Am I in denial? - Fraud (Merged Thread)

[don't know]

No I haven't but it seems like I line up with them. 

[PolarBear]

On 10/04/2019 at 15:04, don't know said:

I'm so anxious. I don't know where to turn I don't want to keep going on anymore. 

Dk, the above post of yours was posted four days ago. Read the first three words.

[don't know]

Yeah but that was because it proved the obsession right. 

[PolarBear]

I am tired of you constantly arguing with us!

You just finished telling us you don't feel anxiety. I showed that you do. You negated what I said as if the truth doesn't matter.

You need to leave. This is ridiculous. You wouldn't go to a bipolar forum and post many times a day, for a year, that you don't have bipolar. Yet that's what you do here. You ignore what we say. You argue with us. This isn't doing you or us any good. It is, really, beyond silly.

Stop posting here. Go do whatever it is you feel you want to do. Stay away... until the day you want to talk about your OCD. Truly want to talk, with a new attitude that you are going to listen to us. Until then, you are wasting your time and ours.

If I was a mod, I would lock every thread of yours where you post you don't have OCD.

[dksea]

9 hours ago, don't know said:

Isn't the whole point of compulsions to disprove your obsession? So if it proves it true it's not a compulsion. 

I can understand why you might think that, but no the real point of a compulsion is to try and relieve the feeling of doubt we have, to try and get a sense of completion.  Sometimes the compulsion can be directly related to our worry (fearing contamination a person might compulsively wash their hands) but other times it can be completely unrelated (fearing harm to a loved one a person might compulsively touch an object a certain number of times).  

Since the whole point of the compulsion is to try and get a sense of certainty, its not at all surprising you might, temporarily, believe you have found the "truth".  But if you really HAD found the answer, if it really did prove true, that would be the end of it, you wouldn't go back to doubting again and again and again.  Yet here you are , 500+ comments later going back over the same territory, fighting the same battle.  Meaning it hasn't proven true, again if it had there would be no reason to still doubt.

It's perfectly common in OCD for a person to find temporary relief from compulsions, thats part of why they keep doing them.  In your case that would be the temporary sense of "accepting" things.  But then the doubt comes back and you feel like you have to do it all over again. Its kind of like a smoker, you take a smoke break, have a cigarette and you feel relieved, you got what you needed, now you'll be ok.  But before long you are back to craving a cigarette, you are back to wanting another smoke.  The previous cigarette provided you with temporary relief, if you want permanent relief from the urges you have to stop smoking.  Compulsions provide temporary relief, but if you want permanent relief you have to stop performing them.

 

[dksea]

1 hour ago, don't know said:

But here's the thing after stopping all these things how do I know that I'm not going to do these things? 

How do you know you aren't going to murder someone?  How do you know you aren't going to rob a bank?  How do you know you aren't going to take your boss hostage?  How do you know you aren't going to become a terrorist and blow up a building?  How do you know you won't do any of a number of horrible things?

Simple answer? You don't!  You can't be 100% sure none of these things will ever happen because you don't know the future.  But you don't worry about these things happening.  Why? Because you are sure ENOUGH.  Your brain has a switch that says something like "If I am 90% sure I'll never murder someone, I won't worry about it!"  And since you feel that sure, you don't!
In a person with OCD that switch sometimes gets stuck, set on too a high a setting if you will.  Instead of 90% it demands that you be 100% sure you'll never do something or else you keep worrying about it.  But its impossible to be 100% sure of anything, so you get stuck worrying, and the more you worry the more you think about what you are worrying about, which causes you to worry more, etc. etc. a vicious cycle.
 

1 hour ago, don't know said:

I read recovery posts where people are like 'looking back I can't believe I worried about it' and I think but what if that happens to me. What if I end becoming or have always been the thing that I didn't want. 

And what if you don't?  What if you spent all this time, all these years worrying for nothing?  What if you NEVER do the thing you fear you might?  What if you never ever were going to do the thing you worried about, it was never going to happen, no mater what else happened in the whole wide world.  Why not consider that possibility?  Why not focus on that.  You can worry endlessly about a possibility, but that doesn't mean it makes sense to do so.