Laura86

Have to admit this is extremely triggering for me. I agree with the comments on how well the BBC reported on it and gave some hopeful insights for those suffering from taboo intrusive thoughts. I personally feel it presents a huge barrier for people who need and are looking for help. I have suffered on the whole since I was 8 but have suffered with sexual intrusive thoughts since I was 17 which is 16 years and can safely say I have never hurt anyone. I haven't openly told my dr other than years back advising I had extremely distressing intrusive thoughts but have had quite a few therapists who I have divulged all to and not one battered an eye lid. I unfortunately had to wait a long time for CBT as none of my former therapists understood it to be OCD and treated it primarily with talking therapy. Last year I had 7 sessions of CBT which I found extremely helpful and I am waiting again for more. I was considering speaking to my dr about this next week and looking for a diagnosis but i am now second guessing it.

Hi Cora, I can't offer much more than anyone else has said however I'd like you to know I have had VERY much the same thoughts as you. I am in a new relationship which is probably why I seem to be having a blip at the moment and we were being intimate and what thought pops in my head "please don't think of children whilst being intimate " but instead of spiralling I laughed it off because even though it isn't a nice thought I knew full well it was OCD rearing its bloody ugly head. I have suffered with OCD since 8 years old and have had POCD for 15 years or so. I don't think there has been one thought I've not had (or sensation or urge). Please keep your appointment with the psychiatrist....think of it this way, it can't get worse for you but it can get better!

Hi Matt, Fair enough each to their own I understand and I am happy you are finding you are on the path to recovery. That is very hopeful and great news. I can't comment personally on working with him as I haven't had any 1-2-1 sessions however I found his media content (to some extent) extremely confusing however I do find some of his YouTube videos helpful. Good luck on your journey ?

Thanks @Bodge that is extremely helpful! I have never read this however I do have it so it's made me want to pick it up so thank you very much for the prompt! ?

Rebecca I really think it could be anything but one thing I found that whilst I was doing ERP my anxiety was pretty high but came down quickly and I started doing exposures better and more easily and I would have a great few days and then the anxiety train would smack me outta nowhere. My OCD itself isn't majorly bad at the moment, I have my bad days but more so I am extremely functioning and can see it as OCD however my anxiety has been in overdrive and I have found myself questioning it but I just figure hey it's there and I am not going to let it ruin my experiences and life. You've got this!

Hi Rebecca, I get waves of anxiety and not a trigger or intrusive thought in sight. I think my anxiety and OCD go hand in hand. When I have anxiety on it's own I start analysing why because I don't have an intrusion.....I have learnt to just sit with the anxiety, trying not to analyse now or push it away but just to say "ok I know you are there and that's fine" I will sometimes then go on to exercises to steady myself like breathing etc or mindfulness...like the count 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can smell etc.. I also paint and have canvas paint by numbers and often find my anxiety naturally eases when doing those. As you are in therapy, are you doing ERP etc? My therapist told me that because you are dealing with the issues anxiety can crop up whenever for no reason sometimes. Stay strong!

This is fantastic, I am really looking forward to "attending" this. I am joining my first group zoom tonight which is pretty big for me and I am nervous and anxious about it for many reasons! Hope I can take away some good things away with me!

Thanks @MentalChecker you have given me some good nuggets of information I can take away!

Hi @carolinevtn Thanks for your response, I appreciate it. I had this guy feeling he wasn't legitimate and wouldn't help. Not taking away what he may have done for others if their stories are genuine but for me I feel he really isn't clear enough even in his posts so I can imagine when talking to him it can feel very frustrating. I am sorry you were so misled and betrayed with your trust in him. Given he claims he suffered with OCD you think he would be more understanding and actually want to help others with the same affliction rather than make money from them. It actually riles me...I did join the Facebook group page but felt it was all doom and gloom without much hope or him steering conversation around recovery or help. I quickly left the group. I hope you have found better help since, don't lose hope x

Thanks @MentalChecker my obsessions are more a what if for the future than false memory OCD although I have to admit that can come into it. I completely get what you are saying about reassurance, I like your idea of the reassurance bible and will look into that this week for a kind of help guide for myself. I am going to take some time this week to write down how my OCD surfaces I.e the different compulsions so I can begin tackling them. You have to know the beast to fight it, right?

Bless you, I understand its difficult for therapists when clients cancel however I think sometimes they have to take into account we are suffering....I have had to cancel therapy appointments before because of illness or I was just not wanting to get into it because I felt I needed to avoid it (ironic huh?) Try to be easy on yourself, your only human. Is your therapy through the NHS or private?

Good job Nikki! I can imagine just how difficult it is but you are doing the right thing!! Keep going ?

Hi Nikki I've had this before also but your dreams can very easily mirror the thoughts you have been milling over in the day. As POCD is prevalent for me too I understand how truly awful it is. I have been so caught up that I have been scared to go to sleep, I had compulsions I didnt even know I was doing, such as falling asleep with my hands over the cover rather than under it just to ensure I don't touch myself if I had a dream. As PB says don't mill over it, I know it is hard as I am still struggling with this but know you aren't alone

@MentalChecker Thanks for your response. I get that, I think that has become my new obsession if you will. I have found myself ruminating on how I could possibly accept that I could be that person. Perhaps it's a case of perception, rather than accepting I could be it may be more accepting that I won't 100% know for certain??! Like I say after dealing with this for 15 years I am much better than I used to be but still have my blips because of the doubts. I must also admit that I didnt keep my therapy in check, I didn't keep up with ERP or recovery work. I kind of buried it after my therapy sessions finished. I now understand it is a ongoing process and I need to keep at it, I avoided it because I thought if I did the work it would come back but it came back anyway. The silver lining is I am learning more this time and hopefully it will get me further on that recovery road.

I found that article to be truly interesting and bought a new aspect. I used to ruminate over groinal responses but I realised I was making it worse because I focused so much on it. Lily seems to be in a downward spiral and no amount of what we say will make a spec of difference. I know, I have been there. What everyone has said is on point, your OCD is tricking you and is extremely good at doing so, your constant rumination and confession on here is your compulsion. At the end of the day your dog knows nothing other than your love for them, so you got a twinge and felt as if you carried on to feel that..you said yourself it wasn't sexual and even if your brain convinced you it was it is just another aspect of OCD. I have learnt and still learning that the only person who can help is you, you have to put the leg work in and keep fighting the compulsions.

Thanks @malina that's useful to know when looking for a private therapist. I am on the waiting list for CBT with the NHS and I have to say last time she was brilliant and I have requested the same lady. Unfortunately only having 8 sessions (actually had 7 due to illness) doesn't seem quite enough so i am very aware I may need to look at private which is fine. I am happy to invest in myself and pay privately. But very useful to know about how a therapist may present themselves and now I'm older and a bit more concerned about what will work etc I will definitely ensure I ask the questions I need in terms of how they work and their experience. I can empathize with that although I did have a great university counselor however the help I looked in the other year as stated above and their reaction really affected me and I was in a bit of a daze for a long time after.

Hi @snowbear I have to admit I had the same feelings especially given he is meant to be an ex sufferer, I can't imagine if I were in that position I would be charging that amount. Each to their own but I agree a red flag raised itself to me too. I guess part of me hoped for a magic recovery but deep down I know it takes hard work and the program that is proven to work is CBT and ERP.. @Angst I would agree to that. I have had therapy on and off for years, I can't really see any have been unhelpful other than one therapist who made me feel I was a danger/what I was going through was wrong. I do believe there needs to be more stringent monitoring as people get away with the title coach without having any qualifications. Thanks for your input ?

Thanks @malina that makes sense. I can understand that, at the moment. Some days are better than others. I find with this blip I have a better grasp on reality and whether or not something is OCD which i see as a positive, I know there is a way to go but a step in the right direction at least.

Just come across this and am really grateful. Will definitely be taking advantage! Thank you!

Thanks both for your points of view...I can see the points in both of your posts. I think that's what Robert Bray works around @malina with the unconditional acceptance. I suppose it takes work and some days are easier to accept than others. I do understand the process of acceptance, I suppose some fears are easier to accept than others. I find I would be able to accept almost anything else other than paedophilia, I suppose that's why my OCD hits on that. ? Thanks @dksea I can see the thinking there. That makes sense to me although I would have to be careful as I could easily find myself ruminating over that one! I think like @L.M. i would be somewhere in the middle!

Not just me then! I may be reading it wrongly but I feel his posts strive toward thinking you need his help to recover but it left me feeling a little deflated when I realised it was £250 a session! I am toying with the idea of going private for CBT but that for me is a little steep! Anyhow personally I feel it may be about using different concepts to help one recover or at least manage OCD so it doesn't overwhelm you. CBT and ERP being the main with mindfulness and/or other therapies. Still OCD UK promote CBT and ERP so they must have the best rate of OCD management.

Throughout this last blip I have been, well I guess, giving into compulsion by searching for new ways to recover from OCD. I came across a guy called Robert Bray on Instagram. An ex sufferer who now states to help others, largely bases his recovery work on the grounding work of Albert Ellis and his concept of Unconditional Acceptance. Personally I have found his posts on it quite confusing as i would find it impossible to accept that i could be a paedophile and I don'tthink I would be on my own with that thought. Has anyone come across this concept and could shed a little light? I have tried asking the question to his group myself and only been filled with more confusion. Unfortunately to work 1 on 1 with him is really expensive and personally I feel it is unaffordable for most people. I am confused as to whether it means to accept the thoughts are there or to actually accept the uncertainty that you could be what you fear?

I am in the same boat to be honest. I have also just self referred myself and have been offered CBT and there is a waiting list. I have some self help books I am going to read but I have also been trying to use some of the techniques I was taught in my first bout of CBT. I also have, just today, found a podcast on this where the lady, an ex ocd sufferer speaks about it and i have found the first couple extremely helpful and informative! Everything she talks about resonates immensely! Try searching for OCD Recovery on spotify! ?

Absolutely, I have found many who don't suffer from OCD or anything in particular still have these negative feelings and is all a part of life's ebbs and flows.

Yeah I completely get that...I have guilt over the thoughts but also guilt at how I am when I am going through a particularly bad time. My guilt is just because I've even had the thought...my CBT therapist really helped me last year and I am on a waiting list for more with her. She really understood what I was dealing with and understood the feelings that came with it and made me understand it's all part of the cycle. It is an awful condition and sometimes I get so mad because I feel like it's unfair, but i know that does nothing but give me pain.. I believe you are probably in the same boat with the guilt, I don't think it's a sign of actual guilt for an action but more the lingering effects of the intrusions going on for so long.