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FranticS

OCD-UK Member
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About FranticS

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    Sufferer
  • Type of OCD
    Harm

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  1. How much of this is related to us feeling alone and isolated and like we're separated from the rest of society at the moment, though, particularly when you live on your own...?
  2. Thanks @Doubt_It - that's reassuring. I've been really struggling with this over the last couple months...
  3. Thanks GBG, Its so hard *not* to press on with these questions because you start doubting the nature of your own reality, and you feel like you need to restore yourself to a point where things make some sort of sense again... There are times when I simply "forget" to worry about this, and life seems quite easy at those times, but then I just start wondering if I'm not just blithely deluding myself, and off we go again...
  4. I am having the most horrendous time at the moment. I am questioning my motive for every single action I'm taking. I talk to a friend, and I start thinking "do I really care about what you think or feel, or am I just being polite out of habit?", I look after my cats and then I'm wondering if i really care about them as beings or if I'm not just trying to convince myself I'm a "good person" and then I start wondering why I'm so keen to be a "good person" anyway, and if my fears of being a "bad person" aren't just selfishness, I mean surely if we do anything just because it makes us "good", rather than because we want the best for the people involved, then it's just about our egos isnt it, and round and round I go, until I've convinced myself that I'm completely amoral and totally unfeeling towards my fellow beings... I mean, IS this normal for ocd? Is it just me? I feel like I've completely fallen down a rabbithole with all this...
  5. Hi Ar33, I think there's a few people expressing similar feelings/fears here at the moment. I'm wondering if lockdown is increasing our feelings of isolation and disconnection from others, making us ruminate on that more? I found this article yesterday. It really helped: https://www.madeofmillions.com/articles/ocd-checking-emotions
  6. Hi Agrippina, My experience was slightly different to yours - I started to experience very bad OCD symptoms again a couple of months *after* starting a relationship. Prior to this I'd had a bout of OCD about 10 years earlier but had come out of the other side, as it were. So I hadn't even thought about it for years, but it was enough to recognise what was happening when it flared up again. I was very concerned about what my partner would think, but I was also aware that it was something I needed to get out into the open, particularly since I knew that my anxiety would be pretty apparent to her anyway. She was absolutely wonderful about it. Listened to me, and then went and did some reading up about it. She has been fantastic and massively supportive, even when I've been at my most vague and distant and lost in my thoughts, and in my absolute darkest days. Obviously, it depends on the person, but I think that if you're able to have some literature to hand so that you can say "look - it sounds weird, it might be hard to understand what I'm trying to say, but... this explains about it" is useful. I think that any person truly worth their salt would be prepared to make an effort to understand, and, if they really liked you, to support you as best they could. Good luck!
  7. Right, and I don't think covid/lockdown really helps either, as we now have oodles of time indoors to get bored and start ruminating/testing ourselves...
  8. On the subject of "not feeling what we think we should be"... I found the following this evening... https://www.madeofmillions.com/articles/ocd-checking-emotions Very interesting. Is it really possible that checking one's emotions like this really does block the natural flow of our feelings?
  9. Exactly what I'm experiencing, too, Mike. It's very frightening - I used to be so assured of my own values - they were unshakeable and "obvious" to the point that I couldn't conceive of thinking any differently, but since the OCD has kicked back in, I feel like I've become very selfish and closed off to other people. I don't know if that's unusual or not - I have seen people say similar things here, but it's hard to shake off the conviction that I'm genuinely going completely mad...
  10. What kind of values are we talking about, though? I guess I'm intrigued as to how much your experience matches up....?
  11. Hi Mike, I definitely know where you're coming from - I dont know what values you feel you're losing, but I've been experiencing something quite similar over the last few months. Do you feel like you're truly losing your values, or is it that the thoughts you're having are making you question yourself? From reading here, that seems to be a very common feeling in ocd, but frightening, nonetheless...
  12. But you'll never find proper conclusions for these questions, Savy, because you're trying to apply hard logic to the human experience, and that just doesn't work - it's like trying to sculpt a statue out of jello with a hammer and chisel. I know, because I've been there on so many occasions (the ruminating I mean, not the sculpting with jello). Thing is, philosophers have been debating these things for centuries and have been similarly unsuccessful in reaching the conclusions that we're grasping for What is it that makes you feel like you *absolutely have to* ruminate on these thoughts though? What happens when you don't? Are there times when you 'forget' to think about these things (maybe when you're enjoying yourself, or spending time with friends?) and just slip back into the everyday business of living, and how do you feel at those times? I'm not trying to make any points here... I'm just curious...
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