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  1. That is how it works when you have OCD, now the big question is what you are going to do about it. The only thing which is certain if you keep doing all the compulsions is that you will keep getting anxiety from thoughts.
  2. I have been there myself, buying new pills was not the most fun thing. But the withdrawls can really be bad for some people and you shouln't just stop it no matter how sensitive you are to the withdrawls. Take the pills and make a long-term plan if you want to stop taking them, i think you know what to do when it comes to the flare-up. Nothing new have happened which force you to engage. And you know where it end if you go down that path.
  3. People get thoughts all the time. The question is for how long and how hard you really need to beat yourself up because of this. You are mentioning the doubt you are feeling so i think you have some insight into what is happening here. Do you know what to do if someone have OCD?
  4. So what is different this time when it comes to the OCD? You should not stop taking your antidepressant just like that, i don't know what dose you took and for how long but withdrawls from SSRI happens to some people and for some it is really bad. Why did you just stop taking them?
  5. It is time you speak with your therapist Lily. I suspect that she is not really an expert on OCD. 7 months should be plenty of time. Maybe you could ask a relative to ask them and if it is needed move on to another therapist
  6. And i mean i shouldn't have wrote "had ADHD" what i meant was that he was outgoing, if you understand what i mean. Ooh god. I will go outside and train. But that was pretty judgemental so sorry for that sentence.
  7. I don't know but could the fact that i feel this way (other way around) be triggering for people who fear for them being the abuser? It just hit me, i will not dwell on it, because of the nature of OCD. But i want to acknowledge that i see this connection, and maybe that is why i have been called out before.
  8. That seems to be typical for people with OCD. Flare-ups happen. The optimal solution is to see it as a challenge and go through it. You were obsessing pretty bad in the past. It is great that the last weeks have been better for you! Are you in therapy and are you still working with it? I mean it is great because you were pretty deep down, if it is the therapy who have made you better that is excellent!
  9. Sooooo i am having a stressful period, my mobile died yesterday and i have other stuff to do, like exams. So i have had a lurking feeling in the background. I read a forum yesterday, where people with ASPD (psychopaths) talks and there was this one guy who talked about how they had abused someone when he was sleeping. I have never had this thought before but we have an actual event, i was on camp once, when i was 14. The whole class actually, and we sleept at the camp, nothing happened, beside i know that the other room of boys didn't sleep much. Nothing happened so far i can tell, but who knows? You can never know for sure. SO NOW do i have this thought what if something happened while i slept? What if, i mean what if... I will never know right? I see potential in this growing, and i have all this stress in my life. I have already found some twists to the story, there was a guy in the class who probably had ADHD and he later ended up in jail and drugs ( i think, rumours). He was kind to me the first year then did he changed somewhat. And so on. How much abuse can you get before you wake up? It is already multiplying and so quick, it is scary. Never had this thought before about this event, but now do i have. I guess i was triggered yesterday by the forumpost. I mean, why am i even posting this? Well i know why. Because i have never ruminated about this event before and i actually sat and thought about my other events yesterday and i even feelt "meeeh, who cares". So i guess this came up because it wants something else to latch onto, something more powerful. And the post yesterday on the forum was the trigger? The OCD have by the way made me not trusting other people, i see potential (icky potention - potential of abuse) in every situation where you lose power. That is why i don't drink alcohol, and i can see how people with false memory OCD get triggered by being drunk. But i was not drunk i was sleeping, and you can be sleeping pretty hard and not wake up. I should have stayed up that night. Had thoughts about being abused while being in surgery, an infant, being drunk (kinda, never passed out while being drunk) and also while sleeping. People with OCD never obsess about them being the victims, it is always them being the abuser, that is my experience from reading on forums for many years, but i am obsessing about the other way around. I guess that means something. OCD latch on to what you fear the most.
  10. Yes you shouldn't use the forums as reassurance. Many people think that just because it is OCD-forums that you should seek reassurance. It is just old habits, a person with OCD seeks reassurance. It's very good that you are doing better. Getting tired of the OCD is a major step and it benefits you greatly. I think it is possible to use the forum not in a reassurance-seeking way. But i can absolutely relate to what you are saying! It is tricky where we should draw the line. You don't want to be mean by forbiding people to ask things, but we all know what reassurance leads to. It only gets worse. Good luck!
  11. So i am having a spike. The workers around here have been using roundup for a couple of weeks ago but i brushed it off, but today did i get the news that it was used outside of my window. So i got a spike obviously.. I will not google right? Cancer. I am trying to figure out how much of the substance i could got exposed to. I was outside and washed with water i don't know if that is a compulsion or not. probably is. The thing with this is that it can't go on in my case. Many people seems to be healthaware and avoid toxins, buying ecologic food and such and i started to do this last year but it always become obsessive in my case. It end with me being afraid of everything, so i guess it is obsessive. The big question is how much are you supposed to care about those things. And i just wanted to tell you that i have a spike. But i am not going to google! edit: and i get frustrated by the fact that people are not as ""aware"" as me. I see it as a threat, this part i can control. It is the conclusion that i need to isolate myself that is hard. It reached its top last winter, when i pretty much only feelt safe inside my house. But i need to accept all those toxins i guess. This is a spike and have been doing better but ye a spike. no google.
  12. Gingerbreadgirl wrote good posts. I just want to repeat that the thought is living on in your mind because you are powering it up. By being so very fearful of the thought (what the thought tells you). The bad news are that it can go on for a long time if you keep doing what you have done. The good news are that you can stop it by doing differently. Don't get obsessed with being diagnosed, it is typical OCD.
  13. Good job! I didn't read it but i am trusting your instinct!
  14. Thank them for that and tell them to never ever let you confess or giving you reassurance. But this can only do so much, and they can only do their best. YOU need to start acting differently. Go to the doctor as soon as possible so you can get into therapy. Stop listen to all this nonsense from your OCD that you are doing your close ones a favour, you are not. They know what is going on and don't want you to be fooled by yourself. That is what you need to do to really do yourself and your close ones a favour. I will not ask you how long you think this can go on, 3 months and no solution yet by being in your own head. But you could ask yourself if you really think that you will find a """solution""" to this by analyzing and ruminate about this.
  15. And it will not get easier, if you are not doing differently. Stop engaging in all this= doing differently. But doing it in small steps, you don't need to stop it all together but you need to start doing differently. You are not doing your close ones a favour by "telling them everything". You are only wasting their times and i also think that they understand what is going on here. Your OCD wants to confess but they would like you to stop this. Your OCD is the problem here.
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