Darwinia

Thanks @GreenJet68 I bought that very recently on someone else's recommendation and from my initial "dip" looked pretty useful. Of course I also spent a whole evening last week checking to see if I really did have OCD or not...but realised that I'd just proven my point!

Thanks @northpaul I have that one already and found it useful to understand OCD at the start. Perhaps I should go back to it, two years on and see how to push myself further.

Thanks, I'll check them out. Happy New Year to you too.

What a lovely generous thread to start the new year off! Thanks for sharing @MentalChecker and great to see an emphasis on finding commonground between people with OCD - it can be a lonely business anyway but even more so when people start being labelled as having "types" of OCD. Would you mind looking at my post about self-help workbooks and let me know what you think? It sounds like you've been doing a lot of reading.

Hello, I can identify with this and just wanted to support what @Hedgehogsaid about remembering that OCD makes us worry about doing/being the thing we are desperate not to. It will focus on the thing you care most about which right now is being a good mother. A couple of things I notice from your post. You have listed several life events which score highly on the stress test (even though they are positive): have a baby (for the first time), get married, buy a house and that you're aiming to do all of this in quick succession? And this is with the backdrop of the pandemic which is just a constant soundtrack of "stay alert, be careful, danger might be there...". So I'm not suprised that you are feeling what you're feeling right now. We did things in a slightly different order - decided not to get married (family issues!), started trying for a baby, and then when our child was a toddler we bought our first house. Each of those three decisions caused me a lot of doubt and worry so I think doing all three at once must be really hard. So my suggestion might be that you pace yourself if you can and do what you can to minimise the stress of each exciting and happy event so that you get to enjoy them still. e.g. we paid for a packing service for our move and it was the best money I think I've ever spent! Women without OCD also have these fears which is not to diminish the severity but to say that even without OCD you'd probably have concerns because they're major exciting things over which you will quickly find you have a lot less control than you thought and have to hold your partner's hand, take the leap and trust the advice you get from professionals - apparently even weddings can go that way! What you might work on is honing your OCD detecting sense so that you can screen out what it is trying to get you to focus on and do. You said that it was easier with self-harm because you knew you didn't want to do it - I can see how it's different with these examples, but OCD can latch onto something plausible and then inflate it. It sounds to me like the fact you've done so much work already on your OCD, you'll be in an excellent position to challenge what is thrown at you and also, be brilliant at supporting your child to develop really good mental health because you'll no doubt have such a good understanding of how to develop wellbeing. What's brilliant is that it doesn't read like you've come on here looking for reassurance - well done! Just naming your emotions and your experience and being mindful of OCD being present in the background. Good luck

Hello, I'm looking for a recommendation for some kind of workbook I can use at home to take up my OCD recovery a notch. I went to the GP in 2018 when things had got out of control and was given a short course of low-dose citalopram which helped take things down a notch while I started work on understanding what OCD is and how to tackle it. I already had a counsellor who I have been seeing off and on over the past 20 years to support me through periods of depression, stress, anxiety, etc. so I have been using her as my support buddy in this process - sharing with her what I'm planning to do, reporting back on what I'm learning, exploring challenges I'm experiencing. She is not an OCD specialist but knows me and my history very well, supports me to do "experiments" to help me handle uncertainty and the risk that I may make mistakes, and I am extremely comfortable sharing with her anything that is shameful to me. I've been making really good progress, despite (or perhaps because of) the pandemic, have a fine-tuned sense of when something it is OCD or not and have managed to tick a lot of compulsions off my list - "is that someone's dead cat by the side of the road? Maybe, but I'm going to keep driving", "Did I smell gas in the street? Maybe, but I'm on my way to catch a train and if I don't do something about it, someone else will", etc. But I'm struggling now with the internal or less tangible stuff - checking memories, past decisions, re-evaluating judgements and then going online to get reassurance. In addition, my general anxiety has flared up (lots going on in my life at the moment) which is making me nervous of relapsing - just been prescribed a short course of meds again so will be back on track soon. I want to take things up a notch and clear out these other issues but I would prefer to continue the supported self-help route. I don't really want to start with someone new and think I do quite well at pushing myself to work on myself. Has anyone else followed this path and do you recommend any workbooks? I already have some excellent books on understanding OCD and mental health, and some basic strategies e.g. Brain Lock, Break Free From OCD and You Are Not A Rock but I think I'm looking for something like an OCD version of 'Mind Over Mood' - a great handbook for supporting CBT for overcoming depression, anger and anxiety. Thanks in advance...

I like that as a definition of what it means to have recovered from OCD. It's also how you can define people who don't have OCD in the first case?

@Summer9173 Well done lovely. It can take a while to find the right "fit" for contraception and that might change as your circumstances do. Especially as you need to find something that works for the clear-headed busy you in the day time as well as the "oops, think I had one more cocktail than I meant to" woman enjoying being young in the evening. I recommend you discuss with your GP/nurse the pros and cons of continuous hormone release methods given you have OCD and have noticed you are affected by fluctuations in hormones, rather than one where you take a break for a week. Enjoy the rest of 2021!! xx

That's brilliant news - and will fill a real gap in the OCD recovery book shelf! Hearing from people who have been on the frontline of OCD is always inspiring and makes me feel less isolated. I think my questions would have been - Do you have to get formally diagnosed as having OCD or is it ok to self-diagnose (e.g. using the Obsessive Compulsive Inventory (OCI)? Will I always be on an OCD spectrum (like diabetes) so I may be able to manage it/recover from it, but might need to susceptible to it coming back if my external environment changes/life events, etc? Is there a relationship between PMT and worsening OCD symptoms? [I bang on about this all the time, and from what I'm finding in Google Scholar in peer-reviewed literature, the answer is yes] The context for my questions is that I self-diagnosed as having OCD at a peak of distress after identifying with what I read about it, having been treated (with medication) for depression, stress, anxiety, etc. several times over the years and always having the nagging feeling that how I was experiencing life, wasn't "normal" but not understanding what was wrong. The GP (not my usual one) said "yes, I think you probably have. Do you already have access to a counsellor? (yes)" and gave me some anti-anxiety meds to help me cope while I got to work with my counsellor who I had a long-standing and trusted relationship with, on understanding and tackling OCD. I think if I hadn't educated myself already about OCD, I don't think I would have known how to explain myself to a GP or realise what it was important to disclose to a therapist in order to get the help I needed. Writing a book is going to be an amazing journey for you and your colleagues. Good luck.

Glad you got the result you were hoping for. A couple of things occurred to me reading your posts as they brought the big sister out in me. I hope you don't mind the suggestions: 1) Get prepared for PMT if you have OCD. if you're not on the pill then your period probably will fluctuate so give yourself a window in your calendar a few days before you expect it (I mean, literally put an appointment in your calendar "warning - PMT"), to be prepared to have your OCD spike a bit. I, along with a lot of other women I've seen on these boards and in real life, have clocked a relationship between the drop in oestrogen a few days before a period starts and a "wobble" in resilience to OCD and other anxiety-related issues. But if you know it's coming, you can tell yourself "Aha! It's just OCD. Not something I need to pay attention to". Being on the contraceptive pill helped me a bit as I could skip periods altogether and avoid that fluctuation in hormones. 2) Protect yourself. An unwanted baby isn't the only thing you might get from unprotected sex - if you're a fan of TMI, I can go into details? . I know it's probably the nightmare scenario for you right now, but there's a lot of other things you might want to avoid! Have condoms in your purse, under the bed, etc. Be the girl your friends can ask for a spare one from, on a night out! And talk to a practice nurse/family planning clinic about alternatives to whichever pill you tried before. What I mean is, don't let the bad experience of one pill put you off taking something different if that was what you wanted - they are other options and it can take a while to find the one that works for you. E.g. for some women, the injectable is perfect because they don't have to stress about "Did I take it?" or if the condom breaks. xxx

@Caramoole What an excellent response. So balanced and sympathetic. ? I've had a somewhat similar situation with my partner and really had to fight the rumination and try not to manipulate him, and instead have a calm conversation with him about my concerns about his less risk-averse Covid choices. Somewhat successfully. Your original question was whether you are responsible for others' and your wife's choices. No, you are not (unless they are children and then you're probably having to make choices for them). The sense of responsibility I think is where the OCD is talking to you. But feeling uncomfortable about other people's choices doesn't have to be an OCD thing. I think it's a values thing which OCD may then decide to latch onto and make more of a drama than it needs to be (speaking from personal experience - "what will other people think of me if my wife does X?"). This pandemic is such a happy hunting ground for Covid isn't it?

I'm sorry you're not getting anywhere. I'm glad you have a GP appointment - suggest you take someone with you who can ask speak on your behalf if you tell them what you want them to say and ask - and they can also help you remember what the GP says. Ooh can definitely identify with PMT and spike in OCD. I have to remind myself every month that is what is going on. I'm sure you're doing this already but keep doing anything else you can to look after yourself - eat regularly and well, avoid caffeine and alcohol, avoid the news (!), get outside - even just the back door. xxx

Good question - funny how often someone asks something and I end up giving advice that I need someone to remind me! I think that the wondering is a compulsion and I also think it's doomed to fail to give you any comfort. So, to tackle doubts - stay in the present, the absolutely right now, and try to speak to yourself in a neutral voice. Hmm...I'm doubting something, Huh - look at that. Oh, there it goes again - doubting. Oh this feels pretty uncomfortable. I recognise this feeling. What shall I get on with that's useful or positive while I wait for it to move on? You can also try bringing into your head a credible, kind person's voice to observe for you. I had a little gang of them doing a running commentary on me earlier this week when I was in a doubting panic. (think I'm going to paste that to my mirror! hope it helps).

This is a great idea. It depends what time of day you ask me! ? I woke up feeling great, read the news (mistake!) and started panicking, made myself get on with my work - feeling ok. It's SO grey and blah blah outdoors at the moment but even then, definitely feel better on the days I get outside and do something really physical - so have a couple of screen breaks planned today to get me walking briskly outside to post some parcels. I've also booked in some calls with friends as that really helps keep things in check.

You've said that you just started Fluoxetine. This can set off all kinds of horrible things (not always, but in some people yes). I strongly recommend you (and your Mum) read this advice from the NHS https://www.nhs.uk/medicines/fluoxetine-prozac/ especially on side effects and what to do, depending on what they are. If you were my daughter I'd be ringing 111 to talk to the NHS and get their advice e.g. whether to change the time of day you take it, whether you need to see a GP urgently, etc. I didn't have as bad a reaction as you but I did find my symptoms spiked when i started taking medication - weirdly it gave me some relief to be able to say "it's just a side effect, I can ignore my thoughts". But yours sound very intense - and you also really need some lovely rest and sleep right now. Good luck. xx

This came up in the recent OCD-UK conference. Professor Paul Salkovskis recommended work on CBT and managing menopause by Professor Myra Hunter of Kings College London. She recently published a book on this with Melanie Smith. It's on my reading list! https://www.whsmith.co.uk/products/living-well-through-the-menopause-a-selfhelp-guide-using-cognitive-behavioural-techniques-living-wel/myra-hunter/melanie-smith/paperback/9781472144782.html

If you're really feeling desperate please contact the Samaritans for live help https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan/ You can refer yourself directly https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/legal-rights/voluntary-patients/overview/ you don't need to be wait until you're sectioned to get the help you need.

I don't think the answer is to "relabel" things. Convincing yourself that they are NOT happening for a reason is also labelling. It's about being present in the moment and turning off the pattern detector for a bit. It's not about examing each thing and putting it into a box of relevant or not. Your clever old brain will always come up with a counter for everything. Gosh it sounds like I'm acting like this is easy. It's so hard and I also grew up with religion so I think I can relate a bit to your struggle. It adds a particular flavour to OCD! I wonder if you can give yourself some time off from thinking everything happens for a reason until you're through this tough patch? Or...maybe this struggle is the thing that us happening for a reason (not being flippant!) and getting through it is a step towards something better and amazing?

I have been in your place - the terrifying urge to confess so that people I love know just exactly who I am. They deserve to know, etc. etc. You have OCD. You have to deal with this kind of thing differently to people who don't have OCD. Confessions of any kind can wait until you have the right mindset. What can't wait is you working on your recovery. Instead of putting energy and time into tussling with yourself over whether you have anything to confess, whether you should or not, etc., love your wife and everyone else in your life (including you) by taking on your OCD and beating it. I can tell you what will happen if you give into the urge to confess while in the grip of OCD. You will do it again, and again and again. You will feel awful. You will make other people feel awful - not because you told them anything shocking but because they won't know how to help you. They'll reassure you and then you'll do it again. You say you are in hell and my heart goes out to you. You will not get out and stay out of hell by confessing. You'll just teach your brain how to get back there even faster. Do you know where to go for help?

Hello, I think you might find this session from last month's OCD UK conference hits the spot: https://www.ocduk.org/conference/conferences-across-the-uk/2021-virtual/main/why-are-compulsions-so-compelling/ The recording is up there now. I watched the live session and the part I found most relevant and useful for me comes in about 30 minutes in and that's the idea of the interpersonal nature of OCD and this credible voice in our heads being the reason why we do compulsions. Hang around for the Q&A at the end too. xx

Hello, Sounds like you're going through an awful patch. Try to treat it as a patch that you're not sure when it will end, but it will and you'll be able to look back on then and analyse if you want to. For now I think you said it yourself when you said "hypersensitive". My reading would be that you have become hypervigilant and are seeing more of what your brain expects you to see. Sort of similar to when people decide they want to make a change (move country, new career, have children) and start seeing it everywhere. Your brain is excellent at identifying patterns and also amazing at filtering through only the things that it thinks are relevant to you. The horrible bit I see going on for you is that you are predicting the future - the conclusion you are experiencing is that these are warnings, predictors of some terrible thing that is going to happen. I have a post-it on my desk right now that just has "x = x" on it. I copied it from Mark Freeman's post-it collection! I use it all the time to remind myself that x (my friend hasn't replied to the email I sent) = x (my friend hasn't replied to the email I sent). x does not = y (my friend is upset with me/the email never delivered/her reply never reached me). Maybe that will help you. X = X. I'm being triggered because I'm being triggered. You said you can't ignore them and you're right. You cannot ignore them - you'll see what you see or experience what you experience. Trying to ignore them actually makes you pay more attention to them. What you can do though is NOT label them. X = X. Do you think you could try that? xx

Really agree with a lot of experience being shared here. I didn't realise I had OCD until after I had my child. I thought I had late onset post natal depression and just "over thinking" but realised a few years later what was really going on. In fact OCD (before I realised what it was and how to fight it) is what stopped me having another baby/ If I'd known it was OCD - the ****** - I'd have gone for it but with an awareness of what was likely to come up for me. So... I agree that a) don't let OCD take having children away from you. How dare it! b) buckle up, get fit and get your armour on before you start trying - do your CBT, get to know your enemy, get skilled up in fighting it because most parents I know are hampered by lack of sleep and general bewilderment/stress of having a wakeful demanding little person in their lives and that will make it harder to keep OCD in check c) get yourself some buddies who have been through it. The other thing I have noticed is that being a parent has made me fake it until I feel it in so many ways. I can deal with spiders, poo, vomit, the dark, mean dogs, mean adults...so much more when I have a little person watching me because I'm aware that I'm being a positive influence on them. Dealing with OCD in front of my child feels like a positive thing (now I'm mostly winning) because I think it's showing them that mental health problems are not something to be scared of (just like physical health) and it gives me a reason to try harder to do the things I know I need to do to keep getting better. Also - be aware of the fluctuations of hormones and that they might pull the rug out from under your feet. Not a reason not to have children, just part of being prepared. xxx

Thanks. I do think that I've got better awareness of when I'm crossing the line - it definitely helped making the link with hormone levels as a time to tell myself - ahh, I know what's going on here. I love the Keep Calm and Carry On slogan. I'll also remind myself of the Nike one on days like this. Don't want to feel like doing it "Just do it". Feeling calmer already thanks.

Hello, Not sure what set me off yesterday and is continuing today (any other women find they have a major wobble once a month linked to their cycle?) but my brain is talking to me a lot and my body feels scared. In England this week, all the legal restrictions regarding COVID have been dropped and part of my recovery has been to make myself (and let my family) do some of the things we are allowed to do, even if it triggers my OCD. Anyway, I'm not here looking for any advice or reassurance. I just wanted to share what I'm doing today to handle it until it subsides - which I now know from experience that it always does - in case that's useful for someone else. I'm following Mark Freeman's advice, and just doing things that fit with my values anyway, even though I don't feel like it. I've spent some time replying to work emails and sorting out household admin. I've told my partner that I'm having a bad day. I think I may have done some checking in discussing with him what we're going to do e.g. experiment with going to pubs again and indoors meetings of groups we used to attend but I know I held off doing as much as I would have liked. I ate something - immediately feel better for that. And now I've written down what's going on with me which is helping me stay focused on the now rather than the future. Hope you all have good days, xxx

Also, this may or may not be relevant to you, but I find it helpful keeping an eye on my cycle because I definitely get a bigger "jolt" a few days before my period. It took me several months to notice the relationship and only because I read somewhere else about it being quite common for women. It can be really helpful to dismiss these intense false alarms if I can tell myself hormones are likely to be causing them.