Sex drive decrease significantly by age 30?

[Guest legend]

Yes we know all this Eric , you have posted another inadvertently compulsion

So are you going to change and make leaps of faiths

[taurean]

Eric you have said all this on previous posts, resulting in Ashley locking a post. .

Just ignore it all. They are red herrings.

Rather believe the insight of fellow sufferers on the forum than the lies being peddled to you internally by the beast that is OCD.

Isn't that a no-brainer?

Or, if you really believe you are are only going to feel attraction for men, accept that and shut down all this posting.

Edited October 28, 2014 by taurean

[Eric Dave]

I try to believe its ocd. When I do I feel happy and things are fine until I spike and its far too convincing. The logical evidence seems like a no brainer that Im gay.

When I try to accept being gay, I can say to myself I'm gay no big deal and then when my groin reacts to a guy I dont enjoy it. I dunno if thats denial. still not accepting myself etc...or ocd.

[Guest legend]

I try to believe its ocd. When I do I feel happy and things are fine until I spike and its far too convincing. The logical evidence seems like a no brainer that Im gay.

When I try to accept being gay, I can say to myself I'm gay no big deal and then when my groin reacts to a guy I dont enjoy it. I dunno if thats denial. still not accepting myself etc...or ocd.

Compulsion . reassurance ruminating

What can you do differently

[taurean]

You must make up your mind Dave.

You appear to have been sitting on the fence for a long time.

Each time you come back on here you are compulsing. Obsession plus compulsion equals OCD. I rest my case.

[Eric Dave]

It's possible it could be OCD about a real life fact though

@Legend : I could avoid posting on forums

[Caramoole]

This has been going on 7.5yrs which makes me think it's not just an obsession but its true.

If you buy a huge can of bright red paint and paint the wall red every day it will remain red!!

If you refuse to stop carrying out compulsions (as advised) your OCD issue that has remained for 7.5 years will continue to remain. It's that simple.

Your current and past method will not work, that's the bottom line.

[Eric Dave]

Ok but you should not underestimate how strong thee groinals are. Its not just a wee tingle. Its ridiculously strong and intense.

Conversely I dont feel anywhere near as aroused by girls as I should be to be classified as straight.

Its a nightmare.

[gingerbreadgirl]

Oh Eric Eric Eric. What are we going to do with you?!

I truly think the best thing you can do right now is leave the forum for now. It seems as if you have been doing much better but coming back here makes things worse. I have never seen any comment on here help you in any way,ever.

[Caramoole]

Ok but you should not underestimate how strong thee groinals are. Its not just a wee tingle. Its ridiculously strong and intense.

Conversely I dont feel anywhere near as aroused by girls as I should be to be classified as straight.

I wish I had a pound for every time I've seen you write that

You're just not taking this on board and so your problem will remain. You can't achieve a blue wall Eric if you keep sploshing on the red paint 50 times a day!!

Really think about it.....I mean REALLY think

[Guest legend]

It's possible it could be OCD about a real life fact though

@Legend : I could avoid posting on forums

again a compulsion

Yes resist posting resist however real it feels THATS HOW I GOT BETTER !

[Guest lizinlondon]

What happened to your girlfriend? Why don't you go and talk to her?

[taurean]

I try to believe its ocd. When I do I feel happy and things are fine until I spike and its far too convincing. The logical evidence seems like a no brainer that Im gay.

When I try to accept being gay, I can say to myself I'm gay no big deal and then when my groin reacts to a guy I dont enjoy it. I dunno if thats denial. still not accepting myself etc...or ocd.

I'd call that pretty clear evidence that you are not gay - you don't enjoy the arousal you don't want to be gay you ONLY feel you are because of an

arousal that we all tell you is a false message from OCD.

Yet despite the - overwhelming - concurrence of opinion to that effect you believe you MUST be gay purely because of a false arousal to men and a lack of it to women.That is your evidence and ours tells you OCD is manipulating your neural reactions to produce this false arousal.

And yet you tell us you want a full relationship with this girl.

Then you tell us you can only believe 50% (and that is all because of false arousal messages).

Have another think Eric and rerate your belief.

Edited October 28, 2014 by taurean

[Eric Dave]

I know I know. To you this sounds like ocd but to me its all obvious I'm gay. I dunno if I'm the crazy one or everyone else is crazy.

I dont react to girls the way I should and then I see a guy and my heart starts pounding and get these responses down below. I know I said I dont enjoy it but maybe I do and am just telling you I do so I can manipulate you to get reassurance that I'm straight?

I know posting here isa compulsion but if I dont do it after a spike I feel like I will go crazy. Like going cold turkey off heroin. When I believe I'm gay I feel unclean and need to get rid of the feeling. I cant stand feeling gay. I dont mean this to be offensive to gay people btw.

I will try to not post on here for a while at least but I know I will be back. That's the sad part. Dunno if thats because its ocd or the fact that my natural reactions are gay and will never change and will freak out when I discover that again.

[Guest lizinlondon]

Being gay is not just about who you sleep with, you choose to live the life. Some gay and bisexual people choose to get married and live a straight life because they choose that way of life. I have heard of gay men marrying a woman and spending their lives with them because they choose that. Life is about making choices you don't HAVE to do anything.

[Caramoole]

Why won't you try and work on the compulsions Eric?

You've been advised 1,000's of times as to how the way you're handling this is preventing you making progress and yet you seem resistant to even giving it a go.....and that's sad. Everyone appreciates how difficult it is to do....and you'll stumble many times along the way.......but it's worth trying.

[taurean]

"I know I know. To you this sounds like ocd but to me its all obvious I'm gay. I dunno if I'm the crazy one or everyone else is crazy.

I dont react to girls the way I should and then I see a guy and my heart starts pounding and get these responses down below. I know I said I dont enjoy it but maybe I do and am just telling you I do so I can manipulate you to get reassurance that I'm straight?

I know posting here isa compulsion but if I dont do it after a spike I feel like I will go crazy. Like going cold turkey off heroin. When I believe I'm gay I feel unclean and need to get rid of the feeling."

Eric,

Your core value is that you are heterosexual and want to operate as that. It cannot be "obvious you are gay" when you have absolutely no desire to be so and find feelings of such abhorrent. I know a few gay people - and none of them react like that.

How many times will you have read on this forum that OCD takes our core values and turns them on their head. It does that to me too.

Liz's point is excellent.

Why can you not accept that those thoughts feelings and urges you get are FALSE - planted in your brain by OCD and so appear real .

You have two forks in the path ahead of you. Walk down one and you can stop this endless agonising and be happy and have a girlfriend.

Walk down the other and you will stay stuck constantly obsessing and be endlessly miserable.

Now, if you need a release when you get a setback, get distracted onto something beneficial. Coming on the forum and posting the same old stuff is ultimately likely to lead to your forum membership being withdrawn.But before you do it, just stick with the thoughts and feelings in exposure - even feeling unclean and disgusted you know that exposure is crucial to tackling OCD so practice some of it.

So give it some thought - you need to find an alternative outlet - and a distraction is best as it will be beneficial to you, and not waste the forum members time just gratifying you short term, when they know you can get much better if you only do what you have been told many times.

It won't help your self-worth or your OCD if you get withdrawn from the forum. But best of all, get that 50% belief you are really straight up to about 80% - OCD always demands certainty so you know you can't have that - but 80% should allow you to progress.

"When I believe I am gay I need to get rid of the feeling". That is a compulsive ritual if ever there was one. Instead of carrying that out , fight it - feel the anxiety live with it and it will fade. Short term pain for long term gain.Practice exposure and response prevention - we do and it really helps.

If you give in - don't beat yourself up try harder next time and look to extend the period between compulsion - to shed the feelings of being unclean - and carrying out the compulsion.

I was at my therapists yesterday and she has set me homework to face up to things and face them out and distract. You are not alone,. I am having to do this too. But I am using the forum to help people, not use up time and forum access fees (the charity has to pay) in re-assuring me.

You are a nice person, you don't like any of us deserve to suffer. But if you believe what you have been told, and do it you can make a real difference to your life.

Edited October 29, 2014 by taurean

[taurean]

Just to add one quick thought.

One of our forum friends experiences arousal thoughts towards her father.This naturally distresses her, but she has bought into the fact that it is OCD causing these inappropriate thoughts and feelings, and appears to be handling it very well.

We have plenty of teacher members on here that experience unwanted feelings towards children, but have accepted that these are OCD and deal with it in the correct way as explained to them.

They are undoubtedly good teachers and love children so it is wonderful to see that they can do what they have to do therapy wise and are not lost to teaching because of something which is not their fault.

[Eric Dave]

Thanks for the nice replies. I suppose my logic is 'whatever I get most aroused to that's my orientation.'

That seems to be guys right now

[Purplepiper7]

My new motto is going to be "maybe, maybe not." That's all. No further explaination or rationale required. It's possible, but there's no way of knowing now, is there? :group:

[taurean]

Thanks for the nice replies. I suppose my logic is 'whatever I get most aroused to that's my orientation.'

That seems to be guys right now

But you must challenge your logic.

If you didn't have OCD, weren't (yourself, not your OCD'd self) wanting a relationship with a woman, and hating feeling arousal towards men, then go with your logic.

But yet again with this one sentence you are overlooking the fact that the OCD inside your brain is creating these FALSE arousals.

Would I like to experience that? No

But as someone who understands how OCD works, how would I deal with it?

I would face it out let it happen know my real core value is attraction to women, embrace what all these kind souls - especially our wonderful women members! - are telling me.

I would open up to the lady I like on a platonic starter basis I would not let initial lack of arousal feelings bother me.

I would understand that over time the OCD would lose its power over me .

I would be starting a process of standing up to the OCD resisting my compulsions and breaking free from the hold the OCD has been exerting.

This is what we have told you you need to do.

Remember - golden rules of handling OCD - don't give in to it and, in cases like yours where it doesn't want us to do something - aka open up a relationship with this woman - go ahead and do it anyway.

OCD didn't want me to go nd meet my wife's family in Lndon on Sunday - so I made sure I did go!

If we want to break free from OCD we must overcome our compulsions and the false messages of OCD .

Edited October 30, 2014 by taurean

[Eric Dave]

This doesn't feel like ocd. What about the people who struggle with their sexuality and accepting themselves. Wouldn't they be going through the same anxiety as me? Also what about people who were brought up to believe being gay was wrong? Wouldn't they be like me now?

I cant go on facebook without being spiked by a topless guy or bikini girl who I dont react to. MAybe I am genuinely aroused to men and make myself feel bad about it because I view it as a defect.

[Eric Dave]

Hi again. This post is both positive and negative. Firstly I just had a big spike a few mins ago. I was watching tv about a sportsperson and they were celebrating a goal and they were sittin on the ground legs open with their arms in the air and I felt a strong arousal come over me and then the anxiety kicked in. I fear that I have this anxiety because where I live being gay is still seen as a bit weird. I mean if you are camp gay people seem to accept that fine but there aren't many straight acting guys that are out, not that I actually socialise with gay people. Thats not being discriminating but I just dont have many friends and the ones I do are into sports like I am.

Anyway I fear that this anxiety is simply because I haven't kissed a guy yet or had sex with a guy and that this fear is simply a matter of confronting it and having sex with mena nd then I would find that I like it and it would be a life changing experience. Yet I am afraid of trying it out in case I like it and also it would be so out of character for me.

As I type my groin feels aroused and I feels anxious.

Also I now realise why I post here. When I had health anxiety I would make sure my doctor knew every little detail, every pain, every sensation I experienced so he wouldn't miss something important and misdiagnose me. I might be woried about MS and so would have to make sure to tell him about it so he would have all the facts before making a judgement. If any new sensation I experienced or if I felt anything different I would be straight back to the doctor to tell him about it to make sure he really did make a correct diagnosis with this new info at hand. If anything new popped up I would be 'how about now?'. I was ultra vigilant and didnt want any disease to creep up on me unnoticed.

Anyway I feelt he reason i post up here is that I want you people to know everythign thats going on, and be aware of every development, every spike, every arousal so that you make a true judgement on me having ocd and not being gay. If I get an arousal I feel I need to come on here to make you aware of it so you can re-evaluate and make sure you are not missing out on a gay diagnosis. Any new 'symptom' or sign of being gay must be posted here with the underlying message 'How about now? Is this still ocd after THIS has occured in my groin?'

I really do fear that fate has a plan for me and that nothing I can do will sto me having to come out and ruin peoples lives int he future.

These sexual urges feel wrong. I woke up depressed in the middle of the night because of this. I got a glimpse of how black depression can be. It scared me how bad I felt.

[Nolu]

Hi Eric

I would like to know how did you get rid of the health anxiety?

Did you stop ruminating and analyzing?

Nolu

[Eric Dave]

I didn't do anything to get rid of it. Once i started worrying about being gay, it made the health anxiety go away 95% as I was fixated on something else.