OB1

Good advice @PolarBear and @felix4.

Hi Polar Bear & Frankie I have the same problem right now and really get how you feel @frankie and I really appreciate this @PolarBear. I'm doing quit a bit of habituation via an audio script at the moment but just on one theme. In your example above did you write down all the compulsions for each item on the list too? Thanks

Hi everyone I thought I'd update on how things are getting on. So I've been listening to my script about someone breaking in and being murdered in bed now for almost a month and my anxiety has definitely come down quite a bit, I'm actually nodding off when I listen to it!! That's got to be progress! Sleep wise I've still been up and down, some nights better than others. Last night was very bad as I was triggered by the guy down the road shouting at 1130 at night. My anxiety went through the roof and didn't budge. Today I've phoned in sick because I just want to give myself a break (trying not to beat myself up about this). I'm having lot's of thoughts about someone discovering my scripts which are pretty graphic and anyone reading them may judge me badly and that also leads back to my fear of being murdered in bed (typical OCD ). I'm resisting urges to check around that, for example I write a lot of stuff down on paper and then bin it after ripping it up, I then get very anxious about putting it out in the bin in case someone goes through my rubbish. I have mental checking compulsions around that with images of my rubbish being blown about and someone picking it up or the horrible neighbour searching through my rubbish bag. The good news is I am managing to keep going with normal tasks like painting my house, going out for walks with friends and working but there's a constant nagging feeling of SOMETHING BAD IS GOING TO HAPPEN. This is the bit that sucks me back in! As for my mental wellbeing I've been more emotional than normal and am finding it difficult to feel positive and there's a lot going on in my head which is all over the place sometimes, more than I'd prefer so I've decided to see my doctor and talk about going back on the meds for a bit because I'm also concerned about depression creeping in. I'm starting EMDR in a few weeks time too which is going to be a challenge (my therapist thinks this could really help me with my fears of being attacked), I really hope so. Thinking about going back on the meds is tempting me to beat myself up and part of my worries is that it's a compulsion of sorts. I keep having mental arguments about taking meds again telling myself I'll be ok and sometimes I really feel like I don't need to but when I have bad nights like last night it makes me think I need to have that support on that side of things arrggh!! I hope everyone had a good weekend and as ever thanks for reading.

Hi BelAnna I find it very hard to refocus and accept the thoughts (I'm still learning) but am wary of using it as a compulsion as the other posts have also indicated. I guess we're just trying to shift our thinking behaviour into a different direction but there's a sometimes overwhelming urge not to let go because our OCD brain tells us it's dangerous/risky... Things that I 'get lost' in tend to be physical like off road running or mountain biking where my mind and body are fully engaged in the moment as they say or editing a film or taking photos. On a similar topic one of my favourite books is called Finding your Element by a guy called Ken Robinson, he talks about why it's important to find the things that you feel engaged by (also known as being in the zone). I think it's very relevant to OCD/mental health as whenever I'm in my element (the zone) there's no space for OCD. I found it very helpful in general mental health/life development.

It all makes perfect sense to me. Its OCD. I don't have kids but my fears revolved around hurting anyone in my sleep and that included other peoples kids if I stayed over at a friends or relatives or even went flippin camping! Its OCD and it plays on our worst fears. As DKSEA says OCD is lying to you, that's what it does Watch out for compulsions on this. I used to do the following: Think it through (24/7). Try to remember something (visual mental checking). Look for signs I've done something horrible to the person. Avoid staying with people. If I did stay with people I put things in the way of my door and then checked for signs in the morning if anything had moved. My god it's absolutely tormenting! You will never get the answer you are looking for, all you will get is more uncertainty guaranteed. This all happened to me before a diagnosis of OCD and if I'd known what I know now I would practice at dropping all of those behaviours and carry on normally. It's really really hard but you can do it and you will have a life

Hi Helen Sorry you're going through it, me too right now but there is definitely hope. Although I'm having a difficult time now, there have been many good times where OCD has taken a back seat and I've been able to do some pretty amazing things that most people without OCD haven't even done. We have to work at getting on top of it and one day getting over it. CBT & ERP is defo the way forward, I'll add self knowledge and I'm beginning to remember the value of the support on this forum from fellow sufferers. I admit I'm still learning but I'm determined to get there and I will, so will you Take care

I think it's working a treat Ashley. The stuff I'm seeing on Twitter is really amazing. I plan to share some information on FB later this week too and have already broken down some barriers with a friend about my OCD. If I can get 1 person to understand a bit more than the usual themes about OCD then it's worth while. Good work

Sorry to hear this is so bad, I had a similar topic many years ago and did many compulsions. Let it go, do what the others are saying, the rest is noise. Don't give up, you CAN do it .

Thanks for this and thanks Polar Bear. It's very helpful

Thanks mate, i really appreciate your kind words. I feel much better today, its amazing how healing crying is, i have to admit i find it hard to let go and cry but when i do its clearly good for me.

Thank you gbg, thats very helpful to me. I’m sorry you had this to but its comforting to know i’m not alone. I like your idea of earplugs, i find its virtually impossible not to listen for sounds or engage when i hear something. This is where ptsd comes in i think as i caught someone breaking into my house years ago and have also been seriously assaulted on a seperate ocassion. I’ve also moved into this house recently and i have a really horrible neighbour a few doors down and he’s triggered me when he shouts (not at me at his dog). This theme has come and gone many times but i’m determined to undermine it. The stupid thing is i was wearing earplugs earlier this year before this bothered me (i guess thats focused exposure for you). Thank you again ?

Thanks guys, I really need it right now . I live alone and have been single for a long time now so really miss having someone to hug, that's all. I've been crying a lot this evening probably due to lack of sleep. I'm having a tough time (still crying now) I've been thinking about all the amazing relationships I've had and OCD has destroyed. I know I shouldn't look back to much but it's taken so much from me. It's harder to meet anyone these days and that gets me down too. I don't want to sound like a complainer but I know I need to talk, anyone who knows me will tell you I'm a fighter, just finding this one a bit hard.

Thanks Chris, I've got something to help me sleep so will take it tonight as I need some. This is always the pinch point for me, my anxiety stops me sleeping, it's almost like OCD is just not letting me help myself.

Thank you, good advice ??

Sorry i only just saw this, thats fantastic news ? Really pleased for you!

Just thinking. Maybe i need to do this in a more graded way although my cbt therapist is supportive of what i’m doing.

Hi everyone, I’ve been more proactive lately with reading and listening to scripts/news artcles around one of my latest themes about a fear of being killed at home in the night. So far i’ve also managed to do this whilst leaving a window at the back of my house open & an internal “patio” door unlocked for the last week. The problem is i’ve now had 3 nights of very little sleep because my anxiety is so high. After a horrid night, this morning i am pleased i still got myself to work but my jobs pretty demanding so i’m begining to question myself about if i’m making myself worse. My emotions are up and down from moment to moment, sometimes i’m on the verge of tears, then i pull myself back... i’m really trying to carry on inspite of how terrible i feel. As I’ve seen someone else say, intrusive thoughts are hitting me constantly about everything right now it seems, but I’m trying to just agree with them, instead of arguing and actively tell myself yes all these terrible thoughts are true. I’m concious this may be reassurance seeking but does what i’m doing sound about right? ocd is saying i can’t win whatever i do, (if i write this it is reassurance seeking, if i don’t write it i’m risking getting it wrong or denying myself some support). ?

Agreed ?

Thanks Taurean. That's good to know. How are you? I visit from time to time and not said hi for a while. As you can see I haven't quite mastered things yet.

Hi everyone, Just out of interest, I've found self compassion to be really helpful, it's something I'd never heard of until recently. At the moment I'm having a hard time being bombarded with constant thoughts (and am doing my best not to ruminate). This is because I'm taking on OCD again. The downside is feeling anxious (I know this is part of the process) and a bit depressed some of the time. This may be OCD but I worry that being nice to myself is also a form of reassurance. For example, I just want to say to myself "you're doing well, keep going" or generally give myself a positive pep talk about how well I am doing and acknowledging how hard things are. I have an imaginary friend (that sounds funny I know) but he's almost like my mentor and hero (he's a cross between Wolverine and a mountain climber who is very well known). He gives me a hand on my shoulder and is there to say "good work, it's ok, you're doing good". I don't think I use this as reassurance for my worries but I guess I'm scared I'm doing the wrong thing and should have no form of reassurance whatsoever which seems a bit harsh. Anyone have any thoughts on this?

Wow this is incredibly scary when almost every thought is OCD. Really great advice, I don't come here to much these days but it's nuggets like this that help me to understand what I need to do. It's that fear of making a mistake that keeps me from taking the leap of faith.

I get what you're saying. I've learned it attacks whatever is important at the time. Mine switches throughout the day at the moment, it's very hard to know how I'm meant to tackle it because it's so overwhelming. Here's what I'm trying to do. Whenever I get a worrying thought I say to myself, "maybe it will happen/it's true, maybe it won't happen/it's not true" (there's no certainty there). That's one aspect of acceptance, the next step is to move on with whatever you want to do in life. I find the thoughts then flood in and the trick is to remember to keep telling myself "maybe it's true, maybe not". If anyone wants to add to that please do. **** it's hard, really hard, when the thoughts jump around so much I liken it to trying to hold a wet fish in both hands.

Thanks. Surely this is where all OCD should be treated? I'm learning all the time!

Hi Angst, Thanks for replying and it's good to hear you have dealt with this in the end. My therapist knows where the fear comes from, happy to share it hear too. I was physically assaulted as a teenager which still haunts me 27 years later. A few years later, one night I caught someone in the act of crowbarring my patio door at home and that also caused a lot of fear. There are a few other things, I went to quite a rough school where I witnessed more than enough violence or fear of it. It's only now I appreciate how this has lasting consequences if it isn't dealt with. I'm not entirely sure where my belief about protection comes from but I do think it's something to do with spending decades ruminating (a compulsion). So is that 2 books by the same authors that contradict one another? I'm not trying to understand where the belief comes from though, just ways to challenge it. Thanks

Very wise words indeed