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Hi I know exactly how you feel! I have been having some good days recently because I've been ignoring my thoughts, but I'll see something in the news relating to my thoughts and it makes me feel guilty that I could be the monster that is on the news because i'm not constantly trying to "figure out" my thoughts? If that makes sense? What i'm trying to say is i completely relate! I feel good when I'm not thinking about them yet guilty because feel like I should be so i can figure out what's going on - but that is OCD! I take comfort in the fact that I feel light, free and more like myself without thinking about them, if you were what you fear, you wouldn't feel good without them, you would enjoy having them. I hope this helps! I always find knowing someone is going through the same as me makes me feel less alone x

I've been trying to manage the Pure-O obsessions i have relating to my fear that I am a paedophile. I feel as though as soon as I get over one worry, another creeps in. I almost have a routine where I go over all my worries and once I'm satisfied that I haven't done anything wrong I feel fine for an hour then feel as though I need to go over everything again. I have now realised this has become an OCD cycle that I need to break. So i have been trying NOT to go over everything and today was watching a program where there was an injured child and i looked at his crotch for about a second and had a horrible thought that has scared me a lot! How could i possibly do or even think that? I don't want to hurt him or do anything to any child! Now i can't stop thinking and going over it in my head, why did i do it why did i think it etc?! It's so frustrating because I was just starting to stop going through these rituals and now I feel like a whole new one has taken on a life of it's own. I think the reason i looked is because i've had a fear of what looking would mean - I've been trying to rationalise in my head for example if i had looked at a grown woman's breasts for a split second, I would've brushed it off as nothing (as i am a straight girl) - i know i don't want to do anything and I know i'm straight. Should i apply this technique? I don't know what to do and i'm getting really worried about who I am/i feel so guilty all the time and especially given what's going on at the moment i feel like there's no escape from my thoughts. I feel like a fraud in my own family and if they knew what was going on in my head they'd hate me even typing this i just want to sit and cry! I don't want to be a horrible person or pervert. Please help.

I do feel a little better but it comes in waves. I just feel like I have to confess all the time about my thoughts. I've started a new job and i'm working with people who have children themselves and the thoughts keep creeping in whenever they talk about their kids and i feel awful. I'm trying not to engage with them though and just letting them pass through. I am trying to concentrate on the fact that I would never act on them and never want to, it's all just fear. It's just the guilt makes me feel so low and feel like I'm a fraud because of the things i think or if i've ever looked at a child in a certain way. So feeling a little low this morning Having the obsessive thoughts that I could be a paedophile?

Thank you so much for your reply! I was feeling so low. But you're right, I will treat it as my OCD.

Hi My POCD has taken on a new form of what I hope is still the OCD and not me becoming a monster. I was getting intimate with my boyfriend the other day and had an image of my friends child pop into my head, just her face not anything else and was just for a second as i was like what the hell why has that happened at a time like this?! Now whenever we start getting intimate, i guess because I really don't want to think about her and I'm so aware of it happening again, her face appears in my head for a split second and i hate myself for it! How can this keep happening?! I don't find her attractive, it doesn't turn me on if anything it makes me want to stop. It's making me not want to be intimate anymore because I'm scared about what it means. Please can someone tell me if this still OCD or I'm just a disgusting being I never want to hurt her or any child but the fact that her face keeps popping into my head at intimate moments is really scaring me. I feel really guilty and ashamed now whenever I see my friend as well, it's making me want to just sit and cry whenever i see her. I don't want to be this person!! What should I do to stop this? Just accept it like any other OCD and not over analyse? Or is it not OCD at all and I'm just disgusting?

Hi I'm so sorry you're feeling like this. I know exactly how it feels to feel so helpless, it's horrible. But remember it is a disorder that is manageable! Are you seeing a counsellor?

Hi Cora I know EXACTLY how you're feeling. I have suffered from POCD for 6 years on and off. It's taken on many forms but recently is the same as you, worries about molesting. I know i would never harm anyone but it's the fear of "do I want to" that scares me so much. I spend so much time trying to "figure out my thoughts" and obviously get nowhere - as it's OCD! I find the best way to deal with it is I remind myself that paedophiles enjoy having these thoughts, OCD sufferers do not. I am happiest when i'm NOT having these thoughts whereas paedophiles are happy to have these thoughts. That gives me some comfort to remember and then I try to do things to occupy my mind, remind myself I am a good person and the whole reason i am having these thoughts is because I really don't want to have them. It will pass and get better, keep your chin up and give yourself a break. I don't know how much help this is and I don't want to be a reassurance compulsion but I know for me, just knowing someone feels the same makes me feel more sane and less paranoid. If you ever want a chat feel free to message me. J x

Hi I'm a 23 year old girl suffering with POCD and have been since I was 17. I have been doing a lot better but I had a notification a few days ago about someone commenting on a post i'd put on a mental health website where I'd tried to explain what I was thinking and feeling when I first started having OCD thoughts but didn't know it was OCD so was asking the question "does this make me a paedophile". Bear in mind this is from 6 years ago and I never have or will do ANYTHING to harm a child it is my worst nightmare!! Some people had commented, one saying I should stay away from children until I had it sorted and another saying it was OCD. The most recent one is what has triggered me, it said that "just because you're only thinking it how do you know you won't do it" and it's really freaked me out. I KNOW I will never act on them, my fear is that "do I want to?" question that goes round and round my head My fear is that I want to molest young boys, I can't look at a child and whenever I'm near them on the street or in public i try to move away or I move my hands as I'm so anxious. My brain goes into overdrive with all these awful images and I just want to sit on my own and figure out what's going on. even though I know you can't "figure out" these thoughts. I feel so so guilty whenever I'm around them because of these thoughts and I think like is this what paedophiles think?! Right now I'm sat trying not to "figure them out" or get to the bottom of them but i feel so horribly anxious and guilty and just like a disgusting monster. Does anyone have any tips on trying to ride out the anxiety without seeking reassurance? As I feel like that's what I'm doing right now. My therapist said I need to look at the thoughts mindfully, but I don't know how to do that, again does anyone have any tips on that? I keep thinking I've got a handle of it but something comes along and throws me off course, really struggling to cope at the moment so any tips would be greatly appreciated. J x

So happy for you Ollie and this is so inspiring to hear! I'm going through another rough patch and struggling to see the light at the end of the tunnel but you are living proof that there is one! Thank you and all the best!

Thank you! I really wanted to give something back, as well as push myself! I need to go back to my therapist and as soon as I get paid from my new job I will. I try to block out thoughts, i guess coming on here for reassurance is something I do a lot as well but I am too scared to talk to my parents about it which makes me feel more guilty. Sometimes if I run past a family or group of children i will cross the road and I definitely am thinking back to situations when I was younger or even checking if I'd done anything that day i.e. look at a child in a certain way. Today 2 teenaged boys walked past my car and I looked at them for a few seconds to try and figure out if I was attracted to them, then realised what I was doing and was like how could i do that?! And of course I knew I wasn't attracted to them but yet I felt so guilty for looking at them to check. The guilt and the shame are destroying me.

Hi Thank you so much for your response. I will continue to try and care less and treat them with disregard. I really appreciate your reply, I was feeling very low earlier.

Hi Gemma Thank you so much for your response. You are right in that I really don't want to have them and I really don't want to be what they're telling me I am! I have tried mindfulness a few times but have never been able to stick with it, I will give it another go. I am training for a half marathon at the moment, that I'm actually running for in aid of OCD-UK and raising money for the charity, so I am running almost everyday, I'm very into my exercise and fitness. But even when i'm running they don't leave me alone. I guess it's because I feel as though i need to get to the bottom of them, I am like this with everything in life I can never just let things be. I'm not getting therapy at the moment unfortunately, I was hoping the thoughts would fade sooner than they have and I wouldn't need it. I recently have returned from travelling for 5 weeks so stopped my therapy before I went away and since coming home my OCD has definitely gotten worse - i think because I'm very stressed about what I'm doing with my life.

Hi I'm really scared to write this but I've hit such a low and i'm really struggling. My POCD is the worst it's ever been. I am TERRIFIED about what is going on in my head. I have these constant horrible images and thoughts. The main one being, I hate typing this, that i want to molest young boys. It is so so horrible but my OCD is making me feel like it's something I want to do. I don't even know how to get away from it anymore, I used to be able to distract myself but it's always there in my mind and the only freedom I get is when I go to sleep! I feel so guilty all the time and like a fraud in my family and if my parents knew what was going on in my head they would hate me. It's like I know how horrible and awful it is and that I don't ever want to harm a child, yet my OCD just won't let me see that that is the case, and still is trying to convince me it's something i want to do. I don't want to be a monster at all!! I don't want to hurt anyone, let alone children. I am constantly on edge whenever I am around them and mentally assessing how I am acting/if I'm looking at them a certain way, but even that provides no relief because I get all anxious and have no idea how I feel. I'm so frustrated and upset even more so because this time last year I was completely different and thought I knew how to deal with it. Now it feels like I'm back at square one and I just don't know what to do. I'm scared about who i am or who i'm becoming. I am attracted to men my own age (i'm a 23 year old girl) so why am I having these thoughts? And how can i drown them out? Please if anyone can offer any advice or support it would be much appreciated, I've hit a complete low and have no-one to talk to. Thanks, J x

Hi Gemma That's exactly what it is! I feel like I don't know how i really feel about anything anymore! And the worst thing about it is I feel like a fraud and that i'm actually a horrible person even though i haven't done anything. I am having CBT yes so will mention this to my counsellor next week. Thank you for the book recommendations, I will definitely be having a look into those tonight. Thanks for your kind response, I was feeling really low when i posted that so this has really helped.

Hi My OCD has reached boiling point in that i really feel like I don't know who I am anymore. I feel on edge and guilty ALL the time. I feel like I've been living this double life. My current worry is that every time I see a child, I'm scared i'm, i hate saying this but "checking them out"?! How could I do this?! Sometimes I get too anxious and don't look at all and other times i will look at what they're wearing then look back at their behinds for a split second, but why?! I don't feel anything other than guilt and shame, so why do I have the compulsion to look? It is literally for a split second yet I don't understand why I do it, is this part of the OCD? I don't know if this is reassurance seeking but I feel so lost right now. I can't see my counsellor until monday so really just looking for some guidance on what to do about these worries if anyone can help? Should I just ignore them and treat as OCD, will they go away? I feel like a monster and am constantly thinking back to things I've thought about previously to see if they arouse me and if I've thought something bad. I don't know what to do anymore, I'm at my wit's end and scared about what this looking/checking all means. I don't ever want to harm a child and I don't have an attraction towards them but my brain keeps arguing with me saying I do. Am I a disgusting pervert? I feel like I'm completely losing myself and whenever I feel ok I think well I'm actually a terrible horrible disgusting person because of what I think and when I've looked. Please help.