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Cammodude

Where do I begin?

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Hello

I have recently discovered this website, after years of suffering with what I now know to be ocd.

It was amazing to read exactly what I was suffering from, written in words as if someone took them out of my mind, all of you on here will know how difficult it is and what a long road it can be to recovery, I am just at the beginning, I have my first therapy session next week.

For me ocd is very complex and I'm still trying to digest it and find out all the whys! I also suffer from depression, low self estime, but do my best to lead a relatively normal life.

My OCD in a nutshell is contamination, especially with regards to food poisoning and things/substances getting into my eyes, eye damage etc, weird isn't it?

what follows are very strict regimes with regard to washing hands, preparing food, handling things and doing things in particular order to avoid contamination, it goes far deeper than can be portrayed simply in this paragraph, but know it takes its toll on me, and people around me, I am mentally exhausted most of the time, simple tasks can take hours, and the constant worry is just pure evil.

Both of these things, the contamination and eye health, in my mind could lead to time off work or loss of livelihood, which is a major fear of mine.

I value my trade/ job very highly, it's the only thing I have in life, I sort of link my identity/selfworth with my job,.

Its strange and cruel, the things ocd can latch on to, the things you value the most.

Thanks for reading, today was a bad day, and I felt compelled to share with you, I hope each and every one of you the best in your recovery.

Edited by Cammodude

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Hey, welcome.

Do you realize that your rituals are completely unnecessary?

Edited by PolarBear

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6 minutes ago, Cammodude said:

I do but, there is always the "what if" which makes you carry it out regardless

It’s just your amygdala sending you an alarm.  You can ignore it. 

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3 hours ago, Cammodude said:

I do but, there is always the "what if" which makes you carry it out regardless

Its true the "what if" can feel strong, and it seems like you have to do it.  But a big part of recovery is learning that you don't HAVE to do these things, and in fact, when you don't you'll end up better off in the long run.  Sadly, though it can give relief in the short term, compulsions only strengthen the hold OCD has over you and makes things worse.

For an OCD sufferer stopping compulsions is as important as a smoker stopping smoking.  Hard? Yes.  Necessary.  YES.

While it is difficult to stop compulsions, especially at first, it can be done.  You can try and stop cold-turkey as it were, but that is not always possible.  Many times a gradual reduction of behaviors is done.  In your case for example, you mention hand washing.  It is likely that you wash your hands an excessive amount and/or for an excessive length of time.  The process in that case would be to slowly reduce the frequency and duration of your hand washing until it is at a reasonable level.  The same could be done with other behaviors.  Another tactic that often helps is for people to practice delaying compulsions after experiencing an intrusive thought.  You might start trying to delay for 5 minutes, and then see if you can go another 5 minutes, etc.  After some time you put it off longer and longer until you no longer feel the need to do it at all.

Ideally you should be working with a qualified mental health professional (therapist, psychologist, psychiatrist, doctor, etc.) who can help guide your recovery using cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) techniques.  This is the recommended treatment for OCD.  Additionally some sufferers use medication to help manage their OCD symptoms and make the CBT process and reduction and elimination of compulsions easier.  But regardless recovery will involve a lot of work by you, persistent work to, in effect, retrain your brain to operate in a more normal fashion.  Since you live in the UK, the OCD-UK main page is a great place to start for getting info on how to access treatment and learn more about OCD recovery.  I can not recommend strongly enough starting that process as soon as possible.  Recovery is not usually quick or easy, but it is definitely worth it.

Edited by dksea

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4 hours ago, Handy said:

It’s just your amygdala sending you an alarm.  You can ignore it. 

If it were that simple there would be no reason for this charity to exist...

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1 hour ago, dksea said:

If it were that simple there would be no reason for this charity to exist...

im so sorry for just leaving a «blank comment» but i struggle with writing things on this forum without deleting it. So just ignore this comment:) 

Edited by ocdishell

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3 hours ago, ocdishell said:

im so sorry for just leaving a «blank comment» but i struggle with writing things on this forum without deleting it. So just ignore this comment:) 

Don't worry, I'm sure there are a lot of us who get that feeling after pressing the send button.

Or posting a letter, or email, or even just expressing an opinion.

It's out there in the wild and you have no control over what People think about it...

I quite often have to sit on my hands, (metaphorically) to avoid deleting posts.

And in the outside world, in the champion, fence sitter!

 

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14 minutes ago, Closed for repairs said:

Don't worry, I'm sure there are a lot of us who get that feeling after pressing the send button.

Or posting a letter, or email, or even just expressing an opinion.

It's out there in the wild and you have no control over what People think about it...

I quite often have to sit on my hands, (metaphorically) to avoid deleting posts.

And in the outside world, in the champion, fence sitter!

 

Haha, i know. For me its in this forum, nowhere else.
 

no thats not true, actually. Its gone a bit far actually, i see now. Gonna feel the same way when i press send now.  
 

the sad part is that i wrote  something really great in this spesific comment, and none of you will ever read it😂 the genius comment i wrote will forever be lost in the ocd-bin🤣

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15 hours ago, Cammodude said:

Hello

I have recently discovered this website, after years of suffering with what I now know to be ocd.

Welcome aboard.

It's good that your are having therapy, and that you realise that it's going to be hard.

You sound like you have a handle on what's going on, which is a good start!

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1 minute ago, ocdishell said:

the sad part is that i wrote  something really great in this spesific comment, and none of you will ever read it😂 the genius comment i wrote will forever be lost in the ocd-bin🤣

ocd-bin I'm going to steal that!

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10 hours ago, dksea said:

If it were that simple there would be no reason for this charity to exist...

Not sure about that but I know OCD comes from our limbic system.  Knowing where it comes from is the first step in controlling it. This the why of OCD. It’s not talked about in CBT for some reason. Maybe DBT. DBT is a better treatment option in my opinion because it includes CBT & mindfulness & group. 

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Thank you for all the replies, I really appreciate it.

Therapy starts next week, and to be honest I am looking forward to it.

I have enjoyed reading many of the post on here and learnt alot, I would like to try and get down to the "nuts and bolts" of ocd, as in why my mind thinks in this fashion, what is the root cause etc, all in good time.

 

For now i wish all you guys well.

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7 hours ago, Handy said:

Not sure about that but I know OCD comes from our limbic system.  Knowing where it comes from is the first step in controlling it.

Assuming you are actually correct that its from the limbic system, that still doesn't mean its as simple as "you can ignore it".

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18 hours ago, dksea said:

If it were that simple there would be no reason for this charity to exist...

Again, couldn't resist a chuckle at this. 

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On 05/12/2019 at 09:31, paradoxer said:

Again, couldn't resist a chuckle at this. 

😎

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