evermore

Course

Sorry lonelygirl91, I can't answer those questions - only you know the answer. Hope you manage to find some peace through the steps that some of the others have highlighted on your other thread.

Ah sorry, I didn’t realise! I get really confused with all the acronyms, so I avoid using them on the forum and am not familiar with them all. I think again your OCD is looking for reassurance. On your other thread I think @cashewnutsandraisins has a great response to these ruminating questions.

Hi there, Sorry to hear that you’re having a tough time, I hope you feel better soon. I’ve read your other thread and I think the other users are trying to avoid providing any reassurance, as is exactly what OCD feeds off and actively perpetuates the illness. As some of the others said, it might be a good idea to try to distance yourself from these thoughts instead of digging deeper into them. Removing the power from the obsession and saying “Ok, maybe I am a lesbian and maybe I’m not” may feel terrifying but it might be what you need to consider doing. Not engaging with the ruminating thoughts and need to mentally review everything and dig deeper is what will ultimately free you from this. I think that the others have posted some really helpful things, so it might be a good idea to go back and re-read it when you’re feeling a bit better. It sounds like your OCD is craving absolute certainty that you have OCD around the theme of the time of sexuality, and firstly that’s not something that anyone here can know but it also wouldn’t be helpful to feed into your compulsion to have absolute certainty even if we did know. I hope that makes sense. With regards to your question on the other thread about how having OCD around sexuality differs from having OCD around harming people - it doesn’t. OCD is OCD and while themes/compulsions/ruminations are varied and can be very specific, it is ultimately the same mechanism at play. Hope this helps in some small way and hope that you manage to find some peace. Wishing you all the very best x

Hi Emily, Hope you’re doing ok and thank you for sharing your story. Just thought I’d jump in as I’ve recently moved to a new place and had to get into the local mental health system for my OCD via my GP. For me I just had a telephone appointment with my new GP and explained what had been going on for me. I have been quite unwell so I was referred straight to a secondary mental health team and I got assessed within a week via telephone. Like you, I have been on various meds for anxiety/depression and OCD and the secondary team were able to advise my GP on some more specialist medication options to target the OCD. I’m now waiting for an additional psychiatric appointment, which I assume will also be online/via Zoom. Just thought I’d offer my experience as like you I was worried I would be put on a huge waiting list (I’ve had this in the past to get treatment for depression and it was a 6 month wait) but it seems that if the GP thinks you need some help pretty fast they will escalate things so that you’re seen quickly. Of course I can only speak for the team in my local area but I hope this provides some reassurance in a small way. Also, I found an OCD therapist privately via https://www.bacp.co.uk. Because of the pandemic, it means that the majority of therapists are doing appointments via Zoom which means that location isn’t an issue and there’s a much wider range of therapists that you could work with. I found that prices ranged hugely because of this and I found some options that were cheaper than I expected. Also perhaps you could find someone who would be happy to see you on an ad-hoc basis when you need a bit more support, given that sometimes you can cope ok for a while. Lots of options on that bacp website. So this could be something to consider if the waiting times for therapy in your area are very long. Hope this helps, wishing you all the very best x

Hi @malina Thank you very much for your kind and thoughtful reply, and for the encouragement. I think you are right, one of the worst things we can do is ruminate on the past because really what’s the point? It will just end up eating you up inside and as you say, it wastes our time in the present. It’s really interesting to hear about your work situation, I’m sorry to hear that it’s been stressful but it’s so great that you are able to see the positives. I think I am going to do that and make a list of all the positive things I’ve learnt from my current role. We are both lucky to even be in employment right now, and that’s definitely something to hold onto. I’m certain that a lot of these feelings also probably stem from not being able to see our professional development progress as easily when working from home, so it’s also important to acknowledge that we are working in hugely strange times. I like to think that everything happens for a reason and that we can learn from everything, even the things we don’t like/regret. You’ve inspired me to just focus on the day ahead instead of the past! Thank you ?

Carrot

I really needed to hear this today. Thank you MarieJo ? Taking this as my mantra: It's not that our moral code is faulty, it's that we have a condition which creates false doubts about it. Our moral code is ALWAYS stronger than OCD.

Hi everyone, Hope you are all doing ok. I’m looking for a bit of support today. I was diagnosed with OCD last year, having suffered with it for most of my life, and I’m currently on medication and having therapy to help. My OCD usually comes out in the form of ruminating that I have done a crime I can’t remember and feeling as though at any moment the police are going to lock me up. I’m practising how to stop these thoughts by identifying them and recognising that they are OCD ruminations and telling myself that I do not engage with these thoughts and distracting myself. As I’m sure you’ll know, this is very very hard but I’m trusting that this will help control the thoughts. What I’m struggling with though is going over past life choices, sometimes from years ago, and getting down about how my life could have been had I done something. E.g. today I am consumed as I turned down a job offer a few years ago and I have just found out that the person who ended up taking the job has now been promoted several times and is on a much higher salary. I’m struggling to let go of these choices I made years ago, and I get myself really down when I think about what could have been. I know that had I taken the job things might have not been the same but I still feel sad about it all. It taps into a bigger feeling that I’m doomed, I’ve had a lot of bad luck in my life and I’m so tired of always having to be strong in the face of setbacks. I try to be really positive but it’s hard when it seems like the people around me are getting promoted, getting into relationships and generally having what I see as ‘success’. I know we never really know what goes on in someone’s mind, even if their life looks great, but I can’t stop my mind from beating myself up and thinking about how my life could potentially be different if I had taken a different path. Any thoughts and advice would be much appreciated.

Hi NJ321, Something that helps me when I’m struggling to figure out whether I genuinely want something to happen or whether it’s in fact OCD is that I take a step back and think “If I truly wanted this thing to happen, would it be causing me so much pain/anxiety and would I be spending this much time thinking about it?”. You’ve described how sometimes the feelings in the moment feel like they are taking over your mind, and this is a great way of describing how the compulsions can really blur every sense of who you think you are. Often I feel like I can’t figure out if I am truly a bad person or if it’s the OCD talking and something that has helped me is to accept neither. I stop trying to put a label on myself and just sit with the feeling without trying to change or participate in it. When I feel a rumination coming on, I recognise it for what it is and try to stop engaging with it. I have never, ever been able to get clarity from my ruminations and it only makes me feel worse. It still feels terrifying to not engage with the thoughts, but I am taking the leap of faith to try to ignore them because I know that it is a pattern as a result of the illness. Hope this helps in some way, even if it’s just to know that you’re not alone ?

Hey Cas, I have recently had similar thoughts to yours and after lots of reading on this forum I’m coming to terms with the fact that: - OCD is powerful and complex and will latch onto anything it can to bring about the compulsions. Even things that you’ve never thought/worried about before. Even things that make you think you’re a criminal. I’ve finally come to this realisation after a long time of believing (and trust me, it’s still a constant battle!) that each different thing I ruminate on is an exception to the rule and actually not OCD. Spoiler alert: no matter what the situation is, it’s all OCD. And OCD will play tricks and disguise things to make it seem like new worries are valid and somehow different when they’re not. It’s the same mechanism over and over again, just using different content. I hope this helps in some way - sending lots of hugs your way! X