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Sorry to offend any of you but i am dying


Guest AnxiousCarolyn

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Guest Laurawin

Carolyn,

Before I was told I had ocd I had terrible aches all over and tired and felt sick all the time. I went to my doc and they thought it was an infection and gave me meds to combat it. I started to feel better but as soon as I was done with them it would all come back. I got online and basically thought I had MS, Lupus, and a whole lot of other things.

Basically it is all stress, anxiety makes you tense which makes your muscles hurt. The more tense you are the more they will hurt. This ocd at it worst. Don't believe a word it says you have had test as I have so you know what the answer is. You have to fight this depression the meds can't do it all for you. I know you love your daughter and she deserves to have you around and to see what a strong person you are. You can do this have no doubt about it.

Laura xx

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Guest AnxiousCarolyn

Thank you all of you. All i want right now in the whole world is 2 just know 100% if i have Lupus or not i can't cope with this worry i really can't :weep: it has been mentally killing me all day long and i have had enough :weep:

I know you are all tryin 2 help me and thank you for your helpful kind replies but i just can't forget this Lupus worry until i know once and for all if i have it or not. I just can't cope with waiting 2 weeks to see a doctor and i haven't got the guts 2 ask 4 an emergency appointment as i think they will laugh at me and i just can't bring myself 2 say "I think i have lupus"

My partner keeps tellin me i am being so stupid and he says theres nothing wrong with me i feel so alone with this. I keep tryin 2 tell myself the rational side of things and why i don't have Lupus here is my list....

I believed i had Lupus from early January this year but by early Feb my blood tests came back fine. (Although i have more symptons now!)

I have only had aching for a few days and within that time i have stopped and started my medication taken way too many paracetamol and Ibuprofen and also womens issues may have a part 2 play in it! although i have never suffered with aching before at the time of the month.

I also suffer from an eating disorder and my daily calorie intake is around 700 calories a day and i do a total of 3-4 miles of walking everyday i have no idea how much i weigh so i can't say if i am underweight or not but i am a clothes size 6/8 so i guess theres a chance i could be underweight but i don't know i just see fat but i restrict food groups.

I also abuse laxatives and i end up feeling drainned because of them. This week i have been very up and down with them this week and maybe my body is suffering from it.

or it may just be lupus thats causing me 2 feel ill. :weep:

From what i have read about it it can kill you and destroys your organs kidneys/liver etc and that takes me on 2 my next worry i have a fear of liver failure and Lupus might kill my liver.

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Guest Stella

Hi Anxious Carolyn

If you're only eating 700 calories a day and you walk for 3-4 miles plus take laxatives you are giving your body a really hard time and that will increase your stress hormones no end and make everything incredibly tense. I only took laxatives a few times but they made me feel absolutely horrendous. I know you won't be able to tell, but you are definitely going to be underweight on a regime like that and unable to function like someone who is eating a a balanced diet and not taking laxatives. A size 6/8 is very very tiny.

With trying to combat that and having OCD you have so much to contend with it is no wonder you feel so ill.

I think you've answered your question when you list all the things and they say 'or it may just be lupus'. It's all the things you are trying to contend with - no-one can manage all that and keep going - it isn't physically possible.

Nobody should be laughing at you whatever you say to them. You are obviously very distressed and your doctor should be able to see this and point you in the right direction. Are there any self-help groups in your area for eating disorders and OCD? Are you seeing anyone at the moment?

Take care

Stella :original:

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Guest derrie

what is your illness.

:weep:

I have just researched through websites of my main worrying physcial illness. I know i have it but no one believes me. :weep:

I have the symptons and i had them b 4 i looked at the site. :weep:

The disease kills you in the end its not cureable. :weep:

I don't want 2 die i have a 15 month old daughter and i love her :weep:

So upset maybe i should finish myself off now b 4 this disease kills me.

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I have just been on the Lupus websites again. I can't cope with this :weep:

Yes you can cope, and you will cope, you have to for your daughter but more importantly you have to for your own sake.

And as of the moment you read this I do not want you to visit any more Lupus websites, all that does is drive the OCD thought on. Talking from experience, not so long ago I was showing the symptoms of diabetes and made the mistake of visiting websites which made me even more convinced I had it. I stopped visiting the sites and in the end the symptoms went away, I had just been run down and maybe had bit of a bug.

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Guest Stella

Hi Anxious Carolyn

Please try to stop torturing yourself. If you were tested in January and you were negative then it's surely the OCD telling you that you've got it rather than symptoms. Rather than being reassured by the result the OCD makes you doubt it and think you might have got it since, but the chances of that are so so small that they only exist because of OCD. Having these kinds of tests are really anxiety provoking in themselves and will make you feel worse.

I am terrible for looking at stuff on Google too - it's a really bad thing to do. My obsession is mainly with chemicals and I can frighten myself witless by reading - I do it to try to reassure myself but it never works. I was doing it earlier and I came on here to stop myself. Is it possible to distract yourself and watch a film - just to give yourself a break? If not, could you look up some self-help stuff for OCD/eating disorders instead?

Hope you're feeling a little better

Stellax :original:

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Guest honey

Carolyn, I am not a doctor and I have no medical training but I am going to go out on a limb here and say that in my opinion you do not have lupus. I so agree with Stella about the eating issues. You are aching because you are hungry. People who are malnourished feel ill. As you well know, 700 calories a day is half what your body needs, so it feels awful. You will only start to feel physically better when you eat enough.

Visiting lupus websites is the surest way to convince yourself you have lupus. In fact, you are tired and hungry and not very well with your OCD, which is enough to make anyone feel dreadful.

Please give yourself a break, Carolyn. I know this is not what you want to hear, but it's closer to the truth than thinking you have lupus.

Love and regards

honey

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Guest hayley73

Carolyn YOU MUST RESIST THE URGE TO LOOK AT ANY ILLNESS RELATED WEBSITES. You are sending your anxiety soaring. Take some time out now. Calm yourself. Distract yourself by doing something nice. However hard it is you must take action. You are making yourself ill by worrying.

I bet I could look at a few websites right now regarding any illness and I will have symptoms relating to some of them. Please trust those who love you. Listen to them hun, cause they are trying to help you.

As I have said in a previous post. It looks like I have got Lupus. If I get a definate diagnoses I will have to cross that bridge then. I can't afford to get myself all upset. It may be for nothing. I will not make myself miserable.

BAN YOURSELF FROM LUPUS SITES!!!!!!!!!!! Its doing you no good.

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From what i have read about it it can kill you and destroys your organs kidneys/liver etc and that takes me on 2 my next worry i have a fear of liver failure and Lupus might kill my liver

The truth is that you're probably in far greater danger of damaging your liver by exceeding the recommended dose of Paracetamol. I don't want to frighten you but it's important that you understand this, recommended daily doses are there for a very good reason and exceeding them is a dangerous thing to do. It only takes a slight increase of dose to actually cause liver damage with Paracetomol.

Basically it is all stress, anxiety makes you tense which makes your muscles hurt. The more tense you are the more they will hurt.

Laurawins explanation is very true and a far more likely explanation that anything else. Anxiety/depression also cause so many other symptoms, headaches, tiredness, lethargy, pins and needles, all sorts.

All i want right now in the whole world is 2 just know 100% if i have Lupus or not i can't cope with this worry i really can't it has been mentally killing me all day long and i have had enough

The fact that it's causing you so much distress is a very significant pointer that this is very probably OCD induced, your Lupus is someone elses HIV or heart condition. Just as someone with an HIV fear keeps presenting themselves for a test, you're feeling compelled in a similar manner. You could go and have a test Carolyn but it's likely that any reassurance you get from having the test will be to no avail, pretty soon the OCD will conjure up a new set of symptoms.

Your real enemy is the OCD/anxiety/eating disorder, that's the area that needs your attention.

Please stop taking the pain killers Carolyn, they don't work because pain killers have little or no effect on the treatment of tension pain. Just do a little test, clench your fist tightly, bend your arm and contract every muscle as tightly as possible and then maintain it for as long as you can, you'll feel the pain. This is what happens sub-consciously throughout our body when we are anxious and tense, it can affect any and every part of us.

Caramoole :)

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Guest AnxiousCarolyn

I just deleated all the lupus websites from my favourite list (they are far from my favourite) but i ditched them and i am trying all i can 2 see the rational side here but its so hard. In my mind Lupus is so common i am at risk of it and i have it. I have ached all over for 3 days thats my most scariest symptons as i know 95% of patients with Lupus.

Carolyn

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I just deleated all the lupus websites from my favourite list (they are far from my favourite) but i ditched them

:clapping:

Brilliant, I am really proud of you for doing that. It's a reat start and when you get the urge to visit them later, try going to another favourite site, something that makes you smile.

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Guest AnxiousCarolyn

Thing is i am so anxious its making me cry. I ache and ache and then the word "Lupus" comes into my mind so i get more anxious and take more painkillers that take the edge off it. Thing is apart the aching i feel ok so surely i can't have Lupus but why do i ache ??? everytime i type in aching muscles it comes up with "aching muscles could be a sign of Lupus" has anyone else just ached for days all over and its not been a trigger 4 the flu or pulled a muscle or anything like that.

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Guest Stella

Hi Anxious Carolyn

I think it must be because you're so stressed - every muscle in your body must be tense - it's the equivalent of a marathon and you probably ache like you'd done one.

Do you have any relaxation excercises you can do? You might do this already, and forgive me if I sound ridiculous, but it really helps me to do the following:

Lie on a bed in a dimly lit room with some soothing music on. Get really comfortable so every bit of your body is supported. Tense, hold and then release each group of muscles -

Start with you feet - point you toes, hold and then release

Then do your calves - bring toes upwards,

buttocks - clench and relax

fists - clench and release

upper arms (draw them up like you're showing off your muscles)

whole arms - (out and stiff)

neck - force it back on the bed and hold it tense, then relax

shoulders - up to your ears, tense, hold relax

eyes - screw them up

eyebrows - raise them hard as you can

jaw - clench it

You might find it doesn't seem that different at first, but if you do it before you go to bed it really helps sleep and your body remembers the relaxed feeling better the next day.

PLEASE don't take more painkillers.

Stellax :original:

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Guest AnxiousCarolyn

Thank you Stella i will try that. I just feel so worked up. The lupus sites say the aching is usually all over but more in certain areas which is where i ache the most :weep::weep:

Btw i think i have 4 gotton 2 answer sum of the questions u have all asked me. Sorry my concerntration is **** at the mo. Yes i think we are going to go ahead with this hoilday in July providing i don't have Lupus otherwise well i don't think Ashley will let write here of what i would do 2 myself i just could not cope with it.

I just wish so much that i could just find out right now that i don't have Lupus i mean i don't know what my chances are of getting it but i wish i knew either way not knowing is the worst part.

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Guest Stella

If you've read about those bits I think they will automatically tense up through the worry so ache more. Can you give yourself a treat? I bet you never treat yourself - you sound so hard on yourself. Are there any funny programmes on TV or could you have a hot bubble bath with some soothing music in the background?

Hope you're feeling a little bit better

Stella :original:

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Guest AnxiousCarolyn

I just watched Casualty but i was so sad that my sexy hunk Luke is leaving :weep: lol. I should not laugh really not while i am so sure i am dying of Lupus.

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Guest Stella

Hi Anxious Carolyn

Laughter is really good!!!! It's what you need - releases endorphins (I think!) which are the body's natural painkillers and probably serotonin and goodness knows what other feel-good chemicals which will help you to relax and see that it's OCD, not lupus.

Hope you manage to get some decent kip tonight :sleeping: .

Take care

Stella :original:

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Guest AnxiousCarolyn

Thanks Stella. My partner and I are going to have some winding down time in a min so i can get away from this bloody internet! its good 4 sum things but sure puts ideas in 2 your head like Lupus!. I am going 2 speak 2 the nurse at my surgery Tuesday and see if she can get me in 2 c a doctor quicker than 2 weeks.

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Guest FobicFairy

If this very crude guide to having Lupus is anything to go by, we probably all have it!

"So, you think you may have lupus? What should you do now?

Swollen, or painful joints

Do you get a rash when you go in the sun?

Do you get mouth ulcers?

Do your fingers/toes go blue, white or red in the cold?

Have you ever had a low red blood cell count (anaemia), low white cell count, or low platelet count?

Do you get extreme fatigue, even when you've had a good night's sleep?

Have you ever had pleurisy (pain in the chest on breathing in)?

Do you get a red rash on your face, across your cheeks and nose, in the shape of a butterfly?

If you've answered yes to three or more of the above questions, then there is a chance that you may have lupus."

Let me think ......

Swollen joints, yes, probably cos I am overweight and have a bit of arthritus. Yes I get a rash when Ive been in the sun, probably heat rash, mouth ulcers, yes, again, doesnt everyone? Fingers turn blue, white or red when cold, yes, but I have poor circulation, yes Ive had anaemia, mainly due to womens things, tiredness after a good nights sleep, yes, probably stress over worrying with obsessive thoughts, pain breathing in, yes, I had a chesty cold and infection earlier this year, the only thing I haven't got is a butterfly shaped rash, and no, I definatley havent got lupus, all those symptoms are very common of lots of other ailments and can be easily explained. Please try not to look into these things too much, because its like if you read one of those family health books, you end up thinking you have everything.

I know its easier said than done to ignore the thoughts, but deep down you must know if it's OCD, you know how OCD feels and how it tries to trick you. Ironically, you do have an illness, it's called OCD, but it wont kill you, however, it will keep sending you false information and make you worry. Please try to keep busy with an enjoyable hobby and not let it drag you down, or you will feel more tired and ill and that will only serve to reinfornce your belief that you are ill.

Take care of yourself, try the relaxation, it really does help, eat and drink well and sleep as much as you need to, OCD is hard work and you need to make sure your body has the time it needs to recharge.

Take care,

FF

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Guest Jenna

Hi Carolyn,

I completely understand where you're coming from as I have exactly the same worries. Your doctor needs to understand that there is a difference between hypochondria and OCD. I am currently in the same situation - believing I have something despite what I'm being told. As of last week I decided I couldn't go on like this and made a decision to try and override the OCD if you like. You have to try and trick your brain. You believe so much in the lupus - try to believe in the OCD instead. Nothing will be able to convince you that it's not lupus apart from yourself. And it won't be. This is OCD, that's what it does - you have to hang on to that and just think it every time your other worries come up. I hope this gets easier soon. You will be fine.

Jenna x

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