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LeopardM

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    England

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  1. Hi, I'm having a bit of a struggle today so I thought I'd write down what happened and how I'm going to deal with it. Sorry if some of it is a bit gross, I won't go into too much detail. Any ideas or suggestions are welcome. I managed to block my toilet badly enough that it backed up and contaminated my shower, and I don't mean OCD contamination, I mean obviously dirty water. Fortunately I have another bathroom I can use to have a shower, although I had to clean it first because I haven't used it for nearly two years. I haven't been able to go to work today, because the best I can do at the moment is try to calm down and understand that nothing too bad has happened and I am perfectly clean after my shower. After that I'm going to do some chores and get myself sorted so I can go back to work tomorrow, and then I'm going to use this as a kickstart to make some progress with sorting out my house. I wan't to able to have people visit my house again and I want to really beat this OCD because I'm getting fed up with it now. Thanks for reading.
  2. Thanks for all your replies. I might pick up the droppings before i vacuum, I'll see how it goes, but I think the most important thing for me is to avoid using this as an excuse to disinfect the carpet, so I'll resist that. Although I'm anxious about using the vacuum, if I can get through that I want to stick to a regular schedule - I really want to live in a normal, clean house again.
  3. Hi, Sorry for posting what seems like a silly question, but I need some advice because I'm having a problem deciding what is a normal response to a problem and how much my thinking is being influenced by OCD. My contamination OCD is centred around the fear that I've contaminated my carpets, basically by not keeping my bathroom/toilets clean in the past, and this has spread around my house. I've been making slow progress with ERP around the house, and I'm just starting the toughest exposures so far which is touching the carpet without washing my hands. It's taken me about a year and a half to build up to this, which is way too long, but I've finally got there. The problem is that I've had mice in my house during that time (and on previous occasions) so there are mouse droppings around the house - not so many that you'd immediately notice them, but they are there. I don't think I have mice at the moment as I got the pest controllers in, but you never know as they are sneaky little things and quite good at hiding! Anyway, the problem is I don't know what a normal response to this would be as I tidy up my house from the neglect it's had due to my OCD (I haven't vacuumed my carpets for years for fear of spreading germs). I could steam clean my carpets, but I fear that this would be an excuse for my OCD as I've been resisting doing it as a response to my contamination fears (I bought a steam cleaner when I thought I had contaminated my carpets, but before I knew it was OCD). Or I could pick up the droppings (with gloves on) as I find them and spray that small area with disinfectant, but not worry about any contamination spreading further. Or I could just vacuum as normal and not worry about it at all. But I'm worried that this is less than a normal person would do, for example I know my family use disinfectant when cleaning up if their pets make a mess. Sorry for the long post but I'm struggling to remember what a normal person would do in this circumstance. I don't want to give in to my OCD as this would feel like a step backwards. On the other hand I don't want to do something that a normal person would regard as dirty. Thanks for any advice.
  4. Hi, I use Silvercloud and I've found it to be really helpful. I found the combination of online study, tools and exercises that you could do at a steady pace you were comfortable with, combined with phone reviews with a supporter worked really well. I've had my last review but I'm still using the tools to maintain progress. My tips would be: Make steady progress a bit at a time, rather than trying to do too much all in one go. Work through the whole programme, I found some parts were really useful (and I still use them) others less relevant to me, but still worth doing. Do the homework/write up before each review so it gives you a starting point to talk through what is important to you. I hope it goes well for you, good luck
  5. Soph, I sympathise with what you are going through, I have contamination OCD and one of my fears was touching the hand rails on trains and the underground. If I touched one accidentally I would keep my hand rigid and avoid touching anything until I had washed it. I'm over that now, thanks to CBT (still have plenty of other worries to work through though). The only advice I can give is take the exposures and the anxiety gradually, and build on it when you feel ready. For example when I started I would touch the hand rail just as I was leaving the train. Then after doing that a few times I would hold the hand rail for one stop along the journey, then two, then three etc. It wasn't easy at the time, but now I can travel normally and only think about it occasionally when I remember how much easier travelling is now. I hope this helps and good luck.
  6. Yes, I have similar thoughts, for example I'm quite happy to eat in my kitchen, which my OCD tells me is 'contaminated', provided I wash my hands afterwards before I touch anything that's 'clean'. Doesn't make any sense really, but then OCD never does. The good news is CBT can overcome this, I'm gradually reducing the number of things I think of as 'contaminated' and washing my hands less often than I used to. I'm sure you can too and if it's at the mild stage now I hope you can nip it in the bud before it becomes a big problem.
  7. I have contamination ocd so I could be upset by this but I'm not. Why? He's clearly joking. Some might not find it funny, but he's not being serious. If you read the article he's a graduate of Princeton and Harvard - smart enough not to really believe that if you can't see something it doesn't exist. I know the level of handwashing he (jokingly) talks about isn't the right one, but nor is what my OCD tells me to do. I'm not there yet, but I'm working to get back to something like what taurean describes.
  8. Great topic, my resolutions are: Keep challenging myself and making progress. Have less downtime where I pause because I'm too anxious (or busy or lazy!) to move on to the next step. Logon to my online therapy programme at least every other day. Read 'Break Free from OCD', which I bought last year, but only read a few chapters (it was good, but see above about being too busy or lazy!)
  9. Hi Jamie, I think you are being too hard on yourself - it sounds to me like you have taken the right approach, worked hard and made some really good progress. I know when I try to look too far ahead it can feel overwhelming, so I try to focus on feeling good about the progress I have made and working on the next step. Keep doing what you've been doing and gradually the anxiety will lessen and you can move on to the next challenge. You said yourself you felt less anxious in the morning, hopefully next time it will be even less and so on. Best of luck, and don't give up.
  10. Hi, I've been doing online therapy, a programme called Silvercloud which you work through yourself plus some reviews of what you've done by phone with a counsellor/supporter at the start. I've found it really helpful in understanding my OCD and in giving me the tools to tackle it. So far I've completed one set of issues and started work on the second more difficult one. You need to have some self discipline, but I'm sure that's the same with all therapy, and you can progress at your own pace, just keep yourself going and the progress you make becomes the motivation to take the next step.
  11. taurean and bobfish, thanks for your support it really helped. I managed to do today's exposure with just one compulsion, and as soon as I did it I was cross with myself and didn't do it again. I kept telling myself, do I want to listen to the OCD or to the CBT and the advice on the forum? It wasn't easy but I feel like I've made another small step forwards.
  12. Thanks taurean. I did the exposure today and it was a partial success, I did have to wash my hands afterwards, but not before I had touched a few other things first. So now I have some anxiety about touching those things tomorrow, but I'm going to do it anyway. My OCD is trying to tell me those things are 'contaminated' but rationally I know they are not.
  13. I have just written out a TFB cycle for the first really hard step on my heirarchy of fears, which relates to touching things I think I have 'contaminated' without washing my hands afterwards. Up to now I have made progress, but it has all been related to other 'contamination' that exists in the world, which is easier for me to deal with. Hopefully, I'll do my first ERP on this tomorrow, if I'm ready.
  14. I did the first ERP on a new step on my heirarchy of fears today, touching the handhold on the underground on the way to work without washing my hands afterwards. A small step forward, but I haven't done that for at least 18 months, so I'm quite happy.
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