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Need some inspiration

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I'm in need of some support, perhaps just even some help to motivate me to stick with things. So at the moment I am waiting for my DBS to come through for my volunteer position. 

On top of that I also had an informal interview for another volunteer position. That went well and I recently had my first induction session, the second being this evening.

These past few days I have had a lot of anxiety. My usual response is to pull out. When I had my first induction training I found out a little more about the role and I am panicking. I am worried that I am going to be too anxious for the role and to be honest I need to be the calm one when mentoring the young person. I need to be able to focus and support them. To help them become more independent. What I know so far I feel that I will constantly be anxious during my role. I am concerned that I am not suitable for this role.

I am really worried. If I pull out of both I know it will cause a lot of tension with family. They are pleased that I am planning to these roles and get upset when I never see anything through. I get told I say the same year after year. I cannot deal with having to face that. It isn't through lack of trying. The anxiety just gets too much and I pull away.

I just don't know what to do. If I pull out I know my mood will go down and I will start to feel hopeless. Which scares me majorly.

Any thoughts or ideas how to stick with this and deal with the anxiety.

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The fact that pulling out of this will make you feel worse is the motivation.

I know it doesn't feel this way, but the anxiety isn't the problem. You can be anxious and do this work and do it well. It's not an either or thing.

By pulling away, you're fighting the anxiety and you're giving it unnecessary weight and meaning. Accepting that the anxiety is there and leaving it at that is the way to go. You don't have to try and get rid of it and you don't have to let it guide you. It can be there for the ride, but you're driving, if you'll forgive the corniness. Once you focus on what's going on, it should become less of a distraction, but if it's not that's okay too. I'd advise getting to grips with some breathing techniques, if you want to have a smoother ride, but besides that, take it as it comes.

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Thanks for your response and giving me some support. I am able to recognise that anxiety will come with doing these roles and that it is normal. I am just so worried I am going to lose it. I am scared that in the situation I won't be able to do what I need to. I also realise I need to face the anxiety and go along with what I need to do, but it just feels too much. I feel so torn, I want to move forward in life, but I am just so scared of certain things.

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I apologise for coming back again. I am really struggling right now. I made it to the induction training and managed to engage with the activities without getting too anxious.

I have been feeling stressed since. I just don't know what to do anymore. I just don't see how I can fulfil the role as needed in both volunteer positions. Just to give an idea of one fear. In one of the roles I will be taking a vulnerable adult via public transport to a location, spend a number of hours supporting them there, then going back via public transport. I cannot leave them unattended due to their vulnerability. So I have struggled for 22 years with always needing to know where the toilet is, always using one right before leaving to travel anywhere. If say I use the toilet and then something holds me up from travelling straight away my anxiety gets bad and I cannot think straight, if around say family I lose my temper and so on.

I am unsure how I can manage this whilst volunteering. When I have to get a bus or train I check times so don't miss it and get held up. I am always in a rush to get to places in the quickest time. I mean it isn't just that, whilst I am at the location I will need to use the toilet, but how can I do that without leaving the person unattended. In the induction I have hear examples of the young people running off or out of a building. Again this is worrying me. I struggle to leave my bag anywhere accept near to me. I keep thinking that when at the location I will have to put it somewhere out of sight. Then when out of sight I may have a situation where I have to leave the situation with the other person should they need some quiet time.

I know this all sounds pathetic. That this shouldn't be anything to worry about. I just get so stressed over it. I also drink a set amount of drinks each day. If I do this volunteer position it will mean I cannot drink anything to near leaving to volunteer (in case of needing toilet), whilst at location and when travelling back. Which could mean 6 + hours without drinking.

I was talking to a friend about the other volunteer role with children and they said that if I cannot hold the children's hand then maybe this role isn't for me.

I am trying so hard to move forward, even starting thinking about things I would like to do (eg future goals). That with volunteer work I can possibly do some part-time work and then maybe visit friends/family. I am due to have support from a charity that supports people in to work, but I just feel it is impossible.

I am fed up of living by so many rules and avoiding so many things. I am bored of doing the same day after day. I tell myself do the opposite of what my mind is telling me to do, but when it comes to it I just can't. I am scared of my mood getting really low and spending my days in bed, purely because I cannot do anything else anymore.

Why can't I just change what I am doing. I understand that the problem is the importance I am putting on the thoughts and avoidance behaviours, but just can't work with it.

Sorry if I am repeating myself, just starting to lose hope after having a few weeks of feeling more hopeful.


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What if you just accepted the risk and went? I mean, isn't that what the other 7 billion of us do?

You are making way too big a deal about this. 

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Everything in life involves a risk of some sort. To live life you must take risks. Sometimes things will work out and sometimes they won’t. 

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