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benjamin

Bulletin Board User
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About benjamin

  • Birthday 02/07/1982

Previous Fields

  • OCD Status
    Sufferer
  • Type of OCD
    Harming Others, mental rituals, checking.

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    Norfolk
  • Interests
    Genealogy
    Walking
    Shopping

Recent Profile Visitors

1,708 profile views
  1. 4 years ago I started a thread about being worried about contacting an old friend on Facebook. I was not sure about doing so, as even though he had been nasty at times, I was tempted to contact him and for weeks the temptation did not go away. Not sure if it is necessarily OCD in this sense, but I was obsessing over it. Worried about rejection. Then I saw him across the road a short time later (he never saw me AFAIK) and the fact I never went up to him to say "hi" sort of relieved me of the anxiety, as I had an opportunity to reconnect that day, but was too nervous to, and I felt happier, it made me think he was not that important to get back in touch with. But a few weeks ago after 4 years, the obsessions came back and the temptations to contact him. I felt sick so in the end I felt the only way to be free of it is to send him a quick PM on FB, and if he decided not to bother answering, that at least I would know. Well he answered, and must have seemed delighted to hear from me.
  2. I know this is a 4 year old thread but I have decided to throw down the gauntlet (in terms of the temptation and finally confront the temptation) and send him a quick message to say "Hi hows things?". The temptation came back recently and I thought the exposure is to just message him and see what happens. At least I will know now if he decides to or not to reply. I feel the only way to move on from the temptation is to do something about it so I just sent a quick hello message.
  3. Power just enhances a bad personality as opposed to creates one. I know toxic people without power as well as with power. I think the company owners/directors often like to put the most inept people in positions of power.
  4. Dont worry, revenge is not my style. With my OCD I worry about harming people. I have not seen the former boss for years. I do ruminate over it a lot. I do research to see how people's mind works. I always thought that constantly obsessing over toxic people you knew from years ago was related to OCD in a sense.
  5. Read the OP. It has everything to do with OCD.
  6. This man was a tall man as well and an ex soldier. He had a quiet soft voice but that totally belied his true personality. He'd assign people undesirable jobs if they stood up to him for example. He'd have them sweeping the yard for 1 or 2 days. He claimed to be straight talking but often withheld info and suddenly acted all pally to people before some redundancies were announced a few days later. Then he was back to normal. He is now retired but his Facebook profile is full of hateful memes and even verging on porn pictures such as images of a woman with hairy breasts, and pics of dildos, and other rude pics.
  7. I think one of my OCD thoughts, not sure if it is Pure O or just OCD is still I keep thinking about bad experiences with people. I once had a boss who was moody, sarcastic and could be a bit of a bully at times. He was like that with lots of people but some say he did appear nicer prior to his promotion. But people who worked with him closely said he was a bit of a jerk before his promotion. Does success change a person or does it make them worse than they were before, as in reveals them? I still think about this man a lot and it can have a negative impact on my life.
  8. Hi I may be in the minority in disliking light nights, when it is not dark until almost 10pm in May and early June. If we have murky days in spring, it can be very long and gloomy until about 9-10pm at night. One comfort is by mid June I know 21st June is coming up shortly and the nights start getting darker again. I like it when it is dark by about 6pm or earlier in the late autumn and winter. It feels more peaceful. I think really light nights are not good for my OCD and I find spring is the worst time of the year for me. I dont mind July and August as much as Summer Solstice has gone, and the nights are starting to get a bit darker again. Also mum is going away for a few days and I have the house to myself for a few days. I never do afternoon naps (unless I am really ill with flu, or had minor surgery etc). Afternoon naps make me feel groggy for the rest of the day and once I wake up in the morning, I like to be up until that night when I go to bed. I am getting unwanted thoughts about going to bed in the afternoon for a nap, thus feeling groggy for the evening, but with OCD what I need to do is let the thought be there, but pay it no attention and not give in to the thoughts. I have relatives on call if I need anything. Ben
  9. This rellie was great when we were kids but that lovely side to him died years ago. As he hit his teens he changed, to the point of no return. And he is my sibling. In his company I, and others feel we are walking on eggshells around him, he is quick to judge, very easily annoyed and mocks the hobbies of others. If you don't hear him call you the first time he will say "Did you not hear me call you" with an angry look on his face, or "its a simple question" if you don't answer him within a second of his question. He is worse when he is in the company of more than one person, in that he plays to an audience. He looks for ways to be offended at the minor mistakes of others yet he makes no end of mistakes. It is psychological abuse. He is very rude and arrogant and is quick to vilify people who do not have his skills or perform jobs as quick as he does. I had a massive row with him today on a short holiday on a boat and came home early, I just spent a few hours on a train and then a bus home. His girlfriend and my mum begged me not to go but I had enough. My OCD had been so much better lately but it has flared up big time again. I told him I hated him. I wonder if he has some sort of narcissistic personality disorder?
  10. Hi Today I made a cup of tea for the family and saw the dishcloth on the worktop, so I touched it with the tip of my right index finger and then touched my cup with the tip of the same finger while the cup was empty, the kettle boiling. Then I rinsed the cup under the tap, under warm water, and while it was under the running water, I rubbed the part of the cup where I had touched it after touching the dishcloth. And the other day, my cup was filled and I touched the dishcloth with one fingertip, my right hand index fingertip, then touched my my cup with my fingertip, but then rubbed the area with my thumb before soaking a left hand finger in water then rubbing the area again, to wash away any possible germs. I still drunk out of the cup, I worry this is becoming a new ritual. Ben
  11. Negative: I have lots of friends but I dont see them much, one lives in the neighbouring village and most others live a drive away, we do keep in contact on Facebook a lot but since I got made redundant I have not seen them as much. Doesn't stop them being my mates even if I dont see them much. At least I am not friendless, I have over 150 friends on FB from school, work etc. And gutted about David Bowie's death. Positive: Remember a few months ago, last summer, I contemplated contacting someone on FB who I used to hang about with as teenagers? I even did obsess over it a bit, even though I knew he was a useless friend. He was the pinnacle of fake friends. We lived in the same village and he used to hang out with me a lot. We both went to school together. He used to borrow money off me, ie if he needed a pound, and he never paid me back, and he used to expect me to give him food when he came round, and we did have a few sleepovers, he used to stay round mine a few times. He used to at the same time mock my liking for New York as I had been there, and he used to mock my collection of Only Fools And Horses DVDs, and one time out of the blue he told me to throw them out of the window and I told him to leave. We did not speak for months. And he used to show me up in front of others especially at school. One time he came round to see me and that morning I had news of my grandfathers death. We arranged to meet that night but he never turned up, not a phonecall or anything, and it was a cold January night and I had a family bereavement. He then soon moved away to a nearby village. When I considered contacting him after all these years I asked some others and they all said "Dont contact this person on FB, he seemed like a right jerk". I did think about him again the other day and remembered how much of a rubbish friend he was, and that I should be thankful I am nothing to do with this fake friend anymore, rather than reopen wounds. And judging by his FB pics he now looks unsavoury. Deffo let sleeping dogs lie.
  12. Negatives is ruminating over things people say about or to you years ago, ie they put you down saying, "You'll never get promotion, you will always be a lackey" or "You'll never get a girlfriend". Wanna bet? Positives is that people who say such things are probably jealous of you, ie you are younger than them and they dont have your potential. Jealousy breeds hatred.
  13. I have joined a free dating website but am not going to rush into things looking for people to meet up with, just going to take things slowly. When I had a intrusive thought I used to do research online which would often fuel the intrusion so I have learned not to do that, and I aim to stick by it. Let the thought be there but dont pay it any attention.
  14. Thanks. Yes it will happen, but yes, just need to give it some time.
  15. 2008 was not a very good year for me, after my last relationship ended in 2007, I joined dating sites and hated rejection so after a couple of months I left, but these days seem to have a better handle on it, and have thought of joining again but may wait for someone to contact me first more than me contact a single girl there. I know others who have joined sites and had to maybe contact a few people. I wont let OCD try and ruin my next relationship.
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