Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
fearandloathing

OCD focusing on my relationship

Recommended Posts

Since me and my girlfriend returned off holiday my OCD symptoms have worsened noticeably to the point where I am now seeing a counselor once a week. It began when my girlfriend was traveling around Europe with her friend for two weeks while i was still in the UK, I started to worry that while she was on holiday she would realise she didn't love me and that I wasn't adequate boyfriend material. However confessing my insecurities to her only made my anxieties worse as I began worrying that I had put the idea in her head that I was inadequate or that by me confessing such things she would see me as needy. Anyway, since we returned we have both been under a lot of stress, we have both started new jobs and our schedules are often pretty opposite to each other, this causes me a lot of stress as before we could see each other pretty much as often as we liked. It feels like the difference in schedule is causing a space to grow between us in my head. Time is something I have always worried about even as a child and the feeling of having my time with my girlfriend restricted depresses me a whole lot. But then the time that we do get together is often spent with me worrying about how that time is going to end soon. She also now works at a bar and because of this men sometimes hit on her/flirt this has made my feelings of inadequacy even worse and I have brought up with her when I have been drunk which I also regret. I am worried that she will find someone who is less of a head case and more secure in themselves and who is just generally a better person for her to be with than I am. I have noticed too that if I perceive I have done something wrong/said something offensive to her that I will apologise way too much, I have to check that she is sure that she wasn't offended by what i said/did and that she knows i am sorry. It feels as though I am inadvertently sabotaging my relationship and it is horrible. She is the nicest girl I have ever met and I've never enjoyed the company of another person so much in my life. Any time I do anything I think is wrong at the moment I believe I have ruined everything and that she is going to leave. Recently I have broken down to her multiple times and I think it may actually drive her away if I'm not careful. What am i supposed to do? I feel like an awful boyfriend most days of the week. 

I am also getting images of self harm when I feel I am ruining things which is making coping even more difficult, I am also having trouble sleeping causing me to be late or miss work completely. I feel like I cannot reach any peace as even in my dreams they play out all my anxieties, I have been waking up in sweats frequently.

 

Share this post


Link to post

I know it’s easy as an outsider to say but I think whether you worry or not this isn’t going to make a different to what happens in the future. If she was to find someone else then there’s nothing you can do to stop that BUT the way I look at it, if she didn’t want to be with you/wasn’t happy/was interested in others then I am sure she would make it clear and break up with you? I think everyone has insecurities and worries that their partner will leave them because I do the same but I always think of it as what will be will be and you have to be happy instead of worrying what could be just enjoy the time you have together xx

Share this post


Link to post

Hi fearandloathing :)

Sorry to hear that you're struggling.

I think to feel better you need to look into challenging your OCD problems. You mention multiple times that over apologising, confessing, thinking about the relationship and time is making you feel worse and even causing more problems than they're trying to solve. These behaviours are compulsions that you need to try and stop. It's the compulsions that are increasing your doubt and increasing your focus on negatives. 

You mention you're seeing a counsellor. Are you doing CBT with them?

Share this post


Link to post

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...