Stuck, again trying to figure out if me wanting things a certain way is OCD

[PolarBear]

I thought we were making headway before but then you decided to do an exposure when it wasn't necessary and back to square one you went.

You spend far too much time ruminating over exposures, ERP, how to get better, what your therapist said, what you read on some website, and on and on. You go round and round and you keep ending up at the same place again. This is what you need to work on stopping. It's going to be tough but lots of people have been able to master the ability to quell their ruminating. It takes a lot of effort, determination and repetition to get it right.

As I've said before, many times, I do not believe your current OCD theme has anything to do with TV settings. Rather, as you pointed out, your OCD is stuck on recovery, on the precisely right way to recover. So you shouldn't be doing any kind of exposures with your TV or other electronics. You should not be screwing up settings. It makes no sense to do so.

You do NOT have to do an exposure every time you do a compulsion. You simply don't.

[saddaniels]

What I keep trying to figure out is even if my OCD was stuck on TV settings, since it is one of my themes OCD centers around at points, why would I ever even be exposed to a distressing setting? I get if the TV was off a little bit & not perfect. I can habituate to those settings. But the exposure above, with the bad streaming quality, making the TV blurry, cutting off half the picture, etc. I don't understand those as exposures. And for that, I feel like its my fault for not understanding why I couldn't ever habituate to those exposures EVEN IF my OCD was centered around the TV.

Exposures are made to habituate to. If I can't habituate to past exposures my therapists were giving me, like putting the TV on an absurd, distressing settings, I feel like its my fault & I need to try even harder to habituate to distressing settings. Even though I'm aware people without OCD wouldn't be comfortable with these settings either. I'm lost somewhere and its eating at my brain.

I get what you are saying about how the OCD is now focused on getting better, but if I did go back to having OCD around my TV, that would mean I'd need to habituate to these distressing settings like my therapists asked of me. But I can't bring myself to habituate to distressing settings. I can't do it. But, as the OCD cycle goes, I'm going to keep trying since thats what my therapists & doctors asked of me. 

It sucks. It hurts. And I want to stop, but the urge to habituate to distressing exposures like my therapists asked of me is really taking a toll on my brain.

 

[PolarBear]

NO ONE would habituate to watching a TV with only half the picture showing. It's silly. It's pointless. And that would make anyone anxious. Does that mean that everyone in the world should screw up their TVs just because it makes them anxious? Obviously not. If your therapist told you to do that, I don't agree with it. It's a silly thing to do. Now, if your OCD centered around the settings on your TV, I would think an acceptable exposure, if you want to call it that, would be to set the TV the way it came out of the box (the way the manufacturer wants you to see watch it) and leave the TV on that setting and get used to it just the way it is.

No, you do not have to habituate yourself to those distressing settings if your OCD once again centers on TV settings. Absolutely not. I really do think you've taken what was said in therapy, twisted it and are now trying to apply it to your everyday living. It is nonsense to watch a TV the way you are describing, regardless whether you have OCD about settings or not.

Change your situation. Set your TV the way it was meant to be watched and LEAVE IT ALONE. That's all you have to do. Never screw around with the settings again. Never do another exposure again. Leave it alone and watch it, enjoy it and get on with your life.

[saddaniels]

I know I spend too much time on this & it scares me that my brain is lost figuring out the technicalities of every little thing related to ERP therapy. It scares me that I've gotten to the point where I feel like if I don't set my TV on a distressing setting, something is wrong with me. Makes zero since to me when I look at it like that, however the technicalities in my brain form a thousand "what ifs" and it becomes all screwy. Sometimes I wonder if I have something more than OCD, however, this feels like every other theme except this time it is related to every detail, every situation related to exposure therapy. I'm starting to get tired in the upstairs. Maybe thats a good thing. Maybe this will pass soon. 

[PolarBear]

Did you see this? This is what I think you should do:

Set your TV the way it was meant to be watched and LEAVE IT ALONE. That's all you have to do. Never screw around with the settings again. Never do another exposure again. Leave it alone and watch it, enjoy it and get on with your life.

[HedgehogAtNight]

Hi saddaniels,

A few years ago I had an obsession around computer noises. Needless to say it was nothing to do with the noise --it was OCD. It's a tough one but what PolarBear has said is right - you just have to stop. Your brain the begins to adjust and refocuses on other things. I know its hard but you have to ask yourself; am I in control here or the TV? I think OCD does almost just latch on to and becomes fixated on random things -- we then overestimate how meaningful it is. 

Best of luck and if you can - do nothing with respect to the TV now. Another view might be acceptance, oh well I guess ill just have to accept the tv as it is -- nothing is perfect. And thats ok too.

Btw- I think you should perhaps look at habituation as accepting things as they are rather than think I need to habituate to the original obsession. The original worry-- the tv settings--it is an obsession and does not need to be attended to.

Edited January 10, 2017 by Annonymous123
By the way; I look back on that obsession which lasted months and think the best thing I did was when I left the whole obsession alone; no response; no rumination.

[taurean]

This rather classically and sadly shows that we can obsess about literally anything. 

Then get led into obsessing about compulsing. 

And the right and wrongs of ERP. 

Who came up with the idea a therapist is always right?  Of course they aren't. But we don't need to obsess over that. Just accept it. 

 

[saddaniels]

I'm trying to delay my rumination as much as possible. I'm tired of this OCD nonsense. I have an area in my brain right now that is foggy, still recycling the "what ifs" and shouting "pay attention now or else." You guys are right. Its going to take the courage to shoot down anything related to my obsession with ERP therapy in order for my mind to heal. I want so badly to get better & its working against me. Its hard to see the difference between rational therapy & irrational therapy right now due to OCD.

Re-focusing your attention when rumination is your compulsion is hard work indeed. Any grounding techniques you guys have that help you when you slip & find yourself in that black hole of useless mind chatter, besides the re-focusing technique? 

[PolarBear]

First you have to determine that you are ruminating. Catch yourself doing it. Then you stop yourself, then you refocus your mind onto something else (whatever you happen to be doing at the time is fine). It won't work right away. In fact, you'll fail most of the time, to start. You just keep doing it and over time you'll get better at it. Repetition and practice is key.

[saddaniels]

On 1/10/2017 at 14:28, PolarBear said:

It is nonsense to watch a TV the way you are describing, regardless whether you have OCD about settings or not.

I'm back in the rabbit hole again. Extreme exposures are done for people suffering with OCD. I knew a girl who ate gummy bears off a toilet seat (people without OCD wouldn't do this) & one of my therapists told me she has licked a shoe with a patient who has contamination issues (people without OCD wouldn't do this). So, this leads me back into thinking that because I can't habituate to distressing settings, something is wrong with me. Can't wrap my head around this. I could see exposing yourself to the thought "yea, my TV may be extremely messed up", but not to actually do that physically. But then again, people eat off a toilet seat & lick shoes & those are all weird, bizarre physical things.Maybe my therapist only wanted me to habituate to distressing settings for a short period of time, like 30 seconds or something. Still doesn't make sense though. I know OCD is in this somewhere, but its true that i can't risk doing the therapy wrong. The urge to ruminate is so strong. I had it under control last night, but today its on fire.

[PolarBear]

Why can't you risk doing the therapy wrong? You've been doing it wrong for quite some time now.

[saddaniels]

Because there has to be a logical reason why my therapist wanted me to habituate to distressing settings. They are the experts. The doctors. They aren't out to get me, so it's my fault that I cant habituate.

[saddaniels]

The thing is that I'm out of treatment, no longer near this therapist to ask where I may be going wrong. No one near me treats OCD with ERP, so it's not like I can up & ask a therapist.

[PolarBear]

I've given you lots of advice here. If you don't want to take it on board then I'm not sure what else I can do. We've been over this again and again but you keep going back to your default position. If you're not willing to try something different then I guess you're going to stay stuck where you are for a good while. 

[saddaniels]

I want to try something different & you've given great advice. OCD is the one getting in the way with the threatening "what ifs". When something is so heavily on my mind, it feels rational, even though deep down, I know it's another trick. I've even tried dropping anything that I suspect is connected to OCD without going into detail with my mind. I slip so much though. I acknowledge it's just a repeat of the same ****, yet if I find a new, minor detail, I feel like it's made all of my previous irrational thoughts valid & it traps me each time. 

[PolarBear]

Then do this: set your TV to the way it is supposed to be watched. Then leave it. Under no circumstances are you to adjust the settings. You will not try to do any exposures concerning your TV, regardless the circumstances. Leave it alone. If you get an urge to do an exposure, remind yourself that you are trying something new, you're giving it a chance and then don't do anything with the TV. Every day, watch your TV and enjoy it as it is. If you get the urge to change the settings, say to yourself I'm not going to deal with that right now and leave it alone.

Try to do this. Not just for one day but for weeks. Do it until you no longer have urges to fiddle with the settings or do an exposure around your TV.

[taurean]

Spot on PolarBear. 

This thread has 141 posts all about how a TV picture looks and whether a therapist was right or wrong. 

The escape hatch is now open and you can now walk through it. Bear is right on this. No ifs buts maybes was he - leave it be.