jenkijunki

When OCD strikes it's like the feeling you have if you are about to be in a car accident... The panic, heart in your throat, pounding in your ears. It enters with a whoosh, and triggers your fight or flight response.

Hi. I hope you are feeling a bit better. Everyone I have ever met with OCD has some suicidal thoughts/feelings from time to time. I would recommend working out if it an ocd intrusion, depressive feeling or a true desire not to live. It will help to clarify what your best options are. It sounds like it could be a bit of all three? Is there more support you can find locally? Might be worth reviewing whether you need a bit of therapy, maybe medication and some people you can share how you are feeling with. Connecting with other people can really help.

Thank you both for your comments. I didn't log in for a few days over the easter holiday. Refocusing has been mentioned a lot. It's good advise. I find that it needs to be something positive or something mundane like spider solitaire to work. If I'm on a real rumination bender, I have to pick something that requires a lot of attention. xx

Thanks for the advise Handy. Not sure if I understand your question OCDhavenobrain…

Hi. I agree with the other comments. The only other thought that occurred to me when I read your post is if itbisca bit of depression creeping in. Living with ocd can trigger a low mood. Your insight into it being incongruous to your core values is a good indicator that it is your OCD.

Hi. Very good advise. Fighting the ruminating definitely doesn't work. I like the kindness approach as it fits well with the mindfulness I've been doing. xx

very good indeed

Hi All, Hope you are all well. I just thought I would share this about rumination and see what you think. It is my main compulsion and so hard to pull myself out of when it kicks in. I am trying to send that part a bit of compassion by seeing it as part of myself that is trying to help... even though it doesn't. I find if I am trying desperately to stop ruminating it only makes it worse. The old saying "what you resist persists". I'm not saying that it's ok to ruminate or that I shouldn't find ways to shift my attention, I just feel like "hating" it is actually keeping it going. What are your thoughts on it? What helps you when you start ruminating and struggle to stop? Jen x

Thank you. They emotions are intense! They confuse me. X

Hi all, I'm just wondering if this happens to anyone else... I have had harm ocd for ages and one of the reasons I feel like I am stuck is that when my harm ocd get's triggered I have a rush of anger. My ocd is focused on our cat. I adore her. She is my big trigger and some time when she come to me for attention it triggers my ocd and I have a rush of anger come over me. It scares me and makes me think that it isn't ocd because I feel angry and that there must be a deeper reason why I have these thoughts. It's very confusing. Is it just part of my fight or flight response? Many thanks, Jennifer

Congratulations!

Thank you. I dread being sick because it makes my mind go all weird. xx

I'm just wondering if this happens to anyone else... I have the flu. Every time I get ill I start having withdraw symptoms from my SSRI. I get the brain zaps and my ocd gets worse. I am wondering if running a fever changes the way my body absorbs my medication. It is horrible. I get really agitated, etc. The withdraw is worse than the flu symptoms. Any thoughts? Many Thanks.

It sounds really stressful! Do you have a mental health nurse or any other regular support? It might be worth having your mental health worker or GP put notes in your medical records to indicate that you have false memories and/or intrusive thoughts concerning child safety.

I agree with PolarBear that there is a huge amount of self stigma, but have also encountered it when seeking help. I was visiting my family in America and drove myself to A&E because I couldn't bear the intrusive thoughts anymore... They put an armed guard outside my room. It was horrifying. The worse possible response to my OCD. I am more careful now. I ask anyone new if they understand ocd and intrusive thoughts. If they don't, I do not disclose. If they do understand it, I tell them I am consumed with doubt about ______ but that it is also a feature of my OCD or one of my obsessions. Hope this helps.

That's great advice. Thank you!

Hi, I applied to be treated at one of the specialist clinic and my local CCG didn't approve it. They were a nightmare. They went back and forth trying to decide whether the Salford team or Greater Manchester team should respond to the request (this went on for six months). They referred me to a place in Salford which didn't even accept people from Bolton (another six months) and eventually offered me CBT locally. I had to get PALS involved. I hope you have better luck then I did. I spent over 3 years trying to sort it out. Jen

Thanks. I have nothing to feel guilting about... they are just thoughts. That's my new affirmation. xx

Mine is letting go of some of the shame and guilt that built up around having intrusive thoughts.

Hi All, Happy New Year. I had a very bad relapse 4 years ago and am now slowly getting better. I had a very difficult time getting quality CBT in my area. It took 3 and 1/2 years to see someone who had experience delivering ERP. I saw two people before her which were only helpful in the sense that I had someone to talk to, but provided no relief from my OCD. I applied to my CCG to be treated at CADAT. My GP referred me to several secondary care services which all turned me down. I made about 30 phone calls, 50 something emails, tried to find a local advocate and even tried to get advocacy through OCD UK. It was a nightmare. (I kept a log of all my emails, etc.) I'm am thankfully doing much better, still a long way to go. I feel really hurt and let down that it was such fight to get treatment and am trying to decide if I should further pursue complaint with the CCG or let it go. I don't want it to happen to other people looking for help. It was an incredibly dark time. I felt very suicidal with my OCD and am lucky enough to have a very supportive husband, a few good friends I could talk to and used these forums. (I haven't been on them lately as I was hurt that I didn't get much help from the advocacy service) The fight for care made my OCD even worse. Part of me feels like I should make my voice heard but the another part of me is saying "move on". I know there are others on this forum that have had to go through very similar struggles to find the right care... Have you advocated or complained about your experience? Thanks for your advice, Jennifer.

Thanks snowbear

Hi Everyone, I've started a new round of CBT and we we are trying to work out an ERP exercise based on one of my recent intrusive thoughts. Hope you don't mind me asking for your opinion.... I have intrusive thoughts particularly about our pet cat who I adore. If I am feeling stressed, angry or overwhelmed and our cat is wanting attention, I will have this intense "I hate you" thought go through my mind. It is horrible. I feel guilty and over thinking why I am annoyed with her and if it is a sign that I will be violent (never ever have been violent). I thought an good excercise would be for me to make a recording of the sound of a cat meowing and me saying "I hate you" and try to sit with the anxiety it produced.... My therapist said that using that exercise would be to specific to the thought about our cat. She mentioned using images of cats and kittens off the internet instead. She said if we target that specific thought it a new one would only take it's place. She recommended targeting the belief itself. I have had CBT in the past and have been trying to get my treatment transferred to CADAT (no easy task). I have found it difficult to find a therapist that knows how to set up the ERP excercises. Any thoughts?

Hi, I have this one all the time! It is a common one for members of the OCD support group I go to. I agree with taureen... finding the core belief. I am hyper aware of my mental states looking for signs that might confirm that It is more serious than ocd which means that I could 1) loose control 2) act on my intrusive thoughts. The anxiety these thoughts produce just reinforces the core belief.

This is a great post.... Thanks.