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GreyCat

Bulletin Board User
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  • OCD Status
    Sufferer

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    Female

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  1. GreyCat

    Intrusive thoughts/visions

    Yes, exactly I also think how irresponsible it would be not to check. I know that in 99% everything should be fine, but it could be the 1% where not checking would just be completely careless.
  2. GreyCat

    Intrusive thoughts/visions

    Hi Dragonfly, Unfortunately I again cannot give any advice but I've the same. I have it with animals though. My fear is that I might have hurt an animal with the car and I often have to go back and check or sometimes I brake and look in the back mirror for ages. Or I think I might have touched another car and could not hear it because the music was too loud. I then check the car if there are any signs of an accident and since the car is very old it does have minor damages. Of course I know that they are old and I know from which incidents they are but I then doubt if this is really true or if something might have happened today. I only can stop checking with iron will, telling myself every time I doubt that nothing happened and then refuse to look in the back mirror or drive back. This makes me extremely anxious but it eventually subsides. I also know what you mean with cleaning products. I don't have it with myself but with the cat food. When I was in contact with washing powder or a cleaning spray and then want to feed the cats I get doubts if I really washed my hands. I then have to throw away the cat meals and make them once more. I know this is one time too much but luckily I never had to repeat this since I then focus on washing my hands and then I know for sure that the cats are safe. I know I should not do this but I simply cannot stand the thought that I might harm the cats because of having been careless. Strange enough I don't care at all when it comes to my food. I know that I couldn't give a helpful advice but I wanted to let you know that you're not alone.
  3. Yes, there is really a huge progress regarding knowledge and treatment in the UK telling from what I read here in the forum. Unfortunately it's not the same here. Maybe we'll get there somewhere in the future but this will be too late for me. I've had my problems for 30 years without anyone ever coming up with a diagnose. And it's really severe. The checking is so out of control that I can't hide it anymore. I'm very happy that I found this forum but I fully agree with you CBT would be absolutely necessary and maybe the gamechanger.
  4. GreyCat

    WOW!

    Yes, wonderful to read it and I'm very happy for you. Thank you also so much for sharing and giving others hope.
  5. GreyCat

    Skin Picking

    I'm very sorry to learn that you're suffering so much. Up until 3am every morning is really hard. As you say it's so time-consuming. I'm only at the beginning of my journey to recovery so I cannot give any advice. But perfectionism also comes to my mind first. I'm so afraid of making a mistake that I'm often not able to write at all. For the skin picking however it's not only perfectionism in my case, some of it yes, because it must feel and look right, the other part is almost unconscious, it's less causing stress but more so a remedy to reduce the stress. When I'm occupied with my skin I cannot check electronic devices, my work.... I don't know if it's the same for you, but for me it's really black or white only. I seem not to be able to slowly reduce the compulsions. If I only give in once I'm no more able to stop and also all the minor compulsions come back again. I wish you all the very best!
  6. GreyCat

    Skin Picking

    Hi Bird, I can fully understand, I do the same, my legs look like a mess (old wounds). The only thing really helping me is distraction. I force myself to listen to some music on youtube (in order not to listen only but to also see it) or to watch something on TV. And then I try to focus 100% on the music or on the TV. The first few minutes it's extremely hard but it then becomes better if you really focus on the thing supposed to distract you. I don' t know what works best for you but for me it's definitely music. In the beginning I had to distract myself quite long but now I can continue the day after only a few minutes distraction. And I force myself to ignore all "messages from my skin" to "treat" it.
  7. GreyCat

    Meet a toxic doctor.

    I also think that you clearly have OCD. And I can understand that you're upset since we always think that doctors should be perfect. But well they are not, they are human beings as we are, which means they are also making mistakes, they have their egos, they can be misinformed.
  8. Hi, I'm very sorry to learn that you're having such a difficult time. It's the same here, I'm sitting at my desk and I'm not even able to start the work because I'm so afraid of making a mistake. I think we have to do both, exposure as you say but also change our attitude towards mistakes. We've to accept that we're not perfect and we've to be forgiving to ourselves in case we should make a mistake. If I take my colleague, she constantly makes mistakes from minor to severe but she simply doesn't care, doesn't care about the extra work for the others, the costs.... We don't have to go to this other extreme but from this example you can see that the problem is not the thing itself - in this case the mistake - but really only the meaning we give it. Unfortunately I can't give any advice as to how to get there since as mentioned I'm sitting at my desk and I'm not able to start the work, hands are shaking, sweating, huge anxiety. I'm not afraid of the work but I'm afraid of how long the checking will take and how nervous it will make me. So unfortunately no good advice but I wanted to show you that you're not alone
  9. This is very good news
  10. Hi njb, I fear I can't be of much help but I think you gave the answer yourself. You've a OP tomorrow, you have been looking for the kids and the dog which certainly means additional work. From what I could learn here, stress usually makes the OCD worse. I'm afraid I cannot be of more help. Struggling extremely today too and I'm very anxious to type. I just wanted to say hi to let you know that you're not alone.
  11. Hi, I'm really sorry that you're under so much pain. I can fully understand since I've the same problem. Sometimes I can't even start the task since I'm too afraid of how long the checking will take afterwards. But for me also the only option is not to check at all, not even once since when I check once I usually cannot stop again. But not checking also makes me very anxious and I kind of try to run away by hurrying from task to task (it's like a race then). The anxiety level becomes higher and higher like this but at least I don't connect it to an individual task in the evening but to the whole day. This makes it then impossible to check one special task again. I hope this makes somehow sense. Sorry in advance for possible mistakes in the spelling but I cannot re-read my message at the moment.
  12. GreyCat

    Please any advice?

    Hi Gingerbreadgirl, Thank you so much for your reply. It's very helpful and I will try to work exactly as you suggest it. I've to admit though that only reading it made me extremely anxious. The thought alone to leave the kettle plugged in is hard to bear. And I've another checking issue which is even a worse obstacle: the safety of my cats. And one of them is extremely reckless and careless putting his head in every bag and drawer, stealing all items from pens to scissors. So there is a real danger that he might hurt himself should I forget something. I know it sounds like an OCD lie but for me it's impossible to distinguish between real risks and dangers and the ones only my brain is creating. But I will start with the list and I'll begin with the less "dangerous" things. Thank you very much for your advice. I greatly appreciate it. And there is also another point which fits perfectly: it's important to find a big "why", a motivation. Living alone is not helpful since a partner for example would certainly not accept that he must not touch the stove. I would be forced to work on it. But then I really, really want to become better. It's awful to be a prisoner of your checking habits. And my life really is a prison, I've lost all freedom, I cannot even leave the town (I've an issue with driving as well). Again thank you so much for your great advice. Take care too!
  13. GreyCat

    Please any advice?

    Hi PolarBear, Thank you very much for your reply. I wanted to answer right away yes of course I'm ready to make the changes but I then gave it a second thought and in fact I thought about it the whole night and I'm very confused and shocked now. I think your question is right, I'm not ready to make the changes. If possible I would go back to where the checking was still manageable, time-consuming yes, high anxiety yes but nevertheless manageable. Or the other way round, of course I want recovery but I was not ready to do the hard work, I was hoping for a good fairy taking it away. It's true that I don't get medication, that I don't get CBT but I was using this as an excuse. I did read and work with some self-help books but reading is very difficult for me since I've to read every single word and if I'm not sure if I read everything I've to re-read the whole paragraph/page or even chapter. But I realize now that the obstacles are real but nevertheless they came in handy because I did use them as an excuse. Realizing this I'm completely confused now and shocked. I've to think about it
  14. GreyCat

    Please any advice?

    Hi Gingerbreadgirl, Thank you so much for your reply. This was very helpful since I really thought that with OCD you cannot reach the point of 100% certainty. I'm making the same experience: more and more is required to reach the point of certainty and in my case it's not increasing gradually but really in big steps. And the things I can't do any more become more and more. Sometimes I can't even use the washing machine any more since the anxiety if it's turned off again is just too much to bear (and it even switches off automatically). If it continues at this speed I'll become immobile. I don't quite understand how to stop the checking circle since there are real risks if you don't switch electric devices off or if you leave the door open. And I'm extremely easily distracted so any noise around and I may very well forget something.
  15. Good evening, may I ask for some advice? I know that this is a frequent question but I'm really not sure if it's OCD since I've no official diagnose. And I'm no more sure if I'm on the right way. I have to check everything several times, sometimes it takes a long time. When I switch the Computer on in the morning I'm already scared of how long it will take in the evening until I'm sure it's off again. As mentioned before I've several electric devices in my car, the iron is in the bath tub, I don't cook any more and I can't open a window. But before I started exposure and trying not to check any more I did reach the point of absolute certainty which is as far as I understand not common for OCD. After checking the lights and the doors sometimes countless times I was sure that they were off respectively closed. If my neighbour would call me now saying the lights are on I would know 100% that this cannot be the case. So it is and was very time-consuming but I reached the level of being 100% sure, now it's anxiety and panick only. What am I doing wrong? I really would be thankful for any advice. Sorry for any spelling mistakes, reading and re-reading all my Emails is also one of my problems so I'm trying not to do it any more.
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