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phillev

Desperate for help please.

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Hi, I’ve pretty much had OCD since I can remember and I’m now nearly fifty. I suffer from compulsions, rituals and obsessive thoughts (the nasty kind). Last Monday my wife was on the phone talking to my daughter and happened to ask her what time she went out that morning which for some reason my OCD said 10:30 at which point my wife then repeated after my daughter had replied 10:30 in between the OCD had said if I guess right I am going to harm them in a way that’s to upsetting for me to go into detail and a horrible image appeared in my mind and ever since I have been anxious to near total panic thinking this is true and the image I saw is a premonition! I’ve now got a mental health check being arranged and my Doctor said this is a result of the OCD. I’ve gone years being fairly stable and dealing with the thoughts but my doctor changed my meds as I’d been on it too long and for a while I was on nothing which may have caused this relapse. People have said guessing the time meant nothing and it’s just coincidence but I’m so frightened and have been suffering from so much anxiety I’m now signed off work. Thanks for any help you have to offer.

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Getting even more scared now, no replies is making me think I’m a lost cause!

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Hi Phil 

Sorry to hear you're struggling so much. 

I know you said you've had ocd a long time but you don't say whether you've had CBT? If you have had it could you look back over your notes if you have some?

This sounds like a textbook case of ocd but unfortunately being reassured will only heighten your anxiety. Your friends telling you it means nothing, although well meant, actually just makes your ocd worse in the long run. 

Although incredibly difficult the key is to sit with the possibility that maybe guessing the time did mean something. Allow your anxiety to spike, and eventually it will fall. They more you look for answers and reassurance the worse you will feel. 

Do you have any self help books on CBT? 

Gbg x 

Edited by gingerbreadgirl

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Hi Phil,

the main theme of my OCD is harm as well and I completely relate to what you're saying here. I have been through this many times, where I thought of something, it happened and I thought that was a premonition, hence, my thoughts about harm were also a premonition that I would do something. Well, I've never harmed anyone in the 11 years since I had these thoughts. 

Think about it this way - you think millions of thoughts a day and one happens to come true by chance, so that is the one you focus on. However, you're forgetting all the times that your thoughts have been wrong and didn't predict real life events. Also, premonitions are not real and we can't predict life events with our thoughts, it's impossible.

You need to let the anxiety come. Don't be afraid or try to push it away. Just let it be and remind yourself that this is OCD and nothing bad is going to happen.

This is a really awful theme, I suffer from this a lot and I understand how terrified you must feel, but you're not alone and nothing is going to happen. 

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Thanks for the replies, hopefully I’m going to now get some therapy and help sorted soon although I can honestly say this is the worst relapse I’ve ever had the anxiety has been hell and I’ve lost loads of weight over the worry of it all!  When it happened I obviously guessed the time correctly and then the horrible graphic image popped up in my head like it was going to come true hence my thoughts it’s a premonition and I won’t be able to stop it, I’m sick with worry every day and feel my life can’t go back to normal. 

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1 hour ago, phillev said:

Thanks for the replies, hopefully I’m going to now get some therapy and help sorted soon although I can honestly say this is the worst relapse I’ve ever had the anxiety has been hell and I’ve lost loads of weight over the worry of it all!  When it happened I obviously guessed the time correctly and then the horrible graphic image popped up in my head like it was going to come true hence my thoughts it’s a premonition and I won’t be able to stop it, I’m sick with worry every day and feel my life can’t go back to normal. 

Hi Phil, I've been there and I know how you feel. You have to believe that your life will return to normal and it'll all go back under control. I hope the therapy goes well, are you going to do CBT?

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3 hours ago, malina said:

Hi Phil, I've been there and I know how you feel. You have to believe that your life will return to normal and it'll all go back under control. I hope the therapy goes well, are you going to do CBT?

Hopefully soon, just waiting for an appointment to come through.

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I too am going through a really bad time with harm ocd and struggle to be alone with members of my own family for fear of harming them . I feel hopeless fighting this . I am waiting for CBT and have recently upped my medication but this no longer seems to be working . What was your experience of changing prescription as I may need to consider moving from Prozac to something else like Sertraline . I am currently on 60mg of Prozac but have not improved at all in the last 8 weeks . I too am no longer eating properly and losing weight . Any advice anyone can offer very welcome . In the meantime I share your pain 

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5 hours ago, Skippy said:

I too am going through a really bad time with harm ocd and struggle to be alone with members of my own family for fear of harming them . I feel hopeless fighting this . I am waiting for CBT and have recently upped my medication but this no longer seems to be working . What was your experience of changing prescription as I may need to consider moving from Prozac to something else like Sertraline . I am currently on 60mg of Prozac but have not improved at all in the last 8 weeks . I too am no longer eating properly and losing weight . Any advice anyone can offer very welcome . In the meantime I share your pain 

I’m now on mertazapine 30mg having been on seroxat for nearly nineteen years, my doc switched me to Prozac (didn’t help) so now I’m waiting for these to start working. I had to come off the seroxat due to fears of long term use on my health from my GP. Personally if someone offered me a leg amputation in exchange for this mental pain I’m now suffering I’d take it right now. I hope you get through it mate.

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You have been prescribed medicines but have you got any CBT?

Doctors are quick to prescribe pills but not as keen on giving CBT

Edited by OCDhavenobrain

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Fortunately my doctor yesterday referred me back to the psychiatric unit as he won’t alter my medication without their involvement . I feel I may at last be getting the attention i need

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Malina I’m just wondering if you can confirm that when you’ve had these  instances of magical thinking does you’re ocd give a certain scenario and then maybe you see an image of it taking place in you’re mind as happened to myself? I’m still struggling with this big time and the rational/irrational parts of my brain can’t work it out the irrational still saying the time/image for tell an event I’ve no control over, it’s like ocd has played its ace hand and I’ve no answer and the image won’t leave me another scary issue, thanks for any help.

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Stop trying to work it out. That's your compulsion and it's keeping you stuck.

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38 minutes ago, phillev said:

Malina I’m just wondering if you can confirm that when you’ve had these  instances of magical thinking does you’re ocd give a certain scenario and then maybe you see an image of it taking place in you’re mind as happened to myself? I’m still struggling with this big time and the rational/irrational parts of my brain can’t work it out the irrational still saying the time/image for tell an event I’ve no control over, it’s like ocd has played its ace hand and I’ve no answer and the image won’t leave me another scary issue, thanks for any help.

Hi Phil,

I don’t think it’s helpful for you to compare your experiences to others, that’s like a compulsion. You just have to accept that this is OCD, it’s really typical OCD at that. You have to accept that random coincidences do occur and try to focus your attention away from this.

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What worries me is how the image popped up as soon as the time was repeated, it was in my head not like an external hallucination but still awful nonetheless and at the moment I’m climbing the walls with worry.

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Hi Phil

The key is to stop trying to figure it ouT. Maybe it was a coincidence  - most likely. But you can never have certainty about that. The only way out of this is to just accept the uncertainty and stop trying to fight it. Every time you try and fight it you just entrench it more in your brain. But if you leave it alone your anxiety will fade. 

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The uncertainty means it might be true and I can’t live with that thought I’d rather be dead.

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39 minutes ago, phillev said:

The uncertainty means it might be true and I can’t live with that thought I’d rather be dead.

Hey Phil, you know this is OCD and you want the symptoms to go away. The way to make them go away is to avoid engaging with the thoughts and doing compulsions. The more you analyse and try to figure it out, the more it’s going to seem real and cause you distress. By trying to figure it out, you are giving it meaning and making it seem real. The first step is to try and accept that knowing the time was a coincidence and the image you got after was an intrusive thought. 

I completely understand how difficult this is. But the more you try to figure this out, the more it’s going to seem real to you and cause you distress. 

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1 hour ago, phillev said:

The uncertainty means it might be true and I can’t live with that thought I’d rather be dead.

There are lots of things that might be true.  

I might step outside today and get mown down by a bus.

Nuclear war might erupt in the next hour.

I might suddenly lose my mind and flip out and go on a murdering spree and spend the rest of my life in prison, eaten up by guilt. 

An asteroid might hit the earth and kill the entire human race.

All these things might happen, but I'm willing to bet that they don't play on your mind and torment you the way this fear does.

Why? They'd all be utterly awful if they happened.  And there is absolutely no guarantee they won't happen.  And yet you, and I, and everyone else finds it easy to tolerate this uncertainty. 

so what's different about this fear?

The only difference is that you keep going over and over it, you keep the fear alive in your mind, you feel like you NEED certainty to be happy - but you don't.  You really don't.  It is a lie your brain is telling you.  

If you stop giving it attention then it will go away - I can promise you that. 

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Thanks for all the replies, most of the awful thoughts I forget about quite quickly but this one seems to have taken a serious hold on me which again ups the anxiety, the day I had this was an awful one I was so debilitated I couldn’t even get to work and spent all day on the couch in tears and I’ve been signed off ever since and I’m sure the Prozac I was on was not helping, it’s had nasty effects on two people from my family it’s a day I’d like wiped completely.

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52 minutes ago, phillev said:

Thanks for all the replies, most of the awful thoughts I forget about quite quickly but this one seems to have taken a serious hold on me which again ups the anxiety, the day I had this was an awful one I was so debilitated I couldn’t even get to work and spent all day on the couch in tears and I’ve been signed off ever since and I’m sure the Prozac I was on was not helping, it’s had nasty effects on two people from my family it’s a day I’d like wiped completely.

That is how it works for all of us. Some obsessions means more to us of some reasons. But you also have obsessions which you were totally panicking about, which doesn't bother you one bit today? This is one is just the same,  but do not wait for it to die on its own because it will be replaced and the new one will feel as bad as this one OR this will stick forever, it is possible to have one your whole life.

Edited by OCDhavenobrain

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4 hours ago, OCDhavenobrain said:

That is how it works for all of us. Some obsessions means more to us of some reasons. But you also have obsessions which you were totally panicking about, which doesn't bother you one bit today? This is one is just the same,  but do not wait for it to die on its own because it will be replaced and the new one will feel as bad as this one OR this will stick forever, it is possible to have one your whole life.

I can't deal with it for the rest of my life needless to say you haven't made me feel any better just a whole lot worse! 

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19 minutes ago, phillev said:

I can't deal with it for the rest of my life needless to say you haven't made me feel any better just a whole lot worse! 

You will have to deal with this if you are not changning something. That is a fact! If that doesnt motivate you I don't know what could.

I really hope you can get over this, you don't need to feel this anxiety. You are actually feeling this because of made up stories inside your head. It is all a waste of enjoyment and your life.

 

Edit: it is actually very possible for you to feel a lot better in the future.

Edited by OCDhavenobrain

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Phillev if you would like to I would like to give an advice on what you could do to improve your situation. Because I think it could improve the chances for someone (doesn't need to be me) to give a accurate advice. I would wish for a description ofnwhat obsessions you are having (what theme/type). I promise that I won't be surprised and I will most certainly not judge you, and I have a really hard time believing anyone else would.

Now I am signing out for the day

Edited by OCDhavenobrain

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