I hope this will help others

[MentalChecker]

(Edit – i've just realised this is a long thread, however I’ve included a lot of information below that I hope will help others, if I’m able to help just one person, then it will be worth it.  I no longer do any reassurance or compulsions, and I haven't seen a therapist in over 2 years).

I haven’t been on these forums for a while now, however i’ve been meaning to write this post for the last year or so, in the hope that this might help others manage this debilitating and often misunderstood illness, which is often looked upon by non-sufferers as having ‘a gift’ due to the way OCD is portrayed in the media.

With the New Year approaching, together with the anti-climax of Christmas, I thought this would be the perfect time to write this post, as I know from experience that this can be one of the most difficult times of the year for a lot of sufferers.

If this post helps just one person, then I will be happy.

I will try and keep this post as short and as clear as possible, however firstly I think its important to provide a little background about myself, to show you that I wasn’t ‘just a bit OCD’.

I’ve been suffering with OCD for as long as I can remember (my first memory of OCD symptoms was approx 41 years ago), however I was only diagnosed around 7/8 years ago by a Psychiatrist when I hit absolute rock bottom, and I wanted to end it all.

I recall seeing a child psychologist at around the age of 9 years old, due to experiencing issues with bad thoughts and depression, however nothing was ever diagnosed.

I suffer from what some term as ‘Pure OCD’, however I understand that despite the different subtypes being spoken of, OCD is OCD, and in the majority of cases, the treatment is fundamentally the same, the only difference is how the treatment is applied.

Listed below is an example of the kind of issues I experienced. I will deliberately keep it vague for personal reasons.

I would be doing something and all of a sudden I would experience an absolutely terrible thought/feeling.  I would then feel an almighty rush of  worry and severe anxiety about what I had just thought/felt, and would then deliberately re-do what I had just been doing when I experienced that thought/feeling, in an attempt to ‘undo’ what had just happened.  By me being able to re-do what I was previously doing and not experience the thought/feeling, would make me feel so much better, and would somehow cancel out the worry.

However, shortly afterwards, the worry would return, and I would then have to go through the same routine again, and this was driven by extreme worry, anxiety going through the roof, and depression if I didn’t do it.  I recall my heart would be beating rapidly, I would be sweating, my legs would be shaking, it was terrible.  This would then get me into a constant loop of experiencing the worry/feeling, doing the routine, relieving the anxiety, feeling better, but then shortly afterwards the worry would return again, and the loop continues indefinitely, until something else takes over….

The above could be about absolutely anything, the topic changes, however what stays the same is the ‘fear of the thought’, the ‘action to undo’, the ‘feeling better’ (for a short period of time), and then the loop continues.

Other examples involved nights out, and having blank spots, or recollections of things that I did that I felt were really bad, and I had to either think about the blank spots to make sure I hadn’t done anything bad during the blank spots (and that’s an impossible task if you can’t remember as they were blank spots!!), or think about the things that I had done and try to reassure myself that they weren’t really that bad, and sometimes this then led to confessions to my partner, which then involved continuous confessions several times per hour, day after day.

Most of my time was either spent in toilets at home, or whilst at work.  It wouldn’t be unusual for me to spend up to an hour at a time in the toilet before I could reassure myself that everything was fine, only to come out of the toilet, and then bang it hits me again within seconds, and then I had to go back into the toilet again for another hour…..life was hell.

I am sure some of you can relate to the above.

I paid for approximately 50 + sessions with a Private psychiatrist (which was very expensive), she was my lifeline at the time, as without her, I probably wouldn’t be here now writing this, as I really was in a terrible dark place back then, and I tried some very stupid things.

The Psychiatrist recommended I take some medication, which would help me get a handle on my problems whilst undergoing therapy, however due to my upbringing, being warned against taking recreational drugs (and I’m proud to say I managed to get through all my life without taking any drugs even through my night clubbing days!), and therefore unfortunately I couldn’t take any medication for the OCD, which probably made things harder for me.

I had this mistaken belief (like many of you may also have) that I could go and see somebody and they would be able to fix me.  But the truth is they can’t, if you want to be fixed, then you need to do it yourself.  They can provide you with the tools to do it, and possibly take the edge off with medication, however ultimately it is you that needs to fix yourself, nobody else can do it.

OK the above is a very small snapshot of some of the problems I experienced, so lets crack on with the reason for this post.

Since my diagnosis 7/8 years ago, I have done a lot (and I mean a lot) of reading about OCD.

As can be seen from the above examples of my symptoms, the ‘thought/worry’ was the Obsession, the ‘action to undo’ was the Compulsion, and the ‘feeling better’ was the reassurance, which ultimately is THE SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT thing to remember about OCD.

If you want to be able to lead any kind of normal life, you MUST stop reassurance.

Reassurance is what keeps the OCD loop going. If you can learn to live without the Reassurance, then I can guarantee you that you can live a normal life with OCD.

You will still experience the Intrusive Thoughts, and initially they will present worry and anxiety, however if you do not do the reassurance seeking (the Compulsion), then eventually you will get to the stage whereby you still get the Intrusive Thoughts, however the anxiety becomes less each time, and therefore you won’t even need to think about doing the Compulsion to relieve the anxiety, as it won’t be there to begin with.

I am a firm believer that we all have the ability to reprogram our brain.

It is our brain that creates the Obsession, and it is also our brain that decides how to react to the obsession.

Somewhere along the line at one point in time, we were able to relieve a worry by thinking things through, and this then became a problem solving technique (a habit) for every worry we experienced thereafter, to avoid us having to feel anxiety.  The problem is, not everything in life can be thought through and resolved by thinking, no matter how hard we try, however we don’t give up, as we think there just MUST be a way of thinking this problem through and avoiding feeling the anxiety, and this is what creates the problem.

I said above that I believe its possible to reprogram our brain, a better way of explaining this is retraining instead of reprogramming.

What I did was this.  I read as much information about OCD as I could possibly read.  I became aware what OCD stood for (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder), and realised it is made up of O for the Obsession (which is X in my case) and C is for the Compulsion (which is XX in my case), and then I felt Reassurance, which ultimately led back into the OCD loop shortly afterwards.

I became very conscious of each component of the OCD loop each time I experienced it.

I realised that I needed to break the loop by removing one of those components.

The problem I had was this.  I realised that I couldn’t stop the Obsession (we are not in control of our thoughts), and I also realised that I couldn’t control the Compulsion either, as it was almost automatic in nature, as soon as my brain received the thought, I would start thinking back through the problem to try and resolve it, and by the time I was in the depth of thoughts trying to think it through, the anxiety had already built to such a high level that I had to get the reassurance to make myself feel better (or so I thought).

What part of the loop could I control? The Reassurance.

During my reading up on OCD, I had kept notes of EVERY statement about OCD that I thought in my own head (brain) was incorrect, and which my brain didn’t agree with.

Every time I experienced the OCD loop, although I may experience the Obsession (we can’t control) and have already started the Compulsion (it was almost automatic) I was in control of getting the Reassurance.  Because reassurance becomes more and more difficult to achieve the more times you perform a compulsion (like the fix from recreational drugs (see further quote below on this) I realised that I could actually use this to my advantage.  Instead of tirelessly trying to get the fix from a Compulsion, I can read my notes/statements about OCD instead, and realise that what I am trying to achieve is completely worthless, and realise that my brain was either lying to me, or was relying on incorrect information to process/make decisions, and I needed to retrain my brain to act on correct and up to date information that is correct, instead of old, redundant, and incorrect information.

I now want to share my notes with you, in the hope that they will at least help one person.

This one was a real hit for me.

OCD turns out to be something known as a paradox. One definition of a paradox is – “A statement contradictory to received opinion.” In this case, it would be the statement that, “All the things you thought were going to make you better, will only make you worse.” That is, the compulsions you thought were going to make the thoughts and the anxiety go away only ended up taking over your life by making you addicted to them, and ultimately, paralyzing you. Put another way, your attempts to use compulsions (no matter what kind) start out as solutions to the problem of obsessions, but they gradually become the problem itself. In this world of opposites, however, it also turns out that, “The things you thought were going to make you worse, happen to be the very things that make you better.”

I’ve just read the above quote through for the first time in over a year, and I must admit it actually made me feel very emotional, as it was THE most important quote for me, this one was like a bible to me, I had to put my full trust in this, and I had to give up all my beliefs of what I thought was right/wrong, and put my whole trust in the fact that everything I thought was true, was in fact false, and to trust the above.

I have listed the remainder of them below.

Remember that every time you seek reassurance, you are actually strengthening OCD!

Any relief that any of the compulsive behaviours provide is only temporary and short lived, they simply reinforce the original obsession and need to carry out the compulsion, creating a gradual worsening cycle of OCD symptoms.

You can spend hours reassuring yourself through compulsions and mental acts. You can involve others by asking for reassurance. But, it’s not going to lead to freedom.  You can’t free your mind this way. There is no breaking free of OCD in seeking reassurance.

Resisting reassurance will increase your level of anxiety and doubt. It’s not dangerous. It’s unpleasant. Be tenacious. Keep resisting. Shrug. Stick with it. Tolerate it.  If you want to be set free, there is no other choice. You can start doing it now or do it years down the road. But, if you don’t start now…OCD will only rob you of more and more.  Resisting reassurance is what you’re going to have to do eventually. Why not just get it over with? Lean in to the pain and break free.

To finish answering why the thoughts are about bad things, you also need to attend to them. When I say ‘attend to them’ it is sort of like planting a flower, if you leave it alone, it will die and wither, but if you tend to it, water it and feed it, it will survive and flourish.  Once a thought strikes your core values, if you leave it alone, it will wither and die, but if you pay attention to it; think about it, analyse, give it special attention amongst all the other thoughts, it will become stronger.  The important point to note is that it is not the thought that is the problem, rather the problem arises with what you do with the thought, how much you feed it.

Recovery from OCD requires habituation to the distress caused by uncertainty. And habituation cannot occur when reassurance keeps the person from getting exposure to uncertainty.

Habituation– the lessening of a physiological or emotional response after repeated exposure to a stimulus– cannot occur when reassurance keeps the person from getting that exposure to uncertainty.

One would think that if it were possible to convince the compulsive person that there is no real threat—let us say, from a toaster that was turned off—that the person would stop checking.  But it works the other way around: if you can get him/her to stop checking, that person will stop worrying!

Some people with OCD are among the most tormented people I have known. If the choice was between living the way they do and losing my passport every few years , or few weeks, I would prefer to suffer the consequences of losing my passport-- or having an intruder rob something from my house. I would rather have my house burn to the ground by leaving the stove on than have my life ruined by worrying endlessly about that possibility.

The secret to living with uncertainty is . . . learning to sit with the discomfort of uncertainty.

Jumping into a cold swimming pool. At first, the coldness is extremely uncomfortable, and our brains send us messages of "cold, cold, cold" and "Get out! Get out! Get out!" BUT, if we stay in the pool, the water seems to warm up. Of course, it doesn't really get any warmer; instead, we habituate ourselves to the discomfort of the coldness.

How does ERP work? Exposure without doing rituals helps a person with OCD to better tolerate the fear and anxiety that the obsessions cause, and allows the person to learn that anxiety doesn’t last forever.

OCD turns out to be something known as a paradox. One definition of a paradox is – “A statement contradictory to received opinion.” In this case, it would be the statement that, “All the things you thought were going to make you better, will only make you worse.” That is, the compulsions you thought were going to make the thoughts and the anxiety go away only ended up taking over your life by making you addicted to them, and ultimately, paralyzing you. Put another way, your attempts to use compulsions (no matter what kind) start out as solutions to the problem of obsessions, but they gradually become the problem itself. In this world of opposites, however, it also turns out that, “The things you thought were going to make you worse, happen to be the very things that make you better.”

A strange game. The only winning move is not to play."
—the computer in War Games

The idea that you might come up with some bulletproof reassurance that will defeat the OCD forever is tempting, but wrong. No reassurance will ever be good enough for the obsession. You can't fill a bottomless hole. It's a waste of energy, it will leave you exhausted.  And often the OCD will find something wrong with the reassurance — like an infection becoming resistant to a medication — which in the long run makes your illness worse.

Once the intrusive thought is given significance (is appraised to mean more than just a fleeting thought; cue the anxiety) the person feels compelled to assure themselves that this ego-dystonic meaning surely cannot be correct. So, they may then make sure they’re loved ones are safe, seek reassurance from a spouse that they would never harm anyone, pray for forgiveness for the thought, or avoid using knives all together.

Some may wonder, “Why can't a person with OCD simply tell themselves it’s just a thought and forget about it?” This is because OCD is a "disease of doubt".

It doesn't matter if they know they checked the stove to make sure it’s off they still experience relentless doubt.  It's as if that box in their mind doesn't get checked off the first time, rather it may take numerous times of checking the oven before they feel convinced it's off and can move on to other things.  Or maybe they feel quite sure they checked but have the thought, “If I don't check one more time then I must be a bad mom to put my kids at risk of the house burning down” so they will check again for that reason. It is this very importance given to the intrusive thoughts (the meaning, the anxiety, and the compulsions to negate the thought) that paradoxically tells the brain “Hey pay attention! This is an important thought! Keep thinking it!”  So, the more of these intrusive thoughts they have and the cycle persists.

Another key feature of OCD is the need for certainty. People with OCD don't want to be 90 percent sure about something; they want to be 100 percent certain. Unfortunately, we live in a world full of uncertainties and there is very little we can be certain about. When someone feels certain about something that certainty is actually just a feeling or a belief, not a fact. For instance, as I type this I feel quite certain that my parents are alive. However, unless I were to call them right now to make sure they are indeed alive then I am not 100 percent certain, rather I just feel certain.

People with OCD want to be 100 percent certain. So much that they will tirelessly find ways to feel certain about things for which there is no real certainty and all the while their brain is working against them.  There is always another “What if?” to compete with and that "What if?" will always win.  In essence, the OCD sufferer ends up chasing after something impossible to obtain.

These compulsions reinforce the OCD loop by temporarily reducing anxiety. However, this only serves to increase the likelihood of doing the compulsion again the next time there is a similar intrusive distressing thought.

Not only can you recover from OCD, you my even become better than "normal".  As mentioned previously, you will learn how to tolerate uncertainty, whereas most people in the world who feel certain about things are either in denial or just really good at feeling certain.  You, on the other hand, can know that you don't know for sure and that would be okay.

[northpaul]

13 minutes ago, MentalChecker said:

Another key feature of OCD is the need for certainty. People with OCD don't want to be 90 percent sure about something; they want to be 100 percent certain. Unfortunately, we live in a world full of uncertainties and there is very little we can be certain about. When someone feels certain about something that certainty is actually just a feeling or a belief, not a fact. For instance, as I type this I feel quite certain that my parents are alive. However, unless I were to call them right now to make sure they are indeed alive then I am not 100 percent certain, rather I just feel certain.

People with OCD want to be 100 percent certain. So much that they will tirelessly find ways to feel certain about things for which there is no real certainty and all the while their brain is working against them.  There is always another “What if?” to compete with and that "What if?" will always win.  In essence, the OCD sufferer ends up chasing after something impossible to obtain.

These compulsions reinforce the OCD loop by temporarily reducing anxiety. However, this only serves to increase the likelihood of doing the compulsion again the next time there is a similar intrusive distressing thought.

Hi MentalChecker, you have just given me a boost to an area I am working on for myself.  I have recently completed CBT and 'Tolerating Uncertainty' was one of the final modules.  I have attempted several tasks that I would never have attempted before therapy.  The therapy has taught me that trying something new can raise anxiety levels, but the anxiety soon diminishes the more I practise things.  Thanks for your post.

[Caramoole]

 

Especially

31 minutes ago, MentalChecker said:

I had this mistaken belief (like many of you may also have) that I could go and see somebody and they would be able to fix me.  But the truth is they can’t, if you want to be fixed, then you need to do it yourself.  They can provide you with the tools to do it, and possibly take the edge off with medication, however ultimately it is you that needs to fix yourself, nobody else can do it.

 

32 minutes ago, MentalChecker said:

I am a firm believer that we all have the ability to reprogram our brain.

It is our brain that creates the Obsession, and it is also our brain that decides how to react to the obsession.

 

[mmpp]

Thank you for this amazing post! I will read it a couple of times again because I saw a lot of truth in your post. Because you said you know a lot of about OCD can you tell me how can I recover ( manage ) from Hit and Run OCD, or just Responsibility OCD? Also can you please recommend me resources where I can read or watch about OCD? I know a lot of Youtube channels and I read some self help books but maybe you can give me another suggestions.

[MentalChecker]

1 hour ago, mmpp said:

Thank you for this amazing post! I will read it a couple of times again because I saw a lot of truth in your post. Because you said you know a lot of about OCD can you tell me how can I recover ( manage ) from Hit and Run OCD, or just Responsibility OCD? Also can you please recommend me resources where I can read or watch about OCD? I know a lot of Youtube channels and I read some self help books but maybe you can give me another suggestions.

Hi MMPP, I'm pleased to hear you've found it useful.

The first thing to do is to not categorise 'Hit & Run OCD' and 'Responsibility OCD', as they are both just OCD... 

By giving them seperate subtypes can make you 'feel' that they have more strength or make them appear more difficult to manage, which they aren't, as they are still OCD.

The first thing you need to do is to identify the component in your OCD loop (like I referred to above that I did?) to realise how you are keeping the loop going.

Without knowing anything about your OCD loop, I can tell you with 99% certainty that you are having 1. Intrusive Thoughts and 2. Performing Compulsions to seek reassurance that you haven't ran anybody over/hit somebody with a car and that you aren't responsible for others. The reason I know this is because as mentioned above, all OCD is the same, it consists of Obsessions (Intrusive Thoughts) and Compulsions (things we do to try and get 100% certainty (which doesn't exist) to reassure ourselves that our Intrusive Thoughts are not real.

Ive read a lot about sufferers being told by their therapists that they MUST accept that they may have done the very thing they fear (exposure and response prevention therapy), however in my own personal opinion, I don't think this helps at all. I think this gets the sufferer drawn into a downward spiral of depression, and is counterproductive, due to the sufferer focusing too much on (I may have really done that ). 

Instead, you need to stop ALL Reassurance (not just some but ALL) and also give up the mandate of trying to be certain whether you did or didn't do it.

Look at it as maybe you did do it/maybe you didn't do it, but you aren't going to waste anymore time trying to find out one way or another.

If you perform the actions in those last two paragraphs I can promise you that you will notice a significant improvement

Edited December 31, 2021 by MentalChecker

[mmpp]

54 minutes ago, MentalChecker said:

Hi MMPP, I'm pleased to hear you've found it useful.

The first thing to do is to not categorise 'Hit & Run OCD' and 'Responsibility OCD', as they are both just OCD... 

By giving them seperate subtypes can make you 'feel' that they have more strength or make them appear more difficult to manage, which they aren't, as they are still OCD.

The first thing you need to do is to identify the component in your OCD loop (like I referred to above that I did?) to realise how you are keeping the loop going.

Without knowing anything about your OCD loop, I can tell you with 99% certainty that you are having 1. Intrusive Thoughts and 2. Performing Compulsions to seek reassurance that you haven't ran anybody over/hit somebody with a car and that you aren't responsible for others. The reason I know this is because as mentioned above, all OCD is the same, it consists of Obsessions (Intrusive Thoughts) and Compulsions (things we do to try and get 100% certainty (which doesn't exist) to reassure ourselves that our Intrusive Thoughts are not real.

Ive read a lot about sufferers being told by their therapists that they MUST accept that they may have done the very thing they fear (exposure and response prevention therapy), however in my own personal opinion, I don't think this helps at all. I think this gets the sufferer drawn into a downward spiral of depression, and is counterproductive, due to the sufferer focusing too much on (I may have really done that ). 

Instead, you need to stop ALL Reassurance (not just some but ALL) and also give up the mandate of trying to be certain whether you did or didn't do it.

Look at it as maybe you did do it/maybe you didn't do it, but you aren't going to waste anymore time trying to find out one way or another.

If you perform the actions in those last two paragraphs I can promise you that you will notice a significant improvement

You are right! Huge thanks! Can I share a little bit more about my OCD if you can help me even more? Thank you so much! If the answer is yes you can check the threads I posted or even I can write it here again it's not a problem I just want to get better...

[MentalChecker]

5 hours ago, mmpp said:

You are right! Huge thanks! Can I share a little bit more about my OCD if you can help me even more? Thank you so much! If the answer is yes you can check the threads I posted or even I can write it here again it's not a problem I just want to get better...

Hi MMPP, any good therapist will tell you that the content doesn't matter, it's what you do with the content that is the important thing. 

You want to tell me for either Reassurance or Confession, both of which are Compulsions and OCD. 

What you need to do is this. 

When the thought strikes, acknowledge it is an intrusive thought (Obsession), and do not give it any attention, do NOT perform ANY Compulsions (Reassurance), simply move on with whatever you were doing immediately before you had the thought.

This is what people without OCD do with these thoughts and this is how you need to re-train your brain to deal with these thoughts

 

 

Edited December 31, 2021 by MentalChecker

[Hedgehog]

Thank you so much for sharing this @MentalChecker !! I am trying to work on getting better and it is so great to hear this process worked for you, for real.

I have contamination OCD and I lived for a period of time (about 5 years) where I couldn't escape the contaminant, it was all throughout the house and on every item I owned - at least in my head. So I kind of feel like I HAD to do ERP then without it being called ERP as 90% of the time I had to pretend I was ok and just live in this place and use things that made me feel contaminated, BUT I did have a few compulsions in place for the end of the day. It was like an unavoidable kind of ERP because I had to not do compulsions all throughout the day.  But although that didn't work, do you think it will still work if I do ERP intentionally now, to tackle the same contaminant? I'm not out of that house but we have a lot of possessions in storage that I suppose I need to tackle at some point

[mmpp]

5 hours ago, MentalChecker said:

Hi MMPP, any good therapist will tell you that the content doesn't matter, it's what you do with the content that is the important thing. 

You want to tell me for either Reassurance or Confession, both of which are Compulsions and OCD. 

What you need to do is this. 

When the thought strikes, acknowledge it is an intrusive thought (Obsession), and do not give it any attention, do NOT perform ANY Compulsions (Reassurance), simply move on with whatever you were doing immediately before you had the thought.

This is what people without OCD do with these thoughts and this is how you need to re-train your brain to deal with these thoughts

 

 

Thanks! Basically it's like you are saying it but how to know if that's OCD thought ( obsession, false signal ) and not a real thought? That's the bigger problem for me. OCD make it feel so real... And I don't know if it's really OCD or not.

[Nellie]

Hi MentalChecker

I just want to say a big thank-you for your inspiring post. I am going to try today to shift my focus to not chasing the feeling of reassurance. I don't think I've tried that before, or at least not thought about it in quite that way. I usually focus on trying not to do the compulsions but maybe have been hoping to feel reassured anyway somehow, which might have undermined my motivation. So I'm keen to give this a go!

Very many thanks. And also many congratulations on how well you've done tackling your own OCD!

N

[MentalChecker]

Hi Hedgehog, even though you have contamination OCD, you will still have the Intrusive Thoughts and the Anxiety and feel compelled to do a compulsion of some type to get the Reassurance to relieve the Anxiety.

You need to identify what you are doing to relieve the Anxiety (the Compulsion) and not do that, but at the very least even if you can't stop the Compulsion (sometimes it's automatic and performed very quickly) then you need to stop the Compulsion as soon as you realise you are doing it to stop yourself getting the reassurance.

I'm my opinion it's not the Compulsion that's the problem its getting the Reassurance that's the issue.

For example, doing Compulsions aren't pleasurable, they are very time consuming and actually take longer and longer the more you do them and actually increase the anxiety you feel, however we do the Compulsions purely to get the Reassurance, therefore this is why I feel its the Reassurance that's the issue, and by stopping the Reassurance has made my life pleasurable and enjoyable again.

Good luck

[MentalChecker]

13 hours ago, mmpp said:

Thanks! Basically it's like you are saying it but how to know if that's OCD thought ( obsession, false signal ) and not a real thought? That's the bigger problem for me. OCD make it feel so real... And I don't know if it's really OCD or not.

MMPP, that's teh big problem for EVERYBODY with OCD not just you I have said it like that for a reason, because by thinking you are the only person who has this issue, is actually giving the OCD more strength by making you think that your OCD can't be cured because you have some special type, you see what I mean? 

We don't get to know what's real and what's not, we need to accept that we won't know and live with the uncertainty, and this is what brings on the Anxiety that we then try to do a Compulsion to get the Reassurance to relieve the Anxiety. 

Stop the Reasurance and learn to live with the Uncertainty and I can guarantee your life will improve significantly. 

You may feel that you can't live with uncertainty about this particular things but I can assure you that you can. It will stop bothering you once you stop giving it attention and you will eventually forget about it

[MentalChecker]

1 hour ago, Nellie said:

Hi MentalChecker

I just want to say a big thank-you for your inspiring post. I am going to try today to shift my focus to not chasing the feeling of reassurance. I don't think I've tried that before, or at least not thought about it in quite that way. I usually focus on trying not to do the compulsions but maybe have been hoping to feel reassured anyway somehow, which might have undermined my motivation. So I'm keen to give this a go!

Very many thanks. And also many congratulations on how well you've done tackling your own OCD!

N

Thank you Nellie and good luck, it's the Reassurance that causes the issues

[Darwinia]

What a lovely generous thread to start the new year off! Thanks for sharing @MentalChecker and great to see an emphasis on finding commonground between people with OCD - it can be a lonely business anyway but even more so when people start being labelled as having "types" of OCD. Would you mind looking at my post about self-help workbooks and let me know what you think? It sounds like you've been doing a lot of reading.

[mmpp]

11 hours ago, MentalChecker said:

MMPP, that's teh big problem for EVERYBODY with OCD not just you I have said it like that for a reason, because by thinking you are the only person who has this issue, is actually giving the OCD more strength by making you think that your OCD can't be cured because you have some special type, you see what I mean? 

We don't get to know what's real and what's not, we need to accept that we won't know and live with the uncertainty, and this is what brings on the Anxiety that we then try to do a Compulsion to get the Reassurance to relieve the Anxiety. 

Stop the Reasurance and learn to live with the Uncertainty and I can guarantee your life will improve significantly. 

You may feel that you can't live with uncertainty about this particular things but I can assure you that you can. It will stop bothering you once you stop giving it attention and you will eventually forget about it

You are absolutely right. I know I need to learn to live with the uncertainty but It's just so hard to... How can I continue my day if my worst fear happened? That's the hard part... Because we don't know if our worst fear happened or not... We can't trust ourselves. Or we can but the mind is lying to us...  The anxiety comes, feeling worse etc... But on the other hand if I keep avoiding I will make my circle smaller and smaller... And then I will be worse... If I keep doing compulsions I will "solve" everything for today but what on the next day? It will come I day where I will need to do exposure and I won't be able to do that... 

The problem is I don't want to experience anxiety, or most importantly the feeling of the uncertainty... But that somehow needs to change... It's funny years ago how I didn't even think about the obsessions I'm thinking right now when I do exposures... Everything I was doing and I mean everything before OCD wasn't a problem in my life. Now I do the same things ( exposures ) I did before and now I experience obsessions ( intrusive images, thoughts, videos ), anxiety, stress, depression...

 

How to answer to my OCD with answer like maybe, maybe not? Maybe happened maybe it didn't? How to let the intrusive images, thoughts and videos to be there without engaging? OCD is talking to me and I don't want to listen to it or answer its questions but some of them are really possible but the chance is so low... But OCD makes it feel so real so threating...  I see a lot of people do the things I'm so scared to do... They do them without feeling anxiety, without intrusive images, videos etc.. I wish I appreciated my life even more without OCD in the past...

 

Your thread is really helpful and I think you accomplished your goal. You helped me to really understand my OCD more and to prepare myself to manage my OCD. 

[MentalChecker]

Hi MMPP,

You don't answer the OCD, this is one thing you are doing wrong. 

When you get the Intrusive Thought you DON'T do ANYTHING! 

You continue your day exactly how you were before you experienced the intrusive thought and don't give it ANY attention - NOTHING, if you do then your brain will hold onto the thought and the anxiety will build. 

If you don't give the thought any attention, then it will fade away and you will forget about it.

No matter how many times you perform the Compulsions, and how distressing it is, are you getting any closer to the truth? NO! 

Remember the statements I posted above? These are the same ones I kept reading everytime I got an intrusive thought to remind me just how useless it would be to perform a compulsion and to try and get reassurance. 

This is what I concluded each time after reading the above statements.

I have 2 x options.

Option 1

Perform the Compulsions, but i won't get any closer to the truth because I will still feel uncertainty and will have to keep performing the Compulsions forever, taking up all the time in my life, and I will also feel severe Anxiety for the rest of my life.

Option 2

Dont perform the compulsion, but i won't get any closer to the truth because I will still feel uncertainty, and will also feel anxiety (for a little while only with this option and then the Anxiety will disappear forever!), but I will also have a lot more time in my life to do what I want to do in life (we only have one life and need to make the most of it), and eventually the Anxiety will fade away and I will get my life back without feeling any anxiety or doing any compulsions. 

With BOTH of the above options I will never know the truth, however which option do you think is the better one? 

 

Edited January 2, 2022 by MentalChecker

[eualice]

I started reading crying because I found myself in every word and in the hell I've been living for 12 years and ended up hoping that I still have a bit of repair. Thank you for this message!

[mmpp]

12 hours ago, MentalChecker said:

Hi MMPP,

You don't answer the OCD, this is one thing you are doing wrong. 

When you get the Intrusive Thought you DON'T do ANYTHING! 

You continue your day exactly how you were before you experienced the intrusive thought and don't give it ANY attention - NOTHING, if you do then your brain will hold onto the thought and the anxiety will build. 

If you don't give the thought any attention, then it will fade away and you will forget about it.

No matter how many times you perform the Compulsions, and how distressing it is, are you getting any closer to the truth? NO! 

Remember the statements I posted above? These are the same ones I kept reading everytime I got an intrusive thought to remind me just how useless it would be to perform a compulsion and to try and get reassurance. 

This is what I concluded each time after reading the above statements.

I have 2 x options.

Option 1

Perform the Compulsions, but i won't get any closer to the truth because I will still feel uncertainty and will have to keep performing the Compulsions forever, taking up all the time in my life, and I will also feel severe Anxiety for the rest of my life.

Option 2

Dont perform the compulsion, but i won't get any closer to the truth because I will still feel uncertainty, and will also feel anxiety (for a little while only with this option and then the Anxiety will disappear forever!), but I will also have a lot more time in my life to do what I want to do in life (we only have one life and need to make the most of it), and eventually the Anxiety will fade away and I will get my life back without feeling any anxiety or doing any compulsions. 

With BOTH of the above options I will never know the truth, however which option do you think is the better one? 

 

I agree. Also if I do compulsion is even worse because my mind is playing tricks on me and if I see there's no danger then my mind will send me some intrusive image later on and ask me as always what if.... But anyway I understood I don't need to asnwer any of this.

I know it's different for everyone but to get better and reduce compulsion, rumination etc I need to do exposures. How you do the exposures? I mean we prefer safety, no anxiety, no fear of the uncertainty. For example if I don't do any exposures I can watch videos and if i receive intrusive images doesn't bother me that much ( it's like im without OCD ) because I didn't do the exposure. It's easier to just mark it as spam. But it's mainly because I didn't do exposures and the fear is just not real. But if I keep avoiding I must stay in my house only.... Which is worse...  Because if I do exposure maybe in that moment I will experience intrusive images, thoughts or anxiety or maybe later on when I'm done with the exposure and for example I watch some video and the brain save some images and send it as intrusive image... the anxiety and the fear of the uncertainty comes. Maybe I just need to do the exposures without ruminating that much. 

 

I really appreciate your help.

[Uphillstruggles]

Thanks so much for this thread, it’s so helpful - it was sent to me by a lovely forum member after my guest post and I’ve read it a few times since. Just wanted to say thanks. 

[MentalChecker]

3 hours ago, mmpp said:

I agree. Also if I do compulsion is even worse because my mind is playing tricks on me and if I see there's no danger then my mind will send me some intrusive image later on and ask me as always what if.... But anyway I understood I don't need to asnwer any of this.

I know it's different for everyone but to get better and reduce compulsion, rumination etc I need to do exposures. How you do the exposures? I mean we prefer safety, no anxiety, no fear of the uncertainty. For example if I don't do any exposures I can watch videos and if i receive intrusive images doesn't bother me that much ( it's like im without OCD ) because I didn't do the exposure. It's easier to just mark it as spam. But it's mainly because I didn't do exposures and the fear is just not real. But if I keep avoiding I must stay in my house only.... Which is worse...  Because if I do exposure maybe in that moment I will experience intrusive images, thoughts or anxiety or maybe later on when I'm done with the exposure and for example I watch some video and the brain save some images and send it as intrusive image... the anxiety and the fear of the uncertainty comes. Maybe I just need to do the exposures without ruminating that much. 

 

I really appreciate your help.

I didn't do exposures, they arent real triggers and your brain knows that. 

Use real life exposure, go about your daily activities as normal, and when you get the intrusive thoughts, deal with them as above

[MentalChecker]

3 hours ago, Uphillstruggles said:

Thanks so much for this thread, it’s so helpful - it was sent to me by a lovely forum member after my guest post and I’ve read it a few times since. Just wanted to say thanks. 

I'm really pleased you've found it helpful

[MentalChecker]

11 hours ago, eualice said:

I started reading crying because I found myself in every word and in the hell I've been living for 12 years and ended up hoping that I still have a bit of repair. Thank you for this message!

You can turn this around trust me, I was suffering for over 40 years and now have my life back. You've got this, I wish you the best of luck

[MentalChecker]

On 01/01/2022 at 13:47, Darwinia said:

What a lovely generous thread to start the new year off! Thanks for sharing @MentalChecker and great to see an emphasis on finding commonground between people with OCD - it can be a lonely business anyway but even more so when people start being labelled as having "types" of OCD. Would you mind looking at my post about self-help workbooks and let me know what you think? It sounds like you've been doing a lot of reading.

Hi Darwinia, I've had a read of your thread.

One thing that I couldn't help pick up on is you've been seeing the same Therapist for over 20 years? And they aren't an OCD Therapist? 

Please don't take this the wrong way, I'm just trying to help, however are you sure you're not gaining reassurance from them without them realising? 

Don't get me wrong, it's good to have a trusted person that you can speak with and confide in, however if they aren't trained in OCD then they may not realise when your confessing and/or they could be giving you reassurance, and this is counterproductive.

Ive been there remember, and we can be very clever and word things in such a way that we get the one thing we are craving....and that is reassurance! And just like an addict, we will do ANYTHING we have to do to get that fix!

The best thing you can do is copy the above statements I posted onto your phone and read them over and over each time you feel compelled to perform a Compulsion, because you need to realise that any form of reassurance is a no no, its like alcohol is to an alcoholic and like drugs are to a drug addict, it isn't easy giving it up, but if you want to recover then you MUST.

Life is short and you need to make the most of it, it's not a rehearsal, no second chances, this is the real deal, therefore take control, kick the OCD into touch, take a risk and get your life back on track. 

I know it's not easy, but as I said, copy those statements I posted above over to your phone and keep reading them, in the end you will realise just how futile your attempts of trying to gain reassurance and 100% certainty really are

 

[mmpp]

9 hours ago, MentalChecker said:

I didn't do exposures, they arent real triggers and your brain knows that. 

Use real life exposure, go about your daily activities as normal, and when you get the intrusive thoughts, deal with them as above

Exactly! I always say to myself that all I have to do is just to do my daily activities and if I get intrusive thought or images, just don't solve it and continue doing the activities.

You help me a lot. And you know a lot about OCD. Most of the times it's like I'm talking with a therapist. Thank you for that. You said you read and watch a lot about OCD? Can you share some of your resources it doesn't matter if it's a book, articles or Youtube channel. Maybe that will help me even more. If you watch Youtube channels about OCD who do you think are the best? I follow some of them. Have a nice day!

[MentalChecker]

4 hours ago, mmpp said:

Exactly! I always say to myself that all I have to do is just to do my daily activities and if I get intrusive thought or images, just don't solve it and continue doing the activities.

You help me a lot. And you know a lot about OCD. Most of the times it's like I'm talking with a therapist. Thank you for that. You said you read and watch a lot about OCD? Can you share some of your resources it doesn't matter if it's a book, articles or Youtube channel. Maybe that will help me even more. If you watch Youtube channels about OCD who do you think are the best? I follow some of them. Have a nice day!

Hi MMPP, thank you for your kind words, this is really nice and gives me some confidence in what I was thinking of doing. I was considering setting up a support group to help people whilst they are waiting to get into therapy.

Unfortunately the system failed me, I was on the waiting list for nearly a year to see somebody on the NHS, and my behaviour spiralled way out of control due to the Anxiety I was experiencing, and I couldn't handle it, this is why I ended up paying privately in the end.

Not everybody are able to pay for private therapy, and therefore I thought it would be good to set up some kind of support group, for people to meet others who have also been in those really dark places, and who are able to offer some support and also help them whilst they are waiting in the system.

The problem is, until they have actually be to see a Therapist and have actually been diagnosed with OCD, its a bit of a difficult one.... 

Regarding the resources I used, I didn't really watch videos as such, I looked at approx. three videos on YouTube, but they didn't really do much for me, it was literature on the Internet that I found, I think I recall looking at some BMJ (British Medical Journal) resources, and the remainder was Medical papers on treatment types, together with blogs written by Psychologists and Psychiatrists.