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In ocd can it 'feel' like you want to do something that's out of character?

Can it 'feel' like it's pulling you towards your fear?

Can anyone share their experiences?

Sorry for keep asking :( I just want to hear other stories.

 

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Hi,

I know I sound like a broken record- but it feels like you're sneakily looking for some reassurance here. You need to stop analysing this. I know that's not being very helpful from me but this is very similar to yesterdays post. Analysing it and looking for reassurance are compulsion that will keep you stuck. Label this all as OCD, keep yourself busy for now- time to move on.

Binx

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I dont see how this is worthy of a new thread and no you dont just want to hear other stories 

Edited by OCDhavenobrain

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There is never a "final request"  where OCD is in play. 

Come on sufferer, what does just that alone tell you. 

What you do need to do is stop overthinking, stop analysing, checking (all compulsions)  and steer your focus to day to day living. 

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I am sorry but you can not have been reading many replies if that is your experience.

Edited by OCDhavenobrain

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There are thousands of stories on this website.

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Tackling OCD is like learning to fly a plane. 

Instructors help you along then there comes a point where you have to start flying solo. 

7 minutes ago, ocdsufferer85 said:

Can you automatically do things, without really thinking 

So time to try a solo flight. What do YOU think is the answer to your question? 

 

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I don't know.

It's not like I 'chose' to be bad that day. It was all happening and before I could blink I ended up with the worry. My head is in a mess. Because I feel so guilty.

In the moment it didn't really hit me until it was too late. I didn't expect to create a problem. But I feel like I failed.

I automatically started to see if speaking under a breath is possible...realised but shook it off as silly...and then it happened again :( I tuned into myself responding to the next idea and I don't know why it happened.

I don't want to live with this anymore :(

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Not sure quite what the issue is, but I am guessing it's the fear of giving voice to unwanted repulsive intrusions. 

This is a feature of OCD. I used to worry I would voice the detestable intrusions whirring in my mental chatter, when talking to others. 

It's horrible, but quite a normal feature of OCD. 

Remember, we think the OCD but its not attributable to us, but rather the OCD mental illness. And experiencing vile intrusions from OCD says nothing about us as a person. Our true character values remain intact. 

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1 hour ago, taurean said:

Not sure quite what the issue is, but I am guessing it's the fear of giving voice to unwanted repulsive intrusions. 

This is a feature of OCD. I used to worry I would voice the detestable intrusions whirring in my mental chatter, when talking to others. 

It's horrible, but quite a normal feature of OCD. 

Remember, we think the OCD but its not attributable to us, but rather the OCD mental illness. And experiencing vile intrusions from OCD says nothing about us as a person. Our true character values remain intact. 

It's about saying an intrusive thought under my breath deeming me unforgiveable, the thought is the opposite of my beliefs but ocs puts it there. On this day at that moment the ocd turned to thinking into how or if it would be possible to speak whilst breathing (insane but it was something I read online that set it Off) so because I knew I didn't want to speak these words I let myself relax. I thought no way can ocd get me with this. OK it's fired billions of repulsive thoughts into my head that have caused me torment for years but this time I WIN. i would never speak.

But with being so sure.. I relaxed...and soon found myself feeling like id almost automatically spoke... Thinking into how it is even possible caused me to react by moving my mouth and exhaling a little...I then froze and thought Hold on what's happening!  But I then thought ahhh don't be silly! I'd never say those words! So I felt in control again. Ocd wasn't gonna trick me. It's nothing.

I laughed at the fact that something so small like that would normally freak me out but it didn't, I stood my ground if that makes any sense. Ie - don't allow ocd to talk rubbish to Me!

I thought wow just by relaxing... That happened..I took my eye off the game..but actually... It's silly. 

I found myself thinking more and more into it, but determined not to run away I stuck it out. Thinking I could just say it, how would I, etc...but not wanting to! My mind wouldn't stop thinking into it. But I didn't let it knock me down.

I then came to...and realised how ocd would normally have tricked me with all that, but I am OK. 

So a mad load of thoughts took over but I still didn't do anything wrong.

But then it starts again..more what ifs...what if a person said half...I felt it pulling me back into these 'dangerous thoughts' like it was testing me...

Next I become away of my mouth again and it moving ever so slightly and some faint noise, like I was imagining mouthing half, I don't know. I became aware of this..I don't remember choosing to do it.

That's when I replayed it...checked it was nothing and walked away shook up that it almost fooled me.

Then the first sign of breath and movement and I freak out I felt I let something out, I wasn't monitoring my mouth so I failed.

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Stop this, sufferer. 

You constantly go back to that moment, replaying it in your head, replaying it here in writing. This behavior is what is keeping you stuck. This has been going on for years.

We can't help you if you are not willing to listen to our advice and try to change what you are doing.

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You say you want to hear stories and get "help" but then you act totally differently. I went through some of your threads and there are atleast some pretty solid advices. And you keep saying that your OCD is special, it's not. That is good news!

Sorry but I am 100% certain that you won't recover while doing this. 

Edited by OCDhavenobrain

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31 minutes ago, PolarBear said:

Stop this, sufferer. 

You constantly go back to that moment, replaying it in your head, replaying it here in writing. This behavior is what is keeping you stuck. This has been going on for years.

We can't help you if you are not willing to listen to our advice and try to change what you are doing.

I was explaining it to @taurean that's why I typed it this time! I was just telling him the problem

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6 minutes ago, OCDhavenobrain said:

You say you want to hear stories and get "help" but then you act totally differently. I went through some of your threads and there are atleast some pretty solid advices. And you keep saying that your OCD is special, it's not. That is good news!

Sorry but I am 100% certain that you won't recover while doing this. 

I don't know how to stop

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6 minutes ago, ocdsufferer85 said:

I don't know how to stop

No and it won't stop by itself. I don't think there is anything I can say which isn't already said. I would advice you to read this thread and your other threads, there are a lot of stories and advices

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Hi OS85,

I often say things under my breath! Mostly when I am stressed I mutter expletives, and also when I read stuff that I have just written (I am even doing it now re-reading what I am typing as a reply here)! So yes, I'd say it is pretty normal.

The problem you have first and foremost is OCD, and then a crossover with religion. I understand some religious people with OCD pray an awful lot more than non sufferers do, and this just another compulsion really that never achieves any good.

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But it's not wanting to do it, thinking I'd never do it then worrying I've ended up making a mistake :(

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2 hours ago, ocdsufferer85 said:

I was explaining it to @taurean that's why I typed it this time! I was just telling him the problem

What you think is the problem is not the problem.

What happened years ago is over. It is in the past. Nothing you can do can change it. Nothing you have done for years has changed anything. Asking repeated questions will not change anything. That's not the problem.

The problem is that you are consumed by compulsions, all relating to trying to figure out exactly what happened years ago. It doesn't matter. You've spent years going over it in your mind  trying to figure it out, to no avail. Thinking more about it and asking more questions will not solve anything. It's like you repeatedly touch a hot burner and complain that your skin is burning. We keep yelling at you to stop touching the burner but you keep doing it.

 

Edited by PolarBear

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First, this is all based on an irrational fear, one made up in your own mind.

Second, the guilt will start to fade when you give up your search and associated compulsions.

If you continue to do the same old things (compulsions), you are doomed to stay stuck. Do you understand?

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Yes I do, but it's based on something religious, I didn't make it up entirely. It's just extreme. But it's taken literally. I know you say it's irrational, but I'm terrified that it means literally speaking.

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Reading that verse was the trigger to this worry, a fear that I must not 'speak' against the spirit.

So as you know that's how it began, the repulsive thoughts and a fear of them :(

Everytime I had one I felt guilty and terrified. Until that one day when I realised I cannot stop this.

But that peace didn't last because it went IMMEDIATELY on to what if you spoke? 

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