snowbear

Look after yourself, Tryingtostaycalm. You're the one holding things together just now, so remember to take some time out for you (schedule it in and insist upon it if needs be) and to relax whenever possible. Going back to work is a good thing for both of you. Having nothing to do allows OCD to take over the whole family's lives more easily. When there are other demands that have to be met it's easier to refuse to get drawn into the time-consuiming rituals - just leave him to it and go to work. He'll find his own way around it and cope better than you expect, believe me.

straddled

I hear you regarding being left with your OCD untreated as long as the depression is gone. Getting OCD after pregnancy recognised as an illness in itself (equal in severity to post-natal depression) is really difficult. If you're sat at home with your feet up during lockdown... (yeah right, as if with a 6 and a 3 year old!) I recommend a self help book called Break Free from OCD which you can read more about here. Very best of luck with the scan and best wishes.

whose

cheese

Hi JAM88, welcome to the forum. You're in a very difficult situation at present due to the extra care you need to take for yourself and your partner. I feel for you. You've identified the root of your OCD fears lies in bringing harm to anyone, so all you can do is take the precautions advised by your health care team and then try not to engage with the thoughts, knowing you've done all that can be reasonably required of you. Easier said than done, I know! But there really is no other way to deal with it other than to let the thoughts be without doing anything extra to accomodate them (compulsions like ruminating.) When you've had CBT, did you look at ways to help you keep the risk in perspective by changing your interpretation of the thoughts? For example, instead of 'If I go to the hospital I could bring back the virus and my husband could die' which results in severe anxiety you might rephrase it to 'When I go to the hospital I'll follow the recommended precautions and when I come home my husband can share in the excitment of the new baby when he sees the scan picture' which results in more positive feelings . Switching your focus from the worst that could happen to an alternative and equally possible scenario can help keep some perspective rather than assuming the worst is likely to happen just because it's the worst that could happen. Another option, which I think is reasonable given the circumstances, is to phone your obstetrician's secretary and ask for a telephone consultation with him/her. Ask what you're gaining by doing the scan now rather than in another few weeks ( hopefully the risk will be reducing week on week soon). If the main reason for the scan is checking dates, you might think it's worth a bit of uncertainty over when the baby's due. If it's to exclude very serious abnormalities which (if present) might lead you to decide on a termination then further delay isn't possible. So ask the obstetrician what the purpose of the scan now is (what you have to lose/gain by delaying it) and then you should be in a better position to decide if you need to go dressed in the protective gear supplied or if you can skip this scan and have one done later in the pregnancy instead. Very best of luck with everything! Let us know how you get on.

Hi BelAnna, As ever it's the interpretation you put on your thoughts which creates the OCD problem. You've latched onto the idea that death is a likely outcome and then you're reacting as though the tiniest slip up will 100% guarantee the death of a loved one. No wonder you're exhausted, doing so many rituals! Understandably you're struggling at the moment, but perhaps it would help to identify which bits are reasonable precaution taking and which worries are completely OCD driven so they don't become ingrained beliefs that you have to do them. Using gloves to open post isn't necessary, even for people judged high risk (World Health Organisation and UK Government guidelines both agree the risk from post and parcels is very, very low.) The risk from your leg touching the post is zero, suggesting your OCD is tracking imagined contamination trails. You don't need to wipe shopping routinely either unless someone in your house is in the very high risk group (elderly and has another risk factor such as illness). Even if you decide that wiping the groceries makes you feel better, showering afterwards is 100% OCD. Simply washing your hands after putting things away is more than adequate. Seeing other people out walking, the electrician, ringing the doorbell ...all these worries are created by the belief that death is a likely outcome to even a whiff of possible exposure to the virus. Fortunately the virus isn't anywhere near as transmissible as your OCD has you believing. Perhaps it would help to get your focus off the most extreme outcome (death) and think of the protective steps you take as 'doing enough and staying safe'. A small shift in the words you use when talking to yourself can have a large impact on your emotions. The change of wording from 'death' to 'staying safe' changes the message your brain hears a thousand times a day and can reduce your hyperalertness to danger. At a time when much of the population is being more than a little OCD about things (!) it may help you to reduce your rituals and worries more in line with what others are thinking and doing. Worth a try?

Imagine your best friend has had a bad day and feels ashamed and stupid. What would you do? Give her a hug and be compassionate of course. Time to practise some self-compassion, Cub!

Of course they feel like your 'normal' thoughts and feelings. They are exactly the same in the sense that they ARE just thoughts and feelings. What makes it OCD is the way you react to them. Say you have a thought, 'I've run out of milk, I must buy some more.' Your heart might skip a beat at that moment, but because buying milk isn't a scary issue for you the skipped heartbeat goes unnoticed and the thought passes through your head without an emotional reaction. However, when the thought is 'I could be a pedophile' that scares you. So you react. You start trying to work out why you had such a thought when you know deep down it's at odds with who you are. The harder you try to find an explanation the more your brain goes into hyperdrive. You start to notice every twitch and physical reaction in your body. You associate the physical reactions with the thought and interpret it as evidence the thought has validity. You feel compelled to resolve the fear (the feeling something is at odds) by testing your reactions or thinking about the thought more in an attempt to solve the puzzle. Every result you discover is interpreted according to the rule, 'Best to play it safe and assume this is further evidence that what I fear is true. That way I can't be caught off-guard.' And there you go - round and round the OCD cycle - thought> fear > compulsion > interpretation> further thoughts > increased fear> more compulsions... OCD will always latch onto something where you fear the consequences of the thought/feeling being true. The bigger the consequences seem to you the stronger the OCD reaction will be. Shame and guilt in particular fuel the reaction because the social consequences attached to these emotions are typically huge. (You imagine socially devastating consequences such as rejection by your family, going to prison, being outcast.) To break the cycle you have to take the leap of faith and trust the thought really was just a random thought like buying milk, that it was your reaction which made it seem important. Then stop doing compulsions like analysing, ruminating, looking for evidence, testing yourself, looking for things to prove/disprove whatever it is. At first this will make you feel anxious and unsettled because there's this HUGE ISSUE' in your life and you're making no attempt to resolve it. But after a while your brain realises you've stopped reacting and relabels the thought as 'not such a huge issue after all, SAFE to forget it'. And the OCD cycle is broken.

Treat it like any other obsessive thought intothewild. The topic is irrelevant, it's that you decide the thought is significant in some way and 'buy into' it when it's just a meaningless thought. Make sure you're not doing any compulsions that would keep the fear going (like checking you're dead/ not dead or reading up further on Cotard's.)

There's the problem in a nutshell, Cora. You tried to interpret something which needed no interpretation. It's only because you went looking for a meaning that you got your thoughts in a tangle. Next time just let it pass without looking for meaning in your body's response or your thoughts. If you're aware of a response, simply make a mental note that it doesn't matter and let it go.

This is typical OCD. Always looking for meaning and fixating on the worst thing it could mean based on whatever your worst fears are at the time. The thoughts mean nothing. Shrugging them off without worrying means nothing. Worrying about what they mean only means you're getting drawn in by OCD and need to let it go.

Hi Tryingtostaycalm. Welcome to the forum. We know this is a very difficult situation and the fact that life isn't normal for anyone at present isn't making it any easier. However, this isn't just about your husband's health any more. By stopping you all from leaving the house, even for essentials, his fears are impacting on the rest of the family to a degree which will also affect your mental health and that of your teenagers. A lot of people aren't going out to exercise and if that's their choice that's ok. But I think this is one area where you could perhaps stand up to the OCD demands and insist that if you or the children want to go out as permitted by the government rules then you're going to go - and do just that. You don't need to be overly confrontational about it. Simply state the fact you're allowed to go, that you will take the recommended precautions. You may also wish to say that you realise this will make him very anxious and you will do your best to help him manage his fears, but you aren't prepared to sacrifice the family's health to accomodate OCD. You may need to remind him you are just as keen as he is to protect the family, but you have a better perspective on things than he does at present. Regarding the excessive handwashing, try to reduce the amount you get drawn into his rituals and aim (as much as possible) to avoid giving reassurance (for example that he's done it 'right' or hasn't inadvertently touched something he 'shouldn't'.) He must be exhausted and very scared just now. I imagine he's locked into OCD thoughts every waking moment. Encourage him to participate in normal life whereever possible as a distraction /alternative to ruminating and doing rituals. That can be as simple as getting him to talk to you while you prepare dinner, or chatting as a family while he sits with his arms folded. 'Participating' for now can mean just joining in mentally even if he doesn't feel up to touching things. (Watching tv doesn't count though as he's likely to be off in his head worrying rather than watching.) We're here if you want to chat further.

Sounds like you're keeping the cycle going by being afraid of the consequences of letting it go. That's another typical OCD trait, as if letting it go equated to 'letting yourself off the hook'. What you need to realise is there's no 'hook' to be let off. It's ok to stop punishing yourself like this and just let it go.

I stopped reading right there... We don't need to know the details to know what's coming next is OCD, pure and simple. Looking for evidence it's not OCD is OCD doing its thing, making you ruminate and check and doubt. Everything past that sentence is the result of your compulsions. The more you try to fight, deny, prove or test your thoughts and feelings (all compulsions) the stronger the feeling it's 'true' becomes. Try to resist getting drawn into the arguments in your head. Resist testing yourself as that proves nothing and keeps you locked into believing the thoughts (sending you round the cycle again and again.)

Hi livinglife, The belief that your thoughts can cause bad things is magical thinking. Thoughts have no power of that sort. Shrug them all off as 'just thoughts' no matter what the voice in your head tries to tell you.

Leopard

green

They don't. End of. Believing there's a link is known as 'magical thinking'. Everybody does some magical thinking now and then, it's an attempt to control our feelings because we can't control the outcome of something we fear. Feelings are more powerful than logic. So though your logical mind told you it was ridiculous you went along with the feeling that told you it was possible for you to control the outcome by taking some form of action. That's the OCD cycle you're caught up in. Thoughts> anxiety> compulsion> thoughts> anxiety> compulsion>thoughts>anxiety> compulsion. At the time it feels easier to give in than resist and suffer the anxiety. Unfortunately every time you give in it reinforces the belief you can control the outcome which reinforces the feeling the compulsions are necessary. And round the cycle you go again. The point is you don't have to do the compulsions. Doing them can't stop the thoughts from coming back. As long as you fear the thoughts coming back they will keep returning, locking you into a cycle of feeling you have to stop them happening. The way to break out of this is to shrug off the thoughts as meaninglrss thoughts with no power (which is exactly what they are.) Let them come if they want without trying to avoid them or stop them. Chances are this will make you anxious at first, but if you sit with the anxiety and refuse to get drawn into believing you need to react to the thoughts being there then the anxiety will gradually reduce. Once your brain registers you're not afraid of thinking the thoughts it will stop thinking them (stop flagging them as something dangerous you need to respond to) and go find something more interesting to do.

Hi Bob, It's not failure if you learn something from it. OCD convinced you there's a link between a thought you had and your Nan's welfare, so you did a compulsion (checked the plugs) in an attempt to control events which are beyond your control. You need to learn there is NO link between the thoughts we have and events around us. Thoughts have no power. Thinking a thought (whatever the topic) has no power to do good or bad in the world so it needs no countering or response. It's safe to let the thought come and go, or stay around as long as it wants. You don't need to do anything in response except resist the urge to do compulsions (things which make you feel better about having the thought.)

Hi Loopy and welcome to the forum. You describe the situation eloquently and show good insight so I'm certain you'll do very well with the help of this experienced therapist. I've been housebound for 16 years due to OCD (and comorbid PTSD) and over that time have tried time and again to turn things around. Every time I get to the brink of change life throws more **** in my face. When you've suffered a lot over a very long time it's natural to think ''The universe is laughing at me, spitting in my face.'' But of course no such thing is happening. (When coronavirus scuppered my recent plans to get back outside this Spring my initial thought was the pandemic was the universe's way of thwarting me yet again - egotistical and illogical or what? ) Thankfully I was able to dismiss the thought at once and laugh at myself, because that kind of personalised interpretation of events isn't accurate and isn't healthy. Better ways to look at the obstacles life puts in your way is either to shrug them off as random bad timing, or to think of it as the universe testing your resolve to change so that when you succeed in spite of the extra challenges coming your way the future will be a breeze by comparison. However you interpret it, DO grasp that chance to change with both hands and give it your all. Keep a clear picture of your goals in mind for when the going gets tough and reward yourself for small successes along the way. Very best of luck and let us know from time to time how you're getting on (or reach out if you need support. )

Hi Terriblethoughts, All that is happening here, again and again, is you're getting caught up in the meaning you've put on all this. Your fear is that moving your body a certain way or thinking certain thoughts means something, but that is wrong. It means nothing more than if you'd had a thought about icecream and licked your lips in response. AmandaG has put it well - ALL of your last post was rumination that began with you buying into the idea the thoughts/movements are bad. Instead of labelling them as bad we're telling you to label them as neutral. Allow yourself to think the thoughts and shrug off the fact they're in your head. Allow your body to move if it does in response and shrug it off as meaningless. As long as you insist on believing 'this is bad' the thoughts will continue to happen, because you're labelling them as bad , not because they are bad. (They are meaningless thoughts and movements.)

Every word of what you wrote here is you ruminating, analysing and checking your thoughts, feelings and actions. All of it is performing compulsions. Whether and how you move your legs is irrelevant. What you're thinking or feeling at the time is irrelevant. What you think it says about you ( ''so it’s still sick even IF it was testing'') is also irrelevant. These thoughts, feelings and movements mean absolutely nothing in themselves. You are putting a meaning on them in line with your OCD fears - that there is some kind of sexual related problem here and that that makes you a bad person in some way. Interpreting things that way is at odds with who you know you are / how you truly see yourself. This creates discomfort which you attempt to resolve by disproving or explaining the thoughts/actions (doing compulsions like rumminating, analysing, checking, testing.) So the solution is not to keep doing more compulsions until you erase the discomfort or resolve things so your thoughts are no longer at odds with 'the real you' as this is impossible to do no matter how long you keep at it. The solution is to go back to where you're giving the thoughts meaning and understand how you're getting the meaning wrong because of the fear you feel that you might be different to how you want to be.