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Everything posted by gingerbreadgirl
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So this - to me - is reprehensible. To know your partner is genuinely suicidal and not have that as the main priority (and pile on and make it worse) is mind blowing to me. I say this as someone who has been cheated on and betrayed - I would **never** have been ok with my partner being suicidal and in crisis. I feel you need to hear this because you continually make excuses for your wife's behaviour. It isn't ok. No matter what. Honestly I have long believed that the best thing you could do for your mental health is have a break from her.
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It really isn't different to other themes. You have intrusive thoughts. All the time. "Omg I had this fantasy about XYZ person ten years ago I'm a pervert! I need to tell my wife!" - THOSE are the intrusive thoughts! I feel like you are not really listening to this because you've been told it so many times. In fact I think the repeating of this statement is now bordering on reassurance. Having a fantasy is irrelevant. It could've been anything. It could've been locking the door, or washing your hands, or driving, or writing an email, or any other mundane activity. The intrusive thought is the "omg this thing happened I'm terrible!" thought you get afterwards. Your OCD is really not special or different to any other kind and plenty on the forum have had a similar type.
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Nll I know this is v personal and you don't have to answer here but is there **any** way you could somehow get hold of some money for a few private sessions. I know this is insanely difficult for so many especially at the moment. But I mean - can you temporarily sell your car or even take out a loan or borrow from someone or whatever. I know these things are drastic but this is absolutely ruining your life and if I was your wife for example I would be sitting down and thinking about **anything** you could do to solve this.
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Cora come on Every time you gave a question like this you need to think STOP and leave it alone
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ROCD relationship focused ocd
gingerbreadgirl replied to a topic in Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
Hi there I'm really sorry if my message confused things or triggered you. From your subsequent messages it does seem like there is definitely an OCD aspect to this. I suppose I didn't have enough information from your initial post and that was my bad for not asking for more info so I'm sorry. Also I wasn't saying it's not OCD as it definitely may very well be (and I said in my first message) just I guess none of us are qualified to diagnose. I guess one thing I might say is - if he was to leave you right now, how would you feel? Would you feel relief or sadness or a mix. Anyway again I'm really sorry if I've confused anything that wasn't my intention. I think sometimes people can find themselves feeling trapped in relationships so was just wanting to say if the is the case that is also ok. Either way though self compassion is definitely a must here -
ROCD relationship focused ocd
gingerbreadgirl replied to a topic in Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
Hi there. This is tricky and I don't want to complicate anything by offering a potentially alternate view. Obviously none of us here can tell you for sure if you have OCD or not. But - from what you describe above - I think could be OCD but I also think it could plausibly not be. I don't think it is unheard of to have these types of thoughts, even quite obsessively, and not have OCD. The reason I am saying this is because - and I could be way out of line here - but is there a possibility you do actually want to leave, but you're afraid to, so it feels easier to "solve" the issue by writing exposure scripts and such rather than confront the uncomfortable possibility that maybe the relationship actually has run its course? Please feel free to ignore this and I could be completely wrong, and I'm also aware what I say above may be quite triggering for some so please feel free to ignore. -
The thing is I believe you are using theory a / theory b as a way of reassuring yourself at this point. I think if you were to go right to the source of your fear as DRS1 Suggests, and show yourself you don't care - you will get stronger v quickly. I mean what you're doing right now just isn't working is it? Surely is worth trying a different way.
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Unfortunately though you can't have both Cora - it's like saying you want to not have a broken leg but you also want to run your leg over with a car. You can't have both - so which would you prefer?
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Pretty much yes! Therapy for this type of OCD would absolutely involve accepting uncertainty around being a paedophile or not.
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Hi Cora At the moment you have two choices: 1. Make steps to recover from OCD and live a life free from this torment 2. Try to solve these "problems" around whether you're moral or not Unfortunately the truth is you cannot have both. It's one or the other. So which do you want more? Bear in mind that the more you try and do 2, the further away 1 will get and the worse your quality of life will be. every time you post you need to think very honestly about which one if these you want more? Really ask yourself whether you want to prioritise 1 or 2. Only you can decide that. At the moment you do 2 every single time. Can you see that?