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Anybody else experience this?


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Hello, this isn't a reassurance seeking post- just curiosity seeking haha. 

Basically, it feels like my brain never rests. Sometimes I dread going to bed because I know I'll have nothing to distract me from thoughts while I'm laying in bed trying to go to sleep. Sometimes I'll drift off and it's like my brain is torturing me in my sleep. My body sweats loads and I must be dreaming about my obsession. I wake up and I feel absolutely terrible- like I have just been forced to run a marathon at gunpoint. When I wake up I'm automatically thinking about my obsession and I try to calm myself down while I'm half awake but it just gets worse and worse. 

Sometimes I get a good night's sleep, and when I wake up in the morning I'm fine- for a few seconds. Those few seconds are lovely I'm at peace but then literally seconds later my brain reminds me of my obsession and then it all starts again, the torture. I wish I could live my life all the time like those few seconds when I wake up. 

Edited by FlyingRocket
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1 hour ago, FlyingRocket said:

Hello, this isn't a reassurance seeking post- just curiosity seeking haha. 

Basically, it feels like my brain never rests. Sometimes I dread going to bed because I know I'll have nothing to distract me from thoughts while I'm laying in bed trying to go to sleep. Sometimes I'll drift off and it's like my brain is torturing me in my sleep. My body sweats loads and I must be dreaming about my obsession. I wake up and I feel absolutely terrible- like I have just been forced to run a marathon at gunpoint. When I wake up I'm automatically thinking about my obsession and I try to calm myself down while I'm half awake but it just gets worse and worse. 

Sometimes I get a good night's sleep, and when I wake up in the morning I'm fine- for a few seconds. Those few seconds are lovely I'm at peace but then literally seconds later my brain reminds me of my obsession and then it all starts again, the torture. I wish I could live my life all the time like those few seconds when I wake up. 

Hi @FlyingRocket

I feel like I could have written this post. That's exactly how I feel as well. 

I'm really sorry you're struggling! It's horrible, isn't it? 

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9 minutes ago, Cora said:

Hi @FlyingRocket

I feel like I could have written this post. That's exactly how I feel as well. 

I'm really sorry you're struggling! It's horrible, isn't it? 

Hello @Cora

I'm sorry you're struggling with this too. Yes it's horrible, I feel like OCD is always observing me and waiting for the right time to strike. Not sure if this dreaming and waking up business is a thing common with sexual obsessions or not, but this never happened when I had non-sexual related obsessions. I guess it'll happen to anyone if their fear of the obsession is strong enough, nevermind it being a sexual obsession or not. My mental health has never been this bad in my entire life, I see now that I've had patterns of OCD in my life all the way through, but never has it ever been this bad. It's hell on earth almost every single day. 

Edited by FlyingRocket
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Hello.

Yes, this happens to me too. I wake up and for a split second it feels normal but then I remember the obsession and panic and doom set in.  

I had a night terror last night, where I dreamt about my obsession and fears. I also remember automatically moving my hips whenever I would drift in and out of sleep as that’s a fear of my many fears at the moment. 

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Yep! I experience this all the time unfortunately. Not a long term solution but when I'm at my worst points I find falling asleep with my tv on low volume with something relaxing or listening to music/podcasts really helps.

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Hello @Ma29

8 hours ago, Ma29 said:

es, this happens to me too. I wake up and for a split second it feels normal but then I remember the obsession and panic and doom set in.  

It's horrible, isn't it? It's like in those few second(s) life feels good and then we just go back to hell. 

Hello @alyssa07

18 minutes ago, alyssa07 said:

I find falling asleep with my tv on low volume with something relaxing or listening to music/podcasts really helps.

Yes, I do this too. Sadly, when it's really bad it doesn't help me in my experience. 

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37 minutes ago, FlyingRocket said:

It's horrible, isn't it? It's like in those few second(s) life feels good and then we just go back to hell.

@FlyingRocketit is horrendous. It happens to me whenever I’m going through a really stressful time. When my dad was diagnosed with brain cancer, I would wake up every single morning and for about a minute It’s like everything is normal until I remember that dad is severely sick with an incurable cancer and may not make it - and then I have to get up for the day.The first minute is also like torture because it reminds you of how good life used to be. 
 

Maybe as soon as you wake up, start doing some breathing exercises to help calm you before the panic sets in. When it does, prepare yourself and think - that’s ok, I know I’m going through a rough time at the moment but it’s all going to be ok and work on your breathing. 

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I'd like to point out that your obsessions are not torturing you. Obsessions are just thoughts and feelings and urges. There isn't anything inherently wrong with them. The vast majority of people experience intrusive thoughts and have no problem with them.

No, the torture comes from what you do about your obsessions. How you react. The freak out. The, oh no, not again! The compulsions.

Think about that.

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‘An obsession is an unwanted thought and unpleasant thought, image, or urge that repeatedly enters your mind causing feelings of anxiety, disgust and unease’. (NHS website on OCD) For me it’s the feelings as well as the thoughts that cause compulsions. 

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1 hour ago, PolarBear said:

I'd like to point out that your obsessions are not torturing you. Obsessions are just thoughts and feelings and urges. There isn't anything inherently wrong with them. The vast majority of people experience intrusive thoughts and have no problem with them.

No, the torture comes from what you do about your obsessions. How you react. The freak out. The, oh no, not again! The compulsions.

Think about that.

Hey polarbear - I think you misunderstood what I was trying to say ..I said I find the one minute of peace torture in the context that when my father was diagnosed with brain cancer - I would wake up and forget for a minute and then remember so for me that one minute did more harm than good as it felt cruel to feel ok and then not too and remember the dark time I am actually going through. 
 

That being said, I do agree with what you’re saying as many people like me do think obsessions are torture and you make a great point of reminding us to recognise this so thank you :)

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1 hour ago, PolarBear said:

No, the torture comes from what you do about your obsessions. How you react. The freak out. The, oh no, not again! The compulsions.

It's just that it's something I've always disagreed with on a moral level and having thoughts and feelings about it really freak me out. I despise it so much. 

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37 minutes ago, FlyingRocket said:

It's just that it's something I've always disagreed with on a moral level and having thoughts and feelings about it really freak me out. I despise it so much. 

I understand although as polar bear mentions,  we make this feel like torture due to our reaction to the thoughts - if we don’t react then we wouldn’t feel so bad about it.
 

When you say it’s just something you disagree with On a Moral level -that’s entirely WHY ocd chooses to focus on it (in my opinion). I think it latches into your greatest fears 

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