Wanting to die

[welterwhite]

This is too difficult

[DRS1]

1 minute ago, welterwhite said:

This is too difficult

If you are genuinely suicidal then you need to contact Samaritans or go to your nearest hospital.

 

OCD is debilitating but you absolutely can make it a whole lot easier to deal with. You aren't stuck with it the way it is now.

[malina]

Hi @welterwhite

I'm so sorry for all the pain you're in. I don't know what to say except that this damn disorder is so hard and it takes so much from us. It's constant torture. I get it and so does everyone else on this forum. But we have one life and, in spite of the pain, there is always hope and something to live for, no matter how bad things are. Please reach out to someone, Samaritans, the nearest hospital (yes, I'm copying @DRS1) but it's important to reiterate. You are not alone, you will get through this.

[snowbear]

Hi @welterwhite

Good advice from DRS1 and Malina.

I wonder though... do you really want to die? Or do you just mean you want the pain of living as you are to stop? They are very different things.

When you are suffering it can be easy to jump straight to 'dying is the answer' without considering that 'life without this suffering' is still an option and actually the option you would prefer - you just need to work out how to get there.

So don't despair. Talk to someone. Get help. Get more therapy. Work out a way to get to where you really want to be - life without this suffering.

[OB1]

Hi Welterwhite

I've been there many times, wanting the suffering to end and thinking about 'opting out' but as others have said, we don't really want to die, we only want the suffering to stop, it's completely understandable, we become desperate for anything to take away the torment. 

The good news is you can find a way to live without constant suffering, I'm proof of that and there are lot's of other people doing the same on here and out in the world.  Focus on finding yourself some help, support, talk to someone.  I was too scared to talk about my thoughts for years which prevented me getting the help I needed but when I finally did, it was a massive relief and it opened the way to getting the help and support I so needed.

It's perfectly ok to feel how you do, but it's not ok to give up on yourself completely, I know you may not think it but you deserve better         

[OB1]

How are you doing @welterwhite?

[ocd veteran]

Hi Welterwhite,

I have suffered for decades from this horrible illness, but things do get better if you really want it and i know you do. I was a confused sad wreck as a teenager, now in my 60s i can't believe the improvement; and things are much better now with regard to knowledge surrounding this disorder.

I would love to be able to try to advise you if you want.

God Bless.

 

 

[welterwhite]

Just the same obviously I don’t want to die, the point is it never changes Im walking around everyday hating myself, for thoughts I can’t control and I just sick of the whole scenario, I genuinely feel that very few understand what I’m going through, I’m tired… hard to convey through a screen

[Veryblue]

1 hour ago, welterwhite said:

Just the same obviously I don’t want to die, the point is it never changes Im walking around everyday hating myself, for thoughts I can’t control and I just sick of the whole scenario, I genuinely feel that very few understand what I’m going through, I’m tired… hard to convey through a screen

People may have the same or similar themes but everyone's experience of OCD is unique - like their DNA - so maybe parts of your story are difficult to understand. What fellow sufferers definitely DO understand is the distress, the debilitation, the feelings of despair/hopelessness and being "sick of the whole scenario". I totally get that. I've hated myself intermittently - sometimes for very long periods of time - for having thoughts and urges I didn't ask for, don't want, don't like, have never acted upon and feel like I can't control. The last bit is sort of incorrect as I've never "lost control". If OCD was suddenly gone I'd probably - well most likely - have a better self-image but I think it would still be important to acknowledge that I had an illness - it's not a character defect or weakness to develop OCD and I think you should try and be a little kinder to yourself.