, because it's come out of nowhere, I also feel that I do not deserve her friendship anymore.
  17. It's just an empty OCD response, no meaning, no need to worry. It's exactly the same as coughing being a symptom having the flu.
  18. so that means it's your OCD checking response. Not you being aroused or anything.
  19. Hi, I am not sure exactly what you mean by groibnal response but I'm pretty sure I used to, and sometimes still do feel it. Basically, the sight of a kid or an attractive woman would make me instantly focus on my groinal area to check for arousal, which the OCD would then say I'm a pervert or unfaithful and so on
  20. Can you not just put it down to an experience caused by a mental illness that was not in any way shape or form a true reflection of yourself? And then move on?
  21. Yes see your GP and he or she will most likely refer you to community mental health but be prepared for a long waiting list for a counsellor.
  22. I think I''m using Facebook too much seen as I was looking for a 'like' button. Not to disrespect you Bruces but this type of direct no holds-barred comment is needed for my own train of thought sometimes..
  23. Depends on the medication but I think most SSRI's seem to increase the anxiety for a lot of people during the first few weeks of taking it - but I'm not a doctor I'm only speaking from experience, you might have it differently so what I say isn't gospel..
  24. Seriously Lily, get a hobby, distract yourself preferably something creative. I had a terrible spike earlier where I remembered something I did that created massive guilt and the strongest urge to confess to the party involved, I felt sick with shame and not worthy of the relationship. However, I threw myself into editing a photograph which took about an hour and once I'd finished, the thoughts were still there but they'd lost most of the poison. This gave me enough space to quickly rationalise that telling her, i.e. confessing because of OCD, would actually do far more harm than good and it would upset her. don't even waste your time thanking me, go find a hobby right this instant and preferably one that means you leaving your bed.
  25. I had many many blood tests with this condition and all they did was provide a quick fix. Even one of the doctors said when giving me a negative result that if I still feel like I need testing after being cleared, then that is a different condition altogether, so he'd probably seen it before. You are lucky that you have an incline that this is OCD, whereas I didn't and the phobia practically ruined my teens and early adulthood. Had I known it was OCD as opposed to a genuine health risk then perhaps intervention would've prevented it becoming the monster it is today (but over different stuff) If I were you I would try to recognise the "what if" thoughts as OCD, and respond with a "so what" because only when you step outside the loop of rumination will you see how irrational the worry is. I can promise you that.
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