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Isn't perfectionist called OCPD? Not related to OCD.

You're probably right where it originally came from, your grandparents. Didn't that get better? No amount of verifying is going to change your dog is it?

I appreciate ur support and direction with this. I just can’t stop ruminating that the friends like I keep saying even tho they still reach out to me, and talk. But haven’t let me know if and when there gonna request off to confirm for May 12, or if they’ll have to back it up or not do it at all. That there only reaching out to me to seem nice to avoid having to tell me they don’t want to do anything with me bc there afraid to tell me. And that’s also why they said that the one friend got sick to avoid having to tell me that they didn’t want to go with me and my family member and didn’t want to tell me and that obviously that’s why they didn’t answer the next day when they said they would talk to my family member at 11 am and only texted me hours later when they knew my family member wasnt there and that’s why they called the next day to seem like they want to spend time and because they don’t want to talk to my family member and feel worse that they can’t come through and don’t want to tell me and bc there afraid, so they just answered when they knew my family member wasn’t there to talk nicely to me and seem interested in wanting to re connect to avoid telling me they don’t want to see me bc there afraid

And the reason besides making up the story of the other friend being sick and then telling me i can call them 11 am the next day to speak to the family member, but not answering until later on when I wasn’t with the family member (probably because they didn’t want to sound like they wanted to go but didn’t want to go to the family member) and making up to me that they overslept because I’m sure that at least one of them didn’t want to go and didn’t want to see if not me, then my family member, and again didn’t want to tell me they didn’t want to go and just act like they want to go still bc there afraid to say they don’t wanna go, and there still talking to me to seem nice and seem like they wanna go and seem interested in requesting another day off but actually not want to do that bc they don’t want to come through and don’t want to tell me

You need to work on your self-confidence KC. And try to break free of the mindset that everybody is out to get you. A good place to start is to realise that most people are caught up in their own heads all the time, thinking only of their own lives and their own feelings. They aren't out to get you, they simply aren't thinking much beyond their own wants. So rather than interpret everything as people deliberately hurting you, think of it as them simply forgetting to include you or as busy with their own lives. Then get busy with your life. Have enough things on the go that you haven't time to think about whether others remembered you or not.

@snowbear I am convinced on that it’s too obvious that they made up that the one of the two friends was sick bc they didn’t want to go maybe if not regarding me, then regarding the family member. Bc why would they tell me I can call the next day at 11 am to speak to the family member, just to not answer and know the family member wouldn’t be around In a few hours and then call me then unless they didn’t want to speak to the family member bc they didn’t want to go and didn’t want to feel guilty talking to the family member acting like they wanted to go and not actually want to go and it’s just easier to talk to me after Alone and seem like they wanted to go but didn’t want to go and didn’t want to tell me.

Archery

I feel I have to have people come through and come through as scheduled Always, or else I’ll feel there always going to do to me what the friend from the past did as I said, and I feel it’s only and always my plans that are ruined and I feel that once someone cancelled like i said and then said the other friend was sick and I think they made up the other friend was sick in order to avoid having to spend time with me or maybe my family member mainly, and not wanting to tell me they don’t want to spend time, because they are afraid and because they said they would let me call them with my family member around the next day at 11 am, and didn’t answer and got back to me later when they knew the family member wasn’t around. Bc they don’t want to talk to the family member because they don’t want to feel guilty on themselves not wanting to go and acting like they wanted to go to my family member and that it’ll be easier just to talk to me and act like they wanted to go to just me, and that if they don’t let me know if they requested off for May 12 in another week, or they tell me to back up the day more. That they don’t want to come through and at best will make a plan and cancel last minute, because everyone loves to make sure they do this to me

You have a choice, KC. You can stay dependant on others giving you a social life or go ahead and have a life of your own, happy to have them along for company when they come and happy to be without them when they don't come. Make it their loss if they cancel. Confidence is highly attractive. If you act like your own man people will be drawn to you like a moth to a flame. If you act needy they'll run a mile. Try faking it til you make it - bluster your way through for now if you have to. Say 'no problem' with a smile even if you're dying inside. When they realise you aren't dependant on them, they'll stop messing you about.

@McW I always find your posts helpful and your caring nature always comes through. You are indeed a very strong individual to go through this alone. I feel alone sometimes, but I do tell my husband most of the stuff that goes through my head. Although I am now trying to stop that and have instructed him to stop me if I try. I found it had become a confessing compulsion and it wasn’t helping. I do feel massive guilt for not sharing all my thoughts because it feels dishonest, but he has heard the worst of them and thinks it’s just silly. He doesn’t want to hear any of it because he knows it’s nonsense. I wish I could be as sure as he is! I find this to be a very supportive community and I am glad we can all be here for one another.

I feel I cannot accept to do something alone or without others that it was planned with if they cancel or don’t reschedule or especially if I realize they weren’t honest with why they cancelled

@snowbear well I told them just to let me know when they request off, but we’ve spoken a little on and off since but they haven’t answered everything I’ve responded with and haven’t told me they requested off yet or when there gonna request off. I’m convinced they won’t come through like the ones in my past I mentioned and they’ll continue to still talk and act nice and talk like they wanna go maybe and let me uptalk the excitement of the days and then cancel last minute with excuses or not even get back to me at all about coming through and then I’ll be mentally destroyed that they must have made up the story that the other friend was sick because the one friend didn’t tell the other my family member was going until last minute and the one friend didn’t feel like having me pick them up after the other friend was sick, and that it all relates to the story being made up about the sickness because the one friend said I can call them with the family member around me 11 am the next day and didn’t answer but the reason they answered hours later and the next day is because they wanted to avoid speaking to my family member bc they didn’t want to go and didn’t want to tell me they didn’t want to go and just talk to me like they want to go bc there afraid to tell me they don’t want to go. And that’s why they aren’t answering about requesting off and aren’t responding to everything I say and I can’t take it anymore

You say tragic but ur posts always give me a bit of assurance (not reassurance) before I get told off same as the op @Emmalou1976 I don’t take no pleasure in your suffering but it’s like I could have written some of your posts my self! I do take medication but have never gotten on with cbt therapy and have gotten quite down when sometimes it been suggested I’m just not doing it right ! But for me the main reason I stick with this forum is for the. People like yourselves who make me feel like part of some sort of community and for me knowing I’m not alone is therapy in its self ! Thank you

You're overthinking it again, KC. So what if they just didn't want to go and made up an excuse rather than say so to your face? Don't let it become a big deal. People don't have to give you a reason for saying no or for changing their mind. Try to take it at face value. They said they overslept - accept that is what happened. If you're still bothered ask them again if they still want to go ahead with the plans you've made. Make it easy for them to be honest with you, tell them it's ok if they've changed their mind or something else has come up. And if you are left on your own, then make new plans for a day alone rather than getting all het up about them letting you down.

@snowbear I just have such a hard time trusting or believing anyone, especially when plans are cancelled like last week. They haven’t yet told me they requested off for the May 12 day and it’s 2 weeks notice. Now I’m gonna absolutely freak out in every way if they don’t request off number 1, or they tell me to back the day up. Or don’t mention about taking off anytime soon. I’ll be convinced that they were making up the story that the other friend was sick, because they didn’t want to go, whether because my family member was going or because they just didn’t want to go. And bc how they didn’t answer me the next day when they said they would and answered later and said they overslept

Hi S-g1, I'm sorry to hear your partner's NHS therapy wasn't a success. There's no financial support for private therapy that I'm aware of. I think the assumption is that if you can afford to go privately you can afford to pay in full (even though it's not always as simple as that.) Regarding therapy at home I know a few people have been lucky enough to have a therapist start treatment in their home.It's up to the individual therapist if they are willing to offer that service. In terms of success it's the same as for any therapy whether private, NHS, home or in a clinic - it comes down to whether the person is able to engage with and commit to the therapeutic advice or not. Getting into the right mindset - recognising things have to change and being willing to give it a go - is cruscial to success. When therapy fails it's often because the sufferer thinks things can sort of stay as they are while they get better! There's no magical intervention with OCD, it is as simple as being willing to change and then putting in the work. Resistance to change (struggling to engage with what you're being asked to do) always has its reasons and if your partner is struggling a good therapist should be willing to look at why and suggest solutions. Good luck!

You're overthinking it KC. You've been hurt by friends in the past and your default is to interpret everything in the present as if you expect the same thing to happen again, and I know it's hard but at some point we have to start trusting people again. Give people the benefit of the doubt and try to go with the flow without analysing their motives.

I'd be one of those...! Took anti depressants right at the beginning, along with occasional diazepam's (Valium) for when I was really bad, this was for about six months, haven't taken any medication since (eleven years.) Never ever had any form of CBT, therapy, counselling... nothing, nothing at all. Educated myself 'to a certain degree' about OCD, but also about very basic human psychology, human nature, sexuality, philosophy etc, but as I say on a very rudimentary level. Am I free of OCD...NO, and I never will be... but I am able to get on with my life, work (I'm self employed), and have something that seems 'somewhat' a normal life.... Yes. I also live alone following a divorce... therefore I am probably one one of 'the most alone' OCD sufferers you would probably ever come across... gosh it's rather tragic to actually write that down....Lol, but it is what it is, just got to get on with it... being totally alone I don't really have a choice even if I wanted. In saying all of that, Emmalou, or Giusss.... if your feeling rather alone (which is understandable) try and remember there is always some tragic old soul (me..) that is in both the psychological 'and' the actual physical sense, well and truly alone... and I'm 'still' here, it's hard at times... but I'm still here... and nothing has ever happened.. .

Target

Can I please get help wit this

yes, as long as we are not too obsessed with the thing we are focusing on to the detriment of everything else.

I think i know what you mean - I think that's easy to do if you are different from those around you when you are young. That sounds good and fun, and yes I can see that you can "fiddle and fuss" for hours. The other day while I was looking at some of the stuff you posted I watched a Blue Peter short video from the 1970s I think where Mike Oldfield was showing one of the percent as hell he produced their theme tune. The presenter said he was at it for hours. I still haven't heard tubular bells. I do like that iconic Doctor Who theme. I didn't know anything about who did it I'm afraid - my ignorance with so many things knows no bounds, but I'm trying to go some way to put that right.

This is a good way of dealing with things that scare you but you can deal with them if they’re real. I’m glad it is working for you, i have also grown out of a phobia like that. in my case, i’m doomed if the thought is real. I hate it so much i try to not associate with it and give it a number label but my mind goes digs it deeper “so you are morally wrong” “so you hate his partner” i just feel like my progress of 10 years has gone to waste

Definitely can relate! Although my themes are different. The more time we give a thought, the more the brain goes 'oh that must be important - and it catches all similar thoughts and says 'see I've got these for you they are important' Of course we can interrupt this as ' I keep thinking it, it must be true' One way of dealing with it - I'm trying this at the moment is 'Ok' For me it's about my dog so it's - the dog will get sicker - 'Ok' (I know I have the skills to deal with this if it happens - although I'd be distraught' - the dog might die - yep (again I know I have the skills to deal with this) This is not an easy technique because OCD will cycle every thought and image in it's attempt to cause distress. I cannot managed this all the time and have relapsed the last few days, but it's the fear of uncertainty that it feeds on, the what ifs just make it stronger

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