Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
Cas24

Is it normal

Recommended Posts

Is it normal with OCD to try and answer questions with how you want to answer it but the OCD makes you feel doubt?

i must ask myself the same questions over and over again sometimes it feels okay and I can move on for a bit but if I feel doubtful it throws me in to turmoil.

and now I’ve started judged my reaction to intrusive thoughts, am I repulsed enough? am I disgusted enough?

all I know is that I want these thoughts to go away. I want to feel like a good person again. 

Share this post


Link to post

Hey @Cas24 that is pretty much the definition of OCD! The way forward is to try and stop answering the questions altogether. I hope you're doing okay!! xx

Share this post


Link to post
3 hours ago, malina said:

Hey @Cas24 that is pretty much the definition of OCD! The way forward is to try and stop answering the questions altogether. I hope you're doing okay!! xx

Hey Malina, I’m okay how are you?

it’s tough sometimes I feel like I’m loosing my self and other times I have total clarity. My anxiety has reduced due to the medication the doctor has gave me but of course this has made me feel worry about not being anxious haha! I am also on mirtazapine now as sertraline wasn’t helping much so we will see how things go on this 

Share this post


Link to post

Im also struggling to stop my compulsions so for me it basically goes- have an intrusive thought that comes with a woosh of anxiety And I automatically try and counteract with reassurance from myself or I will go on the forum and read a post of a similar situation to seek reassurance. But I am scared that if I don’t do this then the anxiety will not die down (it’s like I need that reassurance to be able to move on) is the best method to just not react at the thoughts/feelings/questions. 

Share this post


Link to post
4 hours ago, Cas24 said:

Im also struggling to stop my compulsions so for me it basically goes- have an intrusive thought that comes with a woosh of anxiety And I automatically try and counteract with reassurance from myself or I will go on the forum and read a post of a similar situation to seek reassurance. But I am scared that if I don’t do this then the anxiety will not die down (it’s like I need that reassurance to be able to move on) is the best method to just not react at the thoughts/feelings/questions. 

The trick is to ride it out. The anxiey will go down, it can't possibly last forever. But you're new to this and maybe as a start you can think about delaying compulsions. Try to see how long you can go without reassuring yourself or visiting the forum, then next time try to do it for a bit longer. The anxiety is awful, I get you. I used to imagine that I was in a tropical storm, hanging on to a tree and waiting for it to pass. Stay strong Cas!

Share this post


Link to post
4 hours ago, Cas24 said:

I’m so so sorry if people think I’m a monster

You're not a monster, Cas. The monster here is OCD. And I don't think anyone else thinks you're monster. 

Please, try to avoid putting yourself down (that's what I've been told as well) because it won't help you. Instead you could maybe try to be kind to yourself. Take a day off. You deserve it. Stay strong, Cas.

Edited by Cora

Share this post


Link to post
6 hours ago, Cora said:

You're not a monster, Cas. The monster here is OCD. And I don't think anyone else thinks you're monster. 

Please, try to avoid putting yourself down (that's what I've been told as well) because it won't help you. Instead you could maybe try to be kind to yourself. Take a day off. You deserve it. Stay strong, Cas.

I just feel so heartbroken Cora, I just want to be the old me. I don’t want to be a bad person I just want to be loving and caring. My life was so normal until I was 20 and everything came crashing down. And now I don’t know who I am anymore. I have had to go on sick leave at work, I can’t bear to see my boyfriend. I just sit and cry all day and can’t see a way out. I don’t understand how a person can change surely it’s impossible I miss my old self so much. I hate these thoughts and doubts. I’m just so tired of fighting my mind 

Share this post


Link to post
On 21/11/2020 at 16:16, Cas24 said:

Im also struggling to stop my compulsions so for me it basically goes- have an intrusive thought that comes with a woosh of anxiety And I automatically try and counteract with reassurance from myself or I will go on the forum and read a post of a similar situation to seek reassurance.

Hi Cas,

It sounds like a lose lose situation to me!

Firstly, reassurance only fuels OCD. (It sounds like you are aware of this)

Secondly, when you are seeking out posts with similar situations for reassurance, does this really help you if the sufferer is in in denial of it being OCD? I mean, do you take the side of the people replying that it clearly OCD, or do you side with the original poster & find it confirms your fear that you are a bad person?

You are doing well to try & stop these compulsions, but I just wanted to point this out, if using the forums for the wrong reasons!

I see you are depressed also, so you need to work especially hard at doing things you enjoy, or know you used to enjoy! (kind of bump start). However, go easy on yourself, & try and ease up on compulsions with OCD, as opposed to an immediate going cold turkey stop! It is a balancing act that gets easier with time!

Take care.

:)  

Share this post


Link to post
2 hours ago, Cas24 said:

I just feel so heartbroken Cora, I just want to be the old me. I don’t want to be a bad person I just want to be loving and caring. My life was so normal until I was 20 and everything came crashing down. And now I don’t know who I am anymore. I have had to go on sick leave at work, I can’t bear to see my boyfriend. I just sit and cry all day and can’t see a way out. I don’t understand how a person can change surely it’s impossible I miss my old self so much. I hate these thoughts and doubts. I’m just so tired of fighting my mind 

I think I understand how you feel, Cas, and I'm really sorry that you have to go through this.

I really don't have any advice to offer as I'm currently struggling a lot myself but I want to say that you're not alone. 

Please, stay strong and don't give up. And as Felix said, go easy on yourself. You can do this! 

Share this post


Link to post
4 hours ago, Cas24 said:

I don’t understand how a person can change surely it’s impossible I miss my old self so much. 

When I went through my really bad phase in my 20s, it was literally a 180 degree change that happened in one day! I started out the day feeling really happy because I had the first day of an internship I was doing and it went really well. On my way home, I got intrusive thoughts about self harm, I brushed it off but it came back later that night and my life literally turned upside down. Same with my relapse 2 years ago, I had recently moved in with my boyfriend and was trying out a new recipe one night, when bam! it came back and I was suffering again. All I can tell you from those two experiences is that it really does get better and that you will return to your old self, it just takes time. Especially the second time round, with the relapse, I felt that I wasn't going to make it because I couldn't muster the same attitude that I had when I was younger, I felt tired of the whole thing and it started looking hopeless. But there is always hope, so don't give up, just take it one day at a time, baby steps, work on the compulsions, engage with your therapy as much as you possibly can, and life will get back to normal. 

Share this post


Link to post
3 hours ago, Cas24 said:

How do you try and get better when you feel like you don’t deserve to?

That's a good question. I'm in the same place as you are, Cas. This is so hard! 

Share this post


Link to post
14 hours ago, Cas24 said:

How do you try and get better when you feel like you don’t deserve to?

Well, how's that working for you,?

Where is it written that, if you have certain thoughts, you should punish yourself and be miserable?

Share this post


Link to post

I just don’t get it.

it feels like I am in mourning for a life I should have but I can’t because I can’t answer these thoughts.

I know with every fibre of my being I do not want to be a P

But when I ask myself ‘do you think it’s wrong’

i say yes it causes harm pain and suffering but it’s like I’m speaking to a brick wall. It’s incredibly confusing.

I was thinking today what would I sacrifice to be able to answer that question without doubt and I would happily, lose my sight go deaf lose my limbs I would sacrifice anything just to answer that question without doubt. 

Share this post


Link to post

I remember being in college and reading ‘the lovely bones’ and being horrified that someone could do that. Now I feel numb when I think of it. surely a person can’t change? All of this because of one intrusive thought when I was 20- I am now 26 and I have beating it once but I think I was still doing strong avoidance compulsions. 

Share this post


Link to post
On 24/11/2020 at 09:16, Cas24 said:

How do you try and get better when you feel like you don’t deserve to?

 

On 24/11/2020 at 12:20, Cora said:

That's a good question. I'm in the same place as you are, Cas. This is so hard! 

This is where a good quality therapist can help!

I spent ages feeling similar, until my therapist whittled my belief of this down to some baseless thought. (Think of it as diplomatic argument with the therapist where I was 99% certain my beliefs were right, but I had to concede, & now 100% certain she was right all along!) 

Cas & Cora, you need CBT!

Share this post


Link to post

Cas, listen up. 

OCD has you in a trap. It is egging you on to answer questions. But no answer will stop OCD from asking. You know that's true. You just keep going round and round. And through it all, you ferl miserable. 

There is only one way out of this for you. Only one. You must stop trying to answer the questions.

That's the truth. 

Share this post


Link to post
On 24/11/2020 at 09:16, Cas24 said:

How do you try and get better when you feel like you don’t deserve to?

I think we often feel like we need to get our heads in the right place before we can change our behaviour. So you think you need to feel like you deserve to move on before you can actually do it. But with OCD, the opposite is often true, you need to change your behaviour in spite of what your head is telling you. You just start, even if it feels wrong, you reduce compulsions, do your CBT exercises, and engage with the real world outside your head. It may feel wrong but you just keep going. Then you will notice after a while that your mood improves and, with that, so does your headspace...and you start feeling less like a monster and more like your old self...and then you continue on your path until you recover. 

Share this post


Link to post
35 minutes ago, Cas24 said:

I know Polar Bear. Time to pick myself up dust myself off and try again.

Thank you 

:)

Share this post


Link to post

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...