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ocdsufferer85

Trigger from the past - Handling it better? (Merged Thread)

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Remembered a worry today and it's set my anxiety off 

I saw a car of a person who bugs me because they are really selfish and irritating

Looked at their reg plate and the letters on it

I then muttered an insult on the spot just in private to myself that I didn't really mean but felt frustration so I did it using the letters in the reg plate

Laughed at the rude daft name I came up with but it had a couple swear words

I was just sat in my car at the time

I then realised suddenly the letters of the reg were the same as something that would trigger my ocd

(I wouldn't want to say anything bad about my ocd subject and the next two letters were the same as the initials of something religious) 

I then thought wow, that would be another way to 'get me'.. Stop don't think of that leave it now drive off, its like I realised the letters were a trigger before anything happened which was lucky

I just laughed it off as a silly thing and didn't let ocd in, it was just trying to throw me off and mix with something none related. 

OCD then all the way home came up with doubts and what ifs. 

I'm told it's all ocd, I know the two weren't related, it wasn't meant to trigger me, I am not to blame for ocd :(

I apologised about the rude words (to God) as I realised its not nice muttering about anyone, I felt like I was being 'bad' 

OCD tried to catch me out again

Has anyone ever had something none related mix with ocd and instantly out the blue feel like they've acted on their ocd fear? 

I can't battle this, I've been doing alot better then something like this throws me off and I feel like my anxiety and guilt are gonna stay high and that it's all gone wrong. 

Just want to know I'm not alone with this stuff, don't want to go over and over this like my other worry, I just want to know it can work this way and that I am allowed to move on. 

Thank you 

 

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Save yourself and others the hassle OS85, and go back over the plentiful advice given on your previous threads regarding this exact same thing! I have just done a quick search and believe you first (there has been more threads since) posted about this around the 15th Sept 2017.

 

 

 

Edited by felix4

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4 minutes ago, felix4 said:

Save yourself and others the hassle OS85, and go back over the plentiful advice given on your previous threads regarding this exact same thing! I have just done a quick search and believe you first (there has been more threads since) posted about this around the 15th Sept 2017.

 

 

 

Hi thanks I said I have spoken about it before.. Its a past worry.. And the advice given on that post was about CBT and nothing related to it 

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9 hours ago, ocdsufferer85 said:

Its a past worry.. And the advice given on that post was about CBT and nothing related to it 

Past worry, present worry, future worry, its all OCD, and CBT applies to it just like it does to any other OCD worry.

 

10 hours ago, ocdsufferer85 said:

Just want to know I'm not alone with this stuff, don't want to go over and over this like my other worry, I just want to know it can work this way and that I am allowed to move on. 

You had an intrusive thought, you started ruminating on it, you are continuing to feel anxiety, thats how OCD works, you are allowed to move on, its nothing important, it doesn't actually matter.

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Hi OK so I had a dip yesterday and slipped back into worrying over a trigger from the past. 

Today I was in total melt down when I woke up. 

However I forced myself to get up, go to work and not stay in bed and ruminate. 

I've still been ruminating and having doubts but kept doing things and not stopped. 

Also talked it through and saw logic, and decided to say NO, I'm not listening to you ocd. 

It's twisted a normal situation that isn't related to my ocd in anyway and in the midst of it I was triggered, so it's trying to put the two together. 

I was basically as mentioned previously having a private mutter about someone who was getting on my nerves, which we all do and It was in private, and then something triggered my ocd, and the muttering I'd begun about something totally different then had the ocd thought attached to it. 

I looked at this person's car reg plate, and the letters that were on it, and randomly just decided because they annoy me I'd make up a silly insult using the letters on their car... Sounds stupid, it was just a way of getting to them without ever saying it to them just a bit of naughty behaviour on my part, I was alone and nobody was around, I was sat in my car, it was just a spur of the moment thing because seeing their car annoyed me. 

So I looked at the letters and the first one was F... So... 

Basically I said a swear word... And then my ocd got triggered because the next two letters were the initials of the thing I'd never ever want to speak badly about, it was a total coincidence but as soon as I realised an intrusive thought came in out of nowhere of course... It said those are the letters of.... And it said the words in my head. 

I quickly said something else and laughed about it but I thought "it could have got me that way!" 

I drove home and had niggles of doubt about it, I spiked abit but tried to say no don't be silly, I changed it quickly. 

Obviously now ocd is saying what if you spoke those other words by mistake. Even though I put this to rest soon after it happened, and knew it was silly. 

Here's how I handled it - 

Firstly we all do things and say things to or about people and then realise it's not so nice to do... We all get angry

The two subjects were Never meant to be crossed... I was not insulting God or anything it was aimed at this person and I apologised to God for acting this way

I would never want any slander being aimed at the thing I want to protect, there was no intent atall

The ocd intruded into an everyday thing that happens and made it about IT rather than the reality that I was just making up an insult about a person privately. 

I didn't, but if I or anyone else said something by mistake... Like I said the wrong words or said a thought out loud at the wrong time it would be a simple mistake and not something to be doomed for

I didn't set out to do anything like that, ocd took a totally unrelated thing and twisted it

Say I was trying to say something correctly for whatever reason and accidentally said it the wrong way it doesn't mean anything it's simply a slip of the tongue

So I shouldn't replay it over and over because it doesn't mean anything, it's simply ocd coming in at an inappropriate time and I had no control or intent. 

It shocked me and I was mortified to think anything was happening. 

God knows my heart and just as you can't fool him If you say you're sorry and don't mean it....he knows exactly when someone doesn't mean something too. 

So I should let it all go and know that this and my other ocd worry of a similar nature is just part of an illness intruding on my life. 

I have never changed, never will and he will always know this. 

Also - of someone makes a mistake or does a bad thing,it doesn't mean they are a bad person, they just made a bad choice..or a mistake, mistakes are out of our control, repentance wipes all bad things out. 

So how did I do? 

Sorry its long. I wanted to explain the event, the rumination, and the way to deal with it and hopefully cbt has helped. 

I have had a very difficult day and it's gone from total meltdown to picking myself up and living on. 

 

 

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Can anyone respond with anything positive about how I have tackled it? Just seem to have had my threads merged and no words of encouragement 

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@ocdsufferer85  I am sorry you are having a difficult time recently, and its good that you are trying to take the right steps towards recovery.  Avoiding compulsions, avoiding rumination, avoiding avoidance (heh) are all good things.  So thats something to be proud of its hard work to keep moving forward.

Having said that, I think it is best to be honest with you that your very long post, and quick follow up demanding positive feedback from others are themselves forms of compulsions.  

 

16 hours ago, ocdsufferer85 said:

Can anyone respond with anything positive about how I have tackled it? Just seem to have had my threads merged and no words of encouragement 

This is reassurance seeking for example.  Also that you wanted such responses within only an hour of your initial post comes across to me as being anxiety driven.  The best thing you could do, if you feel necessary to post, is to give people time to respond. 

I also think that positing such a detailed analysis of your day and all the anxiety moments you had, even though you are trying to note ways in which you did or did not respond, is very much a rumination behavior.

Don't get me wrong, that you are taking steps to tackle your OCD is a good thing, I don't want to take away from that.  But its important to be aware of ALL the compulsions we engage in if we are going to tackle OCD.  It doesn't mean we have to take care of them all it once, sometimes thats just too much work.  But its a good idea that you become aware of some of these behaviors too, you might not realize, for example, that such detailed descriptions to us are rumination.  OCD sufferers often feel the need to explain things in exhaustive detail, they fear leaving "something" out.  Its part of the fear and doubt that OCD thrives on.  We are very often afraid that if we leave something out we aren't being honest, or someone else won't understand, or we won't feel right, etc.

Anyway, as I said, congrats on being able to take on some of these compulsions, and just some things to think about for moving forward.

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I agree thank you, it's hard to work on everything at once, just trying bit by bit. 

I do pick myself up better now. 

I am still full of nerves and worry but I keep saying to myself it's part of an illness, I am not to blame, its not my fault that it intrudes on things, it's not me. 

I keep saying mistakes if they happen are not something to be blamed for, and the ocd is causing it. 

Trying. 

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1 hour ago, ocdsufferer85 said:

I agree thank you, it's hard to work on everything at once, just trying bit by bit. 

I do pick myself up better now. 

I am still full of nerves and worry but I keep saying to myself it's part of an illness, I am not to blame, its not my fault that it intrudes on things, it's not me. 

I keep saying mistakes if they happen are not something to be blamed for, and the ocd is causing it. 

Trying. 

Hey, 

I think you should be proud of yourself for trying to fight this and change your mindset! You have been stuck for a very long time trying to figure things out and it's great to see you finally coming out and saying "I've had enough, this isn't me, it's OCD".

I think you still have a way to go and, eventually, your aim should be to stop being so afraid of having thoughts. Bad thoughts aren't mistakes, they are just completely meaningless and they shouldn't frighten you. 

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I am abit less afraid of the actual thoughts it's the fear that I will say it or that I've tried to with an urge or that I've made a mistake and said it without realising or remembering etc. 

More of a false memory watching my every move kind of thing and if I don't then I end up in these messes. 

I can be minding my own business doing something unrelated and then ocd is triggered and I'm worried I've said the wrong thing outloud because of it firing in at the bad times. 

Shall I still treat these as meaningless because whatever it is I'm fearing coming out isn't what I want.. It doesn't belong to me the thought or the timing of it. 

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I've told you quite a few times that if you want to get past this, go ahead and say the words out loud. You are so worried about doing it accidentally that you really should say them on purpose.

I know this sounds wrong but it's how you beat OCD at its own game. You of course need to adhere to a no compulsion rule after saying your feared words out loud.

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I think it's best to accept that ocd clings to the thing you fear and DON'T want, so it in no way changes you, it's only there because you fear it and its the opposite of how you are as a person. 

Just because someone has intrusive thoughts and unwanted urges etc it doesn't mean it's changed them, it's just the illness tormenting them. 

With any topic it's always the thing you don't want to be.. 

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