butterfly lady

Thanks both. I think it’s found a way back because of my guilt at the end of my marriage and also because that meant I stopped a lot of my self preservation things that kept it at bay, like exercise. I’ve made a New Years resolution to start running again and eat healthy so hopefully throwing myself into that will help. I know when I’m ruminating, I can spot that but sometimes just need a kick, hence my original post x

Hi All i haven’t posted in a while but was quite active on this forum a few years ago. I’ve been fighting the OCD on a daily basis and most of the time, I win but sometimes it still tries to drag me under. So the way it has manifested itself at the moment is to make me doubt my relationship. I was married for a long time and split up with my husband just under 2 years ago. We still get along really well because we have a child together and about 18 months ago, I met my current boyfriend. He’s a wonderful man and I fell in love with him very quickly. He gets on with my son and my ex and we all spent Christmas Day together. I’ve literally never been with someone and not had a crush on another person at one point, but with him, I don’t want anyone else. So here’s where ocd pokes its unwanted nose in. For the first 18 months or so of our relationship, I’d either be convinced he was cheating on me or didn’t love me as much as he said he did. I know that I’m the most serious girlfriend he’s had and the only one he’s ever considered marriage etc with. But still, ocd said he could change his mind at any time. He’s been brilliant, really understanding and he really seems to get it when I’m stressing about things my ocd seems important. So now though, it seems to have gone in reverse. Just as I’ve accepted that actually, maybe it is different for him this time, ocd has started asking me if I’m sure I love him. I’ve been crazy about him from the word go, just the thought of him made me smile but now it keeps putting thoughts in my head of us breaking up, how would I feel, how would he feel, do I love him enough to move in together that sort of thing. We’ve talked about it, I think he gets it’s my illness but I know it’s probably unsettling for him as well. I know it’s an obvious question, but any suggestions on how to deal with it? It’s like ocd can’t bear to let me be happy.

I thought the same when I met my boyfriend 8 months ago. I told him from the beginning that I suffered from ocd and while it's mostly under control, it would be difficult sometimes. And he's been amazing, he was worried initially that he was making it worse but he tries hard to understand and knows not to reassure me when I'm having a bit of a wobble. I can appreciate that he probably finds it hard to put himself in my shoes sometimes but by being honest and explaining as much as I can how I feel, it's helped.

I've re-referred myself to cbt to just have a bit of a revision session if you see my meaning. I found my original cbt really helpful and it made a massive difference in that it helped me to recognise common themes and patterns so I know what I need to do, its just hard putting into practice sometimes. When I first started dating him, I told him everything as from the very beginning we were close and I felt that he would understand, which he did. You're bang on that this is an intrusive thought, so I need to remember how to treat it as such. Thanks for that, I wasn't seeking reassurance with the original post, just a prod in the right direction, which you've provided really nicely ?

Thanks Hal, that's so helpful. Its true what you say about the great things we'll do, we've already made some brilliant memories. I guess the thing is that its so good, ocd won't let me believe that there isn't something awful somewhere to ruin it all. Plus, I've realised where I am in the month and I think ocd and pmt have joined forces (it wouldn't be the first time). I know I just need to focus on the here and now. I haven't told him about this latest thing, there's nothing he can do other than reassure me which he tries to not do, so it doesn't feel like there's a lot of point. Cheers for the kick too, I needed that ?

Hi Everyone, I haven't posted in ages but I'm finding that I just need a kick today. I've been with my boyfriend for 8 months now, its going really well and we're talking about getting engaged. Ocd has been a common feature of things so far and he's been so good, he seems to know when I'm having a wobble and often is really tuned into the fact that I'm seeking reassurance which he will refuse to give into. The thing is, I now seem to be having a wobble about what he's done before he met me, like what if je did something really bad and I'll only find out in a few years time when we're really happy and settled and my world is turned upside down? I know full well that this has been triggered by recent media articles and I also know that the perceived end result is right back to my fear of loosing everything but despite that, I'm finding it hard to deal with. The other common ocd theme is that he's cheating, I found out a few months ago that he still talks to an ex sometimes. He swears its nothing bad and he's just being a friend but ocd makes me not trust people. I know what to do, but today, I'm just finding it difficult. Someone please give me a cyber kick.

I haven't posted in ages Lily but I'm 2 years post cbt. Stick with it, it really helped me to recognise when the thought was ocd. Its a sneaky beast, it will keep trying but the cbt will give you the strength and the tools to put those thoughts firmly in their place x

Hi All I haven't been here for a really long time, partly because I was managing my OCD quite well but also because the last 6 months of my life have been a little hectic. So, long story short, my marriage broke up in February. All amicable, my decision and I was quite relieved im a way as things hadn't been right for a long time. I started dating and about 3 months ago, met the most lovely guy. We've been an item ever since and I've fallen massively for him. Which is where OCD is now interfering. I'm having huge anxieties that he's either changed his mind and gone off me or has a secret girlfriend and is cheating on me. I know that this is probably OCD, there are a few factors that I perceive as being risks I guess. One, he's younger than me by 6 years and although it doesn't bother me, I do wonder what he's doing with someone who's 40. Also, he's never had a relationship last more than a year. So, ocd sees these things and then takes advantage. I know what I SHOULD do, which is to effectively not listen to those thoughts but I find it hard at the moment. He knows about my ocd and that I'm massively prone to overthinking but every time I send him a message and he doesn't reply, I wonder if I've done something wrong or he's up to no good. Any wise words on how much of the anxiety would happen to someone without ocd and how much of it is my mind trying to trip me up?

When I was having cbt, the therapist brought out some homework which included the quote "strive for excellence, not perfection". When I went back to work after 7.5 weeks off sick with the worst bit of the ocd, I wrote it on a sticky note and put it somewhere prominent on my desk so I could always see it.

Absolutely. I did some fundraising this year by going chocolate free in March & looking into joining once I get paid in January. I kind of feel like my recovery has stagnated a bit recently, just due to the fact that I haven't been working as hard with the anxiety, its christmas which is stressful anyway and I haven't been to the gym since the 5th December. But the great thing is I can see it, whereas I wouldn't have done 2 years ago. My plan going forward is to keep fighting and ramp up the gym and healthy food again - I always feel better when I'm doing that. Oh, and banning the use of the word "perfect" as nothing ever is and I've come to realise that. Happy new year lovelies xxx

Hey guys, I'm looking for a bit of advice about skin picking. For as long as I can remember, I've bitten and picked at the skin on my lips. Sounds disgusting but I then chew it. Its like a release, it feels nice but then my lips hurt and often bleed. The only time I can remember not doing it was when I was pregnant and suffering nausea, the thought of chewing the skin made me feel sick. Its only recently I've learnt that this could be linked to my ocd. I want to stop doing it, but its so covert, I do it without thinking. In fact, I realised I was doing it just now, when I was in the middle of reading an article about it! Anyone have any tips for how I can get out of this annoying habit?

I recognise this as something that I've had trouble with. OCD will just blow everything out of proportion. As Taurean says, you should just let it go, everytime the thought comes engage with something else. Eventually, it'll loose its power to distress you.

Yep, Polar, I now look back on when I had false memory as just that. An intrusive thought put there by ocd that I'd done something evil. But that's all it was, a thought. I'd have fleeting moments of clarity too when I'd know that it absolutely wouldn't have played out the way ocd was telling me and I'd wish that I had that clarity all the time. But as Roy says, the reassurance, the ruminating, the thinking about it, doesn't help. If it comes into your head, focus on something else. I literally do that sometimes, I can spot the intrusive thoughts a mile off these days and its a case for me of absorbing myself in what I'm doing at the time to focus away. So if I'm in the car its like "ok, that's ocd, don't pay attention, focus away, hmm steering wheel, road, red car, music on the ipod......." I keep going like that and I can get on with the rest of my day. I won't play down how difficult it was, you know that but you also know that you've been able to conquer this before and despite what ocd tells you, this is no different xxx

That's interesting because I do it too. And no, I've no idea how to stop. Its one thing to make a decision to stop, but not so easy when you do it without realising.

Sometimes I find the insights fascinating. Despite it being a horrible illness, now I'm on the other side, I can see why things needle, upset and annoy me. Like something that happened at work a few months ago, I got really angry about it but then realised that I was only angry because my expectation was distorted by ocd. Once I'd worked that out, it didn't bother me half as much. That realisation is a result of the cognitive thinking which is why I found it so effective.