DRS1

Regardless of what anyone thinks (and at this point I'm not sure it matters - especially considering you already had a therapist tell you what was normal!), your wife doesn't want to here it. The reality is she wants to move on (although from some of your posts sometimes I don't think she does) from it just as much as you do. If you continue to bring up everything in the past to torture yourself with over and over again, you will always feel horrible. Yes OCD is being the annoying debilitating brat that it is but so much of what you are doing is trying to punish yourself for something you no longer have control of, regardless of whether the fantasies were normal or not. If everyone punished themselves in the way you have/are, I think we would all feel exactly the same. Maybe it's time for a different tactic. Force your way back to fight back against OCD. Meet that with exaggerated praise for yourself no matter what you think now. Everytime you get an intrusive thought reoccurring, acknowledge that you really like fantasizing and exaggerate how much you like it. Someone will be able to say if this is the right or wrong approach here but I'll be honest I'm running out of different things to say.

The only thing that's wrong with you is that you have OCD. Nothing you have written in your post is remotely uncommon. Getting therapy for this to help undo a lot of this would be very beneficial for you. You can contact your GP to get you a referral or depending on your location get a referral directly. Apart from that, there are numerous OCD self help books - check the OCD-UK shop for the David Veale and Salkovskis books. There's also the new FAQ book which could be helpful if you are just beginning to understand OCD now. There's a lot more detail I could go into but I think this is a good starting point.

Multiple compulsions there Cora. Subtly asking for reassurance, confessing and most likely ruminating. We can't answer those questions. We've been over this many times before so at the risk of regurgitating information and advice already given to you, I won't mention anything new. Go back and look and the advice given to you on your previous posts.

Incredibly common aspect of OCD (and you can find many posts about here on this forum). Just because you feel something doesn't mean it's accurate or justified and you can treat that feeling like a thought or an image just the same. It's all it is. Something you didn't ask for but it is something that can be present and you can do the things you want to do despite it.

Whilst you've not confessed to your wife, you are confessing on the forum with your post. You are trading the location of the compulsion but you aren't actually cutting it out. By no means am I saying that's something that's easy to do but it's important to be aware of what a compulsion may look like.

It's actually a really interesting topic. I'm autistic but prior to the change in diagnosis grouping of autism spectrum disorders, I would have been classified as having Aspergers. Again with these there are two very different stigma's and perceptions. I felt uncomfortable for a while telling people I was autistic because I didn't know how they were going to view me, so I used to tell them I had aspergers (despite my diagnosis being ASD). I then moved to telling people I had ASD (and pronounced it exactly like that) as they likely wouldn't know what that was before eventually feeling comfortable enough to refer to myself as an autistic person. I see plenty of people making fun of autistic people (e.g. lack of eye contact or social interaction issues - both of which I have issues with) and just like with OCD, that's acceptable. In fact in some ways, it's "cool" to basically call someone autistic as a joke. Strangely enough, I am accepted more easily for being autistic than I am for having OCD. I don't inform people in work of the true nature of what OCD is for me and I think that is partly what creates the issue. If people knew that OCD meant avoiding going into the kitchen for years because I was scared I was going to stab myself or someone just because an intrusive thought popped into my head, they would probably get a better picture of how different their perception of OCD is to the reality of it. I could never disclose any of the sexual intrusive thoughts or images as it could come across as perverted for people who don't understand OCD. I don't mind talking about any of that on this forum though or even to close friends (Ashley's section in the OCD magazine I received when I joined as an OCD-UK member on semen was particularly eye-opening for being able to feel like I could open up more about the more "taboo" things I had to deal with). I think it's probably about baby steps in the process. People won't know unless you explain to them and they won't get it until you really start to open up and show them the reality of OCD. No one in work knows I did 6 hours of compulsions a day for several months, constantly ruminating, constantly avoiding, feeling so angry at myself for having these thoughts, images or sensations (particular genital sensations) and feeling like I just wanted to cut my genitals off (this is quite explicit but it was genuinely how I felt at the time). People in my work are just beginning to see the perfectionism side of OCD with every bit of work I do, it's never good enough but they tell me that I'm doing fine. So I don't think changing the diagnosis name changes anything. People will just latch onto the new name and do the same thing probably, just like they have done with Asperger's now being under the Autism Spectrum Disorder's umbrella. I think it gets better the more we educate and I know that's a frustrating thing but for example I could start correcting people at work when they use OCD as an adjective and explain to them why that's not great and offer them a list of alternatives.

It's okay to be bombarded with images and the urge to confess and especially in this scenario I'd expect OCD to be heightened even more than it usually is. It doesn't mean it's easy to deal with cause it is not but try for even 60 seconds to sit with all that anxiety and just experience it. Notice how it feels and where you feel it. Just observe it. Notice things in the room you are in. What is in the room, what does it look like (colour, texture etc.). It's mindfulness sure, but in a way it's going to allow you to even temporarily focus on something whilst still experiencing that anxiety. Anxiety isn't a dangerous feeling. It's very much overwhelming but it can't hurt you.

Hi. Intrusive thoughts of harm can be debilitating like all intrusive thoughts. What may be keeping you stuck is your need to prevent harm from happening. I'm not remotely religious but the below applies to literally everyone regardless of who they are, what they believe in, race, sex etc. The reality is, we can't control the future and trying to control anything based on what OCD says is futile, it really gets us nowhere. From your post, I can see some very obvious OCD logic. What if this thing happens or what if that thing happens. How about this, what if none of that happens. Then what? Do you waste all of that time doing compulsions for the foreseeable or do you choose to go on uncertainty? The faulty logic you are going by even if you don't believe the thoughts can be that you need to do these compulsions just in case but to highlight the flawed logic of this also, that won't work. See compulsions don't prevent or cause anything to happen in relation to any intrusion you have. What they will do though is keep your intrusive thoughts around and continue this cycle of anxiety. I have to deal with harm and sexual intrusive thoughts and images every day. Occasionally I have to deal with perfectionism, so I get how debilitating it feels. But, as I reminded myself recently, it doesn't have to be this way. ERP is daunting and there is a part of me that doesn't want to continue doing it but if I don't, OCD will continue to control my life and to be completely honest, I'm done with that. I don't want to necessarily experience intrusive images of stabbing myself with a knife or sexual acts involving my family but that's what an intrusion is. Fundamentally whilst horrible, they don't mean anything until we give them meaning. What I can do is take those thoughts and images, bring them back up, exaggerate them to the worst possible thing and then sit with it and don't react with compulsions. I've done it before and that's what gives me the confidence I can do it again. This is really your way forward. Stop trying to fight the thought, start fighting OCD by giving it the uncertainty it doesn't want. Show OCD that you don't care.

I'm sorry you feel that way. As I read elsewhere recently, ending it may stop it but it also stops any chance of it getting better and it's that latter part you need to focus on. Guilt and shame are.really.prevalent feelings in OCD but you need to remember that just because you experience that feeling doesn't mean it is at all justified feelings. It's time you fight back. Not by fighting the thoughts but by not fighting them. Let them in. In a sense give OCD what it doesn't want nor accepts... Uncertainty Your stuck on this idea that your current theme is somehow different and you feel isolated like no one else has the theme but have you had a chance to look through other forum posts? It's not original in the slightest. I've seen quite a few posts on it from other users. OCD is unoriginal

It's really so difficult for a few reasons. 1. It feels real and urgent. 2. It brings along a whole lot of overwhelming levels of anxiety/ uncertainty and 3. It takes every single thing you value and does a 180 with it. All of that is held together with compulsions though. That's what has kept me stuck a bit recently. Despite knowing that ERP works from my own experience, it's really hard and sometimes it's terrifying to think about facing that.

Yeah I would agree. I feel like client comes across as almost transactional in a way whereas patient is more than you are being cared for. To an extent for those that pay for therapy, I suppose there could be that element of transaction but again it feels a bit hollow to me in my opinion. I'd rather patient was used.

Yep, so you basically want to respond in a way that someone without OCD would. Wash your hands once and then carry on as normal. Again, OCD is not highlighting the hypocrisy of its demands here. How many people leave public toilets without washing their hands? How many times have you touched something that someone else's has touched that may have had masturbated before they had touched that? You don't consider these things right? Avoiding your family members won't make it easier for you, it just makes your OCD stronger.

Hi, let's highlight a few things here. "But what if..." - there's the biggest indication that this isn't exactly a reasonable worry. Secondly, this isn't an uncommon situation for OCD to latch onto at all. OCD can tell you whatever it wants and you can feel disgusting or dirty but that doesn't mean that those feelings are accurate or justified. There's nothing wrong with talking to your family about masturbation provided they don't have any deep seated I'll informed views on it. If you are wanting to talk to them about doing it to relieve yourself of some kind of guilt, then that might not be such a good idea. Sure it'd be awkward but you do have that choice to talk to them about it if you wanted to. Also it's hardly graphic..., It's a normal part of human sexuality. So here's what you can do. You can continue masturbating and every time a thought pops up, the worst thing you can do is stop. By doing so you then pay attention to the thought rather than to what you want to do in that moment and thus you give OCD the power/reinforcement that somehow it is wrong. Put it this way. You can't avoid having intrusions in any part of your day, it's not possible, it's not something we can control. But, what we can do is change how we may react to these intrusions. OCD is not in the slightest bit interested in whether or not you want it to be there or not on a given moment

I don't think changing the diagnostic term will make it any better. I experience it at work and I have raised it before. The problem is people just don't understand. It's also (in my opinion) not that they intentionally just want to harm us with OCD, it's just ignorance. Whilst I don't wish it on anyone, if these people had OCD they would quickly change their mind. It can be infuriating but it is getting better globally speaking. The more we stop people getting away with selling stuff like that or writing news articles with it, the better it will get. Please remember, the definition of OCD is not set by societies impression of using a word. Can we have a list of alternatives words to give people to say what they actually mean?

I think the issue is that you see your question and wanting a yes or no answer as non reassurance seeking but even if you look at your post, you aren't asking just one question, you asked 4. It makes it difficult to answer these without reinforcing OCD. The best thing you can do in these scenarios is instead of immediately coming onto the forum to get that reassurance, try and do the ERP. Go back over that moment in your head, exaggerate it. Picture it as if you did laugh out loud and what other people's reactions would be. With all that anxiety and uncertainty, letting it be there is the biggest sign you can send to OCD to tell it you are done worrying about this and obeying it's flawed logic

Cora. New trigger. Same problem. Same compulsion. You can't keep asking for reassurance. You know it's temporary in its benefit. Rather than give you reassurance how about I ask you a question. Each time you post with the same trigger or a different one, what is it you hope you get when you ask us if you are a monster or some derivative word that you have used before? For that answer, do you feel that your objective is met or do you feel that you don't get what you are looking for when you post with new triggers every time?

I've noticed one of OCD's tricks for me comes as a very fine line between an ASD behaviour and OCD compulsion. I really enjoy researching things thoroughly but with certain things, that research starts to cause anxiety and uncertainty and no matter how much research I end up doing to find a conclusion, it's never good enough. In my particular case, I've never had the opportunity to even start the dating process (never mind having relationships). As an autistic person, I am aware of my lack of social skills and just not understanding the phases of a relationship or the dating process. I got a few books for autistic people that I found useful but then it wasn't good enough. It switched to bringing back up an OCD obsession around the fear of getting someone pregnant, worrying about if I only wanted a relationship for sex (which would be something I don't value) and then ultimately not being able to do any of this "right". Google search after google search on all things related to sex, dating, relationships, trying to gather all the information I could. My curiosity in this had suddenly turned into a compulsive cycle and yet none of it has been enough. I'm not closer to having the information "I need", I'm just more anxious and more uncertain. As someone who's OCD really targets sex and also harm, none of this should be remotely surprising to me and yet I seem to have been completely blindsided by this. I've almost not acknowledged it as an issue at all or identified it previously as an OCD behaviour because it started as this really positive research task to learn more. I'm not imprisoned by this however, I have my way forward and it's pretty simple: When the urge comes to research more on the topic, notice if there's any urgency to it with anxiety or uncertainty and in general perhaps just cut out the research around this topic for now. I have gathered most likely, more than enough information to work with. The second is to go experience these things instead of feeling frozen to it. I'll never know how it will go unless I just go for it. I think this may be the most important lesson I've learned recently. Just because you feel frozen or hesitant to do something because of the unknown, it doesn't mean you are stuck like that. This applies to anything that isn't even an OCD obsession. Trying something new for the first time, it's daunting, but if you just sit and worry about all the possibilities that could go wrong, you're never going to try the things you value/want to value. Hopefully all of this makes sense and might be helpful for anyone else reading.

You just let the anxiety do what it's going to do. When you stop doing a compulsion with ERP, your anxiety is going to a bit overwhelming but just experience it and it will eventually go down. If you do a compulsion during ERP you can re expose yourself to that obsession again and respond differently without the compulsions. Some people sit there and wait for it, others go do what they want to do with the rest of their day. I think both are valid but you may prefer the latter approach.

That really needs to be your decision. That's not a choice we can make for you, it's different for everyone. The key point is to find a therapist who understands OCD and knows how to treat it.

You leave it "wrong" as it is.

If that's about my response to @bluegas post, I think I've been very much misunderstood. I shared my view from my experience with medical professionals. I'm sorry if you feel like I was some way attacking your experience but I really wasn't. From your perspective and experience, I'm not surprised that's how you view GP's and medical professionals. I've not had that length of time or experience. I'm only 24. I only got diagnosed just shy of 2 years ago with OCD and ASD. That's all I'd really like to say on this right now but if either of you have anymore concerns about what I have said then please let me know and I'll try and change how I communicate on this forum so that I don't make you feel that way.

"but this time it's different" is a major tactic OCD uses to keep you trapped. It doesn't matter if it's different. If it feels intense and real, how does that necessarily make it true? Can you not experience feelings and sensations that aren't exactly what you would want?

Have you read our responses before you have confessed in this post? There's pretty good advice from @northpaul and @PolarBear there that I think is really worthwhile trying to take onboard

I would caution that a bit. There will be medical professionals generally (not just GPs) that don't understand OCD but that doesn't mean that there aren't medical professionals (including GPs) out there that do. In my experience my doctor's surgery do understand it but that might not be the case for everyone.

Checking the CCTV would get you where exactly? Reassurance and reduction of anxiety and uncertainty temporarily with the long term effect that you end up reinforcing this faulty logic to OCD as something you need to worry about? You can be unsure but in fact no one can be sure or certain (there are no 100%'s)