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diomedes

How does a OCD sufferer deal with parent loss?

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Greetings,

I would like to have your opinions and thoughts on how does an OCD sufferer deal with loss, and more specifically with a parent loss in young age.

I have never accepted my father's loss, I was 12 and I still thinking of him every single day.

Is it just tenacity, or an essential OCD symptom? 

 

Regards

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I'm so sorry for your loss and that it still affects you so much - I am certain you are not alone in feeling that way. 

As Pb says maybe a grief counsellor would be a good place to start? 

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Hi there

Speaking as someone who lost my Mum - whose five year anniversary is coming up next week - when I was 24, I think I can offer a unique take. I don't know how old you were when you were diagnosed but my Mum and I were very close and she was essential support with my OCD when I got diagnosed at 17. I miss having conversations with her, especially regarding the more intimate and 'girly' side of OCD triggers and links to sexuality and if you're a gentleman mourning your father, it's possible you might be missing that feeling of something similar; that man-to-man feeling. I recall the actor Martin Freeman - who lost his father when he was quite young, a similar age to yourself when you lost your dad - stating that when his dad first passed, he tried to act like the brave little chap and just 'be fine' with it, but as he got older, he found he really missed that sense of closeness and guidance; all he could have had with his father was lost. Maybe that's part of what forms your own grief, perhaps?

And grief never goes away fully; I still think of my Mum every single day and there are times when I wish I could talk to her about my OCD fears; I had a bad relapse back in 2016 not long after the first anniversary of her passing and it was tied to my sexuality and my fear of having 'bad thoughts' about certain people. Luckily, my Dad was able to provide advice and I know I can always talk to him, but it can be difficult to speak about something with a parent of the opposite sex, especially when it's related to intimacy and sexually-based fears; it's like 'really? Do we have to do this?' I think OCD prompts us to be more open; the need to be honest about what's on our minds, the thoughts we're having, the reassurance we seek, the confessions we make and we need to know we can trust the people we open up to. If we're lucky enough, our parents are the go-to people for that; I still feel my own grief and OCD are linked because I feel as though I desperately want my Mum's reassurance and help - even a hug would do. My OCD did bring me closer to my parents in that sense because I was telling them everything on my mind and seeking their help; even sleeping in bed with Mum sometimes because I was feeling kind of scared. 

I get grief is different for everybody, but that's just my thinking. I hope you manage to sort this all out for yourself in time. Don't be too hard on yourself. Be kind to yourself. It's okay to feel sad. :hug:

C x

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10 hours ago, diomedes said:

Greetings,

I would like to have your opinions and thoughts on how does an OCD sufferer deal with loss, and more specifically with a parent loss in young age.

I have never accepted my father's loss, I was 12 and I still thinking of him every single day.

Is it just tenacity, or an essential OCD symptom? 

 

Regards

Sorry to hear about the early loss of your father, I can appreciate that that would be difficult and impact you.

In my experience how each person deals with loss is different.  I don't think there is one "OCD" specific way people deal with loss.  Loss might trigger OCD or OCD might make dealing with loss more complicated, but the details on how it affects you and how you deal with it will be different than me for example.

I think PB's suggestion of working with a therapist to address any grief/unresolved feelings you have about it might be worth while.

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On 16/12/2019 at 00:42, dksea said:

Sorry to hear about the early loss of your father, I can appreciate that that would be difficult and impact you.

In my experience how each person deals with loss is different.  I don't think there is one "OCD" specific way people deal with loss.  Loss might trigger OCD or OCD might make dealing with loss more complicated, but the details on how it affects you and how you deal with it will be different than me for example.

I think PB's suggestion of working with a therapist to address any grief/unresolved feelings you have about it might be worth while.

Well I have been seeing a shrink since I was 22 but only in Greece, the last two years I live in London so I a see him only when I visit Athens,

To be honest I have kept my two best shrinks, one of CBT and a psychanalyst, the psychanalyst only gives importance to my loss 

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