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Guest rocastle

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Guest rocastle

Its called Never Too Late and is dedicated to all you good people

When i was young i thought i was special

Thought id end up great,

But now i find that every days a never changing date.

Nothing seems fun, whats the point in future

if ur drowning on the day

something good?it will destroy it, it will find a way.

Fragile lonely frightened

All these what ifs? What am i thinking?

Worried what might might happen.

But ive got the strength to fight this. My challenge its my call.

Been on the ground,but now ive found

Im special after all.

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Guest rocastle

yeah just wrote it now, but im actualy feeling pretty good about things at the mo, so had to draw on the bad experiences!

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Guest Newbloke

Hi Rocastle,

Very impressed with the poem, You never told me you were greative like that on Saturday.

Newbloke.

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Hi Rocastle,

Very impressed with the poem, You never told me you were greative like that on Saturday.

Newbloke.

Well known fact that all sufferers are creative :lol:

Yet to figure out what my creative skill is, but I am sure I have something.

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Hi Ro,

I like it too - I think it might be nice to have a poetry thread so if anyone else feels creative they can post on it.

Perhaps a poetry and thoughts thread.

whitebeam

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Yet to figure out what my creative skill is, but I am sure I have something.

Same here!

Great poem Rocastle

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Been on the ground,but now ive found

Im special after all.

That's the best line Rocastle. Should give a lot of encouragement!

Stephen

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This is a peom my son won second place in an national competition with last year (aged 12) before we knew he had OCD: (although on reflection he has had since he was about 6 yrs old)

Desire

i was born when your desires

got out of hand, and you

selfishly took what you

wanted with no thought at all

I was born when you should

"Buy me that ice-cream!"

Gimme that toy" GIMME GIMME"

I want it now!"

I was born when you shouted

"I want that tennis racket.

Gimme it now! GIMME GIMME!

Give it to me"

I was born with a brother, GREED

I fed him from the blue-pupil flame

of selfishness, taught him to whisper

temptations in your ears.

I'll tell you what the whispers mean,

they mean you will dissolve in

the poisonous saliva of my brother,

Greed. All you have to do is let the whispers

in, just let the whispers in.

It brings tears to my eyes every time!!! - from the mouth of babes....

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Hey that's a great poem! Your son should be proud of his creativity in writing it.

Does he feel himself that it relates to OCD?

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Does he feel himself that it relates to OCD?

Pretty sure he wasn't aware when he wrote it :shock: but he can see it now!

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Guest nicola

ocd is like having a 'dirty/shameful' little secret, something that we automatically think that we have to keep to ourselves, but feel as though we want to shout it out to the world that we are suffering from it....

i want to start telling people, i want comfort....or else i will koko :oops:

is there any simple ways in which i can turn round and tell someone?

i mean i have told my family and phyologist and people like that , but i want to confide and have a one to one friend, someone i can trust so i dont feel lonely anymore....

does this make sense?

i feel as though i am my only friend, and most times, i dont even feel that....

i close my eyes

the fear sinks in

i must defeat this

i MUST win

until i defeat this,

i wont be satisfied

the aim is to relax

for my heart to smile

eyes wide open

compulsions begin

i have to defeat this

i have to win

anxiety taking over

myself giving in

this ocd is a surviver

and i will never win

there wont be any smiles

my heart will not feel light

my tears fill my eyes

and i hold myself tight

i rock back and forth

feeling a little mad

i grab for the razor

i am very sad

i slice my arm neatly

as if its a peice of meat

the relaxtion and control

comes back...

i am back on my feet

the feeling of controling me

the feeling of not giving in

makes me feel much happier

i didnt give in

but looking at my arm now

i have made a bad mistake

unhappy and abnormal

i must smile, i must be fake

to fit into a world like this

we all must bear false smiles

we all have something wrong with us

no matter what we say

so no more thinking we are stupid

we are strogner than the rest

how i wish i had someone to lean

upon their chest

to listen to their heart beat

to feel safe in their arms

to look up to trusting eyes

to feel free from my world

i have a long time to go now

but i will get their in the end

when i hit that goal post

i will no longer pretend

i will wear a smile from my heart

that everyone will see

i will be much happier

i will have broken free

but until that day comes upon me

these rituals i must do

for the feeling of something happening

is my worst fear...

ocd takes over and i disapear...

ocd controls my life

and my life is ocd

'i thank ya' :D

nicci

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Hi nicci,

I really felt for you when I read your poem; it's very sad. It sounds as if you were quite down when you wrote it -- especially the bit about self-harm.

We shouldn't look at OCD as a 'dirty/shameful' little secret, something that we automatically think that we have to keep to ourselves'. Having OCD is nothing to be ashamed of, although I've been as guilty as anyone else in the past at concealing my behaviour.

I really think that in this day and age, no-one should be judged or stigmatised for having a mental illness.

but i want to confide and have a one to one friend, someone i can trust so i dont feel lonely anymore....

Is there anyone you particularly want to tell and confide in, your best friend or someone? If so, why not tell that person; share your feelings with them - it does feel better if you do have someone you can confide in and talk about it with.

You know you can always share your feelings here - it's not the same as actually talking about it - but there are people here who will listen and care about you say - if you don't feel like sharing things with the whole board, I'm sure no-one would mind if you sent them a pm.

when i hit that goal post

i will no longer pretend

i will wear a smile from my heart

that everyone will see

i will be much happier

i will have broken free"

Look forward to that day when you will wear a smile from your heart - keep aiming for that time and with support and treatment, if necessary, you will reach that day.

Take care

whitebeam

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Hi Nicci just to say i thought your poem said a lot, it was good. Although i did pick up that there seemed to be a lot of hurt in the poem. I know i am not there for you in person, but you have me and i am sure others on this forum who will support you as much as we can. I feel we have to support each other to survive the ocd, i have put postings out on this board and the friendship and support that comes flooding back as replies has me amazed.

Just stay with us on this let us support you, keep communicating.

Thanks to everyone who has supported me recently, i really appreciate your kindness.

Take care everyone and lets stick together, together we are stronger.

Regards Liz x

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Hi nicci

Such a meaningful, sad, appropriate, genuine, encouraging, negative, positive poem.

I think I know what you mean - you want someone that is not family, not a professional, not someone in cyberspace to tell what you have. I am not sure whether or not you want the 'world at large' to know you are suffering yet - but you feel that you are 'hiding away' your true self. Am I right?

You mentioned I think you had someone at work you got on well with. What about talking it through with them? Are they the right person to start off with?

As has been mentioned elsewhere some people are ignorant and negative about mental illness, others are understanding, caring and thoughtful. You just have to identify someone from the second category. That's your task for this week! If you have people you regularly see and get on OK generally with (preferably friends, perhaps not work colleagues as you have to work with them and cannot get away from them if something goes 'wrong'), try to get into conversation about mental illness in general to 'tease out' their thoughts, prejudices (if any) and general attitude (but remember peoples' public attitudes may be different from their private attitudes). If you can identify someone on your wavelength - someone who perhaps has experience themselves of mental illness (hey you might even find out someone else has OCD!), maybe you can THEN talk to them about your own condition?

You do have to be very careful who / how you tell someone - that person must be someone who will respect your confidence if that's what you want, someone who will not jump to conclusions, who will not misjudge you, who will respect you for who you are. Now that may be a tall order, but there are certainly some great people around like that.

There is a difference between general 'public' awareness that someone has a particular condition and a more intimate knowledge of a person's issues. What I mean is that you have to decide whether you want people at large (ie. at work) to know that 'Nicola suffers from OCD' (and therefore be freed from the feeling of hiding something), or whether you would just rather have one person that knows and can help you.

I get the impression though you want a deeper relationship with someone who understands you. This is another question really, which has been covered before, and should be covered again (OCD and relationships).

Sorry this is a long post containing 'advice' - this is only my personal opinion / suggestion - take it for what it's worth.

I hope you can make some progress.

Thinking of you.

Stephen

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Hi Nicci,

Excellent poem, yet again OCD sufferer showing creative talent :clap

If you want to get it published to a wider audience I am happy to publish it on the OCD:UK website once we launch it and in one of our first newsletters.

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Guest nicola

Thanks to ya who replied...this forum is a real great thinking place, where i can get things out in the open and to get good help and advise by people who have been through and are going through what i am

i dont want to tell everyone i have ocd, coz i know that it would leave a stigma on me, but i am soo lonely, i know i have people around me, but i feel like the scream picci, you know where this thing is standing still, screaming into himself, and people around him are moving fast in normal living, i feel like that, i live on my own, and am soo lonely, and i would like someone to confort me, who wants to comfort me, my family are great coz sometimes i think that i want someone outside the family to love me too, maybe in a deep meaningful relationship,,,maybe i do want love and security by a partner, i want to tell one person what i am feeling like so that they could be there for me..you know? my family are great and are always there for me, but yueah, i want a friend, coz i feel as though i dont fit into anything....

sometimes i dont feel as if i should be doing thigns, or am good enough, like driving, i took driving lessions, and thought i shouldnt be doing this i am just me, nicola....even though i am turning 21 this month!!! i feel like a young girl...maybe thats the years i lost when i was doing my ocd rituals.....

i dunno, i feel kind of like a scramblied egg....people thinks i look ok, but really i am messed up....and people only know and get bits and pieces of me,....but when you actually look into me, i am incomplete...and i want to be whole again

:roll:

nicci

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Guest nicola

standing in a crowded room

lives hurrying by;

i'm standing still in my little world

no-one to hear my cries

i scream and scream inside my head

my heart is bursting with pain

the tears start rolling down my face

the fear starts to creep in

i wipe my face with my sleeve

i look up to the sky

i pray to god oh why oh why

i filled with so much pain

i look down to the ground

and think of my small world

and know that i'm incomplete

i should trust in god with all my heart

and the fear will leave me quick

i rub my face with cooling water

and smile into the mirror,

walk away into my room

and vanish into my music

some how i know that my life is false

i know there is a stronger source

i give my life to god alone

and i know i will be healed

my ocd will no longer be

and i will smile to bright

i will no longer be alone in a crowd

i will no longer be in complete

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yES I HAVE READ THROUGH THE POEMS THERE ARE GUD AND IS EXCATLY HOW I FEEL, tRAPED INSIDE AND HAV TO LIVE BY ocd

Thanks

Christine

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Hiya whitebeam

Thanks for the link. Some of the poems on there could have been written by me- they sum up how i feel sometimes. Some are also very sad because they seem to contain so much pain.

Take care

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Guest message

Hiya Northen star,

your quote is really cool! But what if you arent tough how do you last the tough times?

Also I need some advise i don't actually know weather I have an OCD? I just think of it as rituals or needs.......whats your OCD? I just have to do things a certain way like before I go to bed and in the morning even at my school.....but also i have this great need to be around people there just has to be a lot of people around me....is this OCD?

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Hiya Northen star,

your quote is really cool! But what if you arent tough how do you last the tough times?

Hiya message,

sorry it's taken me ages to reply-been very busy and not on here much. Re the quote, in my opinion anyone who fights their demons (OCD, depression etc) or supports others who are fighting theirs is tough.

Also I need some advise i don't actually know weather I have an OCD? I just think of it as rituals or needs.......whats your OCD? I just have to do things a certain way like before I go to bed and in the morning even at my school.....but also i have this great need to be around people there just has to be a lot of people around me....is this OCD?

I'm afraid I don't really know enough about OCD to be able to answer this. If you'd like, I could copy your post onto the main OCD board where hopefully others might be able to help better?

My OCD's mainly contamination, involves quite a lot of washing, wiping stuff down and worrying! :lol:

Take care, Northern Star

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I think poetry is a really good medium to express your own feelings or to see how others feel. So I've started a poetry thread.

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