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Tiger297

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  1. I'm not going to offer you any reassurance. Just keep on ignoring it. Just chalk it up as silliness. You'll see eventually, trust me.
  2. What I seem to struggle with most is the possibility that some thoughts that I have (now often harmful, or completely irrational and disturbing) are genuine thoughts that I am just trying to suppress. I keep having this thought of my loved ones and poking their eyes out of hitting their heads against a wall. It makes me physically wince. I can be reading a book among loved ones trying to get rid of these thoughts, and Ill inhale hugely to try and push it away. Or I'll start tapping something. I'm sure they think I'm going mad. I usually get these thoughts when I am frustrated with a person. So I sometimes wonder whether I am genuinely horrible and want to do that to someone. However, I know that I shouldn't be thinking those things. But what if that is just who I am? I had these thoughts about my dad when I was a little younger. Because he was quite strict with me and I missed out on a lot of things as a kid, I had thoughts like I'd be free if he died or something. Then I never knew whether they were genuine thoughts or not and I felt awful. I adore my dad and today we get on really, really well. It's the same with my GF. If I'm feeling frustrated about something in my relationship and then she is late home from work or something, my mind will think, "maybe she has been in an accident" and then it will go to, "be then you will be out of this situation". How can I be with someone if I might have had such a thought about them? I love her to absolute pieces. But do I have a split personality or something?
  3. It will do for the time being. Just keep at it. Do something you enjoy. Ignore it. It'll work.
  4. Don't try and convince yourself of anything. Just leave it alone. Just try it as an experiment at least. Do your best not to think about it for a few days to a week. Take a leap of faith. Then see how you feel.
  5. I feel like I could have written your original post, so know you are not alone. We all have weird and sometimes distressing thoughts. As the above poster has said, it is how we react to them. Like you, I seem to get involved in debating with myself whether a particular thought was genuine or something else. I've got to the point where I even anticipate thoughts. Then they come and I wonder whether I thought that on purpose or not. Trick is to simple not get involved in debating with yourself or worrying about a manner of a thought. If you don't like a thought, that is enough of a reflection on your character as any. But even if you reassure yourself like this, your mind will think of something else. So, leave it alone and as time goes back, you can chalk it up as silliness.
  6. You don't deal with it, as such. The trick is to try not to deal with it. Don't try and work it out in your head. I see it as part of me. It's not ideal, but it's still me. I didn't choose to be this way, but I am. So that's that.
  7. Try not analyse it and get on with the things you want to be getting on with, as best you can.
  8. I've said worse and maybe I meant it and maybe I didn't. Everyone says things in flashes of anger and frustration. It's not what we say, rather it is how we respond to it and beat ourselves up about it. Someone without OCD will say something, in a bout of anger, that is quite horrible. Then five minutes later, they reflect and realise that wasn't a great thing to say. They chalk it up as silly nonsense and never give it a second thought. What's wrong with that? That's growth, if anything, right? You've got OCD, and as a result, it's holding you to ransom, when it needn't.
  9. Just going back to your earlier posts, Tealight, I have found that exercise has had a much greater effect on my OCD and depression than any antidepressant. I know it can sound like a bit of a myth and what not, but it really, really helps me. I don't know your personal circumstances, but should consider starting a bit of an exercise programme. It doesn't have to anything major. I started running with the couch to 5k app recently and I love it. It's made for anyone, no matter what age or fitness level, it's really good. I have an exercise bike at home too and do some other bits. I can't overstate how much it has helped me. As for general anxiety disorders, I've been there too. I used to be crippled by panic attacks and feeling sick from nerves on even doing the slightest thing. This might sound arrogant, but I don't mean it to be. But the way that I got past it, was by accepting it. I felt the feelings and just did what I wanted to anyway. I kept focused and carried on. I don't think I have much physical anxiety these days, though it does come back from time to time. I appreciate it's much easier said than done. Hope you're doing better.
  10. Exactly what PolarBear says. Leave it alone and in a week it'll seem silly. Jeez, I've said much much worse recently. We're hairless monkeys, occasionally we think and do very silly things. Go easy on yourself.
  11. Hi Mcajshaw, I could have written that post myself. It does always seem that we struggle the most in times when we are supposed to be the happiest. My OCD definitely flairs up around Christmas and other seasonal occasions. It's as if it comes out to try and ruin everything. Like you, I have resisted the urge to confess. But it has continued to linger. It's even harder when I think that, were my fears true, they'd be unforgivable. I just don't know either way what my feelings were at the time and indeed, whether they were just my brain sending out silly signals, me getting confused, or genuine thoughts. I don't know. Yes, we get the urge to find a definitive answer but, as you know, we will never get it. All we do is put ourselves through more and more turmoil. My advice would be to stick with not confessing. Stay occupied and distract yourself. If you can, go outside for a walk or something. A change of scenery can work wonders for perspective. Simply, just try not to get involved in rumination, it'll lead you nowhere. Hopefully as time passes, so will this. I suppose things don't have overnight. We just have to be patient. But yes, I know exactly what you mean. Christmas is a tough, tough time for me. Sorry to hear you're feeling the same. Take it easy.
  12. Not really an OCD post, but I'm just in shock and gutted. She says it's just for a few days, to give each other some space. I've no idea what has brought it on. Maybe she saw my new posts on here and got the wrong end of the stick. I'm not sure. It's understandable she might feel a bit off if she'd seen those posts. But this is OCD, it's messed up and difficult for anyone who doesn't have the condition to understand it. I don't really blame her. I've been living inside my own head a bit. My OCD has been terrible last few weeks, but I thought things were going well. So yeah, I'm pretty shocked and not sure what to do. Miss her already. Sorry for posting... I just don't have anyone to talk to, really. Hope you're all well.
  13. Thanks for your reply. I know that is what I have to do... it's just sometimes easier said than does, as I'm sure you appreciate. I keep having these awful thoughts that I hate my girlfriend. Sure, sometimes we fall out a little and she frustrates the hell out me. And there are some things about her that annoy me quite a bit, but overall, I love her to bits and good outweighs the bad. Couple this with the desire - that I'm sure I will always have no matter who I am with - to be alone, it's a very tricky cocktail in my mind. When I have clarity, I see that I love her endlessly. Earlier this morning, I kept having these weird feelings that I hate her. And again, I was imagining how I'd feel if she died. I think my mind links it with the relief of me being alone again. I jsut can't be sure. So then I thought it might be good exposure to imagine myself hating her and thinking all the things that I don't always like about her. Then I got confused and worried that they were genuine thoughts. She'd be heartbroken to think I was sitting there thinking that I actually hated her. Even as I type that, it really upsets me, because I really do love her. It's just awful, to be honest. I'll try not to engage... sometimes I wonder if anyone else has ever been here. Or whether I am some sort of psychopath. A psychopath wouldn't care about someones death to get their own way. Do I have some sort of psychopathic tendency? One way I try and combat is say, well sure, I might have, but I wish I didn't... I don't know. Thanks and I hope you're doing good.
  14. Look, people wouldn't be trying to help you as much as they are if they really thought you as terrible as say you are. That's all you're getting out of me on that front. Cora, you clearly need to try a new tactic. Whatever you're doing at the moment isn't working. So, why not listen to everyone here? Stop, as best you can, with the compulsions. Don't get involved with the rumination, questioning etc. Your mind will kick and scream. And you'll have moments where you slip back into your old ways. But trust me, the more you leave it alone, the better you will feel. It won't happen overnight, but you can make good progress quite quickly if you stick at it. Then, when you've calmed down, you'll see this for the sillyness it is. We've all been there a thousand times or more. You can do it.
  15. Glad you're getting on with CBT. That will be of the greatest benefit to you, I'm certain. Sertraline is very hit and miss it seems. I had a few physical side effects, but nothing too major. The mental side of things was a different story, however. Maybe I didn't take it for long enough - I only managed about 4 weeks before enough was enough. Keep going with the CBT. And heed the advice of many on here. Here is where I got most of my help over the years.
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