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I see. I'm sorry. Of course it's hard like that! There are some websites, podcasts and profiles on Instagram that also offer free stuff but, well, I don't know... to me it's always a risk to use the tools without anyone telling you how to use them. Maybe it would help if you just read their posts, their experiences, or consult those websites. Sometimes there are free webinars given by psychotherapists. They all specialise in treating OCD. Maybe you already know them. If I'm not mistaken, there are a few users here who have managed and manage OCD on their own, I can't remember who... knowing that might help you, and maybe you would feel less lost and more understood if you were 'accompanied' by someone who did it themselves. Maybe their words would carry more weight for you than what someone in therapy can tell you, even if we say the same things. Gosh, it's really hard...

Hi Maggers I go onto you tube and type in meditation for ocd and pick one i find them really good for relaxation and trying to keep well. If there is a day my ocd is really strong or iam over stimulated and i cant listen to someone talking me through a meditation ill listen to just sounds instead eg rain etc

Ocd related Perfectionism to me is a way of making sure we do something perfect so theres no risk of getting it wrong like a safety behaviour. For me it can be doubting i am doing the right tecnique, the right response to ocd etc and it only serves to keep the ocd going. I then get the fear of i cant move past this i dont have the perfect answer etc the only way i can move past it is by accepting i have ocd and its tricking me into thinking theres no way round it. I then put the responsibility onto ocd and do my best try my hardest to pull my power back by saying this is my ocd and then refocus until the importance of it lifts and i feel half normal again. Is ocd trying to make you doubt you choose recovery or is making you fear not being able to do a compulsion. It sounds like ocd is up to its old tricks. I hope this helps

@Giusss Yes, I have gone to a couple of therapists over the years, but not for a long time. Got the diagnosis, but back then they weren’t as knowledgeable as I think a lot of them are now. I have been reluctant to go and spend the money on therapy. I am trying to help myself, but that doesn’t always work. It’s tough.

Hi Ocd is an anxiety disorder that makes us overanalyse,disect and doubt everything including who we are as people and what we value most, your way of being, thinking and acting ,it sows seeds of doubt and goes in on what we value the most. Try to separate your intrusive thoughts from who you are as a person. Thoughts are not facts i hope this helps a little and refocus.

A few things I've been thinking about (and as always just my opinion, open to debate). I think some people build ocd up into something bigger than it is, as RC writes, 'they see it as an enemy to be fought'. They seem to exaggerate it's power and almost disassociate it from themselves which in many ways empowers it. I now and in line with Rose Cartwright's personal journey to healthy living see it as a 'matrix condition' or as she puts it a 'biopsychosocial model'. So, (and we've talked about this), we have to see it in it's full context; genetic predisposition, family history, personal history and our exposure to environmental/social/political factors that impact on our lives. In effect that our mind is shaped by and reactive to our environment throughout our lives. I also wonder if ocd becomes just another obsession itself. As RC says she co-opted the language of medical professionals and came to define herself through those terms. So after therapy it's important to break free of all that and start living. (actually I've always felt like I was living in some sort of survival mode which goes back to childhood).

I looked into Stomp a bit more. I hadn't realised what a phenomenal success it had become in America. It made about $100M from ticket sales which is wild to me as I remember a few guys just busking and banging out rhythms outside a pub. A few of the students at uni had various health conditions which they explored in their art and it always added a sense of poignancy and power to their work. There's a cabin down in Dungeness which I've visited a few times(I lived nearby). It was Derek Jarman's Prospect cottage with a garden and I would consider it an artwork in it's own right. I got to see some of the interior art for the first time yesterday(in online newspaper). Here is one he made about the AIDs virus. All the medication he had to take each day. Also a painting of him by Maggi Hambling.

Pot

Plant

After months and months waiting My partner was recently let down by the NHS therapist he was dealing with. Little to no progress was being made and eventually the therapist ended the sessions before the full course was completed. My partner has now contacted a private therapist who has advised him he has severe OCD and will likely need an intensive therapy course at our home over a period of weeks. Has anyone had any success or stories regarding conducting intensive OCD therapy at home? Additionally, Is there any support available for helping to finance private OCD therapy?

Tomato

May I ask you if you are struggling alone or if you are helped by a psychotherapist specialised in OCD? Do you take medication? I think it's extremely difficult, and even rare, to cope with it on your own. There are techniques that help. I'm seeing a psychotherapist and taking medication. I've been suffering from OCD for 30 years. As soon as it occured, I went to several psychiatrists and psychologists to confirm the diagnosis (as you can imagine, I feared I was a dangerous monster for myself and others, a monster to be interned). They all diagnosed me with OCD. The diagnosis was correct but, sadly, the method to 'treat' it was wrong. I was badly advised. Now that I have had a bad relapse, I have relied on a psychotherapist with cognitive-behavioural training and a psychiatrist for medication (in my case, medications help, I mean, I have to take them). Are you 'alone' in this nightmare? There is this forum, but is it enough for you?

I keep acting out of character eg posting and not protecting myself. I really don't feel like myself and am honestly scared. I have OCD but I am worried I am my intrusive thoughts which I am not this thinking pattern is not natural and I keep giving them power by feeling like a republican politician rather than a liberal bisexual women identifying artist.

I believe OCPD is about perfection in cleaning. It's also about perfection in organizing.

Sauce

I feel like I suck at this. I know OCD’s games, but it still manages to get me almost every time. Which then makes me feel like it’s real.

Pasta

I know Emmalou, your right.. it is scary, and anyone with any experience of this, and also some degree of compassion, would fully understand your feelings, I know I do, and I do empathise with you, i really do. At the end of the day, you must do what's right for you..what you feel comfortable with at this moment, if right now your not comfortable in attempting the accepting uncertainty type thing, that's absolutely fine... you can carry on with your marvellous efforts in not engaging with the thoughts etc that you mentioned at the beginning of your thread, which seem to have proven effective, but at the moment your having a bit of a 'blip' which happens to all of us so no shame in that at all.

I understood what you meant @McW I just feel panicked even reading that because I’m afraid it I go down that road, that it will become or be true. I can accept that I have the thoughts, and I can do a sarcastic disregard, but I don’t know if I can tell myself “oh well, it’s true. Move on”. And then what if I do tell myself that and I don’t feel better which will tell me that it is true. It’s all so scary.

Apologies, I just want to edit this bit... probably better for me to have said: 'Ok, so here I am, 'possibly' inappropriately attracted to my son, I'd rather it not be this way but 'possibly' it is.... etc.

Hi. Thanyou very much for the replies. My wife started nhs cbt yesterday. Early days. My main worry is that she's putting her ocd on to the kids. My lad is fine but my daughter does copy her. This morning she was scared to press the plug to switch the tv on. It's because my wife uses her feet to touch it rather than her fingers. Once again thankyou for the replies. I'll let you know how it goes.

I remember viewing a programme on BBC 4 about the work of the Centre for Anxiety and Trauma a NHS in London. Where a young man and his therapist positioned themselves at Denmark Hill, the nearest station to the Centre, where the clinical psychologist positioned herself in front of the young man as a train approached the station. The young man had the fear that he would push a person in the front of a train. This was an example of a good behavioural experiment where the therapist positioned herself in the actual situation. Therapy is about changing our thinking about things and what we would do. There are two types of thinking - fast or slow or intuition and deliberate - therapy in the consulting room gives you a chance to intellectually or deliberately challenge your thinking. Behavioural experiments especially with the therapist changes our emotional or intuitive thinking. In the actual situation which triggers our thoughts. In my example the train station. I had several visits from my therapist. We learn from doing or not doing in specific contexts. You have developed a false memory. You had the idea that you pushed somebody into a busy road. You planted and pictured this idea in your brain. Each time you revisit this ‘event’ the memory will likely become more vivid. False memories become more vivid while real memories do not. Read about false memories when you search ‘BBC-Science-False Memories’. It will refer you to research on the subject as well as explain the phenomenon.

Oh absolutely, I, and I think many on here could identify and empathise entirely with your statement here.. Again, can totally relate, as I think many others would be able to... you haven't lost your sense of right or wrong, your simply mentally exhausted. I don't think that actively trying to visualise certain scenarios regarding your kids is really going to help you.. it's just a never ending circle of checking how you feel, finding some sort of temporary relief (possibly) and then it all starts again... it's you (or your OCD) trying to clarify certainty, and it's just not going to happen. Accepting uncertainty is usually the most successful way of dealing with this, even though at first it feels so counter intuitive and it would make you feel really weird. Your OCD is feeding on your anxiety, so if you can get to the position where you can potentially accept that 'indeed, you may actually be inappropriately attracted to your son..?' and you sort of 'deflate in defeat' in a manner of speaking, you will find that the anxiety dramatically reduces, which in turn helps you to see things more rationally and calmly, and then you will see it's all just OCD nonsense... it just happens, you don't need to do anything else other that say... 'ok, so here I am, inappropriately attracted to my son, I'd rather it not be this way but it is, it doesn't mean I'm a bad person, but here I am.' If you can get through the accepting uncertainty thing.. some call it unconditional self acceptance, you will feel so much better, I'm not going to say you'd be 'free of OCD' I could never say that... but if you can try to do this, and I know how counter intuitive it feels, you will see a marked improvement I'm sure. I remember that you previously stated you have had this for many years.. if you were a newbie I probably wouldn't be encouraging you to go down the accepting uncertainty route right at the beginning, as in my opinion it's a little too much to ask of somebody newly experiencing this, but as you have sadly been dealing with this for many years, I think it's appropriate in your case..?

@PolarBear I guess what discourages me is that even when I try to do the right things (not entertaining the scenarios) my OCD still questions all my thoughts and feelings. Especially in regards to my son (because that is the subject my ocd is currently latched on to). So that is what makes me worry that it’s real. I know that a lot of the problem is that I am still paying attention to my thoughts and feelings in some way which still feeds the ocd.

If you were a non-OCD sufferer, you wouldn't think up detailed scenarios. Those are compulsions. They do no good. They keep you trapped right where you are. The good news is that you don't have to think of the scenarios, test your reactions and analyze. You don't need to do it. You will be fine without doing that. In fact, the only way out of your current misery is to become okay with not doing it and then working to stop doing it.