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MissSparrow07

Bulletin Board User
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  • OCD Status
    Sufferer
  • Type of OCD
    "Pure-O"

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    Female

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  1. Thank you both. I really like your idea of “Give yourself permission to never know and be okay with that.” 😊 I’m going to write that in my bullet journal somewhere just about OCD in general. Thank you!
  2. Hi all, It’s been over a year now and I’m happy to say I have been pretty much 98% OCD free 😊 But over the last few days I’ve been experiencing the same thoughts/worries as my old post (see further down). I’m trying to resist the urge to do any research and also trying to resist my brain’s urge to talk to my stepsister and see if she remembers etc. My brain is like on one hand, she probably won’t even remember, she still likes seeing you etc. so you can’t have done anything bad. Then the next moment it’s if you remind her, she may have repressed it and she may then go to the police about it etc. But at the same time, she was the one who originally coerced me into playing games with her; as I was a MAJOR prude up until I went to uni - I would never have usually done anything like the games I describe on my original post. i think it’s mainly just because I can’t pin down the memory for 100% in my head and it just hinges around two things really: 1) did we have trousers pulled down slightly while she was lying on top of me, which I felt uncomfortable with anyway - but I don’t even remember 100% if we did that either. 2) The fact that the following day when I wanted to play a game where we would pretend we were at school giving sex-ed classes to boys - imagining they were there talking to them etc - not actually physically doing anything. She was like “I don’t wanna okay that” or something similar, and I was like well I want to or something along those lines. So I worry that I forced her into playing when she didn’t want to etc. I think it’s partly flared up as she’s now pregnant and so as a family we’re talking about her more and she’s been messaging me more lately etc which just kind of keeps reminding me about it all. I know this is all most likely reassurance seeking; but as nobody else is awake I just needed to get it all of my chest and see if anyone had any advice or just some support 😔 Thanks for reading!  OLD POST BELOW: Basically when me and my step-sister were younger (say about 10-12? There's only a year or less between us) and basically she used to play "sexual dares" and games with her other stepsister (she lives with her mum and we only saw her at weekends) and basically she persuaded me to play them with her, and so we would pretend to be having sex (fully clothed) with our teddies and stuff, or pretend to be having sex with the door or wall messing around. Then she suggested we play sex education class and so she kissed my cheek and stuff messing around and I told her to stop. But with my OCD false memories are beinn created or memories are being manipulated as I am sure I remember her being on top of me pretending to have sex with me like for a few seconds and I didn't like it but it didn't bother me too much (but i can't remember if our trousers were down slightly or not). There was no touching of each other's bodies involved. BUT I have been so worried that like it was abuse or something or like it's not normal behaviour? And I remember this took place over one weekend and the next day I'm sure I was like let's play that game again but pretend there are boys in the classroom and I remember unhooking my bra, but never revealing anything (I never used to get undressed or reveal anything in front of anyone) but I remember her being like "do we have to play?" and then I was like "come on it will be fun or something". But I worry that I either forced her to play or she forced me to play, but seeing as she played the game with her other stepsister first then I'm sure it wouldn't be me? I don't know?
  3. New thread started - please see new thread to post or read updates.
  4. Triggers: period, health anxiety Feeling really anxious right now...so basically I have definite health anxieties and I worry about getting pregnant a lot. So my period came on time as usual but it’s kinda light for me as mine are pretty bad. Before anyone asks I take precautions etc, don’t think I am pregnant it just gets into my head (OCD style ruminations). But I’ve been super stressed lately as I’m unemployed and job hunting and i suffer from anxiety anyway and last week I got so stressed I like blacked out and fell to the floor for a couple of seconds. Anyway getting to the point...I went to the docs today as my hearing has been off in one ear, she checked it and said there’s some discharge deep inside (I don’t know what this even means?) and she’s given me some ear drops. Cut to now, I have sinus pain and feel quite nauseous, so worried that A) something’s majorly wrong with me and I’m going to die on my sleep or B ) I’m pregnant which I know I’m not as my period is definitely getting heavier. I don’t even know why I’m posting, whether its reassurance seeking or what but just feel alone and scared right now
  5. I get it, I really do. Brain is a horrible thing, but you are getting reassurance from this forum (which is good cos it's help but bad long term cos you'll keep needing to seek reassurance) Have a read of this: http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forum/ocd-and-intrusive-thoughts/sexual-ocd-and-groinal-response-which-not-actual-arousal Hopefully it will help, but the best thing to do is try to accept that your brain is lying to you, OCD is cunning, it will try and argue back every single way, like a stalemate in chess. Accept it is not you, it is an illness and hopefully that will get you on the road to feeling better.
  6. There is a great thread (somewhere on here I can't remember) about groinal responses. I suffered these two with both my stepsister and my cousins. Physical contact felt disgusting to me, and if I was thinking about them just generally and had a groinal response I would blame myself and think all sorts of things. Issue is, we don't have control over our bodies, groundless responses can come at any time be it thinking about goldfish to your family to school etc. Please se don't do anything rash or harm yourself, get help! I have been in your position and come through the other side and I very very rarely even get these thoughts anymore! There is hope!
  7. Lily, I agree with OceanBlue. The fact that these thoughts are consuming you AND you are distressed/feel guilt surrounding them seems to suggest that OCD is at play. If you did have these tendencies you most likely wouldn't be worrying about them like this As I said in previous posts, I suffered terribly with these thoughts too. But with the help of this forum, an understanding doctor and medication, I can cope with my OCD now. Remember OCD is an illness, just like a cold. I hope you feel better soon!
  8. Thanks for your reply, its helpful to know there are people out there with both! Anyone else got advice or similar experiences?
  9. Possibly, I've been in 50mg since I was 16. Then because I felt anxious recently they bumped the dose up to 100mg. But it hasn't really seemed to help.
  10. I found medication helped me greatly, sertraline. I also had 6 sessions of CBT with the best therapist ever who I can't find now But it took me a good year or so, I still do get OCD moments as I call them, but I find that it has become easier to go okay, this is OCD, move on. It doesn't always work but from crying and having hundreds of thoughts a day, I'm now 9 years down the road and have maybe 1-2 bad episodes a year The future of bright, even if it doesn't feel like it.
  11. Hi, I too suffered terribly with these thoughts, but they focused on younger family members at the time. I couldn't bear to hug them or be near them because my mind would manipulate it into something inappropriate. One of the best things I found (probably not useful now) but was exposure therapy. So not being afraid of the hug or whatever, and if there was a groinal response or thought, label it as OCD. Detach it from yourself, it's not you thinking this, its OCD. I also was taught a technique of clenching my muscles working from my feet up to my head, each for 10 seconds and then picturing myself somewhere calm, like a boat or something you would find calming. I really found it calmed me and it was the only way I could sleep before my meds. Hope this helps and that you feel better!
  12. Hi guys, It's been a while! My sertraline has been doubled to 100mg, I'm on propranol now to. My anxiety has got worse, but it feels different to my usual anxiety if that makes any sense? I've also been to see my doctor and have been referred to a psychiatrist to discuss the possibility of having ADHD. For those who don't known men I'm 24, and I suffer from OCD/anxiety and have done since I was 15 and been on medication for this had had cbt in the past. However the past few months I've started work, well since April, in my dream industry, working on a TV show ! But I have found that a lot of things that I have struggled with throughout my life are all catching up with me and I'm piecing things together. So my anxiety has been super bad and I've noticed it's not the same as anxiety I get with OCD if that makes sense? It's more of an overwhelming feeling like I just can't cope with all the little things I have to do throughout the day like get ready! I struggle to remember basic personal hygiene things like showering, or I think oh yeah I need to do that then forget again and then I'll be running late.speaking of running late I have no concept of time, I'm constantly running late and I'm surprised work haven't mentioned anything yet ( it I suppose it's because I stay late to make up for it). My moods can go from one way to the other and back again in a matter of mi minutes and if I get stressed out or there's too much noise or people or things going on I get really irritable (my poor boyfriend bears the brunt of this). My memory isn't the greatest, I can remember stuff I did as a kid and most details of movies I watch (obsessed with movies) but can't remember stuff someone literally told me a second ago. I talk over people and get super excited about things and just talk and talk and talk....as you can probably tell. Sorry if there's typos and things at work so trying to type fast. I fidget a lot, always twitching or fiddling with something, but in either one of two extremes, either a couch potato and say I'll do things in a minute constantly or buzzing with energy and wanting to do things and be really creative. So does this sound like ADHD, good old fashioned anxiety or both?? I know y'all arent doctors but I want opinions/thoughts/advice so I don't feel like I'm wasting my time of a psychiatrist's time by me being a hypochondriac or whatever and not actually having anything wrong with me and just being anxious or whatever! Sorry for rambling on...Thanks for reading!
  13. Also in my earlier post i meant to say we were about 10-12 not are haha
  14. Has anyone ever discussed this with their therapist or doctor? Im too scated to mention it in case they say I was abused or was an abuser :/ i know this isnt true but worried doctor or thetapists might get the wrong idea? Opinions?
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