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constantworrier1989

Bulletin Board User
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    149
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About constantworrier1989

  • Birthday 28/05/1989

Previous Fields

  • OCD Status
    Sufferer

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    United States

Recent Profile Visitors

612 profile views
  1. Hey everyone, I wanted to give an update and thank you for helping me before my wedding. I continued to have some anxiety in the days before, but I managed through and we had a great wedding day! thank everyone who responded to my previous post - I was in a bad place and it helped me feel better. now though, I’m still having anxiety. And intrusive thoughts. But are they? Sometimes I have the thoughts and don’t have that much anxiety. Then I have anxiety about not having anxiety. I kind of just have a sense of dread too. shouldn’t my post wedding feelings be just insanely happy? I realize that’s not realistic but I don’t know. I also know I’m CONSTANTLY monitoring my feelings and whether or not I feel annoyed when he touches me. I also keep bringing up memories of the wedding etc to see how I’m feeling. And assessing how I feel in and about the relationship. I have my first counselor appointment tomorrow and I’m really scared. What if she tells me all these thoughts mean I don’t love him and this has been a mistake? What if she tells me the fact that I feel fake sometimes when I say I love him means I am fake?
  2. Thank you. I’m trying to concentrate on breathing and just focusing on one thing at a time
  3. I don’t even know what started it. My fiancé and I are driving 18 hours to go to our wedding and I had to pull over because I was having a panic attack about everything. I feel like I’m going to throw up. I had the image in my head of calling the whole thing off and had this horrible sinking feeling and just started bawling. My heart feels like it’s racing. How can I possibly get married feeling like this? I want to, I love him, but I feel horrible. please. I don’t know what to do. I’m trying to relax and not ruminate etc but I’m having the hardest time. I feel like since I feel this way it means I don’t want to. Or I shouldn’t. I’m so upset please help me
  4. I had the thought, what if I wake up in the morning after the wedding and regret it? I’m freaking out 😭
  5. My brain is going a million miles a minute, and it doesn’t help that outside factors are making me even more stressed about my wedding. I keep thinking that the fact that I’m feeling anxiety about the wedding and being married in general means something is wrong. That it means I shouldn’t get married. I want to marry my fiancé, but I’m still scared. Stress is seriously messing with my stomach. My job is extremely boring and I can’t do anything to distract myself or I’ll get in trouble, so I just have the thoughts running around in my head all day. then I’m upset about the fact that I’m more anxious and scared about the wedding than excited. I feel like I’m robbing myself of being happy. it’s just constant rumination and feeling checking, then worrying about the feelings and on and on and on. then, one of my bridesmaids still doesn’t have a dress and we’re a month out. It’s a long story but her plus another of my bridesmaids have been making this hard for me. THEN the person who was supposed to do my hair as a favor to my sister is no longer friends with my sister, so I have to figure out my hair. I still have a few DIY things to do and just UGH. I don’t LOVE my dress which makes me sad. I didn’t lose weight like I wanted to. 😭😭😭 i know I’m rambling and that last bit isn’t even about ocd but I just want to cry. Which I did last night. And a few other times. I’ve been trying to just sit with the anxiety but it’s awful, and then I beat myself up for being anxious because I’m supposed to just be happy and excited! I don’t want reassurance (well yes I do lol), but maybe just support?
  6. Thank you! I’ll try that. I’m also trying breathing exercises. It’s just the fact that I’m anxious about it is making me feel like something is wrong. Guess it is OCD 😂😭
  7. I don’t know if this is even ocd related, but I know there are a lot of married people on here and I want to ask - we’re you scared and anxious before the wedding? It’s not even about my partner, it’s just... in general? any tips on calming myself down?
  8. I’ve been feeling a little better about things, but I noticed whenever I hear the word “forever” I get deeply uncomfortable and my heart starts to race. Is this just a trigger word? Does it mean anything that it scares me? What do I do? 😭
  9. That’s really encouraging to hear. I’m glad you’re doing well in your marriage! I know I’m doing every compulsion under the sun, it’s just so hard. Checking, ruminating, confessing. Everything! I’m being weak but trying not to be. the wedding is January 16th.
  10. I’m trying. It’s just kind of breaking my heart that I’m feeling this way
  11. Hi everyone, so I’ve been struggling with ROCD since my fiancé and I first moved in together a few years ago. I’ve been able to manage it fairly well, I mean kind of okay, and in the meantime we moved to a totally different state together and got engaged. Now, the wedding is in just over a month and oh my god my brain. I’ve been doing decently well but today is bad - it doesn’t help that it’s that time of the month. It always gets bad around this time. My main focus (right now) is that I’m scared. I know that I love him, despite my intrusive thoughts and doubts about that. But the fact that I’m scared of getting married/ marriage is freaking me the hell out. I’ve talked to him, my mom, and my sister about this and they all say it’s normal... but ugh. I just can’t relax! To top it off two of my bridesmaids are being horrible. Does the fact that I’m scared and anxious mean I don’t want this? Does anyone else feel this anxious before they get married??? We paid off the photographer today, which I thought would bring me relief but now I just feel more anxious. I don’t even know what I’m rambling about anymore to be honest. I’m just all over the place and I hate that I’m not just blissfully happy in this, the time of my engagement. Instead my heart is racing and just ugh! I don’t even know what I want from posting this. Maybe I just wanted to rant. If anyone has tips or experience with this, please share.
  12. Hey me90! I actually think I have the same username that I did on SIAD lol. I can’t offer any great advice but I wanted to let you know that I care about you and do think of you from time to time. Im so sorry to hear that you’re having such a hard time with withdrawals and OCD. You’ve helped me out quite a few times in the past and it was (and still is) deeply appreciated! I hope that’s not too weird coming from someone you’ve only chatted with a few times on the internet ? Also, hi lasthope! I recognize your name from SIAD! ?
  13. And my friends keep saying, “if you know you know”, and that doesn’t help at all. They also don’t overthink everything like I do!
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