hair dye

[Gemzi3]

Im trying but am struggling when i think about the rain on my hair. Or when we do go back to the hotel

[Guest legend]

whats important is you are trying gem x

So it is raining , and whats ocd telling you ? what can you do to keep trying ?

[Gemzi3]

Well im still out.

so obviously whatever was on my head will be dry?

touched a postcard, then worried about the hair dye being on my hands.

then i helped my boyfriends hands.

still worrying about the hotel maid though - that guilt and worrying hasn't disappeared

[Guest legend]

Does it matter ? no , but ocd wants it to matter , hence the constant doubts and thoughts

got to keep at trying not to engage with it gem, do nothing , refuse to act on an obsession , and it will die of

inaction

[Gemzi3]

Doesn't that mean i just become immune to guilt? I feel bad. I don't want to hurt anyone

[gingerbreadgirl]

keep at it, gem. it's all about baby steps, even when your ocd is screaming at you x

[Gemzi3]

Going back to hotel soon.

feel anxious even wearing my jacket knowing it was raining.

the house cleaner has obviously touched the bath and the pillow and towels by now

[Guest ADD]

Doesn't that mean i just become immune to guilt?

I guess you don't really become immune to guilt, just more at a healthier normal level. It's difficult cause it just seems like other people are insensitive and selfish and you're the one who see it all clearly and don't understand how they're alright with these things. And you have guilt about reducing your guilt! I guess you have to just ignore that and go with it and once it's more in line with other people's then you'll feel like them and won't believe that about it anymore. Though first have to ignore all the ocd guilt about ignoring the guilt!

[Gemzi3]

This is so hard.

still feels like there was an actual danger and i didn't inform the cleaner

[Guest ADD]

It won't be easy, no one ever said it would.

[Gemzi3]

Back at the hotel.

towels gone. Bathroom,cleaned.

i don't know how to deal with this.

[Guest ADD]

I know since it's all in your mind and feelings together it feels like yourself. Though you have to remember this thing is not your friend! It is the voice of an enemy beating you up about these things. You don't deserve to feel the way it makes you feel and you are not what it says you are and criticizes you for! You don't deserve to feel the way it tries to make you feel and be so destroyed and dysfunctional. Never for a second think it's your friend or on your side. Treat it like the enemy it is Gem and talk back to it and then ignore it.

Edited June 27, 2014 by ADD

[Gemzi3]

Thanks ADD

I still very much feel like its true.

oh how was your break? Yea great I gave someone a disease from,my hair dye that I knew was there but I'll,never know about someone getting a disease and they'll never know it was me?

this is beyond tuff.

I wasn't ready to get my hair done. Why did I do it. I wasn't ready.

its my fault foe trying to jump ahead and not be sensible

[Guest ADD]

Your ocd is jumping to conclusions!

Remember it's the ocd talking, not your own beliefs. Try to separate the two voices. You can do that through mindfulness and observing the thoughts. They are not reality, they are only thoughts... only fictional stories...

[Guest PaulM]

Gemzi3,

First of all - WELL DONE!

Have you learned about cognitive distortions? I think that was a missing key for me. I'm curious if exploring that will help.

[Gemzi3]

Just thoughts?

looked at hair dye online its linked to disease!!!!!

what do I do knowing a cleaner has UNKNOWINGLY touched it

[mummyoftwogirls]

:-( try not to research online you would find an article that pink elephants were real if you tried!

[Guest PaulM]

It's the thoughts about the situation that are the issue. I have them too about other things and they are dreadful.

In my therapy we do a 6 column chart - Situation, Feelings (rated 0-100), Automatic Thoughts, Cognitive Distortions, Truth telling/Facts, and then Feelings (rated 0-100) again but after the period of time it takes to work through this chart.

I think the situation and feelings are something you've expressed. If you can, write them down. Next to that can you list the automatic thoughts that immediately come to mind?

Edited June 27, 2014 by PaulM

[PolarBear]

Ask the maid to rub the pillow all over herself.

Go to the pool.

[gingerbreadgirl]

In my therapy we do a 6 column chart - Situation, Feelings (rated 0-100), Automatic Thoughts, Cognitive Distortions, Truth telling/Facts, and then Feelings (rated 0-100) again but after the period of time it takes to work through this chart.

I think the situation and feelings are something you've expressed. If you can, write them down. Next to that can you list the automatic thoughts that immediately come to mind?

Hi Paul

I'm really interested in this - it sounds very much like 'general' CBT used for general anxiety, depression, and so on. My therapist got me to do similar things for low self esteem. Since getting more knowledge about OCD, I'd come to think that this sort of CBT is actually detrimental to OCD sufferers - as it is basically a form of analysing, which can become a compulsion.

In particular, the column on 'facts' is (in my opinion) potentially damaging to an OCD sufferer, as the point is we have to learn to live with doubt, which means not being able to pin things down as 'facts'.

I'm not at all attacking you or your therapist - I just find it interesting as I found it quite damaging to me. Do you find it's helped you?

Really sorry to hijack your thread gem x

[Guest PaulM]

In particular, the column on 'facts' is (in my opinion) potentially damaging to an OCD sufferer, as the point is we have to learn to live with doubt, which means not being able to pin things down as 'facts'.

I'm not at all attacking you or your therapist - I just find it interesting as I found it quite damaging to me. Do you find it's helped you?

Hi gingerbreadgirl,

No worries. I think in my case there is still doubt. It's more a reference for what is "normal". A bit of an attempt to reset the reality. In reality there is still a load of uncertainty in many cases. But people without OCD live with the uncertainty - and many lucky people don't even think about it.

I can't say as I'm not fully recovered, but I know I have made significant progress. This morning I had my shortest shower in years - 35 minutes - down from about 3 hours six months ago. Hand washing is down from 11 iterations at its worst to 2. I still live with uncertainty that I'm not clean enough, but it is getting progressively better. I force myself to live with the uncertainties in small steps. I know 6 months ago I would have never believed I would get be down to a sixth of the time it took me to get ready.

[gingerbreadgirl]

That's brilliant Paul

[Northern Star]

Gemzi - I know it's terrifying, believe me, I know. I don't have fears of hair dye but of other "contaminants" (they're not contaminants, that's just what OCD makes us think they are). But I've just read through this thread and I think you've made some massive steps forward. You must have been scared when your partner did that but I think he was right to do so - my husband used to do things like that and my heart would pound but I'd realise that he wasn't in the slightest bit scared, so why should I be? This is someone you presumably trust, otherwise you wouldn't be with him, so try to build on that. I don't at all mean start using him for reassurance, but you can use the things he does like this to provide evidence for yourself that this is OCD at work.

I had a frank conversation with my CPN today and I'll blank out the word that tells you what the "contamination" fear is but I think you could apply the same to your fear of hair dye.

"x is not the problem, it's your thoughts about x that are the problem"

[Guest PaulM]

That's brilliant Paul

Thanks gingerbreadgirl.

It's been a great experience. Rather than just ending up traumatized in a situation, I'm getting better at seeing my thoughts are not reality, and more able to recognize them as OCD thoughts. The thoughts that I have that are cognitive distortions are the first step in the problem - catastrophizing, what ifs, pessimistic bias, all or nothing thinking, etc. It makes sense. And if I focus on dealing with the thoughts, I'm making ground. If I focus on the situation then OCD is working me over. It's not always clear, but so far when it works out it works out.

My suggestions above were an attempt to see if Gemzi3 can separate from the situation just for a moment and recognize the thoughts and the distortions associated with the thoughts. For me that had a profound effect that I have been missing for years.

When I was told before that it's just OCD it didn't make sense. How could it just be OCD when it feels so real? But learning more about what's going on with the thoughts and they are not the same as reality helps me realize it really is the thoughts that are making me feel this way.

Edited June 27, 2014 by PaulM

[Gemzi3]

Well done Paul.

yes my partner has been absolutely amazing through all this, I don't like him suffering.

I know I shouldn't have read anything online and I feel bad for doing so but its kind of proved what I'm,worrying about if that makes sense, which is the house keeper getting a disease due to it, which I've now read can happen.

I know loads of people change their hair color then go about as,normal, I just wonder why I didn't think going darker would have caused all this stress.

I'm lying here on,the pillow still. It doesn't feel good still?