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Hi, this has been eating at me for a few years now. For context, I am a virgin. A few years ago, I masturbated into my pants. Then I changed out of my pants and underwear and wiped my crotch area with some wet wipes. I put on a new pair of underwear, but I didn't shower. Around two hours later, I went shopping for new pants. Before I went to try on the pants, I spend 30 minutes in the store bathroom stall wiping my crotch, thighs, and legs with water and towels. I didn't want to get semen residue on pants I was going to try on. I ended up trying on 2 pairs of pants. I only purchased 1. Now I feel guilty that I didn't purchase the 2nd pair. Before I left, I examined the pair of pants I didn't buy and didn't see anything on it. I slapped the insides for good measure, to "dust" off anything that might have gotten on it. But what if I didn't clean all of my semen off? What if some was still on the new pair of underwear I changed into and it got onto the store's pants? What if someone else wore the pants with my semen on it?  I regret not showering before I went to buy clothes. I feel really stupid for this, because this was all preventable. No matter what I do or achieve in life now, I always think back to this and am deeply ashamed. What if I got someone sick? I don't know what to do, I can function in front of other people but inside my mind keeps filling me with shame, regret, that nothing I do can make up for this.

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This is so OCD. Your mind focuses on one minor thing and blows its importance all out of proportion.

Let it go. It's not worth it.

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As with all OCD supposed "contaminants" the contamination threat is solely in the mind of the sufferer not anyone else. 

You have a choice. 

You can believe what the OCD is telling you - and carry on the way you are thinking and responding. 

Or you can work towards taking the same view as anyone else, see it for the load of nonsense this obsession is, let go of it and get your life back. 

Don't feel guilty - many people go through phases of such sexual activity that they feel ashamed of in their lives then move on. Only OCD sees this as worthy of ongoing guilty feelings, so treat them as OCD intrusive thoughts and leave them be. 

 

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Hi Ryoko and :welcome: to the forum

Is this the only area of your life affected b y OCD or are there other things that concern you?  Do you have much understanding of the condition and are you receiving/have had any therapy to help you?

 

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