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Sparklesmango

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  1. But I genuinely don't know if that could do damage it wasn't imagined what I did the first thought was but I just feel like I went too far that it went too far in the pressure I put on was too much like and that's not a question I know it wasn't like there no way that could do anything coz it was firm I mkstakenly did That under the wrong oretense thinking that the bone was underneath and that that couldnt harm it was only after I thought sugar I probably shouldn't hage done that what I'm worried about is not knowing if this could affect in anyway and I probably will never know I don't know anymore
  2. I appreciate all your replies Tauren I'd love for some ore input from others too maybe I am reassurance seeking but God I can't handle this
  3. I'm losing the plot. Can't cope I juet want this to stop
  4. I appreciate your replies, I'm really struggling here though it's the not knowing God I just can't moved on
  5. Thanks for the reply urge still struggling with this and the depression with it ?
  6. I find usually with "resolving" an obsession we never have true certainty it's just to a point we can live with and our brain clears up to some degree. I agree with the poster that said this is all just one big rumination. Nobody is saying it easy but the first step I would think would be allowing it to be there without addressing it for a day, even mentally in your own mind, acknowledge its there and go on with your day, it's the unresolvable issue you just leave alone like, so many topics, God, politics, am I going to die, in the next few seconds these are all possibilities but we just don't address them. It might serve you well to think of this as just another thing you have no interest in resolving like discussing never ending subjective topics. Did we land on the moon, who knows ? If a tree falls is it really sound kind of thing treat the topic with the irreverence it deserves. Something else will soon come along but allow yourself to feel whatever you feel don't undo it the whole undoing is only a mechanism in your mind, it's not changing reality the reality is you don't know a hundred percent nobody does, I don't know I'm even typing this right now a hundred percent I could be a brain in a vat we don't really know but you know what im happy in my blissful ignorance lol in in order to be healthy we have to do healthy things mental health is no different what your doing here is the physical equivalent to eating five cheeseburgers a chocolate shake the entire row of Krispy Kreme doughnuts and wondering why your putting on weight. you can overcome this you just need to make healthier choices
  7. My advice would be to it a day at a time, don't think about your life as a whole, you are where you are the question is what are you doing to make it better now, most people who have a good life are able to cut their losses regardless of there age, I know when people are depressed it's hard to see the positives it really is but I think it's all a mindset and we seem to admire those people that n that mindset don't have hang ups about what could have been and what was they just take the best from what is I'll give u an example there was a guy getting interviewed death metal now I'm not into the music as such but his response to a question I thought was great a guy asked him your forty years old now do you think there's so much in your life you wish you would have done, and his answer was no... Not at all, I've done everything I really wanted to now wether that was bs or not is beside the point the interviewer was trying to make him feel a certain way about getting old and looking back with regret and he refused to do so, it really is a mindset it mag comfort you to think of this life as faited what had to happen haopened and couldn't have any other way so now that you recognise it don't let it keep happening. "The powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse".
  8. Thanks for the response I kno that to some degree but I also kno it was a real action and the pressure was substantial if not a lot, which worries me I've debated asking a doctor maybe I'm convincing myself that would help. But I think I just need assurance, that this can't do that
  9. Your theme is very similar to mine, something I have been struggling with that truly is irrational, but I've had it all my life I get intrusive thoughts and think they have taken place, if you look into reality monitoring its a compulsion that is done to make sure, things haven't occured, I literally used to have to ask if I had left a room in the last five minutes, it's almost like a day dream and you coming to, you are not aware of your surroundings so the anxiety plays on that and made me feel something had transpired, yeh I was referred to a psychosis team initially but it is ocd, it's very obscure in how it's distorting your perception, I even handed myself imto the police once that didn't go well. unfortunately it's the same crux of all ocd issues - uncertainty and anxieties manipulation of that uncertainty the mechanism to beat it is still the same treating it as it were psychosis is an error. Lack of insight is possible a good rule of thumb is if the thoughts are coming with anxiety treat it as an ocd issue
  10. I know that feeling but Maybe you need to try maybe you need to let go and surrender, if you can learn to practise an acceptance of what is going In your head I'm sure over time it will rescind u don't have to accept something is true, sometimes we are forced to accept as we have explored every other option and it can be at this point when we are exhausted and can't fight anymore that people start making real progress. You need to be kind to yourself, you need to understand what you want is not possible (ultimate certainty) and that's okay that's not your fault. But u make the best of this, you have to try and think to some degree this was faited the spike, u have to accept things out of ur control. Ur story is similar to one my therapist told me when I was having therapy, she spoke of a woman who was convinced she had raped a man while he was asleep, years later she rang the man and asked him his response was I know you didn't do this. I would have known, etc. now this had no impact what so ever on her, and she still believes she did. You you have to let go of things in life to have a healthy life unfortunately, the irony is that you feel this thing has damaged your relationship or u can't acceept it to ur self but in turn the lack of acceptance is probably putting more strain than if u actually cheated so this is about being string enough to not obsess now for yourself and your partner and your future, forget about what happened or didn't happen I'd try to fixate and focus on your mind that is irrelevant now the question you should be asking yourself is am I trying not to obsess and that can be a source of your hardness on yourself if you make that your focus I'm sure things will start to get better for you
  11. This is ocd behaviour in my opinion, I think that unfortunately life we have to take people at face value until proved otherwise, you kind of have to practise mindfulness here, rumination is not going to help, being able to be free in your convo etc is how we establish dynamic socially and boundaries etc. you need to just embrace the friendship for what it is, and accept anything that may or may not happen.
  12. The SIAD was the forum stuckinadoorway I'm happy for anyone to chime in thanks posting this has made me quite anxious ?
  13. I'm preaching to myself here but isn't that pretty much the essence of ocd it latches onto uncertainties wether they are "reasonable" or not ur brain will always find a reason. I would imagine someone with out ocd may worry but would probably reconcile the fact that as best they know they did not cheat. It's the quest for definitive non existent certainty that we struggle with, that others don't. I'm fairly certain if I thought hard enough without anxiety I couldn't retrace steps back, memory is a very difficult thing at the best of times its very unreliable, you see it all the times in films characters say did we? To which often is a reply, I don't remember much but I'm fairly certain that didn't happen to which oft the character will say thank god, I mean the character being obsessed for the rest of the movie would be a crappy narrative but it is a reflection of the general reaction would be without ocd. Try to move on, to your knowledge you didn't cheat that's all one can rely on.
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